Category: psychosis

Christmas For CAMHS 2025- Making Christmas And The Festive Season Special For Young People In NHS Mental Health Units.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(images: Christmas For CAMHS)

Every year, the incredible charity Christmas For CAMHS brightens up the lives of children and teens on NHS CAMHS mental health wards. These are for children who are too ill with their mental health (often distressed and traumatised) to be at home with their families, friends and loved ones. In 2004, when I was just 16 and going through a bipolar episode, at Christmas, I was in a mental health ward away from home (I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas religiously but there is something about being given a gift, a card, activities when you are far from home that warms the soul). I know how scary it can be to live in hospital with other ill children and teenagers. So, I absolutely love the work of this important charity.

Christmas For CAMHS was founded by Dr Ro Bevan. While working as a doctor on a children’s ward in 2015, she saw first hand that, during the festive season, hospitals supporting children with physical illnesses were showered with huge amounts of gifts, festive treats and celebrations – as they should be! They even had enough to cover ward birthdays the following year! The following year she was working on a child and adolescent mental health ward. She was shocked by the contrast. So she posted about the inequality on Facebook – “We had no presents donated. Our patients had one present each using money scrimped and saved from the NHS budget.” Her plea went unexpectedly viral, inspiring an intrepid bunch of volunteers to come together with her to create our charity Christmas For CAMHS. We had to make sure that no child or young person on a UK mental health ward was ever forgotten at Christmas again. 

Since then the charity has gone from strength to strength, providing some essential Christmas hope for almost 9875 children and young people. Last year, in 2024, the charity sent over 1100 individual gifts (with an additional fidget toy too) to these children and young people – that’s gifts to every young person in every CAMHS unit in the UK! 

They also sent 52 special additional gifts for young people on the ward particularly in need, such as those with no parental support and young people in foster care – this included items such as oodies, comic books and specialist art equipment. But that wasn’t everything! As well as individual gifts and goodies, they sent wellbeing advent calendars, festive decorations and activity kits – great for distracting and boredom-busting – paper chains, homemade cards and ward gifts such as jigsaws, art kits, books and board games. Festive season in a box!

(Image: Christmas for CAMHS)

The charity say, ‘It’s never really about the gift itself. For these young people struggling with conditions such as anorexia, psychosis, bipolar disorder and depression, it’s about a glimmer of hope — the knowledge that someone out there cares for them, is thinking of them, and wants them to feel less alone at a very hard time of year to be poorly in hospital. This is why what we do is so important. These fragments of hope and glimmers of joy can, and do, change the course of lives.’

A recipient of the charity’s kindness who was in hospital years before, told them the following and reached out to the charity.

She said: “I was in a CAMHS inpatient unit over the Christmas period when I was 17. While friends were studying for A Levels and passing their driving tests, I was really struggling to keep myself safe and needed to focus on basics like brushing my teeth and eating regularly. Staying in an inpatient unit is a really tough experience for anyone, but Christmas is particularly hard when the pressure to be with family and enjoy the festive period is much higher.”

I wasn’t safe enough to go home overnight yet, so woke up in hospital on Christmas Day. I remember feeling really low that morning, but the unit had received a care package filled with presents which were given to all of us who were there over the Christmas period. I don’t remember what l picked out, or what the other presents were, but I remember feeling like the universe wasn’t such a bad place after all.”

It felt really special that even when I couldn’t care for myself, there were people who did care for me.I hold that memory close to this day and I’m so grateful to Christmas For CAMHS for helping me through a really difficult time.”

I can relate to this person, I was lucky enough that in 2004, we did receive a small gift and I did get some cards from people in hospital with me (I was struggling with bipolar and psychosis at this time but I still remember that lovely feeling of being thought about by the ward staff).

(image: Christmas For CAMHS)

Christmas For CAMHS is a charity extremely close to my heart. This year, they hope to reach their 10,000th child this Christmas. Times are really tough for charities and they need your help to be Father Christmas and his Elves in all of the CAMHS wards in the UK again this year. You can support Christmas for CAMHS by donating online or choosing a gift from their wish list:

https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/christmas-camhs 

Thank you Christmas for CAMHS and all its staff and volunteers for bringing light and hope to poorly young people going through a challenging time.

For more: please see https://www.christmasforcamhs.org.uk/

World Suicide Prevention Day Webinar with Bipolar UK

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

A year or two ago, I recorded this webinar with Bipolar UK talking about our family story (mine and my Dads) with bipolar disorder, suicidal ideation, depression and both of us finding recovery.

Suicide is a terrible but common outcome of bipolar and acute mental health episodes. I also know what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide and mental illness and the pain that brings.

I share this webinar today to raise awareness, but also to encourage people to go to their GP/psychiatrist/ family/ spouse and talk, if safe, about what is going on for you.

Watch here, with care, trigger warning : discusses bipolar episodes, suicidal ideation

In this webinar, Bipolar UK CEO Simon Kitchen shares the findings of the Bipolar Commission on the critical link between bipolar and suicide. He is joined by Ashley Brice, an experienced crisis negotiator with the British police specialising in suicide prevention, and Eleanor Mandelstam, author and freelance writer who lives with bipolar. Together, they explore the risk factors, warning signs, and practical strategies to prevent suicide, offering crucial insight for anyone living with bipolar, supporting someone with bipolar, or wanting to better understand how bipolar impacts mental health and suicide risk.

Eleanor x

Heston Blumenthal OBE: My Life With Bipolar BBC Documentary Review by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Melanie Blumenthal)

Last week, acclaimed chef, restauranteur and mental health advocate, Heston Blumenthal OBE starred in the BBC documentary ‘Heston: My Life with Bipolar’ which explored his fairly recent bipolar disorder diagnosis. Heston subsequently became an ambassador for national charity Bipolar UK, and has been actively supporting the charity’s mission to help reduce the average 9.5 year delay to diagnosis and end the stigma surrounding the condition.

In 2023, Heston began experiencing both depressive and manic episodes, hearing voices and seeing hallucinations, as well as depression with suicidal thoughts. Mania can also cause you to have intense creativity, speak faster and not listen to others as well as causing delusions and psychosis. Heston’s wife Melanie could see that his health was deteriorating rapidly and that he was a danger to himself. Despite the trauma of sectioning and hospitalisation, this set Heston on the path of not only a bipolar diagnosis, but medicine, therapy and ongoing treatment to help him live a healthy and happy life again.

Heston said to Bipolar UK, “I was living with undiagnosed bipolar for many years, so it’s been an extraordinary journey to get where I am today, and I’m delighted to have had the opportunity to talk to others living with the condition and find out more about their experiences.

“There is still a lot of stigma regarding bipolar, and mental health support is still lacking, but it is vital to be able to talk openly about the condition. I know this isn’t always easy, but I hope by sharing my experience, people will gain a greater understanding of bipolar and an insight into how I’m managing it.”

The documentary was extremely powerful to watch and sad in places, but inspiring. As someone who faced a similar situation to Heston in terms of a manic episode with psychosis/delusions that led to being sedated, sectioned by psychiatrists and hospitalised, my heart went out to him as I know how traumatising this can be. I found the needle being shown as a reenactment for sedation quite challenging to watch! However, the documentary was more than just showing what happened to Heston, who didn’t know he had bipolar til 2023, when he was in his 50s.

I found the discussion that Heston had with his son Jack, about how he was during a manic episode to be really enlightening. A lot of children of parents with bipolar find it challenging when their parents personality is almost hijacked by the episodes. Mania can lead to quickened speech, manic and grandiose ideas, lack of sleep and risky behaviour. You could see how much love Heston and Jack had for each other and how special is family is to support him through this and appear on camera. This includes his wife Melanie, who has been Heston’s rock!

The documentary ended with Heston visiting the mother of Rebecca McLellan, a young woman with bipolar who died by suicide due to neglect from mental health services. Rebecca had raised the alarm with the crisis team at her local hospital various times but was not treated with respect and dignity. The pressure of her illness and lack of support led her to take her own life.

Heston wants to highlight the suicide risk that bipolar brings and how much more mental health support is needed from the government. He is now working as an ambassador with Bipolar UK to raise awareness. Bipolar UK is on a mission to ensure people with bipolar get a quicker diagnosis so they can access effective treatment, support, and self-management, enabling them to live well and fulfil their potential.

Simon Kitchen, Bipolar UK CEO, added: “Heston is such an incredible ambassador for everyone in the UK living with, or affected by, bipolar. We could not be prouder to be working with him. His willingness to be so vulnerable on camera and to share such personal details about his experiences has resonated with many people in our community – and will help people who don’t know much about bipolar to begin to understand this complex and much-misunderstood condition. Heston is living proof that despite the sometimes severe and fluctuating nature of the condition, living with bipolar should not be a barrier to following your ambitions”

As one of the million people in the UK living with bipolar, I know how much more funding is needed in the NHS and a new bipolar pathway with more mental health support needs to be set up. Early prevention and support is key to stop bipolar escalating into suicide or mania.

Although it was a very personal watch for me, due to having been diagnosed with bipolar since aged 16 and my Dad having bipolar too, I thought that Heston’s documentary was so inspiring. He has only been living with the condition for two years and is using his platform for the good. Heston is now on Lithium medication to stabilise his moods as well as an anti psychotic medication.

Bipolar UK say that according to the stats, someone with bipolar takes their own life every day. Hopefully Heston’s documentary will act as a reminder and catalyst to our government to begin change. Thank you Heston and Melanie for being vulnerable and sharing your important story.

(image: Bipolar UK)

Heston: Life with Bipolar is out now on BBC Iplayer.

Alcohol Abuse: How Does It Affect Women on an Emotional Level? by Maya

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Matthew Ball: Unsplash)

Alcohol addiction can affect every area of a person’s emotional health. They may start to feel a sense of shame with their friends and loved ones. It can also affect interpersonal relationships, as alcohol can instigate arguments with loved ones. Here are some important ways that alcohol addiction can affect your emotional health.

How Brain Affects The Brain

If you attend a women’s recovery center, you’ll learn the many ways that alcohol affects the brain. Firstly, alcohol travels to the brain through the bloodstream, where it affects the neurotransmitters (the parts of the brain responsible for sending chemical messages between brain cells). Over time and when alcohol abuse occurs, the balance of these neurotransmitters is affected, which can lead to emotional instability. It can also increase the level of dopamine, causing people to become addicted to these heightened feelings of euphoria. Sometimes, alcohol also numbs emotions as well as heightening them.

How Alcohol Affects Mental Health

When alcohol abuse occurs over a long period of time, then mental health is greatly affected especially if someone has a pre-existing condition. Symptoms can range from mild to severe, including:

● Depression

● Mania

● Psychosis

● Anxiety

If these symptoms become severe, then treatment from a mental health professional might be required.

As women are also more prone to depression than men, alcohol can exacerbate the symptoms of depression they might already be experiencing.

Factors That Determine How Alcohol Affects The Brain

Drinking alcohol to excess will negatively impact your mental health. However, other factors include your overall physical and mental health, the amount of alcohol you regularly drink, how often you consume alcohol, how long you’ve been drinking alcohol, the age you started drinking, and certain background factors like if there is a family history of alcohol abuse present.

The Emotional Impact Alcohol Has On The Body

Since alcohol can damage the emotional centers of the brain, it can lead to severe mood swings and erratic behaviour. It has other effects on the brain as well:

● Anger: women who struggle with alcohol abuse tend to struggle more with anger over time. It can be directed at anyone and anything, leading to the destruction of relationships with loved ones.

● Stress: alcohol abuse tends to be the result of relieving stress; this is compounded by the instead of stress during withdrawal symptoms.

● Anxiety: alcohol can be used to ease anxiety, but this only worsens anxiety over the long run. Women who abuse alcohol tend to have more panic attacks and experience generalized anxiety disorder.

● Depression: women who drink heavily tend to be more depressed than others and the risk of suicide increases.

● PTSD: women who have experienced trauma and use alcohol as a coping mechanism are at risk for developing full symptoms of PTSD. Alcohol can make traumatic memories worse and more intense, increasing their feelings of anxiety and fear.

It can be difficult to overcome these negative emotions on your own, but the good news is that you don’t have to. If you fear that you are addicted to alcohol and that it is making your emotional health worse, speak to a mental health professional as soon as possible.

This article was written by Maya.

4th Book Anniversary: Bring me to Light, My Memoir On Living With Bipolar And Anxiety.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Trigger Publishing)

Four years ago today, my book ‘Bring me to Light: Embracing my Bipolar and Social Anxiety’ was released to the world, in partnership with Trigger Publishing.

I wrote it to explain how I turned the darkness that bipolar episodes can bring, into light. And so people reading feel less alone, so stigma can fall. So important to talk about our illnesses once we are better, so that it isn’t so hard to understand.

Living with severe mental illness like bipolar psychosis. mania or suicidal depressions can be very challenging. However, they do not have to be your entire life. For me, medication and therapy over time have helped me. Its different for everyone.

If you would like to read my story or gift it to a friend to help them, please see Amazon or other well known bookshops.

And remember- we are never truly alone although being ill can feel unbearable- hold on to hope if you can:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bring-Me-Light…/dp/1789560365

To happiness and good health,

Eleanor

Finding A Sense Of Belonging, Where No One Wants To Belong: On a Psychiatric Ward by Katie

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Kelly Sikkema: Unsplash)

In 2021, I was hospitalised for the second time in my life, due to an acute psychotic episode as a result of my then-recent diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder (Type One). Hospitalisation is one of the scariest, most unsettling periods of time but – a sometimes – necessary stage to recovery. I was so deep within my psychosis for the first week of my admission that I was quite oblivious to my surroundings and the people I was sharing the space with.

However, when my psychosis started to subside and I began to return to my true self, more free from delusions and mania, I was struck with a strong feeling of not belonging. I felt truly and utterly lost. 

My ward was made up of around fifteen other women, with varying diagnosis, in differing mental states and from different walks of life. Yet, somehow I still felt like an outsider.

At first I was trying to think why. Was it because I was a Northerner in a Southern hospital? Was it because I was one of few that was the same ethnicity as myself? Was it that I was younger than most? There were so many factors that could have been the result of me feeling at a loss and not finding belonging.

Ultimately, no one wants to feel like they belong inside a psychiatric hospital. However, I believe there is merit in feeling like you have a place and in finding a sense of belonging helped me to have grounding and a base that wasn’t initially there. 

Here are a few factors, of which helped me to find belonging:

  1. Acceptance – A lot of my initial struggle was the complete denial, fuelled mainly by my delusional thoughts, that I wasn’t mentally ill and I was in the wrong place. The acceptance that I was a patient in a place that was designed to help me was a key turning point within my recovery. I belonged and thus was worthy of treatment and a future. 
  1. Routine – Although I grappled with feeling like I was becoming institutionalised, I think sticking to the routine of the ward was really important. Asides from the benefits of attending meal times, having the structure meant seeing familiar faces, both staff and patients and having positive interactions. 
  1. Involvement – Attending the therapy sessions that were available were so beneficial. My ward had a brilliant occupational therapist and other specialists that would come in to do structured sessions such as music therapy, cooking or yoga classes. Again, I got to see familiar faces and it brought with it a sense of community. 
  1. Authenticity – One of my biggest struggles throughout both manic, and depressive periods, is finding it hard to connect to my true authentic self. Reconnecting to myself and allowing myself to just be me meant that I felt more relaxed and at ease.

Finding this sense of belonging in a place where no one wants to belong ultimately gave me the grounding to go forward and look forward to a brighter future. 

Katie is a freelance writer who lives with bipolar disorder in recovery and has courageously shared her experiences of being hospitalised here.

Befriending My Brain: A Psychosis Story. Exciting New Book by James Lindsay and Cherish Editions

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments

(image: James Lindsay/Cherish Editions)

I first ‘met’ my Twitter friend James Lindsay online when he was first starting to talk about his schizoaffective disorder and psychosis. James also works for Mind doing important work in the mental health sphere and we both live locally to one another. I am really proud of James’s determination, not only in his own life, but to help others through his writing and his new book ‘Befriending My Brain’ with Cherish Editions (Trigger Publishing).

An eye-opening memoir about a young man’s descent into schizoaffective disorder– and the steps he took to regain control of his life.


It’s no secret that, in recent years, mental health has become a major topic of conversation. But just because many people feel comfortable discussing their depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions, doesn’t mean that we have removed all stigma from such diagnoses. This is especially true when it comes to psychotic disorders, which affect less than 1 in 100 people in the UK each year (Mind), thus leaving these disorders shrouded in mystery. It doesn’t help that what the media portrays as schizophrenia or psychosis is not always what the sufferer experiences in real life.


As such, it’s vital that we start to bring psychotic disorders, including psychosis, to the forefront. According to a 2016 report from Public Health England, “psychosis is one of the most life-impacting conditions in healthcare.” But with the proper treatment and understanding, it doesn’t have to be life-altering. The same report states that the sooner someone
is treated for their psychosis, the better the chances that they will recover and return to their normal
lives.


James Lindsay has experienced the ups and downs of schizoaffective disorder first-hand, and his book does the vital work of removing some of the mystery surrounding such a diagnosis. It includes the red flags he recognises in hindsight after psychosis landed him in hospital for the better part of a month, but it also retells the inspiring journey he took to recovery in all aspects of his life.

In his case, psychosis and his path to better mental health gave him a new passion in life: helping others through their own diagnoses and getting their lives back, just as he did. No matter where readers are on their journeys, James’ memoir will resonate and remind them, as he puts it, that “recovery is always possible, and hope is never far away.”

(image: Trigger Publishing/ Cherish Editions/James Lindsay)

I can’t wait to read it and review it too!

You can buy a copy of Befriending My Brain: A Psychosis Story by James Lindsay at Amazon, Trigger, Waterstones, WH Smith and all good bookshops.

MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hailing from Watford, Hertfordshire, James Lindsay works for Hertfordshire Mind Network and uses his free time to advocate for mental health care by blogging and appearing on podcasts and TV. James enjoys playing football, going to the cinema, spending time with friends and family, and exploring new places, with his partner, Holly. Befriending My Brain is his first book.


How To Tell If You Or A Loved One Needs Psychiatric Help by Brooke Chaplan.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: free image)

Mental illness can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. It is important to recognise the signs and symptoms of mental illness in order to get help as soon as possible. Knowing what to look for can be tricky, so here are some common warning signs that you or a loved one may need psychiatric help.  

Unexplained Changes in Mood and Behaviour  

One of the most common signs of mental illness is a sudden and unexplained change in mood or behaviour. This could include changes in sleep patterns, eating habits, energy levels, attitude towards others, or motivation levels. If you notice any sudden shifts in these areas that last more than two weeks and cannot be attributed to a specific event or life change, it may indicate an underlying mental health issue.  

Negative Self-Talk or Rumination  

Another sign that someone needs professional help is if they frequently engage in negative self-talk or ruminate on the same thoughts over and over again. For example, if they often say things like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do anything right” without any basis for those statements, this could be a sign that something more serious is going on beneath the surface. Additionally, if someone spends hours every day thinking about their mistakes from the past without being able to move forward—this could also be an indication that professional help is necessary.  

Isolation from Friends and Family  

Finally, if someone begins isolating themselves from friends and family members more often than usual—or does not seem interested in having conversations with them—this could be another indicator that something more serious is happening mentally. It’s normal for people to want some alone time once in a while—but if you notice your loved one consistently avoiding social activities and interactions with others over long periods of time—it may mean they need extra emotional support from a professional psychiatrist before they can get back on track.   

Other Behaviours

Other behaviours you should watch out for is frequent tearfulness, self harm thoughts or ideas, suicidal thoughts and ideation- as this indicates someone is reaching a crisis point with their mental health. In some there may be an increase in activity or mania. This can lead to psychosis- where your mind loses touch with reality, common in bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (but can also happen outside these conditions).

Mental health issues are complex and often difficult to recognise at first glance. However, it’s important to understand that early intervention can make all the difference when it comes to managing mental illness effectively. If you notice any of these warning signs in yourself or a loved one—don’t hesitate to reach out for help!

Professional psychiatric services should always be sought out when necessary as this will create better outcomes for everyone involved in the long run. In the UK, that may be via the NHS but due to overwhelmed services, if you can afford private treatment, go down this route as it will be quicker!

This article was. written by Brooke Chaplan, freelance writer.

What It Means To Have An NHS Perinatal Psychiatry Planning Meeting.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments
(image: Oprah Daily)

Yesterday was the first NHS meeting with the Perinatal (pre conception/birth) Psychiatrist. I didn’t know what to expect from it, though a few weeks ago I had the non NHS meeting with a very good consultant psychiatrist. They were both lovely women who are very good at their jobs- I had had to initially try for a private referral due to NHS waiting lists, but then managed to get an NHS appointment.

I was a bit nervous to see how the NHS would handle it, as they will be who I have care with going forward, so I was pleasantly surprised to be treated with respect and insight and kindness. I know that sounds weird, but those of you who know what my hospital admission in 2014 was like, will know that it wasn’t all plain sailing. Due to lack of insight, decisions happened about me and not always with me and so to feel empowered for me and my husband is very important.

Essentially these meetings now I have been well for a long time, are to plan ahead and discuss psychiatric history, what medications are needed, how it can be managed and what this would mean for a foetus and baby too. Birth carries a strong risk of relapse with the bipolar disorder, including the risk of psychosis and depression and so medication particularly for me needs to be planned carefully. I will need to be monitored once pregnant.

I am on 3 different types of psychiatric medication and also a contraceptive pill. Before we start trying to have children, I will need to have a time of withdrawal from the pill, which could send my hormones all over the place (i used to have PMDD symptoms where I felt very depressed and suicidal on periods so this is a slight concern). Then I may need to taper down one of my medicines (possibly sertraline) with the assistance of the mental health team, to reduce the effect on a baby. As baby will have a time of withdrawal from medications after birth while in hospital- which scares me too that they will be affected temporarily so want to make sure any baby is safe, as do the team I will work with.

The Dr also mentioned I would need to be in hospital for 5 days after birth so my Lithium level can be monitored (too high it can be toxic to humans) and I will need regular blood tests also- which are a source of anxiety, I hate hospitals due to past trauma. There was also a mention of needing to stop Lithium pre Labour and my Lithium levels as a result being quite high from birth too. So this information is good, knowledge is power but its also a bit terrifying to factor this all in.

I am scared but its also…. exciting in a weird way. Despite not yet trying to fall pregnant for a number of reasons so far- (which include possible bipolar relapse and changing meds/ time frames and starting a new job role), I have wanted to be a mother my whole life and I have more challenges than most due to the psychiatric and hormonal changes and how the baby would be. I question whether I am doing the right thing too by trying for a natural pregnancy in future and thats really hard. But egg harvesting and surrogacy is not easy either.. and its like going between a rock and a hard place at times with the best thing to do.

The doctors also mentioned I should visit a mother and baby hospital unit during my pregnancy to see what its like and what support is given- as my worries about it being like a severe psychiatric ward are high. Apparently, its a much calmer, supportive and therapeutic environment. I don’t want to be in hospital but these are the types of things one has to factor in with the bipolar being biological with mood changes.

Rob is endlessly supportive – we are embarking on a somewhat unknown journey – but are now armed with way more information from both psychiatrists and are very thankful to live in the UK.

So, this will be the last update from me on this for a while but knowledge truly is power and I know that with the help of our healthcare system- mental health teams and perinatal psychiatry/ obstetrics, my family, medication, self care etc I should be safeguarded and cared for well.

When the time is right, we pray our miracle will manifest.

Thanks for reading,

Eleanor x

PS shout out to my parents, Rob and family for their constant support.

Learning to Accept and Embrace Having Schizoaffective Disorder This Mental Health Awareness Week by James Lindsay

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments
(image: Mental Health Foundation)

I do often wonder how long I had schizoaffective disorder before my diagnosis, but I guess I will never know. Back in 2016, I had my first experience of displaying symptoms of Schizophrenia (such as delusions), when I suffered from my first psychotic episode.

Before that, I had not really heard of any of these medical terms. I used to wrongly associate schizophrenic people with characters from the film ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’. I thought they were lost causes who needed constant care, I didn’t think they could be functioning members of society like everyone else, and I feel bad that I used to think that. But I had a lack of education and personal experience.

In late 2019, I suffered from a relapse and had another experience with psychosis (which can be defined as losing touch with reality with delusions and/or hallucinations).. In early 2020 I was finally diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder. For those who are unsure, this condition is where symptoms of both psychotic and mood disorders are present together during one episode. ‘Schizo‘ refers to psychotic symptoms and ‘affective’ refers to mood symptoms. It is often described as a cross between Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia, as it includes symptoms from both of those conditions.

For me, it is currently something I am able to keep at bay, mainly thanks to my medication but also through being self-aware and looking after my mental wellbeing. I take Quetiapine (200mg slow release) every single day and I am more than happy with that. I have my tablet in the evening, which then helps me fall asleep without much struggle.

Without my meds, I can tell you now that I would be in all sorts of trouble. Every now and then I might forget to take it until just before bed, which means I need much longer to fall asleep because it takes a couple of hours to kick in.

That is ok though, as long as it’s not every night. But I know for a fact that without the medication, I am much more likely to start having delusions (irrational thoughts) and have an episode. Both my 2016 and 2019 episodes happened because my sleep was terrible and at times non-existent. I used to take sleep for granted, which is easy for anyone to do, but if you don’t let the brain repair itself it can lead to all sorts of problems. Just remember that psychosis can happen to absolutely anyone, I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I am learning new things about my Schizoaffective Disorder all the time. I have joined a few Facebook groups which are supportive communities full of people with (or supporting those with) the same condition, such as this one which has nearly 18k members. For example I discovered through this group that some people who take meds before dinner (e.g. 4/5pm), find themselves waking up around 3am when they’ve worn off. They realised taking them an hour or so after dinner can give them a better sleep.

I have read books by authors with mental illness and they really help normalise it and give me peace of mind. I recently read ‘The Stranger on the Bridge’ by Jonny Benjamin (who is also Schizoaffective) and this gave me so much comfort. When you read a story that has parallels to yours, it gives you so much more hope and confidence that you can overcome your own adversities. Podcasts are a great source of help too and there are plenty out there that cover all kinds of mental illnesses.

I am also fortunate that my job gives me more opportunities to enhance my understanding of the disorder. I am proud to work for Hertfordshire Mind Network (my local mental health charity) as Fundraising & Marketing Officer, who are really supportive and always ask if there is anything they can do to help with my condition. I would advise anyone with mental illness to make your employer aware, because that’s the first step to them being able to support you and make any adjustments you might need.

I think ever since I changed my attitude to being schizoaffective, I have been able to befriend it and realise it’s not my enemy, but part of who I am. I used to feel embarrassed and was maybe even in denial at first. When I had the shame, I was never in the right mindset to go out and learn what this illness actually is, what is it doing to me, what should I look out for, what are my triggers/warning signs, what help can I get from other people.

The reality is – millions of people are schizoaffective and they are some of the best people you can encounter. They are incredible for living through it every day and I am proud to be one of them.

I hope you found my post useful and big thank you to the wonderful Eleanor Segall for the opportunity to contribute to her fantastic blog! If you’d like to connect over mental health you can find me here –

(image: James Lindsay)

@JamesLindsay23– Twitter