Category: relationship counselling

What 6 Phases Does the Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Cycle Consist Of? by Maya

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Kenny Eliason: Unsplash)

Those who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often have trouble maintaining relationships. Though not every relationship will go through these stages and the process isn’t always linear, there are six distinct phases they can go through (although each person is different). Those phases can include the following.

Idealisation

The first phase, often the start of the relationship, is the idealisation phase. Someone with BPD will shower their partner with affection, so the relationship starts out passionately. They may develop feelings fast, and they may mistake the initial feelings of passion as finding the person they’re going to be with forever. Those getting help for their mental health at a Borderline personality treatment center will learn how to recognise this phase in their relationships.

Fear of Abandonment

Once the relationship is underway, the person with BPD will end up watching everything their partner does carefully. The fear of abandonment is strong, so they end up worrying that there are signs that they will be left behind. If their partner doesn’t answer a text message fast enough, the person with BPD might feel like their partner is thinking of leaving them. This can put strain on the relationship.

Reassurance

At this point, the person with BPD will attempt to get reassurance that the partner isn’t going to leave. They might start arguments in an attempt to get the partner to prove they are willing to fight to stay in the relationship. This is often where relationships turn toxic, as the behaviour leads to more arguments and fights in an effort to get the partner to prove they’re serious about the relationship.

Distress

Because of the toxicity in the relationship, it will start to fall apart. The person with BPD will see this coming and start to feel like there’s no way to save the relationship. They’re may feel like they are empty, but they do not have a way to communicate this with their partner. The lack of communication skills can spell disaster for the relationship.

Abandonment

The person with BPD is likely to be the first one to break up the relationship. At this point, it’s difficult if not impossible for the relationship to recover, even if the person with BPD realises what they’ve done. This ultimately creates the feeling of being abandoned, so they are likely going to feel like their fear is real and will be more likely to repeat these phases in the future.

Grief

The final stage is grief. They may end up blaming themselves for the relationship ending and can engage in self-harm or other destructive behaviours as a result. Some will turn to substance abuse or risky behaviours as they grieve the end of the relationship. Depending on the severity of BPD, the intensity of the relationship, and other factors, it may not take long to get from the idealisation stage to the grief stage, which can make going through this stage worse.

BPD disorder doesn’t mean that a relationship is impossible and not all relationships with them will go through these phases. However, this is a common way that relationships play out when one of the people suffers from BPD. Therapy and relationship counselling can help both people to recover and repair from any toxic relationship patterns.

This article was written by Maya.

Navigating Through The Storm: How to Process Your Spouse’s Adultery by Lizzie Weakley.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: Kelly Sikkema, Unsplash)

Discovering that your spouse has committed adultery (extra marital sex) can be a devastating blow to any marriage. The betrayal, hurt, and confusion can be overwhelming, and it may feel like your world has been turned upside down. One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with infidelity is processing your spouse’s tone of voice. How do you navigate through the storm of emotions and make sense of their words? This blog post will explore some strategies to help you process your spouse’s adultery and move towards healing and understanding.

Take a Step Back
When you first discover that your spouse has been unfaithful, it’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and betrayal. In the midst of all these overwhelming feelings, it’s important to take a step back and give yourself some time to process everything. Avoid making impulsive decisions or engaging in heated arguments based on your spouse’s tone of voice. Take a deep breath, step away from the situation if needed, and allow yourself some space to calm down before addressing the issue with your spouse.

Seek Support
Dealing with the aftermath of adultery can be incredibly isolating and lonely. It’s crucial to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and receive guidance. Talking to someone about your spouse’s actions and how it has affected you can help you gain perspective and clarity on the situation. Remember that you don’t have to go through this difficult time alone. You may also want to seek legal support from a divorce lawyer if you’re considering divorce. 

Practice Active Listening

When confronting your spouse about their adultery, it’s important to practice active listening. This means truly listening to what they have to say without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Try to understand their perspective, emotions, and reasons behind their actions. By actively listening, you can create a more open and honest dialogue with your spouse, which is essential for healing and moving forward.

Set Boundaries
Processing your spouse’s adultery may require setting boundaries in your relationship. It’s important to establish clear boundaries that will help rebuild trust and ensure that both you and your spouse feel respected and heard. This may involve limiting communication, taking a break from the relationship, or seeking professional help to work through the issues together. Setting boundaries can help create a more secure and healthy environment for both partners to address the infidelity and its consequences.

Focus on Self-Care

Dealing with the aftermath of adultery can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. It’s crucial to prioritize self-care and focus on activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Whether it’s taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy, make sure to take care of yourself during this challenging time. Remember that you deserve love, compassion, and kindness, especially when processing your spouse’s adultery.

Processing your spouse’s adultery can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience. It’s important to give yourself time to heal, seek support from loved ones, and practice healthy communication strategies to navigate through this challenging time. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for healing and rebuilding trust in your relationship.

By taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, and practicing active listening, you can move towards understanding and forgiveness, whether that leads to reconciliation or separation. Stay strong, be kind to yourself, and trust that you have the strength to overcome this obstacle in your marriage.

This article was written by Lizzie Weakley.

Simple and Practical Tips To Prioritise Your Mental Health During Divorce by Ani. O

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment
(image: Ani, O)

Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally and mentally taxing experiences in life. The process itself is often filled with stress, uncertainty, and overwhelming emotions. Amidst all this turmoil, it’s easy to put your mental well-being on the back burner as you navigate legal proceedings and other practical aspects of the divorce. However, neglecting your mental health during such a challenging time can have long-lasting effects on your overall well-being.

That’s why we’ve compiled some simple yet effective tips to help you prioritise your mental health during a divorce. No matter where you are in your journey, these strategies can provide much-needed support and guidance for taking care of yourself while going through this difficult transition period.

The Importance of Prioritising Your Mental Health

Going through a divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful and emotionally draining experiences that one can go through. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious during this period. However, at such a time, it is crucial to prioritise your mental health to make it through the ordeal. The effects of divorce can be long-lasting if left untreated, and it is, therefore, essential to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually is the key to your overall well-being. Remember, divorce is not a sign of failure but an opportunity to learn, grow, and rebuild.

Surrounding Yourself With a Support System

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional process, and it’s important to have a support system in place to help you through it. This system may include friends, family members, or even a therapist who can provide you with emotional support, guidance, and a listening ear. Consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Surrounding yourself with a positive and supportive community can help you feel less isolated and more empowered as you navigate through this difficult time. Remember, it’s okay to lean on others for help during the divorce process.

Making Time for Self-Care Activities

It’s essential to prioritise self-care activities during this challenging time. Many individuals overlook taking care of themselves when they are undergoing a significant life change, such as a divorce. However, carving out time for self-care activities can help you cope with the stress and emotions that come along with a divorce. Self-care activities can include things such as taking a relaxing bath, reading your favourite book, getting a massage, or taking a walk outside. Remember that taking care of yourself is essential for your well-being, and it’s okay to make yourself a priority during this time.

Seeking Professional Help if Needed During the Divorce

It’s okay to admit that you may need professional help during this time. Seeking the assistance of a divorce mediator can be beneficial for both parties involved. Divorce mediation is a process where a neutral third party helps couples resolve issues surrounding their divorce, including property division, child custody, and spousal support. The mediator’s role is to facilitate communication between partners and help guide the conversation towards a mutually satisfying resolution. Not only can a mediator help you navigate the complexities of divorce, but they can also help minimise conflict and reduce the length of the legal process.

Setting Boundaries and Saying No to Extra Stressors

Divorce is already a stressful and overwhelming experience, so it’s essential to set boundaries and say no to any extra stressors that may come your way. This can include declining social events or appointments that don’t serve your mental or emotional health during this challenging time. It’s crucial to prioritize yourself and your well-being during a divorce. Setting boundaries not only helps keep stress levels low but also gives you the space you need to process your emotions. Saying no can be challenging, but it’s essential to remember that you don’t have to take on everything that comes your way.

In conclusion, divorce can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience for anyone. It’s important to prioritize your mental health during this time, and that means surrounding yourself with a support system, making time for self-care activities, and seeking professional help if needed. You deserve happiness and peace of mind, so don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance or take a step back when necessary. Incorporate these tips into your daily routine, and you will emerge from this experience stronger than ever before.

This article was written by Ani. O, freelance writer

7 Skills You Will Learn In Couples Therapy by Maya

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Kristina Litvjak, Unsplash)

Relationships are just as challenging as they are rewarding—and couples often encounter obstacles that put their bonds to the test. Relationship counselling or couples therapy offers a supportive space where couples can enhance and explore their connections. Beyond resolving pressing issues, couples therapy gives partners the skills to build lasting relationships. Read on to learn about the skills you’ll gain in relationship therapy.

Communication Between Partners

It’s one of the cornerstones of healthy relationships, yet many couples struggle with it. In couples therapy, patients focus on improving communication through emotional expression, active listening, and learning non-verbal cues. When you seek treatment with your significant other, you’ll learn to communicate while seeing things from the other person’s perspective.

Conflict Resolution

Disagreements are an inevitable part of relationships, but the importance is in how they are handled. Couples therapy gives significant others the skills to handle disputes without harming their relationships. Through various skill-building techniques, couples empower themselves to resolve conflicts more effectively.

Strengthening Empathy

Empathy, or a person’s ability to understand others’ feelings, is crucial to a strong emotional connection. In couples therapy, partners learn to sympathize with each other’s emotions and experiences. Developing these skills builds emotional intimacy and creates a more understanding environment.

Creating and Maintaining Healthy Personal Boundaries

Respecting and establishing boundaries is important when building and maintaining healthy relationships. Therapy helps couples communicate and define individual boundaries while ensuring that both people feel heard and respected. Building and maintaining healthy boundaries helps spouses preserve their autonomy and builds mutual respect.

Problem-Solving Together

Life is full of challenges, and spouses must work together to resolve them. Couples therapy gives partners better problem-solving skills, teaching them to cooperate when tackling problems. These skills are invaluable in handling life’s ups and downs while maintaining a healthy relationship.

Effective Emotional Regulation

Managing and understanding emotions is one of the keys to a solid relationship. Therapy helps couples regulate their emotions by identifying and expressing them in healthy ways. Learning to deal with emotions fosters intimacy and creates safe spaces in which vulnerabilities can be expressed.

Regaining Intimacy

Intimacy is more than a sense of physical closeness; it’s a spiritual, intellectual, and emotional connection. Couples therapy helps significant others find and rebuild every facet of intimacy. Whether it’s rekindling the flames of romance, finding common interests, or connecting in new ways, therapy helps couples regain their feelings of connection and closeness.

Why Go to Counseling When You Already Have a Healthy Relationship?

While age-old stereotypes maintain that couples therapy is only for those on the verge of relationship failure, every couple can enjoy the benefits. Participating in therapy isn’t an admission of weakness or failure—it’s a step toward a more resilient, healthy relationship. These skills, built under a therapist’s guidance, give couples the ability to communicate effectively, handle life’s challenges, and form more meaningful connections with one another. If you need help with a committed relationship, find a couples therapist in your area.

Couples Therapy: Building Skills for a Better Life

Whether you’re just starting out or trying to rebuild a faltering relationship, couples therapy may be helpful. In therapy, spouses will gain the skills and coping strategies needed to build stronger bonds while preserving their individuality. With the right kind of therapy, any couple can make their relationship stronger, longer lasting, and more resilient.

This article was written by freelance writer Maya.