Sometimes, I get emails about stories and they really stand out to me. This was one of them. A friend of mine knew about this suicide prevention charity in Israel, called Gila’s Way. The Hammer family in the Jewish community sadly lost their daughter Gila z’l to suicide when she was just 18. Gila had mental health issues and the family want to save lives in her name and make sure it doesn’t happen to another family. Rabbi Shalom Hammer, Gila’s father and a world renowned lecturer, started sharing his insights from Gila’s tragic story in order to raise awareness, teach empathy, and promote dialogue regarding suicide in order to ensure its prevention.

Gila’s Way is a non-profit organisation which implements, educates and presents programs regarding mental health awareness and suicide prevention in order to save lives.

I asked Rabbi Shalom Hammer a few questions about his life saving mission:

1. Your charity Gila’s Way has such an important mission. Please can you tell me more about Gila as a person, her mental health struggles and how you as a family coped in the aftermath of her tragic death/ how the charity got set up?

Gila was an unbelievable girl, vibrant, vivacious, social, hilarious and extremely sensitive. She was a leader of her peers socially and she loved to have fun. She also saw the world in a very innocent wholesome way, she was not capable of harming anyone nor did she believe that people would harm her. Tragically she experienced a sexual episode which was obviously extremely traumatising for her. She also did not wish to or know how to openly communicate the degradation she felt and the pain she was experiencing. Consequently, a swell of anxiety and depression built up inside of her and she eventually began to lose hope which ultimately lead to her passing away.

After Gila died, we decided to take the inexplicable pain and the unfathomable loss to as much of a positive place as possible. My wife and I feel that Gila should be alive and the reason she is not is largely because of the lack of knowledge with mental health and certainly suicidal ideation that we had and that so many others have as well. Gila’s Way is an organisation therefore, who’s primary concern is education via seminars, lectures, interactive workshops and presentations, understanding that the more we educate and inform the greater chance we have of lowering the numbers and preventing suicide.

(image of Gila z’l: Gila’s Way and Hammer Family)

2. What would you like people to know about teen suicide and suicide prevention in Israel and globally?

The most important vital point that I cannot emphasise enough, is that the vast majority of people who die from suicide, do NOT want to die. Particularly when we are speaking about adolescents who are experiencing so much pressures and may impulsively make a decision within a few seconds and not realising that it is finite. When people understand that most people who die from suicide, did not want to die, they also understand that this means we are capable of saving that person.

3. What is your message to other parents coping with children with mental health issues or who have also experienced bereavement?

There are a number of very crucial messages for parents. Firstly, don’t be afraid or ashamed to talk and converse, secondly don’t converse with just everyone. Dealing with mental health and a child who is challenged, is very procedural and therefore exhausting. Make sure to speak to the right people and save your energies for those people. Don’t speak to just anyone because you will grow more confused and more exhausted; make sure to find those/that people/person who can be helpful and focus on speaking to them.

In addition, pay attention to what your child is “saying”. A child (or anyone for that matter) who is dealing with mental health challenges or experiencing a crisis, will not necessarily explicitly say “I need help”, but they will often send “cries for help” and share those signs because they really want help. Some of those “warning signs” can be familial/social isolation , spending long hours in their bedrooms and refusing to join the family for activities which they normally enjoyed. In addition, they may be exhibiting exhaustion, or become physically unkempt, and they also might desist from performing normal expectations (like going to school, doing their homework, participating in events etc.)

Finally, and this is something that I consistently emphasise, trust your parental instincts. We were blessed with instincts and often a Dr or professional might suggest something and our instinct is saying “this just does not sit well with me”…trust that instinct and pay attention to it, because it is there for a reason.

(image: Gila’s Way)

4. What do you at Gila’s Way want to achieve through your charity and how are you doing this through programmes/events?

Our primary focus is on education. We don’t want any parent or any significant other, to be in situations where they “don’t know” or “didn’t know enough” because knowledge is power and empowers us with the capacity to be aware, respond and even save a life. We do so through the many programs, presentations, seminars and interactive workshops and exhibitions that we offer for diverse groups (parents, educators, adolescents, leaders, professionals, here in Israel in the army and pre-military academies). Engaging audiences in the conversations breaks stigmas and allows for knowledge and consideration.

Finally, Gila’s Way offers a consultation service (NOT a hotline). Navigating the mental health system, especially in Israel, isn’t simple. If one knows someone struggling with their mental health, they can schedule a consultation with us to help guide them through initial steps towards healing and recovery.

‘Whoever saves a single life is considered to have saved an entire world’ (the Talmud)

For more about Gila’s Way, please go to their website here.