What a year it has been, the ninth year of our blog! And now we are nearly at the end of 2025 and approaching Christmas. Thank you to every single person who reads, comments, shares and supports this blog.
This is to wish you and your family a very happy Christmas/ holiday period, filled with light, love and laughter. We celebrate Chanukah and it has been a difficult time this year but we tried to make it joyous and still lit our candles.
Sometimes the festive season brings into focus the things that we don’t want in our lives or difficult relationships. It can impact our mental health. Please don’t suffer alone and protect yourself, if you need to talk to someone please call the Samaritans at 116 123.
Have a wonderful Christmas/ festive season and even better new year! 2026 will be the tenth year of this blog!
Happy Chanukah to everyone celebrating around the world. Thinking of all those who died in the terror attack at Bondi and in the USA. Praying for the injured and for healing. My heart is broken but we will not let them succeed!
As the Jewish granddaughter of a Holocaust refugee and great grandaughter of Eastern European Jews who fled persecution from the Russian pogroms and Nazi Germany, I am all too aware of hatred and antisemitism in the UK and worldwide.
May we all stand together proud as a Jewish community, supported by good people in the world and not the evil perpetuated against us. May this Chanukah bring light against darkness and evil, humanity over antisemitism. Our community is resilient but we shouldn’t have to feel fear during our festival of lights.
Love to our friends and readers globally, especially in Sydney, Australia and the USA. I am proud to be Jewish and our light is greater than their darkness.
Thinking especially of the victims and their families- men, women and children who did not come home that day. As their names start to be reported, may we always remember them and for the injured.
For many people, Christmas time/festive season is a time for happiness, family and bringing people together; however,one in seven UK couples face a hidden grief : infertility..
Research reveals that nearly three in four people battling infertility are burdened with feelings of failure, adding to the hidden grief many already feel during the holidays. In response, mental health platform JAAQ wants to spread awareness around why infertility can be harder during the holidays and what we can do to approach the topic sensitively.
Male fertility coach explains why infertility feels heavier during the festive season
Male fertility coach, Shaun Greenway, who was diagnosed with azoospermia, explains on JAAQ why the holiday season is so difficult: “We got a pregnancy announcement at Christmas, and it took me right back to that place. That hurt. That weird feeling of happiness mixed in with jealousy and anger and pain.” Even after he had twins via donor sperm, the emotions didn’t disappear “It will always be part of me. It’s always there.”
Shaun’s experience highlights a truth many people face – that infertility doesn’t end with treatment or conception; it changes shape, often resurfacing during emotionally charged times like Christmas, a time filled with pregnancy announcements and marketing imagery filled with children and togetherness.
Founder and CEO of Fertility Help Hub, Eloise Edington, knows that pain well. Supporting her devastated husband while navigating her own grief, she recalls when speaking on JAAQ: “Supporting my devastated husband while also equally grieving myself and knowing that we would never have a biological child together meant we were both drowning in separate pain.”
She’s open about the reality of those moments: “Lots of crying, lots of eating chocolate, wine, being together. Not pretty. Not Pinterest-worthy. Just real.” For many couples facing infertility, this is the reality of Christmas – raw, difficult and far from the idealised celebrations we often imagine.
(image: Priscilla Prisceez, Unsplash)
4 dos and don’ts for talking about infertility this holiday season
To make the festive season a little easier, mental health platform JAAQ has revealed four essential dos and don’ts for talking about infertility this Christmas – whether you’re facing it yourself, or want to approach the topic sensitively with others.
Dos:
1. Think before you ask sensitive questions about pregnancy or starting a family and wait for them to bring it up themselves naturally in conversation.
2. Share with someone you trust – If you are struggling, consider speaking openly with someone, whether in person or by message, which can help you to process your emotions. For Shaun, he shared: “Once I did start opening up, that’s when everything got a bit lighter.” Elouise suggests, “Find community, find support, speak to other people who are going through similar struggles. How are they dealing with it? What are they doing to keep the romance alive or to get through this tricky time and enjoy life?”
3. Encourage without imposing your opinion. If someone shares something personal, listen fully before responding. Let them know you are there for them and ask how you can support them, rather than assuming what they need.
4. Create a Christmas/ festive routine that works for you. If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming, permit yourself to do things differently. You might skip the big dinner, start a new ritual like a quiet morning walk with coffee, or find other ways to mark the day that feel manageable.
Dont’s:
Don’t ask personal questions about pregnancy or family plans, especially in social settings
Don’t offer unsolicited advice like ‘just relax’ or ‘it’ll happen when it’s meant to’
Don’t probe with follow-up questions if someone opens up; listen supportively rather than asking questions that might cause unintentional distress
Don’t pressure someone to participate in every activity or ‘get into the spirit.’ Sometimes the kindest thing is simply allowing them to step away
(image: Pereanu Sebastian: Unsplash)
About JAAQ
JAAQ – which stands for Just Ask A Question is a pioneering mental health platform designed to make credible, compassionate support accessible to everyone – especially in the workplace. The platform provides engaging, clinically backed content by connecting users with experts and individuals with lived experience, who answer mental health questions anonymously. This unique, interactive approach empowers people to explore their mental wellbeing in a safe, stigma-free environment.
Christmas can be a stressful time for many, but for those living with bipolar disorder, it is a time of year when symptoms may be exacerbated, and overspending can become an issue.
According to national charity, Bipolar UK, the increased pressure to attend social occasions alongside material pressures around Christmas/Chanukah can trigger manic or depressive episodes in some living with the condition, resulting in an increased risk of overspending.
Dr Thomas Richardson, clinical psychologist at Southampton University, who has lived experience of bipolar and has researched the topic of bipolar and overspending, “impulsive or compulsive spending means spending more money than you planned and regretting it.”
He added: “There’s definitely something about that sense of urgency that I must buy it right away – the feeling like you can’t stop yourself and it’s a little bit out of your own control.
“There is a lot of guilt and feelings of being a burden associated with bipolar, and we know that people living with the condition can sometimes feel that excessive generosity is a way to pay back loved ones for their support. Overspending can also feel like a comfort at the time.
“Christmas is a time where we’re surrounded by adverts encouraging us to buy things and there’s the additional pressure of feeling the need to socialise. All of this can potentially be very triggering for some people living with bipolar.”
April Kelley, an award-winning actress and producer living with bipolar, has a history of overspending. She said: “My biggest achilles heel is spending money on others, and I think that’s a combination of buying love and the rush that buying things for others gives me.
“Last Christmas I bought flights from my home in LA back to the UK at the last minute to surprise my parents, but I’ve also been known to buy an entire bar’s worth of Jager bombs for everyone.
“I now use digital banking as a way to help me budget by splitting money into pots and my parents are really supportive and help me to keep control of my finances.”
Dr Richardson says there are several ways you can protect yourself from overspending at Christmas and beyond. He says that digital banking is good to helo you budget, move money into different pots and set spending limits. He advises making a list of what you really need to buy, versus what you’d like to buy, unsubscribe from marketing emails if it helps you, be mindful of who you follow on social media, make gifts instead of buying and return unnecessary things you have bought.
(image: Bipolar UK)
Simon Kitchen, CEO of Bipolar UK, said: “Advance Choice Documents (also known as ACDs) are a great way to ensure your voice is heard during a period of relapse.
“The idea is to write an ACD with your loved one or doctor when you’re well to put into action if you recognise you’re experiencing the early signs of an episode. You can include a line to protect yourself from overspending – planning to have limited access to a credit card or only using a basic mobile phone without internet, for example.
“This is why it is so important to monitor your mood so you can be aware of the warning signs if you are heading towards a relapse when you might be more prone to overspending. Many people in our community say using our free Mood Tracker app is a simple way to notice early symptoms.
“Finally – please don’t feel that you’re alone. We provide 1-1 peer support, support groups, a 24/7 eCommunity that is open 24/7, 365 days a year, even on Christmas Day, and invaluable resources on managing common seasonal triggers of bipolar.”
A few years ago, I was delighted to discover this incredible charity- Christmas for CAMHS through a post by its founder Ro Bevan. This charity means a lot to me because 20 years ago this festive season, I was a very unwell 16 year old on a NHS child and adolescent (CAMHS) in patient psychiatric ward in the Priory North London, struggling with a bipolar mixed episode. I had psychosis and hadn’t yet been diagnosed with bipolar. Although I am Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas, I remember that the ward gave us small presents and that other children/adolescents wrote me lovely messages of kindness and hope wrapped up in seasons greetings. Being away from home and especially during the festive season is filled with loneliness and sadness, especially if you are in hospital. In 2004, Christmas for CAMHS did not exist but their work now is vital.
So who are this amazing charity?
Christmas for CAMHS is a small charity who gives gifts and goodies to children and young people in hospital for their mental health over the festive season. This is our 9th year of giving gifts to young people in CAMHS (children and adolescent mental health services) inpatient units across the UK and this year we’re giving over 1300 gifts!
Christmas For CAMHS was originally set up because Dr Ro Bevan saw a huge disparity in the way CAMHS units were treated over the festive period compared to other NHS services for children and young people.
In 2015 Ro was working in a children’s hospital for those with a physical illness. That Christmas the children’s hospital had tons of presents donated, mostly from corporate donors – so many presents that there was enough leftover for patients’ birthdays until June of the following year! A year later, she was working in child and adolescent mental health and, in stark contrast, they had no presents donated at all. The patients had one present each, chosen by the therapy team and paid for by the ward – scrimped and saved from the NHS budget that is meant to cover therapeutic activities and other expenses.
Ro posted about the inequality on Facebook and before she knew it, her post had gone viral with 1,032 shares and so many supportive comments. It inspired her to start Christmas For CAMHS the following year to support these children and young people who would otherwise be forgotten by the generous public.
When the charity first began in 2016, they set up a simple fundraiser online which raised £1000 and managed to send around 300 gifts to young people in units that year. Since then, they have grown to be able to reach every CAMHS unit in the UK, but still work in a pretty similar way! There is the online fundraising page running each year where people donate either as individuals or on behalf of fundraisers they have run in their local community or with work colleagues. Additionally, there are corporate donations and people setting up their own fundraising pages to do amazing challenges to raise money (a couple of years ago one fundraiser ran a marathon around a Christmas tree!).
There is also a wish list where people can donate specific chosen gifts for children who may be feeling very alone.
(image: Christmas For CAMHS)
The charity reaches out to every CAMHS unit in the UK to ask the staff that work there how many young people they might have over Christmas. They also ask them what they think their young people might like, picking from a list of tried and tested categories, and the age range of their young people. The elves then work night and day to ensure that gifts are bought that align with what each CAMHS unit has requested and that are safe for young people in hospital for their mental health to be given.
Once the gifts have arrived there is a major ‘packing weekend, in Bath. During this, volunteers come and help pack up massive boxes with all the assigned gifts, some Christmas decorations, some activities (such as colour in paper chains or blank cards), a Wellbeing Advent Calendar, some fidget toys and an extra ‘ward gift’ for each ward to enjoy together. We don’t wrap the gifts, so the wards can check them, but we do provide wrapping paper and sticky gift tags. We also provide a bigger gift, when requested, for young people on the wards who may not receive a gift from anyone else this Christmas, such as young people who have no family support. The gifts then get delivered to each CAMHS ward ahead of Christmas day.
This year, the charity is also sending wards some paper chain ‘strips’ with cheesy cracker jokes written on them, made by members of the public and assembled by young people on the wards, providing a tangible reminder that we are all still connected despite what the young people are going through. Young people loved these last year.
It is always so nice to receive messages from young people about the gifts that they’ve given. A young person recently told the charity:
“The gift made me smile so much. I’d had such a bad day and it was an utterly terrifying time in my life – I was about to turn 18 and had never felt more alone. It was so weird but lovely to think that people who didn’t know me cared enough to make me and my friends feel special and connected. You really do such an amazing job. You’re so kind, thank you.”
The whole team and all donors are thinking of every child and young person who will be spending the Christmas period in hospital due to their mental health, which is exactly why Christmas at CAMHS does what it does – we want them to know that we’re thinking of them and that lots and lots of people are holding them in their hearts.
What do you love about this time of year? Although i don’t celebrate Christmas, I absolutely love many things about this season of celebration, including Chanukah that has just been and the way this time of year can feel super cosy!
Heres my list and what I am looking forward to:
Blankets, PJs and warm socks
Festive songs- got to love Mariah
Feeling cosy/ hygge indoors
Hot chocolate with or without marshmallows
Gingerbread men
Twinkly fairy lights and the London Christmas Lights
If you celebrate Christmas- your christmas tree
Time with family and friends
For me, Chanukah- lighting candles each night and celebrating, which we did last week 🙂 we eat doughnuts
Giving gifts to those I love
Being with my husband and having chill time- his birthday is just after Christmas too. And cuddling our guineapigs Midnight and Nutmeg.
Christmas markets
Going to the theatre (as long as we are still allowed)
Having days off work to watch good TV with family
Sex and the City returning as And Just Like That, Emily in Paris second season and hopefully a new season of Bridgerton will be on its way soon.
My Body Shop pampering treats (perks of the job).
Helping others and doing good deeds
This time of year can also be a time of loneliness, poor mental health and lots of other awful things people are facing such as poverty or homelessness. But today, as I always focus on the heavier issues, i am looking for the positives – butGive your time to others who need it too. if youre able.
Thank you for supporting Be Ur Own Light blog and our mental health mission this year. We wish you all- from Rob and I, a wonderful festive season- whether you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah (like us), whether you get together with family and friends for magical, cosy nights, good TV and a glass of wine, I hope you enjoy it!
We will be spending time with family and friends, lighting our menorahs and eating doughnuts. This year we will be visiting my in laws, which should be lovely.
If you need help because you are struggling with your mental health, the Samaritans line is always open for free,non judgemental listening: 116 123 is the UK number.
Wishing you all a wonderful break, a cosy, happy, safe and peaceful one,
beurownlight.com 