Tag: fertility

Mental Health Experts Shine A Light On The Struggle Of Infertility Over The Festive Season by Experts at JAAQ

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Victoria Volkova Unsplash)

For many people, Christmas time/festive season is a time for happiness, family and bringing people together; however, one in seven UK couples face a hidden grief : infertility..

Research reveals that nearly three in four people battling infertility are burdened with feelings of failure, ​​adding to the hidden grief many already feel during the holidays. In response, mental health platform JAAQ wants to spread awareness around why infertility can be harder during the holidays and what we can do to approach the topic sensitively.

Male fertility coach explains why infertility feels heavier during the festive season 

Male fertility coach, Shaun Greenway, who was diagnosed with azoospermia, explains on JAAQ why the holiday season is so difficult: “We got a pregnancy announcement at Christmas, and it took me right back to that place. That hurt. That weird feeling of happiness mixed in with jealousy and anger and pain.”  Even after he had twins via donor sperm, the emotions didn’t disappear “It will always be part of me. It’s always there.”

Shaun’s experience highlights a truth many people face – that infertility doesn’t end with treatment or conception; it changes shape, often resurfacing during emotionally charged times like Christmas, a time filled with pregnancy announcements and marketing imagery filled with children and togetherness.

Founder and CEO of Fertility Help Hub, Eloise Edington, knows that pain well. Supporting her devastated husband while navigating her own grief, she recalls when speaking on JAAQ: “Supporting my devastated husband while also equally grieving myself and knowing that we would never have a biological child together meant we were both drowning in separate pain.”

She’s open about the reality of those moments: “Lots of crying, lots of eating chocolate, wine, being together. Not pretty. Not Pinterest-worthy. Just real.” For many couples facing infertility, this is the reality of Christmas – raw, difficult and far from the idealised celebrations we often imagine. 

(image: Priscilla Prisceez, Unsplash)

4 dos and don’ts for talking about infertility this holiday season

To make the festive season a little easier, mental health platform JAAQ has revealed four essential dos and don’ts for talking about infertility this Christmas – whether you’re facing it yourself, or want to approach the topic sensitively with others. 

Dos:

  • 1. Think before you ask sensitive questions about pregnancy or starting a family and wait for them to bring it up themselves naturally in conversation.
  • 2. Share with someone you trust – If you are struggling, consider speaking openly with someone, whether in person or by message, which can help you to process your emotions. For Shaun, he shared: “Once I did start opening up, that’s when everything got a bit lighter.” Elouise suggests, “Find community, find support, speak to other people who are going through similar struggles. How are they dealing with it? What are they doing to keep the romance alive or to get through this tricky time and enjoy life?”
  • 3. Encourage without imposing your opinion. If someone shares something personal, listen fully before responding. Let them know you are there for them and ask how you can support them, rather than assuming what they need. 
  • 4. Create a Christmas/ festive routine that works for you. If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming, permit yourself to do things differently. You might skip the big dinner, start a new ritual like a quiet morning walk with coffee, or find other ways to mark the day that feel manageable.  

Dont’s:

  • Don’t ask personal questions about pregnancy or family plans, especially in social settings
  • Don’t offer unsolicited advice like ‘just relax’ or ‘it’ll happen when it’s meant to’
  • Don’t probe with follow-up questions if someone opens up; listen supportively rather than asking questions that might cause unintentional distress
  • Don’t pressure someone to participate in every activity or ‘get into the spirit.’ Sometimes the kindest thing is simply allowing them to step away 

(image: Pereanu Sebastian: Unsplash)

About JAAQ

JAAQ – which stands for Just Ask A Question is a pioneering mental health platform designed to make credible, compassionate support accessible to everyone – especially in the workplace. The platform provides engaging, clinically backed content by connecting users with experts and individuals with lived experience, who answer mental health questions anonymously. This unique, interactive approach empowers people to explore their mental wellbeing in a safe, stigma-free environment.

9th Blog Anniversary of Be Ur Own Light!

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Ginger Ray)

Whenever 1st March rolls around, I feel a tremendous sense of pride but also – how has it been so many years since I started blogging on WordPress about my mental health?

Be Ur Own Light Blog started on 1st March 2016 after I had had to leave a face to face job because I was having panic attacks and couldn’t get in to work. I saw blogging as a form of therapy.. and in truth, I was only originally sharing with friends and family because I felt really alone with it. That eventually snowballed into me writing for Rethink Mental Illness and then in the national media, speaking at a few in-person events and recording podcasts. It was also an honour to be included in several books including ‘The Book of Hope’ by Jonny Benjamin MBE and Britt Pfluger, talking about life with bipolar.

There’s times I still feel alone with my health but I also have so much support and understanding from family and friends and readers here too, which helps a great deal.

I just want to thank everyone we have collaborated with in the past year (sponsored or not)- brands, charities, businesses, individuals making a difference in the mental health world. Thank you for writing blogs for Be Ur Own Light and our personal mission of taking a sledgehammer to the stigma of mental illness (or trying to!).

Thank you also to everyone who has promoted or bought my books, especially my recent kids book ‘Arabella and the Worry Cloud’. I am so proud of ‘Bring me to Light’ too and hope sharing my story continues to help people.

If you’ve been following this journey for 9 years (or longer)- thank YOU for being here for the ride and continuing to read, support and show up.

It has been harder for me in the past 2 years to authentically share everything about my mental health and other health things on here but one day I hope that our journey can inspire others. I live in remission from Bipolar due to my medications holding me and I never forget daily how lucky I am to have access to mental health medications (due to living in the UK) and an excellent therapist, plus support from family.

Going forward, I will still be blogging but I am hoping that the sequel to Arabella and the Worry Cloud will manifest soon. I have written it, I just need the funds to secure everything! Shout out to my friend and illustrator Shelley. I hope also that Arabella will continue to reach more children and find it’s way to all who need its message.

Thank you all of you for enabling me to blog and write and hopefully help people with bipolar, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks etc. Thank you to every person who has read a blog, bought a book, shared an article, commissioned me in the press to write an article on mental health or current affairs and to all who have or continue to believe in me- including my amazing husband and family. and of course G-d who is behind everything.

Love and gratitude,

Ellie x

PCOS, Mental Health and Adulting.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

Some of you will know that I have been really quiet on this blog for a long time about certain aspects of my life.

Being mid thirties and married, I often get asked, ‘Do you have any children?’ or ‘How many kids do you have?’.

I often explain that I don’t have kids yet but I have 2 fur babies, my guineapigs Midnight and Nutmeg.

The truth is I have wanted to be a Mum since I was a young girl. Ive had lists of baby names since I was age 12. If it was up to me, I would be a mother already. Mothering is a huge part of my heart and soul. I am blessed to be an auntie, which is incredibly special.

This summer, after various symptoms including weight gain, irregular periods and a scan revealing ovarian cysts, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). This syndrome can cause irregular periods, irregular ovulation and sometimes infertility as a result. It is a hormonal condition where your body produces too many androgens (male hormone) and its very common.

I got the diagnosis one month before I turned 35, in June this year. Why is this significant? Some will know that 35 is seen for some as a cut off point, when your eggs either start to decline or reduce in amount. There is also a greater risk as you get older for certain things like miscarriage and disabilities in the foetus. Being overweight as well with the PCOS (and other bipolar medication) means that the PCOS is worsened and my period cycle is not normal. I need to lose the weight, to help my fertility too.

I called my book ‘Bring me to Light’ because I had come to a place of light after darkness. I didn’t know a new challenge would be coming my way.

So- I have started to take supplements to help me ovulate more regularly and get my body ready (myo-inositol and folic acid, vitamin d, fish oils with omega 3). I am also trying to lose some weight and gain better health and regular ovulation, through regular exercise. Recently, I have signed up with a nutritionist and I am in process of changing my diet so less carbs, less sugar. Soon, I may need to speak to my GP to get further intervention re making sure I am regularly ovulating, but until then, I am trying to overhaul things.

This isn’t easy. I crave sugar. I crave chocolate. I love pasta. I love fruit juice. I can’t completely cut them out yet to help my health conditions but I will get there in time (reduction is key).

My nutritionist has highlighted to me that when you have raised cortisol (stress hormone) levels, your body finds it holds on to weight. I am doing a lot better with my PTSD panic attacks but when they do happen I get raised cortisol. I also take heavy medications and my metabolism is affected too.

I have been coming to terms with so much. I know one day soon, I will be a Mum and Rob and I will be parents. Its just going to take a little longer.

Just wanted to say a big shout out to all friends who have supported me with this, especially those on instagram going through their own struggles too. You have held my hand, comforted me and helped to wipe my tears. My therapist has been helpful too- and our faith and prayers keeps us going.

Being an adult really is hard and this will be an ongoing journey. People have worse things than me too, but as someone once told me, we are not given more than we can handle….

With love,

Ellie x