Guest Post: Making the Climb: 4 Tricks to begin the fight against Drug Addiction by Kara Masterson

April 9, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments

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It all started at a party you attended a few months ago. You were feeling down after the big break up, and you just wanted to feel good again. Someone at the party offered you some pills, and they made you feel better than you had felt in a long time. Before you knew it, you were a regular user. At first the confidence and the euphoria were too irresistible to pass up.

Once hooked, you always knew how to get ahold of your drug of choice. It was always just a phone call away. Unfortunately, one thing lead to another and now the pills are not having the same effect they used to provide you with. In fact, you need more to get the same feelings, but coming down has been much more difficult on you than you ever imagined it could be. In a particular low moment, you started to think that it might be time to fight your drug addiction, but where do you begin?

Admitting Your Problem

As with most problems, fighting a drug addiction begins with admitting to yourself that you definitely have a problem with drugs. If you are not committed to this being the truth, then you will find it is difficult to see a commitment to overcome the addiction through to the end. When you are certain that you want to give up your addiction and will do anything to make that a reality, then you are ready to take the journey necessary to reclaim your life back from drug addiction.

Disassociate from Your Connection

As long as you can call someone to enable you to continue in an addiction, you will be driven by the addiction to do so. To fight and overcome a drug addiction, you must break all ties with the people who enable you. By making this commitment, you are getting rid of the source of your addictive behavior.

Build a Support Network

To give yourself the best chance at overcoming addiction, you need to identify the people you can trust that have your best interests in mind to confide in about your drug addiction. This could be friends, family members or even someone like a pastor or teacher.

The important thing is that you gather people around you who love you and are willing to help you see your recovery all the way through. Sure, some of these people may be disappointed to learn about your addiction at first, but ultimately those who have your best interests in mind will want to help you reclaim your life and will be there for you in times of weakness.

Get Professional Help

The next step in your treatment is to locate and visit a rehab facility that can help you to get clean from drugs. Detoxing from narcotic substances can sometimes be a difficult path to walk down, but it is best dealt with by working with professionals like Kick Recovery Coaching or someone similar who have helped countless people through this process. They will not only be able to help you know what to expect, but they can provide you with ways to get through the detox phase that are rooted in the latest drug addiction treatment options.

The road ahead may not be an easy one, but it is definitely better than not seeking any help at all. The simple reality is that drugs ruin lives, but you do not have to be a statistic or a willing victim. By taking up the fight to reclaim your life from a drug addiction, you will come out the other end of this journey a much stronger person for it.

Kara Masterson is a freelance writer based in the USA.

Guest Post: 5 Tips for Boosting Your Immune System by Michelle Hannan, Nutritionist

April 9, 2018April 9, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments

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Do you get sick and cough and sneeze a lot? You could have a weakened immune system. In this article, Michelle Hannan, Nutritionist shares her tips to improve your overall health, including within the mind.

A weak immune system allows viruses and bacteria in your body to make you unwell. A strong immune system ensures that the body has the power to fight it all as best it can. Your physical health can also affect your mental health and make you feel low, despondent and not at your best.

Here are some factors that weaken the immune system.

Harmful radiation
Smoking
Unhygienic lifestyle
Stress
Too much alcohol
Dehydration
Lack of sleep
Poor diet
No or little exercise
Obesity
Excessive medication

These are my tips for boosting the immune system:

EATING HEALTHILY

Most immune problems are due to unhealthy lifestyle or illness. Make yourself your priority and you will see the changes that occur in your life.

Unhealthy eating (high fat foods) can damage your immune system and affects your mental health People consider healthy food as dull and complicated, but in fact, it is not. Check out some recipes for healthy yet delicious and easy food and stick to it to see the results.

EXERCISING

I understand that people have a hard time exercising due to many reasons. I was one of those people who hated exercising and opted for dieting whenever in need but a friend made me exercise for a month, and now I can’t think of a day without it.

When you exercise in adequate amounts, your immune system improves. Exercising also helps in making your memory stronger.

According to a Ph.D. candidate at the University of Canberra Research Institute for Sport and Exercise in Australia.

There is now a wide body of research showing that the benefits to the body with exercise also exist for the brain, when older adults undertake aerobically, we see changes to the structure and function of areas of the brain responsible for complex mental tasks and memory function.

-Joe Northey

He further said.

Each type of exercise seems to have different effects on the growth factors responsible for the growth of new neurons and blood vessels in the brain that may indicate why doing aerobic is of benefit to cognitive function.

-Joe Northey

http://time.com/4752846/exercise-brain-health/

RELAX MORE

When we worry more and relax less, our body`s immune system gets beaten up, and our mental health suffers.

Try to concentrate on the present rather than the future. This quote of Meredith grey from grey`s anatomy inspired me a lot.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

VITAMIN D

Sunshine is important for your immune system, promoting uptake of Vitamin D. Be careful to wear sun protection but get out a little every day into the light. This will help your mood too.

HOME REMEDIES

Home remedies are often misunderstood. People tend to think that home remedies do no good but in reality, the remedies below can give you long-lasting results.

Avoid tobacco and alcohol
Drink as much water as possible to flush toxins
Eat garlic
Eat nuts and seeds as they contain healthy fats
Include more and more vegetables and fruits in your diet

Author bio: Michelle Hannan is a nutritionist, and she’s on a mission to give you all the information you need to lose weight successfully. She also blogs regularly at https://www.hcgdietinfo.net/

Guest Post: 10 Ways that Mindfulness Helped me Cope with my Bipolar by Kevin Morley at Satori Mind

March 27, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 9 Comments

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(image: Plum Village)

Up and down. Up and Down.

Round and round.

Having Bipolar Disorder can sometimes feel rather like being in a washing machine!

Luckily my illness is now under control. But it has taken a long time to get here, and was not always so. Mindfulness has played a big part in my ongoing wellness, alongside a tweaked medication regime.

This is my list of just how mindfulness has helped me cope with BP over the past few years…

It has levelled out my moods – I was last in hospital in 2014. Mania. Psychosis. Sectioning. The whole lot. Since that time, my moods have at times, fluctuated a lot. But mindfulness has helped me. It has made me a calmer, steadier person all round. A quick 20 minute session before bed does wonders for my mood if I’m feeling down, and can bring me down if I’m feeling a little hyper. More stability = less episodes. Less time in hospital.

It has helped me to sleep better – As I mentioned above, I tend to meditate before bed. This has the possible negative effect that I sometimes fall asleep while doing it. You may not get the whole benefit then. No matter, just try again the next time. My bed time ritual does help me to establish a routine before going to sleep. This routine helps me sleep.

It has deepened my self-knowledge – “Know Thyself” was written over the Oracle at Delphi in Ancient Greece. The principle being that knowing oneself, self-knowledge, is of prime importance in life. Mindfulness aids that process greatly. Through meditation, and self-observation, you learn to understand your own motivations and reactions to events. With Bipolar, mindfulness helps you learn your triggers for high and low moods much better than by thinking alone.

It has helped me eat better – Odd one this. How it works is that eating mindfully – that is slowly, deliberately, consciously – helps you to taste food better. Rather than scoffing down each mouthful, you instead savour the food, eat slowly, actually taste it. Because of this, you end eating better food, and less of it. I was doing this the other night, just taking 5 minutes to eat it food and really tasting it. It intensified the eating experience tenfold.

It helps me to remind me to take my meds – . Since I meditate before I go to sleep, it reminds me at the same time that I must take my medication. This has helped me to be almost religious about taking my meds, and improved my stability at the same time.

It helps me to pray and connect with God – In the Christian Tradition mindfulness is called “silent prayer” or “contemplation”. It has been used for thousands of years to connect with the Divine and purify the spirit. And in all religions, too. Today’s secular mindfulness derives from Buddhist meditation. Anyhow, my practice enables me to spend time with God every night, and further my spiritual relationship and growth with him. It’s a healing time. I couldn’t have got through my illness without my faith. Its been invaluable.

It gives me a feeling of achievement – This feeling can be vital when I am between jobs and often have little to give substance to my day. Even if I am feeling low and have achieved very little that day, I can always say I’ve done my 20 minutes quiet time. Just this can give me a boost, and leave me feeling settled whereas before my bad moods will have dragged me down previously.

The scientific evidence is in favour of mindfulness for helping Bipolar – A 1995 study in the Biological Study Journal concluded that mindfulness is effective in levelling out Bipolar moods. A landmark 2005 study by esteemed neuroscientists from the University of Massachusetts also discovered that the brains of meditation practitioners had much more thickness, density, and activity within their prefrontal cortex — just like physicist Albert Einstein. The pre-frontal cortex is the area of the brain associated with emotion, and emotional control.

Mindfulness has also made me a more patient person – with others, and with myself. This level of self-patience and self-care has helped me to cope with my Bipolar a lot. Meditation has removed much of the agitation and bad moods that used to plague my everyday life.

Most of all mindfulness has made me more appreciative of the now, and the beauty of living in the present– so much of our lives – Bipolar and mentally well – are spent elsewhere, in our heads, instead of focusing on what we are doing right now. We are typically either ruminating and regretting things in the past, or worrying about the future. Enlightenment, as I understand it, is not withdrawing into some grand philosophical way of life, but a renewed focus on the now. “The Power of Now” as the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle puts it. My recovery from my Bipolar was not so much about grand realisation but an increased awareness of what I was doing, moment by moment – the food I was eating right then. The person I was talking to right then. Everything happens in the now; the rest is just illusion.

This is a guest post written by Kevin Morley. Kevin is a spiritual seeker and runs a meditation and spirituality blog called Satori Mind (www.satorimind.co.uk). He has Bipolar Disorder, but has many other more important character traits too!”

Dating with a Mental Illness: for Glamourmagazine.co.uk by our founder Eleanor

March 13, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 19 Comments

Here is an extract from an article I wrote for Glamour UK Magazine (online) which was a dream come true. It is my true story about what dating with bipolar and social anxiety is like. I hope it helps you. For full article see link at the end:

(image: from stock and Glamour)

According to the mental health charity, Mind, 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year. In England alone, 1 in 6 people report experiencing depression or anxiety every single week. Eleanor Segall is one of those six, having lived with bipolar disorder for 13 years. Here, she shares her candid account of what so many millennials struggle with every single day: finding love while secretly battling a mental health disorder. Eleanor reveals in honest detail the judgement she faced in her quest for “The One” and how she finally learnt to open up about the taboo illness and let herself fall in love.

“I sat on my bed with tears running down my face. ‘I have something to tell you’, I said to my boyfriend, two months into dating.

“It isn’t easy and I wanted to tell you sooner but I didn’t want to share it too soon. Three years ago, I was hospitalised for my bipolar disorder. I didn’t want to tell you, in case you saw me differently or thought I was ‘crazy’. I wanted you to get to know me for me and see my personality and who I really am without it.”

He looked at me with genuine care and said, “Eleanor it doesn’t matter. I want to be with you for you, the fact you have an illness doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I want to be educated on it. Tell me more.”

So, for two hours, I told him everything. I told him how I had been diagnosed at 16 with bipolar affective disorder and how it may run in my family. I told him there could be times when I would be unwell with severe depression or mania and would have to stop working, that I had had psychosis in the past – but that I was medicated with Lithium and anti depressants to hold my moods.

I told him I had been hospitalised as a teenager and, at aged 25, my life had been far from easy, but that the love of my family and support from my medical team, had saved my life. He listened, supported and held no stigma towards me or my illness. It was a revelation after many years of dating men that may not have always understood how best to support me or for whom I was not ‘the one’.

With disclosure of a mental health condition and because I was diagnosed so young, there were many years of dating fear for me. I feared others judgement of the fact I had bipolar and at times this turned into anxiety prior to going on dates.

I was worried that people would think I was different or not worthy enough and when I look back, that is because I was struggling to deal with how I saw myself. As a teenager, you don’t want to be different, you want to fit in and as I reached my early 20’s, I began to be very anxious about dating. My self esteem had taken a battering as well as I had had my heart broken in a past relationship, which led to depression and anxiety.

I survived the heartbreak, however, I knew that I wanted to settle down with someone and have a family, but I didn’t know if it would ever be possible. Particularly after I was in hospital, I had no idea whether there would be a man who could deal with my illness and all it can entail.

There were so many times when I cancelled dates (often blind ones set up through well meaning friends or family) because I would get so nervous, my heart would race and I would be terrified that they would see through the well cultivated veneer. On first and second dates particularly I always felt I was hiding something: my mental health past.

But I wasn’t alone. According to the mental health charity, Mind, 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year. In England alone, 1 in 6 people report experiencing depression or anxiety each week.

Celebrities including Stephen Fry, Britney Spears, Catherine Zeta Jones, and Demi Lovato have all talked about their struggles with bipolar disorder.

A year and a half after I left hospital and had recovered, I began to date again and signed up to an online dating website to meet new people, set up through acquaintances. The social anxiety was at its height and I often had to cancel dates two or three times before meeting. Some men gave up on me due to this, but some understood.

A year and a half after being fully back on the dating scene, I met my current boyfriend. We clicked from our first date in a coffee shop and our second date (drinks at a lovely local pub).

Read more and full article here: http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/dating-with-a-mental-illness

How Holistic Medicine can help Mental Health by Amy Boyington

March 12, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

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Holistic medicine, as an approach to health, has been gaining ground rapidly over the last ten years. It focuses on how the mind affects the body. That means creating an integrative plan that supports a patient’s mental health throughout the entire treatment process- including follow-up care.

Holistic Medicine – A New “Whole Person” Medical Approach

The Holistic medical approach, now most frequently referred to as “Integrative Medicine,” has evolved from a variety of alternative medical approaches. Its standout feature is the fact that the medical practitioners, or team of practitioners, treat each patient in a comprehensive capacity. They look for “imbalances” in a person’s day-to-day activities, mental health, and physical health. They may even take spirituality and strong personal beliefs into account on a case-to-case basis.

This “whole person” approach can lead to differences in things as simple as scheduling. For example, in a Western medical setting, it’s usual for patients to be assigned a time slot of about 15-minutes per visit. On the other hand, holistic medical practitioners may spend an hour or more with each patient. This approach allows them to develop a lasting, therapeutic relationship and develop a comprehensive treatment plan. While shorter visits may make sense to some patients and can be ideal for check-ins and updating prescriptions, some patients feel that they need more attention, or that their condition can’t be addressed in short bursts.

Borrowing from Eastern, Western, and “Conventional” Medical Traditions

Holistic, integrative medicine takes a little bit of everything from every possible health tradition. This approach has a firm scientific basis, considering all of the physical signs and symptoms and researching all known diagnosis and treatments to match.

Holistic medicine then diverges sharply and involves the patient, along with their value and opinions, in the entire process.

By doing so, holistic medicine shows that it has respect for the sanctity of every person’s health- something that’s more often seen in Eastern medicine.

How Holistic Medicine Supports Mental Health

Looking at the Big Picture – Each person is more than just the product of their DNA. With advances in epigenetic research, doctors are learning how profoundly a person’s physical appearance and health status are influenced by their thought patterns and life experiences.
Treatment and Medication Balance – Holistic medicine tends to favour procedures that don’t involve medications but their use is never ruled out. For some, the right prescription can work miracles. If that is the case, then a holistic approach would be to continue using that medication but also bolster it with additional therapies. So, if you are likely to have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a doctor taking a holistic approach might ask you to make changes to your home or lighting in addition to taking a look at any current supplements and medication.

Accepting Alternative Therapies as Valid – In a similar vein as the above, if you aren’t responding to a given treatment, a holistic medical practitioner will listen to your reasons why and help you develop an alternative solution. If you feel strongly about a particular therapy, that, too, will be taken into account. In the long run, a more holistic approach may lead to more resources given to therapies that people feel have the most substantial impact, like talk therapy.

Seeing Spiritual and Mental Needs as Relevant – Chronic stress, from work, home, unfulfilled needs, or a significant life event can lead a person to develop a physical illness. By seeing a patient and considering their mental health needs, a doctor has a higher chance of identifying the cause of a given symptom, although it is hard to know.

Treating You, the Patient, Like a Person – Patients should be listened to and educated about their treatment options. A holistic medical practice will allow patients to have more time with their doctors and specialists.

We are 2 Years Old! Blog Anniversary of Be Ur Own Light!

March 6, 2018March 6, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 20 Comments

(image: Michelle Leigh writes)

Wow! I can’t believe that Be Ur Own Light has turned 2 years old! We celebrated our second blogiversary on 1st March so I am a few days late but it doesn’t matter.

This blog has provided me with so many amazing opportunities so far. I have met more and more people who are like minded and want to speak about their own mental health to battle stigma. I have met some incredible people online too and such wonderful contributors. I love also finding and telling untold stories.

The blog has really grown this year into a good mental health resource. We have had lots of contributors which has been fab. I (Eleanor, founder of blog) have also started a new career as a mental health writer and journalist. That is largely down to the success of the blog and I have truly found a niche. Be Ur Own Light is also a shortlisted finalist in the Health and Social care individual category of the UK Blog Awards 2018! Thank you for all your support of the blog and what we do.

I have written this year for Metro.co.uk, Glamour Magazine (online), No Panic, Happiful Magazine and Happiful.com, Counselling Directory, Mind, SANE, Time to Change, STOP Suicide, Jewish News, Equilibrium Magazine, World Union of Jewish Students,
and been featured in Cosmopolitan UK, Elle UK and Prima.

Thank you to all these amazing people who have provided guest blogs this year. I have been humbled to work with experts and people with lived experience, to provide information and tell others stories to help end the stigma and provide a resource on mental health.

So thank you to these guest bloggers who gave me such wonderful content. There is more to come. This year March 2017-18 thanks to:

Hannah Brown- Recovery from Anorexia
Time With- Therapy queries
Charlotte Underwood- Recovery from depression/ suicide
Trysh Sutton- Pure Path Essential Oils

Ariel Taylor- Trichotillomania guide
Jon Manning- Mental health in schools
Channel 4 and Lloyds Bank- Get the Inside Out campaign
Stephen Galloway- Inspirational lyrics
Eugene Farell AXA PPP- Loneliness tips
Peter Lang- PTSD and recovery
Kaitlyn W- Light beyond self harm
Jess Harris- Organ donation
Sam- Recovery from bipolar disorder
Ryan Jackson- Reasons for drug and alcohol addiction stigma
Redfin.com- Seasonal Affective disorder
United Mind Laughter Yoga- Job and wellbeing
Christina Hendricks- on PTSD
Reviews Bee- Child Mental Health
Consumer Money Worries- Mental Health and money
Stephen Smith- OCD and nOCD app
Arslan Butt- University students and mental illness
Tony Weekes- Unity MHS
Ellie Miles- Fighting Health Anxiety
Hope Virgo- Anorexia and recovery
Ann Heathcote- Government and mental health
Jasmine Burns- Strategies to help Binge eating
Bill Weiss- Surviving Opiate withdrawal
Jessica Flores- Bipolar 2 – depression
Jay Pigmintiello- Mindfulness and Meditation
David Baum- 365 Challenge for PTSD awareness
Karen- Mental health professional with anxiety
Dr Stacey Leibowitz Levy- CBT
Lucy Boyle- Burnout Syndrome
Diamond G Health Informer- Technology and mental health
Juno Medical- Anxiety Disorders

Thank you to everyone! This year we aim to cover even more mental health issues and disorders in our quest to provide information and be a home for all.

This year I have also written personal posts about my fight with my anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, mental health and dating, mental health and weight gain, NHS waiting lists and therapy, book reviews for Trigger Press for Hope Virgo and Karen Mantons books, Workplace and mental health stigma, Reading as therapy and more! Time to Talk Day and Eating Disorder Awareness Week marked and many conversations had eg stigma about psychiatric medication.

We have won various awards from other bloggers- Liebster, Sunshine, Mystery and Top 30 social anxiety blog and Top 100 bipolar blog from Feedspot.com.

I am so excited that we have over 4,000 followers on Twitter, almost 600 on WordPress, over 2000 on Instagram and of course my loyal Facebook followers too.

Thank you friends and supporters! Heres to a great year talking about all things mental health and normalising it to all.

Eleanor x

Extract from Cosmopolitan UK Article by Olivia Blair on Anti Depressants- featuring our founder Eleanor

March 2, 2018March 2, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 5 Comments

I was so excited to be featured in Olivia Blair’s article for Cosmopolitan UK on anti depressants- 6 women share what its really like to be on Anti depressants.

I am so thrilled to be in this article with 4 other brave women. My first time in Cosmo! Thank you Olivia.

Below is my part of the article but please click here to read the others experiences too: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/health/a18720313/women-on-antidepressants-working/

(image: Getty Images/ Cosmopolitan)

I become suicidal when depressed, it’s vital I take medication for my health”

Eleanor Segall, 29, mental health blogger

“I started taking antidepressants when I was 15 after an acute depressive episode where I had to take time off school. A year later I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was hospitalised so I was prescribed a mood stabiliser as well to keep me on an even keel.

I was concerned about some of the side effects but the positives for my mind and brain chemistry outweighed the negatives. Over the years, I have been on different antidepressants including fluoxetine, duloxetine and now sertraline. I also continue to have psychodynamic therapy and have tried CBT, art therapy and meditation.

There is a big stigma around anti depressants, particularly against bipolar and other chronic conditions. But I think this new study offers proof that, for some of us, they are vital.”

Extract from my latest Metro.co.uk article: 6 people share their experiences of friendship during Mental Illness

March 1, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 5 Comments

(image: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

I have bipolar disorder and four years ago I was hospitalised for a severe manic episode.

Without the love, kindness and support of my friends, I definitely would not have recovered as well.

Their support reminds me I am not alone and helps me to feel loved and safe. But mental ill health can be frightening for those who do not understand it, and sometimes friendships can be lost when one person experiences a mental health condition.

Some people may find it hard to cope with symptoms of a friend’s illness and, as such, cut ties or back away.

Jessica Valentine, psychologist at the Brighton Wellness Centre spoke to Metro.co.uk. She says: ‘Sometimes having a friend with a mental health illness can be draining. ‘On the other hand, it’s good to experience the journey of mental health; the ups and the downs, from a personal level. ‘You really get to ‘feel’ your friend come out of the depression. And, it somewhat makes you feel that you are living it too, side by side, helping them.’

The Mental Health Foundation explains that friendship can ‘play a key role in helping someone live with or recover from a mental health problem and overcome the isolation that often comes with it.

It advises that many people who manage to hold onto friendships while experiencing a mental health condition can see those friendships become stronger as a result.

I wanted to see the role of friendships in other peoples’ lives, either when they were coping with a mental health condition, or when they had witnessed a friend in crisis.

Here six people explain their experiences:

Read their experiences and rest of article: http://metro.co.uk/2018/03/01/6-people-share-their-experiences-of-friendship-during-mental-illness-7343290/?ito=cbshare

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/

Why Wait: Eating Disorder Awareness Week and My story with Anorexia: Guest post by Hannah Brown

February 28, 2018February 28, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 10 Comments

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(image: rebloggy)

Please read with care: Trigger Warning: Eating disorder Discussion

As Eating Disorder awareness week progresses, it has really got me thinking about my own journey and the symptoms that I experienced as part of my anorexia.

The hashtag #WhyWait is being used this week as we all come to terms with the fact that according to Beat 34% of UK adults cannot name a symptom of an eating disorder, and that even more shockingly sufferers wait 3 years before seeking any sort of treatment.

Aged 19,I started the diet that I thought would give me a wealth of happiness, how wrong I was. What I also started was my gradual decline into anorexia. There were warning signs, there were behaviours that were obsessive and out of control, my physical appearance was changing, becoming weaker and I was almost translucent in colour- but most strikingly was the change to my personality.

Extreme calorie restriction causes a massive reduction in personal motivation and general apathy. Studies have shown how thoughts become obsessed on food and their behaviours around meals soon turns slightly absurd.

This was absolutely my experience, it crept up on me scarily, without warning. As my diet became more and more refined, my thoughts were turning more and more to food, how I could further restrict, avoid the meal time or alter plans in order to exercise more.

There were so many signs, so many warning lights that for some reason I chose to ignore. I brushed them under the carpet, and kept up with the pretence of “I’m fine”.

Ignoring the issue, or refusal to acknowledge that a problem was developing was a symptom of my perfectionism and the denial that I was experiencing was concurrent with my theme of being the strong one, both within my peer groups and within my family unit.

But why was I waiting, what was I waiting for?

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(image: Rebloggy)

What I didn’t realise was that by waiting to act on my symptoms with any sort of conviction and determination, I was simply prolonging the agony that I would face in the initial stages of my recovery, making those first few months even more difficult. As the behaviours became more entrenched, they became habitual in nature. Personality traits that were once alien and unrecognisable soon become my identity.

There came a time, that I decided to reach out to my GP and unfortunately I didn’t quite get the support that I thought I was going to- whilst I wasn’t turned away, my weight certainly wasn’t critical enough to cause any sort of concern from the medical profession and the advise was to add a dessert into my meal plan, perhaps the occasional spread of butter.

In hindsight, perhaps if I had listened to this very basic advice I wouldn’t have gone on to lose more weight. However, there was no attention given to the mental battles that I was starting to have with my intuition and my fear of food- or the the fear of losing control over it.

Visiting my GP had taken a great deal of courage, as I said I’m always the one that is simply fine, is there for everyone else, often at the expense of myself. To get this quite flippant advice left me feeling slightly desensitised. I left wth their advice- put it in a box and chose to ignore it, my mental health not addressed.

But I don’t want my experience to stop you, or your loved ones reaching out to your GP, because for many they can be the most valuable resource available. Go in, if you can with a loved one and don’t leave that room until you have been given care that you totally deserve.

Alternatively use the Beat help finder page to find that source of support that will be right for you, grab it and don’t let go.

It is OK not to be OK, it is OK to struggle, and it is OK to ask for help. The term “admitting” has slightly negative connotations, like we are owning up to something, a crime. But please, please do not think of it like this. You wouldn’t ever wait after discovering a lump, or if feeling constantly unwell- the same should be said for your mental health.

My journey continued and things didn’t get better until they had got much much worse. I ended up in hospital, but even then I was naive at just how unwell I had become. Hospital was an experience that I will never forget, it was difficult and lonely but undoubtedly it did save my life.

I know, deep down though, that it could have been avoided, I could have saved myself and prevented all the heartache that I endured as part of my recovery.

In reading this, please ask yourself the question: Why Wait?

And take it from me, i might not know you, but you absolutely deserve to receive support and help.

You’re not weak but wholesome and rich, go to my website https://aneartohear.co.uk/- because you deserve to be heard. We can help you.

Blog for No Panic on Living with Social Anxiety: by our founder Eleanor

February 27, 2018 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments

(image: No Panic)

I am delighted to collaborate and write a blog with No Panic, an amazing mental health charity for people with anxiety disorders. You can read it here on their website: https://www.nopanic.org.uk/living-social-anxiety-story/ and also below:

(image: No Panic)

I have lived with my anxiety disorder for most of my life, but it really started at aged 15, when I was so acutely anxious I had to take six weeks off school during my GCSE year. I was suffering from an agitated depression, an episode that left me reeling. I was so young and so unwell. It was partly triggered by stressful life events but what I didn’t know at that time was that my anxiety and depression was part of a wider illness- bipolar disorder.

After several episodes of depression and mania, I was hospitalised at aged 16 at the Priory North London and diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder. Bipolar is a mood disorder where you fluctuate between episodes of depression, hypomania (a lesser manic state) or mania. It can run in families and can be triggered by life events. I am now 29, so have lived with this for almost 14 years.

I was hospitalised due to a severe depression that featured psychosis, where your mind loses touch with reality and can cause bad anxiety. I had delusions- false beliefs about the world and a lot of fear. Luckily, I recovered after four months of treatment, left and started taking regular medication which began to help, however, the anxiety seemed to be ever present.

As I had been so ill as a teenager with a whole host of symptoms due to my bipolar, I developed social anxiety and panic attacks. I was desperate to fit in and appear ‘normal’ as most teenagers are. I felt different, I was facing life with a chronic illness. There was so much uncertainty, they couldn’t just scan my brain to see what was going on. Taking medication was trial and error for me, some worked and some didn’t. The same with therapies.

The social anxiety was about feeling judged by other people, because I was judging myself wrongly for what had happened during my episodes. It impacted my self esteem- I felt low about myself and didn’t know why I had been given this illness and why it caused me so much embarrassment and shame at the time. There was a stigma back in 2004, that has lessened today

My social anxiety manifested a few years after I had left hospital. I began to fear attending parties, dates and social events with friends, in case I was judged negatively. As a teenager, there was a lot of stigma from other teenagers about my illness. This made me feel depleted, sad and angry. I didn’t choose my brain chemistry- so why were they spreading false rumours about me and making me feel worthless? It was a difficult time for me. I did also have a lot of love and support.

However, my heart would race and the event eg a birthday party in a club or bar, would trigger an absolute state of panic. What if I looked awful/ wore the wrong clothes? What if everyone was judging me when I got there and thinking badly of me? I often would cancel on friends and not attend, for fear of having to show up, however I felt. I felt so vulnerable and I didn’t want anyone to see it.

Part of the anxiety was because when you have bipolar episodes of mania and depression (particularly mania) it leaves you feeling ashamed of your behaviour. For me there was a certain sense of shame, especially with the manic episodes. However, I knew it wasn’t my true personality and I could not control my brain chemistry at the time it happened. Yet, my subconscious mind continued to trigger panic in social situations.

I was lucky and am still lucky to have a group of very supportive friends (and family) who helped me to get out more, through exposure therapy. My Mum or Dad would take me out in the car, or friends would come to the house and coax me slowly out into the world again. Exposure therapy, moving slowly to expose myself to the feared situations is so helpful to me, even today.

Aged 20, I began my first course of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for the anxiety. I worked out with my therapist what the limiting beliefs holding me back were- fear of judgement, fear of being exposed negatively (as my illness made me feel so out of control) and I was asked to keep thought records of my negative thoughts at the time of a panic attack.

For me, panic attacks manifested themselves as feeling clammy, sick, tight chest, overwhelming negative thoughts about a situation and the fight or flight desire to run away and cancel the arrangement, removing myself from the feared trigger. Although the CBT did not stop the anxiety and panic, it gave me some tools at the time to understand it.

Over the years, I have completed three courses of CBT with a psychologist and another therapist, until I gave up on it, because my anxiety was so emotionally rooted and based in the subconscious that the cognitive approach was not working. For me a combination of the following helps.

Firstly, talking therapy about any past traumas (psychodynamic) with my current therapist is so helpful and makes me feel so grounded and safe. Secondly, when very stressed, I find meditation, particularly the Yoga Nidra meditation or apps like Headspace so helpful for breathing. Taking deep breaths can help relieve stress. Thirdly, exposure therapy is key to recovery. I find the more I go out accompanied, the more I feel able to do- it’s a slow process but helpful.

In 2014, after ten years out of hospital, I was hospitalised for a severe manic episode with psychosis. This hospitalisation caused a lot of trauma and anxiety and in hospital, I found art therapy incredibly helpful. Making a picture, collage or painting focused and calmed my mind. Even colouring in a book helped me to filter out the stress of being in hospital and kept my mind calm. I suppose this is a form of mindfulness too and I still love art today.

I very much support the work of No Panic and am so thrilled to write here. Since 2016, I have made a really good recovery from my bipolar and am now stable on medication. My anxiety is still there but I now have a career writing freelance for Metro Online, Happiful Magazine, Glamour and mental health charities such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness and Time to Change. I have also written my mental health blog www.beurownlight.com, which is about my journey with bipolar and anxiety and those of others. It is currently nominated for a UK Blog Award.

Just know that if you currently experience anxiety and panic attacks, whatever triggers it- there will be something out there to help you- whether its therapy, medication, mindfulness, exercise, meditation, art or exposure to the feared situation in small doses. You are not alone.

For more on No Panic please see: https://www.nopanic.org.uk/