Category: Divorce

Navigating Through The Storm: How to Process Your Spouse’s Adultery by Lizzie Weakley.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: Kelly Sikkema, Unsplash)

Discovering that your spouse has committed adultery (extra marital sex) can be a devastating blow to any marriage. The betrayal, hurt, and confusion can be overwhelming, and it may feel like your world has been turned upside down. One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with infidelity is processing your spouse’s tone of voice. How do you navigate through the storm of emotions and make sense of their words? This blog post will explore some strategies to help you process your spouse’s adultery and move towards healing and understanding.

Take a Step Back
When you first discover that your spouse has been unfaithful, it’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and betrayal. In the midst of all these overwhelming feelings, it’s important to take a step back and give yourself some time to process everything. Avoid making impulsive decisions or engaging in heated arguments based on your spouse’s tone of voice. Take a deep breath, step away from the situation if needed, and allow yourself some space to calm down before addressing the issue with your spouse.

Seek Support
Dealing with the aftermath of adultery can be incredibly isolating and lonely. It’s crucial to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and receive guidance. Talking to someone about your spouse’s actions and how it has affected you can help you gain perspective and clarity on the situation. Remember that you don’t have to go through this difficult time alone. You may also want to seek legal support from a divorce lawyer if you’re considering divorce. 

Practice Active Listening

When confronting your spouse about their adultery, it’s important to practice active listening. This means truly listening to what they have to say without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Try to understand their perspective, emotions, and reasons behind their actions. By actively listening, you can create a more open and honest dialogue with your spouse, which is essential for healing and moving forward.

Set Boundaries
Processing your spouse’s adultery may require setting boundaries in your relationship. It’s important to establish clear boundaries that will help rebuild trust and ensure that both you and your spouse feel respected and heard. This may involve limiting communication, taking a break from the relationship, or seeking professional help to work through the issues together. Setting boundaries can help create a more secure and healthy environment for both partners to address the infidelity and its consequences.

Focus on Self-Care

Dealing with the aftermath of adultery can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. It’s crucial to prioritize self-care and focus on activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Whether it’s taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy, make sure to take care of yourself during this challenging time. Remember that you deserve love, compassion, and kindness, especially when processing your spouse’s adultery.

Processing your spouse’s adultery can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience. It’s important to give yourself time to heal, seek support from loved ones, and practice healthy communication strategies to navigate through this challenging time. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for healing and rebuilding trust in your relationship.

By taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, and practicing active listening, you can move towards understanding and forgiveness, whether that leads to reconciliation or separation. Stay strong, be kind to yourself, and trust that you have the strength to overcome this obstacle in your marriage.

This article was written by Lizzie Weakley.

Simple and Practical Tips To Prioritise Your Mental Health During Divorce by Ani. O

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment
(image: Ani, O)

Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally and mentally taxing experiences in life. The process itself is often filled with stress, uncertainty, and overwhelming emotions. Amidst all this turmoil, it’s easy to put your mental well-being on the back burner as you navigate legal proceedings and other practical aspects of the divorce. However, neglecting your mental health during such a challenging time can have long-lasting effects on your overall well-being.

That’s why we’ve compiled some simple yet effective tips to help you prioritise your mental health during a divorce. No matter where you are in your journey, these strategies can provide much-needed support and guidance for taking care of yourself while going through this difficult transition period.

The Importance of Prioritising Your Mental Health

Going through a divorce is undoubtedly one of the most stressful and emotionally draining experiences that one can go through. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious during this period. However, at such a time, it is crucial to prioritise your mental health to make it through the ordeal. The effects of divorce can be long-lasting if left untreated, and it is, therefore, essential to seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually is the key to your overall well-being. Remember, divorce is not a sign of failure but an opportunity to learn, grow, and rebuild.

Surrounding Yourself With a Support System

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional process, and it’s important to have a support system in place to help you through it. This system may include friends, family members, or even a therapist who can provide you with emotional support, guidance, and a listening ear. Consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Surrounding yourself with a positive and supportive community can help you feel less isolated and more empowered as you navigate through this difficult time. Remember, it’s okay to lean on others for help during the divorce process.

Making Time for Self-Care Activities

It’s essential to prioritise self-care activities during this challenging time. Many individuals overlook taking care of themselves when they are undergoing a significant life change, such as a divorce. However, carving out time for self-care activities can help you cope with the stress and emotions that come along with a divorce. Self-care activities can include things such as taking a relaxing bath, reading your favourite book, getting a massage, or taking a walk outside. Remember that taking care of yourself is essential for your well-being, and it’s okay to make yourself a priority during this time.

Seeking Professional Help if Needed During the Divorce

It’s okay to admit that you may need professional help during this time. Seeking the assistance of a divorce mediator can be beneficial for both parties involved. Divorce mediation is a process where a neutral third party helps couples resolve issues surrounding their divorce, including property division, child custody, and spousal support. The mediator’s role is to facilitate communication between partners and help guide the conversation towards a mutually satisfying resolution. Not only can a mediator help you navigate the complexities of divorce, but they can also help minimise conflict and reduce the length of the legal process.

Setting Boundaries and Saying No to Extra Stressors

Divorce is already a stressful and overwhelming experience, so it’s essential to set boundaries and say no to any extra stressors that may come your way. This can include declining social events or appointments that don’t serve your mental or emotional health during this challenging time. It’s crucial to prioritize yourself and your well-being during a divorce. Setting boundaries not only helps keep stress levels low but also gives you the space you need to process your emotions. Saying no can be challenging, but it’s essential to remember that you don’t have to take on everything that comes your way.

In conclusion, divorce can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience for anyone. It’s important to prioritize your mental health during this time, and that means surrounding yourself with a support system, making time for self-care activities, and seeking professional help if needed. You deserve happiness and peace of mind, so don’t hesitate to reach out for assistance or take a step back when necessary. Incorporate these tips into your daily routine, and you will emerge from this experience stronger than ever before.

This article was written by Ani. O, freelance writer

Navigating Divorce Law While Caring for Your Mental Health by Brooke Chaplan

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

(image: Pexels)

Note: the author refers to USA divorce laws but the advice for mental health is the same.

Divorce is an extremely difficult process, emotionally and financially draining, and legally complex. Whether you are the one filing for divorce or the one who is served with divorce papers, this life-altering experience can take a toll on your mental health. With so many issues to consider – child custody, spousal support, property division, and more – navigating divorce law (USA) can be intimidating. But it’s important to prioritise your mental health during this challenging time. In this blog post, we will explore some ways to help you manage your mental health and navigate divorce law.

Focus on Self-Care

The first step to taking care of your mental health is to focus on self-care. Amidst all the chaos, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Eat healthily, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and seek help immediately if you feel overwhelmed. Make sure to carve out time for activities that you enjoy and engage in self-care rituals that make you feel good.

Seek Therapy

Divorce is a tough time, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Don’t hesitate to seek out professional help from a licensed therapist. A therapist can help you work through the complex emotions you’re feeling and provide you with coping mechanisms to manage your emotions proactively.

Find Emotional Support

Surround yourself with positive and supportive friends and family who will uplift and cheer you up. Find a support network of divorce recovery groups where you can share your experiences and get emotional support from people who understand what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and delegate tasks to relieve stress.

Stay Educated on Divorce Law (USA)

Divorce laws vary from state to state, so it’s important to stay educated about the laws that apply in your state. An understanding of the legal process can help you make better decisions and manage your legal battles more effectively. Consult with a qualified divorce attorney who can provide you with legal guidance and support.

Mediation

Consider mediation as a way to avoid going to court. It’s an opportunity to resolve your differences collaboratively and avoid contentious legal battles that can take a toll on your mental health. Mediation focuses on negotiating a settlement that works for both parties, and an experienced mediator can help you resolve issues like child custody, spousal support, property division, and more.

Going through a divorce is challenging, and it’s okay to ask for help.

Remember to take care of your mental health during this time by focusing on self-care, seeking therapy, finding emotional support, staying educated on divorce law, and considering mediation. You are not alone, and with the right support and guidance, you can successfully navigate the divorce process. Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals if you need help.

This article was written by Brooke Chaplan, who is based in the USA. For UK and other divorce laws, please see your own country.

How To Navigate A Divorce And Preserve Your Mental Wellbeing by Dixie Somers

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

(image: Adobe Stock)

Divorce can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience. It can be especially challenging to maintain mental health while dealing with the stress of ending a marriage. Luckily, there are strategies you can use to help preserve your mental health during this difficult time. Let’s explore some effective ways to cope and keep yourself healthy during your divorce.

Find Supportive People To Talk To

It’s important to have people in your life who understand what you’re going through, who will listen without judgement, and who will offer advice when asked. These people could include family, friends, a therapist, a reliable divorce attorney, or even an online support group for divorcees. Reaching out to supportive people is a great way to process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions as it relates to the divorce. Even if these people don’t necessarily give you advice on how to handle the situation, just being able to vent and talk things through can make all the difference in terms of keeping your mental health in check.

Practice Self-Care & Self-Compassion

Divorce is often accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame that can take their toll on mental health if not addressed properly. To combat these negative emotions, it’s important to practise self-care and self-compassion. This means taking care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating healthy meals regularly, exercising regularly (which releases endorphins that help you feel better), spending quality time with friends and family who are supportive of you—anything that helps bring joy into your life!

Additionally, try reminding yourself that it takes two people for a relationship to work and that only one person should not be blamed for its failure. It is also ok to feel sad; it’s natural when going through such difficult times so allow yourself some moments of sadness but don’t forget the importance of self-care.

Allow Yourself Time To Heal

Give yourself permission to heal in whatever way works best for you without feeling guilty about it. Everyone processes events differently so try not rush into any new relationships or commitments until you feel ready; instead focus on healing first as this will allow you to create healthier connections moving forward. Furthermore recognise that this is an opportunity for personal growth; although painful at times growth requires challenge which is exactly what divorce provides! Allowing yourself time for healing enables the chance for true transformation which may lead you down paths unknown before now.

Don’t Rush It

An important part of navigating a divorce is not rushing into a new relationship until you are truly ready. Taking the time to heal and focus on yourself can help ensure that any future relationships will be healthier and more fulfilling. It’s natural to feel lonely after ending a marriage but it’s important to remember that entering a new relationship too soon can potentially do more harm than good. Allow yourself time to process the emotions and experiences of your marriage while also allowing yourself to heal before embarking on a new relationship.

This will help make sure that any future connections are healthier and happier for everyone involved. Ultimately, taking the time to focus on yourself during this difficult period can lead to more meaningful connections in the future.

Divorce can be an incredibly difficult experience but maintaining good mental health throughout this transition is vital. By finding supportive people to talk with, practising self-care and self-compassion, and allowing yourself time to heal—you can get through it while still preserving your mental wellbeing along the way.

Don’t forget—divorce isn’t easy but with proper support it doesn’t have to be devastating either! With small steps each day towards healing you’ll soon find yourself back on track towards living fully again!

Dixie Somers is a freelance writer

How To Stay Emotionally Healthy During A Divorce: by Lizzie Weakley

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments
(image: Karolina Grabowska: Pexels)

When you are in the midst of getting divorced, you may be surprised at just how much it will drain you emotionally. Whether you have been married only a short period of time or perhaps for decades, knowing you will soon be divorced can be a scary thought that may leave you very depressed, which can result in you making poor decisions as your divorce moves forward. If you want to emerge from your divorce with some emotional health, here are some steps you should take along the way.

Don’t Stay Isolated

As your divorce process moves forward, don’t make the mistake of staying isolated. Instead, stay in touch with your family and friends. If your social network is now cut in half due to your divorce, make new friends by perhaps attending church/synagogue or learning a new hobby- whatever feels right for you.

Don’t Blame Yourself

When couples divorce, it is not unusual for one spouse to blame themselves for the marriage breaking up. Even though there is usually fault to be found on both sides in most divorces, this does not mean you should continually beat yourself up emotionally day after day about your marriage ending. Instead, you need to accept that it happened, plan your future, and try to move forward as best you can. You should reach for support if you need it.

Write Down Your Thoughts

During your divorce, you will be having plenty of meetings with your divorce lawyers and others as well. Needless to say, you may feel a bit drained at the end of the day. If you have plenty of thoughts running through your mind, take some time to write them down in a journal. By having the chance to express your innermost thoughts in this manner, it can be a great way to relieve stress and keep your emotions in balance. Another option would be to talk about your feelings with a therapist when you are ready.

Take Care of Yourself

Last but not least, taking care of yourself physically will play a big role in keeping you feeling ok emotionally. Therefore, you should eat healthily, exercise regularly, and treat yourself to something special now and then, such as dinner at your favourite restaurant, a relaxing vacation, or getting pampered at a day spa. By doing so, you will find many things that were eating away at you will suddenly not seem nearly as important. Self care is vital in the aftermath of a relationship breakdown.

Though you may wonder what the future will hold for you after your divorce is final, looking after yourself and your mental health will pave the way for a new chapter in your life.

Lizzie Weakley is a freelance writer, based in the USA.

How to Keep Your Children in Mind during a Divorce by Brooke Chaplan

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment
(image: Ben Wicks at Unsplash)

When your marriage ends in divorce, you will be faced with some tough decisions that will affect you and your children for years to come (including your mental health). These include issues like how much time each parent will spend with the children, how child support payments will be made, and whether you should try to share legal custody of your kids with your ex. However, deciding the logistics of custody is only one part of protecting your children during divorce. Read on for four ways to keep your kids in mind during your divorce.

1. Strengthen Your Communication Skills

Studies show that kids who maintain close relationships with both parents after a divorce are less likely to develop behavioural problems. In addition, they are more likely to do better in school, have positive mental health and lead happier lives. While there’s no way you can guarantee how involved your ex will be in your child’s life, you can work toward keeping lines of communication open. If your family is struggling with these issues or others related to divorce, seek out counselling through community resources. Most importantly, try to remember that you’re not alone in all of it; many families face similar challenges after a divorce.

2. Work With a Child Custody Lawyer

Child custody laws vary from country to country and you may be able to find a local lawyer who specialises in child custody law. A child custody lawyer can represent your interests and work with judges to advocate for what’s best for your children. If you can’t afford a private attorney, check out legal aid resources in your area or government-sponsored websites. You can also reach out to domestic violence groups in your community as they often provide pro bono legal advice for clients in domestic violence shelters.

3. Remind Your Children You Care

As you’re navigating a divorce with children, your main priority is keeping your kids safe and secure. That means keeping them happy, healthy, and loved. Remind your kids regularly that they will always have parents who love them deeply.

If possible in your situation, continue to include your ex in some family activities so they can see how much you love each other as co-parents. Then reassure them again how happy their lives are going to be even though their family has changed.

4. Help Them Trust You

Trusting parents after a divorce is something many kids struggle with. If children don’t trust their parents, they can turn to less trustworthy sources for answers and may even distrust future relationships. Teach your children that the divorce is not their fault, but that it does mean changes are on their way. While you don’t know what the future holds, make an effort to always be open and honest with your kids throughout the whole process.

When it comes to children, parents should always put their best interests first, especially amid divorce proceedings. These four steps will help you protect your children as you navigate your divorce.

This article was written by freelance writer Brooke Chaplan, who is based in the USA.

How to reduce Stress and maintain Mental health during a Divorce: Guest blog by Luci Larkin at Woolley&Co

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments

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(image: https://sasforwomen.com/divorce-quotes-inspirational/)

Going through a divorce or relationship breakdown can be one of the most stressful situations a person can find themselves in. You lose your friend, partner, confidante and have to adapt to living as a single person, often as the primary carer of children. 

This is a time of extreme and mixed emotions made more complicated by the stresses and worries of legal and financial considerations as well as having to support and counsel any children that may be involved and suffering too.

With mental health problems on the rise and divorce being listed as one of the leading contributors, Luci Larkin from Family Law Solicitors, Woolley & Co, explains how you can reduce stress during such a turbulent time in your life.

“If you have decided your marriage is over you will most probably want to make the whole process of divorce as painless as possible. Contrary to public perception not all divorces have to involve outright war leaving a trail of destruction and despair.

Every individual going through a relationship breakdown will deal with this in their own way. Some prefer to carry on as though nothing has happened, others find it cathartic to talk to someone about their problems.”

It’s fair to say that anyone going through a separation or divorce is going to experience a series of emotional stages post-breakdown. These could range from anger and depression to fear and frustration. All perfectly normal feelings and reactions to an emotionally difficult situation. It’s important to recognise these feelings but to try and stay positive. 

Sometimes the support of friends and family is enough to see a person through, others may need more help such as counselling or medical advice.

With the right divorce lawyer you should be able to resolve a divorce sensibly enabling you and your children to move on with your lives in the most amicable and constructive way.” 

So what is the secret? 

Divorce lawyers’ tips for a less stressful divorce

Luci explains, “As tempting as it is to take advice from your best friend or the “know it all guy” in the pub it’s really important to seek proper professional advice. Couple this with my 5 tips below:

 

  1. Talk to a family lawyer who is ideally a member of Resolution committed to resolving disputes in a non-confrontational way.
  2. Listen to the professional advice given to you and try to act upon it. Always negotiate before you litigate. Compromise is the essence of any agreement.
  3. Inevitably there will be disagreements with your spouse but try to keep emotions under control and avoid verbal abuse and threats. This will simply lead to them becoming difficult and inflexible. You do not want a war.
  4. Try to avoid involving the children or using them as a pawn. They are innocent in this situation and they will need the love and support of both parents. Ideally sit down and agree a parenting plan.
  5. Think about timing. You may have been thinking about a divorce for years whereas your partner may only have received the news a matter of weeks ago. Expecting your spouse to discuss future living arrangements at a time when they are still reeling from the news that you want to end the marriage, may be unrealistic. You might have to slow down for a while, be patient, and wait until they are ready to move things forward.”

Whilst getting a divorce is clearly not an ideal situation it does not have to be a time consuming, stressful, unpleasant money pit.

Sensible advice coupled with calm cooperation can help to ensure the experience is as painless and cost effective as possible but more importantly that you and your children can move forward with your lives in the best possible way.

Luci is an experienced and approachable divorce and family solicitor with Woolley & Co, based in Barnet, Greater London.  Her working mantra is to establish what clients want and move towards achieving that outcome as quickly and as cost-effectively as possible. 

 

Top Tips for avoiding a Christmas Relationships Crisis: Guest blog by Brookman

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

 

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(image: Ebay)

Christmas is meant to be a joyous time of the year and an opportunity to spend quality time with friends and family, but unfortunately, it can also be one of the most stressful. For some, the biggest worry they will encounter is whether they’ve overcooked the turkey, but for others, far deeper problems are magnified around this time in terms of finances, family tensions and even relationship breakdowns or divorce.

Avoiding the Subject?

For many, the easiest solution at the time is just to put the problem to the back of their mind and focus on the present. In fact, in a survey of 1016 married individuals conducted by Brookman International Divorce Solicitors, 64% of respondents revealed they have put off a major decision because they felt it was ‘not the right time’ to deal with it. One third felt that the New Year was a good time to make a fresh start or major life decision, with ending a relationship or asking for divorce being the most popular major decisions to withhold. Whilst this may seem a temporary solution, avoiding the problem only prolongs the suffering and could lead to a frosty atmosphere over the festive period.

Worrying thoughts at any time of year can cause stress, but they can be particularly troublesome at Christmas, when you’re having to juggle shopping for presents, go to events and balance the interests of lots of different people. The people closest to you will notice the changes in your behaviour, even if they don’t actually know what the underlying cause is.

Left for too long, this build up of stress and tension could reach breaking point and lead to heated arguments and upset. It could even put your mental health at risk. No one wants an explosive argument over the Christmas dinner, so, here’s a few tips to help avoid a Christmas Crisis.

 

  1. Talk to someone – Speaking to someone close to you about your worries is a great place to start, even if you don’t feel ready to address the person causing the stress directly. Be sure it’s someone you can trust and who will be honest with you. When it comes to a big decision, you don’t want someone beating around the bush, or telling the world about it either!
  2. Nip it in the bud – Whatever the problem is, talk to your partner about it as soon as you feel able to. Whilst the discussion might be difficult, you will feel an immense sense of relief once you have got the issue off your chest. It may be that your partner feels the same way, or has a solution which could result in a better outcome for both of you. Until you speak about it, you simply won’t know.
  3. Focus on yourself – it may seem selfish, but ultimately, you have to make decisions based on your own happiness. If you are constantly making compromises to make others happy, then you’ll always be in conflict. A Christmas full of atmosphere, tension and cold shoulders is no fun for anyone, and actually tackling the problem outright, even if it means a major change is on the horizon, can make the transition far easier for everyone to manage.
  4. Forgive yourself – Decisions which are one-sided can often leave the perpetrator feeling an immense sense of guilt, but it is important to be kind and forgiving to yourself. Sometimes people don’t agree, have different perspectives, or reach a different stage of their lives where priorities change. Understanding that life is a journey and that we all have our own paths to take can help to put the current situation into perspective.

 

Following these key steps will help you to deal with difficult decisions quickly, effectively and with the best intentions.

In the Brookman survey, 74% of people said they felt instant relief once they had made a decision, be that dealing with the core issue, or simply booking an appointment to get some advice. The important part is taking steps to address the situation so that you don’t feel like it is spiralling out of control.

Whether you decide to end a relationship or not, make sure you make informed decisions that are right for you.

This guest post was written by Brookman International Divorce Solicitors.

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