Category: Inspiration

The Bossing It! Academy- a Journey of Self Discovery and Recovery.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

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I first discovered the Bossing It Academy when one of its founders, Holly Matthews started following me and contacted me on Twitter. Holly and her friend  Caroline Hardwick (a life coach and psychologist), were keen to share their message of positivity, healing, law of attraction, mindfulness and above all, self esteem and discovery. So, my connection with the Bossing it Academy began.

So what is the Academy and how does it work?

The Academy is a structured plan designed to boost confidence, self awareness, self esteem and to make positive changes in its clients lives. It inspires its clients to achieve their dreams positively, using the best that modern psychology has to offer. It is a 6 week self development academy, using the Law of Attraction, positive affirmations, ebooks and audios to help people make positive changes into their life plan.

As Holly and Caroline state,

‘ In this academy you will learn how to attract positivity into your life and swerve around the challenges that spring up. You will be guided to create the life you have always wanted and taught how feel grateful and happy, regardless of where you are currently at.’

The notions of gratitude and positive psychology are key to the success of the Academy. It helps those who feel overwhelmed by modern life and stresses eg mental health issues or who are stuck in a life rut. It teaches its clients that they can achieve anything they want, regardless of circumstance.

When you sign up to the Academy you get the following included:

-Weekly webinars, with your theme for the week.

– Daily audios, to get you in the right frame of mind for the day.

– A techniques e-book, with techniques you can use to stay focused and positive during and after the 6 weeks.

– The bossing it! ebook, which gives you everything you have learnt in a visual format.

– Weekly short videos, with themes to help keep your mindset on track

–  A guide to Affirmations and Affirmation examples

–  The ‘Oh sh*t’ audios for those times of high stress

–  Your bossing it! workbook, with a journal to fill out daily

–  Certificate on completion of the full 6 weeks

–  Access to a private Facebook community, where you get extra content and live coaching

–  A tried and tested 6 week programme that is used by celebrities and influencers

The key to the success of the Academy is that Holly and Caroline are incredibly hands on with their clients. They have a unique facebook group offering support to its clients, with both being reachable my phone and online for guidance and appointments. They are dedicated, kind professionals whose ability to guide you through your process of positive discovery is second to none. Holly also makes Facebook Live videos with healing, guided meditations that focus on positivity and achieving. I sat in on the Calm and Clarity meditation and found it to be incredibly calming and healing, focusing on mindfulness and breathing. Holly is very personable and a true professional at what she does.

The group of Academy clients are hugely supportive and kind to one another. This helps as part of the therapeutic process, as clients feel part of a positive, recovery focused group and assist one another through the 6 week process of work books, videos, affirmations and all that encompasses the Academy.

In the group, I asked fellow clients to share their stories of how the Academy has changed their lives and here are some quotes from their stories. These are real testimonials from clients working on the Academy right now, whose lives have changed for the better. (names changed):

‘I started the academy as I had no self confidence ,I had body dysmorphia and other mental health issues. I hated myself so much thatIi didnt understand why my husband was with me and I argued with him over women he works with. I had visions of things happening in my head ,bad things like crashes, him cheating etc to the point where I didn’t want to leave the house and If I did leave I’d never go alone. I spent all my time with my children and  felt guilty having me time

Once I started the academy I started on my self confidence doing the affirmations, Work book and audios I soon stopped the negative and just used to think positively until I believed and then I didn’t worry as much.  I’ve now started my own business with a positive vibe- I would never have thought it could work before as  everything was just an idea! I’ve been going out on my own and I’ve been putting time aside for me! My goals.are high and I know I can reach them’    (‘Mary’)

  ‘Since being a part of the academy my entire thought process has changed and after suffering with horrendous OCD, since being 8 years old, I can now say I’m 80% better than I’ve ever been in the short space of time being a part of this amazing community. I see beauty everywhere like a cloud has been lifted and look forward to life instead of just plodding on. (‘Miranda’)

‘I  know I was guided to the academy, I was at a point in my life where I was starting to doubt if anything would get better. I have great family, friends and a fantastic relationship but everything else seemed to be stagnant. I was really struggling to stay positive. I read book after book on the law of attraction but nothing seemed to click with me. Then the academy came along and it’s like a light bulb. The care and attention Holly and Caroline give to us all is amazing, they have helped me understand how I can make my life great. It’s like coming out of the fog and seeing clear.’ (‘Claudia’)

‘I  began the incredible bossing it academy after suffering a very nasty panic attack on the 1st of December 2016. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years and spent a lot of my childhood living with a dad who suffered from very severe mental illness which impacted on my life.  My mum had been following Holly on Instagram for awhile and always had remarked on what an incredible, beautiful, positive lady she was and after my panic attack emailed her without me knowing to ask for her help and guidance as she too was struggling to know how to help me…. However, very quickly my dark, stormy world began to be filled with sunshine and with the support, guidance, tools, care and love that the bossing it academy provides my world has been transformed.’ (Lisa)

Each of these clients had genuine transformations in their lives in just 6 weeks due to the professionalism and warmth that Holly and Caroline provide.

For more on the Bossing it Academy and how you can get involved, visit http://www.iamhollymatthews.com/bossingit/

Twitter:  @imbossingit     and  @hollymatthews

On Meditation for Relaxation and Healing.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

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I write this blog post from a very healing place where a relative of mine lives- the Cotswolds, Gloucestershire in England. It is a place of nature, green fields, hills, farms, animals and I associate its beauty with rest and relaxation. (There are shops and cinemas here too though- I think I would miss that!). The Cotswolds are a great place for me to rest and recharge my batteries. I find that the pace of life is slower and quieter here and when I have been working hard and need a break, I visit here and come back rejuvenated.

So, this blog is about meditation, a form of relaxation and clarity of mind that I have found healing.

I discovered meditation a few years ago but didn’t really start doing it until about a year ago, when I downloaded a free app called Headspace. This allowed me to have 10 free sessions of 15 minute meditations. At the time, I was suffering from work anxiety and related panic attacks. I found that listening to a guided meditation, recorded so I could play it when lying on my bed before sleep,  very helpful and relaxing. It centred me and made me focus less on my anxious thoughts and worries about my career and illness. I just had to breathe and relax for that minute, whatever else was happening outside of it.

Meditation is a guided visualisation, focusing on the breath and slowing down breathing for relaxation and clarity, through inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. It also teaches you how to relax muscles in your body, if you choose a deep muscle relaxation meditation. The person guiding you may tell you to breathe in deeply then out slowly, clench or unclench muscles and focus on the breath and the present mindfully, in order to relax you and sharpen the senses.

Meditation is not about falling asleep, although I often do it before I go to sleep. It is about centring yourself in your present reality, clearing your mind and worries through focusing on deep breathing and /or guided visualisations or affirmations. This eventually relaxes your subconscious and keeps you grounded in the present, linked to mindfulness.

I recently listened to a fantastic meditation which included positive life affirmations ‘You can do it’, ‘You are strong and confident’, whilst breathing in and out. This was by the amazing practitioner Holly Matthews, at the Bossing It Academy. I listened to this twice and did the exercises the night before a job interview. It really works on the subconscious level and helps you feel strong and confident!

I first was introduced to meditation as a healing therapy through regular Day unit relaxation sessions when I came out of hospital. We were taken through a guided visualisation of a relaxed place eg a beach or a starry night and followed our breathing and relaxation of muscles. I then bought CDs of relaxation music to listen to at home. When I was a teenager, I had previously listened to similar relaxation music and I find it can be incredibly healing if suffering from anxiety disorders in particulat as it focuses you and permits relaxation.

Meditation is an ancient Eastern art, practised by Buddhists and others in Asia, which has come to us in the West. It is so unbelievably powerful at managing stress and anxiety and I would thoroughly recommend doing it, with a recording of  professional guiding you through the process or listening to relaxation music. There are even meditation classes out there you can take as well as music on Youtube and other websites!

So remember to breathe, ground yourself in your present, listen to the sounds around you but bring it back to your breathing and your current reality. I have found meditation helps heal me and I hope it helps you too.

Guest post: Loneliness at Valentines (by Eugene Farrell, AXA PPP)

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

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Valentine’s Day. For some, it’s a day full of romance and spending time with loved ones, yet for others, this focus can make them feel more isolated and alone.

According to the Office for National Statistics, Britain is the loneliness capital of Europe, with many Brits unlikely to know their neighbours or feel they have friendships that they believe they can rely on in a crisis.

Research by the charity, Relate, found that 9% of Brits of all ages don’t have a single close friend, while separately, a study by AXA PPP healthcare that British adults aged 18 to 24 are four times as likely to feel consistently lonely than those over 70.

 “The build-up to Valentine’s Day and the day itself can be quite intense, which is difficult for those who are already feeling isolated or lonely,” explains Eugene Farrell, Head of Trauma Support Services at AXA PPP healthcare.

“Although loneliness is often associated with the elderly, it’s actually an issue which can affect the physical and mental wellbeing of people of all ages.”

“In fact, studies have found that loneliness can increase the risk of high blood pressure, and have an impact on cognitive decline, dementia and depression. While addressing your experience of loneliness may take time, taking steps to build new and improve existing connections will help to improve your overall wellbeing.”

Here, Eugene gives his top tips on how to overcome feelings of loneliness:

1.     Making new connections can be an obvious way to combat loneliness and yield positive results, for example joining a group or class you are interested in will increase your chances of meeting like-minded people to connect with. Increasingly too we are turning to the internet for companionship, with community groups existing in almost every niche interest group you could imagine.

2.     Be more open. If you feel that you have plenty of connections but don’t feel close to any of them, the underlying issue may be that you need to open up to them more to deepen your connection, as an example letting the friend or acquaintance in on a vulnerability felt or your honest opinion about an issue.

3.     Stop comparing yourself to others. The desire to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ is not a new one, however the rise of social media has only exacerbated the problem by giving individuals the chance to constantly compare themselves to others. If you’re already feeling lonely, the idea that everyone else’s life is more idyllic than yours can make you feel even more isolated and alone. This can lead us to ‘compare and despair’ – which further exacerbates our negative experiences. Remind yourself that people only share what they want others to see about their lives. Don’t form unrealistic expectations about life and friendship based on what you see online.

4.     Keep all lines of communication open. Having a chat with a friend or relative over the phone can be the next best thing to being with them. Or you can stay connected with loved ones online. Video chat, exchange photos and keep up to date with the latest news from friends and family with Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or simply keep in contact by email.

5.     Volunteering is also a great way to meet new people and feel good about helping others. It will not only allow you to give something back to your community but will also help you to feel more connected, involved and needed. There are lots of volunteering roles that need your skills and experience. It can also have a positive effect upon your mental health through helping others.

6.     Pride comes before a fall. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people and ask for help, companionship or just a chat. They may be feeling lonely too!

7.     Take it slow. If you’ve felt lonely for a while, or experience anxiety around new social situations, throwing yourself in at the deep end could only act to exacerbate the problem. Instead, dip your toes into the water first by going to a local café or sports event where you are surrounded by people, and just enjoy sharing their company. Or try a class where you can dive into the activity itself to distract you from the pressure of introducing yourself to people straight away. With loneliness, slow and steady often wins the race.

If you think you might be struggling with symptoms of loneliness, find more tips and advice at AXA PPP healthcare’s Mental Health Centre.

Guest Post by Adar: Relationship Abuse and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

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Adar talks about the relationship abuse and PTSD they have suffered and how they are near recovery, with a combination of therapies including EMDR treatment. 

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and I have been in each other’s lives for past 10 years. Yet, up until 3 years ago, it was my secret…that I had no name for.

I am very close to my recovery (yes, recovery), which is why I feel I can write this blog now, to highlight the following:

A. I was 18 when my abusive relationship started, he was also 18, and yes…he was Jewish, and known within a circle of Jewish people (I am Jewish). Abuse can happen to anyone, at any age, of any race.

B. PTSD: Because I have it now, doesn’t mean I will have it forever. I am getting the help I need to treat it, and my PTSD isn’t triggered 99.9 percent of the time. Be kind to everyone you meet, as that person may be going through a secret struggle.

C. There are varying degrees of PTSD, yes some people are affected enough to not leave the house. I am fortunate enough this isn’t my case, but a lot of people can get out, everyone’s triggers are different, and everyone reacts differently when triggered.

D. My message to anyone with PTSD: please please please get help, or please put a close one in touch with help. The treatments work, you can get the treatments on the NHS (and maybe even through your work), and via Private facilities. I have put two links below to two very helpful websites:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx

http://www.ptsduk.org/

So, here is my story:

I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 18 for 3 years. If you google abuse, you will find five types; I experienced four- emotional, physical, religious, sexual…and I assume if my relationship had entered into marriage…financial.

When it comes to expressing my feelings about what happened to me, I became the master at making people think that everything was ok. But behind closed doors, I was in shock, mentally and physically… for years.

Friends that were around at time, had no idea what was happening to me, and neither did my own parents. In the aftermath, I buried everything, out of protection for the people around me, and because I was still trying process what had happened me. Physically, I was already showing signs of my mental state; being diagnosed with a lung condition because acid had mysteriously tipped into my lungs (looking back, potentially caused by the fight or flight, cortisol/stress, or something similar).

During all of this, I somehow managed to completed 2 degree’s (to a high standard), completed a summer on Camp as a leader in America, and Produced a year-long theatre production ….however, I was secretly drowning, and I couldn’t find a way to swim back to shore.

Fast forward, and 3 years ago, I started having panic attacks (4 years after I was well clear of the danger). At first these happened during the day, then started happening during my sleep. At times, this also came with an inability to speak, which there no physical explanation was for. It culminated in a trip to A & E, as my brain basically broke down. Before all of this, I had never had a panic attack, and I was not an anxious person.

A few months later, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD by my consultant, and after a wait, because of a bipolar 2 disorder diagnosis at the same time, I started EMDR treatment.

EMDR is AMAZING. FULL. STOP. It works by processing traumatic images that are stuck on one side of the brain, which couldn’t process themselves. When triggered, these images are like reliving the trauma (the image pops back up in your head). My therapist grades my disturbance on a scale of 1-10, and then uses my eye movements to process the images (by waving her fingers in front of my eyes). The idea is that the disturbance level decreases each time/ over time. It seems to be working for me; my therapist went over the list of problems I came to her with 2 months ago, and we checked a lot off the list! J

My therapist has also cleared up something important for me, which I want to pass on. I walked around trying to understand why I froze…why I just froze. My therapist said:

‘When things we cannot process at the time are happening to us, there is a survival instinct that makes us freeze…. After years of trying to figure it out, why someone so strong natured…just froze… now I understand. I hope that thought helps someone else out there, still trying to understand. We were trying to survive.’

With all the help I have been given, and the support of everyone close to me, I have managed to find a way to forgive my abuser, not for his sake, but for mine. I was carrying around a lot of hate and anger, and it was taking me down, from the inside. I am not suggesting this will work for everyone, but it has for me. I can move on now knowing that karma will one day kick in…and God is watching everything.

To conclude, yes, sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb, and yes, I have to be vigilant of potential triggers right now, (I carry a bottle of cinnamon with me, in case I feel overwhelmed: using a sense to distract the brain), and I think I will always struggle to tell my friends what really happened (but they have been amazing), but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I didn’t think I’d be able to say this 3 months ago, but bring on my knight in shining armour…ok ok…. maybe just a date, with a nice boy…in Nandos restaurant and a life full of my fulfilling dreams. Bring.it.on.

‘Back from the edge, back from the dead

Back before demons took control of my head

Back to the start, back to my heart

Back to the [girl] who would reach for the stars’

– James Arthur

Guest Post: Teens and Internet Addiction. 4 Positive Strategies to help recovery

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

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This article has been written by Paradigm Treatment Centers in USA who specialise in helping vulnerable teenagers with mental health issues.  Paradigm San Francisco is a small, residential treatment programme. The adolescents who come to them for treatment  have issues they need help with including but not limited to Anxiety, Depression , ADD, Grief, Trauma,  Addiction, Substance Abuse, Eating Disorders and any number of Mental or Emotional health concerns. For more information please see: http://paradigmsanfrancisco.com

Parenting a teenager today means navigating through what feels like uncharted territory because of the influence of technology. In the past, parents had to worry about the dangers of drug and alcohol addiction, but at least those were fairly simple to keep out of their home. Now, the internet is found everywhere, from libraries to schools and your teen’s phone. With such easy access, it is easy to see why internet addiction has become a thing, and you can use these strategies to help your child learn how to manage their screen time.

Recognize the Signs

Internet addiction starts subtly with teens simply spending more time online. At first, you may just think that they have found a new group of friends or are passionately researching a recently acquired interest. Over time, however, the signs that it is interfering with their life will slowly start to appear. As your teen’s addiction to the internet begins to get serious, you may start to notice the following signs.


  •  Preoccupation with the internet such as anxiously awaiting their next online chat session or constantly checking their social media accounts
    • Need to be online for increasing amounts of time to maintain the same level of satisfaction
    • Withdrawal symptoms such as moodiness and depression when they are forced to cut back on their screen time
    • Accidentally staying online longer than expected such as staying up all night or missing an important event due to their internet activities
    • Drop in academic performance
    • Decreased personal hygiene, although an increased interest in appearance also occurs if a teen is involved with video chatting
    • Lies about how much time they are on the internet

  • Seek Professional Support


As with any addiction, early recognition of the symptoms means that treatment can begin before it gets worse. Typically, teens with an internet addiction struggle with seeing how their time online is affecting their lifestyle. This is because they may feel as though they have more friends than they ever did before, or they may try to justify their actions by believing that researching online is a learning opportunity. Your teen may also claim that they could be doing worse things such as drugs. Since they are usually sitting safely within their home, teens with internet addiction often take longer than other teens to admit that there is a problem. For this reason, professional therapists often begin treatment by helping teens see the negative effects of their addiction. For example, learning that being online all night is contributing to their bad grades helps them get on board with ending their addiction.

Treat Coexisting Mental Health Conditions

Teens become addicted to the internet for a variety of reasons. For some, it offers a way to meet other people despite having social anxiety. Other teens may use the internet as a route to escape the pain of grieving or the apathy of depression. Figuring out your teen’s triggers for using the internet will often reveal other mental health conditions. Treating these conditions is critical for helping your teen successfully beat their addiction.

Encourage Healthy Recreational Opportunities

Once your teen has completed their treatment for internet addiction, they will need your help finding ways to fill their time. In their program, they learned how to utilize their interests to find recreational activities such as acting in a play or hiking in the mountains that reduce their drive to go online. Encourage your child to continue to explore their new interests, and plan special activities to keep them on track. For example, enrolling them in an art class or planning a family camping trip will help your teen remember that offline experiences can be even better than anything they can find online.

The internet brought to the world wonderful ways to connect and learn. Yet, many teens are falling prey to the vices of internet addiction. When you suspect there is a problem, it is important to go with your instincts and seek help because this type of addiction quickly spirals out of control. By recognizing that internet addiction is indeed real and seeking support, your teen can learn to manage their impulses through healthy activities that support their development.

 

The Head On Mental Health Awareness Shabbat Project.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

The past almost 2 months, I have been volunteering with the Jewish Association for Mental Illness (Jami) helping plan and coordinate one of their projects with colleagues. This project took place last weekend in the UK Jewish community -and was a cross communal Shabbat (Sabbath) education project taking place in synagogues, Jewish schools and student societies up and down the country.

It was supported by every level of religious observance and in the end we had over 80 communities involved, holding educational talks, reading sermons, holding themed friday night dinners and hosting speakers on mental health. Some communities had talks from speakers at Jami or those with lived experience of mental health issues, or those who are psychiatrists or psychologists.

Our aim was to battle stigma and get people talking. Jami and our team were just amazed by the level of response and positivity towards the project which seemed to grow and grow and reach communities far away including in Scotland!

We also had 150 people at a panel event organised by Jami about mental health topics, where a great discussion was had.

Times are changing and hopefully we will see stigma in the community fall. I am currently getting over a rather nasty cold-and taking time to rest but I wanted to write this to say how much I truly have loved volunteering with pioneers of the event and seeing the project grow to be so successful.

My article for Self Harm UK- ‘I don’t want to hide anymore (about stigma)’

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

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I am delighted to announce a blog collaboration with the amazing charity Self Harm UK (a part of Youthscape).

I have written a blog for them on my experience of mental health stigma as an ill teenager and what made me speak out further. In the past, I have had self harming thoughts and I myself like reaching out to teens and young people who are suffering out there- so they know they are not alone. I am so pleased to collaborate with Self Harm UK on this and my article can be found here:

Click here to read my article:

https://www.selfharm.co.uk/articles/i-dont-want-to-hide-anymore

Who are Self Harm UK?

From their website selfharm.co.uk:

‘ SelfharmUK (formally selfharm.co.uk) started out of the work of Youthscape, a local charity based in Luton, Bedfordshire, UK. Since it’s beginnings in 1993, the charity has developed a strong and professional reputation for delivering caring, child-centred work, which focuses on the emotional and social needs of all young people. Youthscape works alongside all young people, regardless of race, background, or faith.

By 2004, Youthscapes’s work increasingly involved young people engaging in self-harm. It wasn’t long before a plan began to form to try and reach them them, starting with the provision of informal support groups in local schools. With the help of funding from BBC Children in Need and other grant-making Trusts, the project was able to appoint a specialist staff team in 2005 and develop a more coherent provision that included art projects and therapeutic group programmes. Training and advice for parents and professionals soon followed, in conjunction with the Local Authority and local schools.

In 2008, Youthscape responded to the growing number of enquiries for support and advice coming from outside Luton by beginning to plan for a national project that could support young people from all over the UK. Further planning and fund raising led to the establishment of SelfharmUK later that year and the appointment of a Project Manager

The development of a website was a key part of our initial vision… to have a safe online space available to inform and support young people who self-harm, as well as cater for the needs of their siblings, parents and friends. We also wanted to provide information and training for professionals like youth workers, teachers and social workers.

We wanted to create a safe, pro-recovery site for people to use to communicate with others and express their experiences through the use of blogs, stories, poetry and art. Our next goal was to develop an online group programme – Alumina – which has enabled young people from all over the UK to engage with our staff in real time in order to explore the deeper issues surrounding self-harm. For some it had been the catalyst needed to reduce or stop their harming behaviour, while for others it has proven empowering, enabling them to seek further support in their local area.

We already have a multimedia training programme available to professionals in the UK. Our ongoing vision is to see this rolled out more comprehensively; to serve every part of the UK in supporting and nurturing young people who may be experiencing difficulties with self-harm.

There remains much to be done but we remain committed to improving the lives of anyone impacted by self-harm. Providing effective support for parents and siblings will be a major goal in the near future.

For now, the project remains part of Youthscape as a separate element of this registered charity.’

 

The best way to support a friend or family member through anxiety and depression.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

I have been asked by my friends to write an article about how best to support someone through a mental health issue. There is not a one sized fits all answer, due to the fact that every illness and person is unique with their own brain chemistry and life experience. However, I am  going to offer a few tips on what you can do if someone is suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression (for this article I am going to leave out other illnesses eg bipolar, schizophrenia, psychosis, addictions but will speak about them at a later date)

So what can you do if your loved one is suffering from  an anxiety disorder/ depression?

Anxiety disorders are a group of multi faceted disorders which can include things like generalised anxiety, social anxiety, health anxiety, OCD, PTSD and more. Your loved one may be suffering from lack of sleep, nightmares, inability to sit still, palpitations, racing or obsessive thoughts, panic attacks and hyperventilation. They may feel more on edge, or in the case of OCD- be checking and analysing everything. Anxiety disorders run in certain patterns and all are unique to the individual- what one person with anxiety may have will be different to another, however there are some general patterns to anxiety.

When a person is suffering from anxiety, they may also have physical health symptoms as above due to the increase in adrenaline and the stress hormone, cortisol.

Depression or depressive disorders are sometimes caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain (not enough seretonin) and can require medication to return the brain to its usual state. Some are a mixture of chemical imbalance and challenging life experiences or brought on from a period of stress eg divorce, moving house, losing a baby, having a baby, being unemployed etc . Symptoms typically can include loss of motivation, feeling tearful, low and hopeless, not wanting to engage socially or be involved with activities one enjoys.

If your loved one is suffering from anxiety or depression the best way you can help is by speaking and interacting with them calmly- not judging them or accusing them of anything bad, but simply being a laid back, supportive friend or partner. If someone can’t socialise, its best to just text once in a while and check up on how they are doing- or send a hand written note or card. Most importantly, do not pressure the person to see you, talk to you or go out.. but just be there for them calmly as a listening ear and encourage them to do small achievable things for themselves.

It is good to encourage your friend to go out with you but not to pressurise. Similarly, getting a bit of fresh air can help. If your friend or loved one is at crisis point ie threatening to take their own life, feeling suicidal, not eating or sleeping and being involved in self harming or risk taking behaviours, it is very important to do the following:

1) If a friend is suicidal, listen to them but do not promise to keep it a secret. You must tell their nearest relative/ best friend/ someone they trust if you believe they are in danger of a suicide attempt or at harm to themselves . Encourage them to see their GP immediately or speak to a help line and the GP will be able to tell you if a psychiatric referral is needed. A psychiatrist and team known as the Crisis Team will then  step in to help.

2) If a loved one you live with is suicidal, go with them to the Doctor or get a doctor to come out to you. There is stigma around this BUT if your loved one is really ill and their brain is effectively temporarily ‘broken’ much like a broken leg, it needs fixing. Your loved one needs help and support to recover whether its medication, counselling or more support at home. Do not blame yourself. This is an illness- not something you have done.

Ultimately, be loving, caring and supportive and CALM- however angry or frustrated you feel. Being frustrated to someone who is unwell can cause them to have feelings of guilt, low self esteem or worthlessness which the depression/ anxiety may perpetuate.

Be there as a support and listening ear but make sure you have a break and take time for you too.

Guest post: 5 easy yet effective ways to calm yourself down when feeling anxious

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

By Lystia Putranto and Karina Ramos at www.bookmeditationretreats.com

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Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged; it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

– Arthur Somers Roche

Sometimes nothing feels quite as awful than anxiety. In this state of mind, we tend to think of only the worst case scenarios. It robs us of our joy, makes us lose focus and leaves us feeling as if we have no control over our own lives.

Fortunately for us, there’s much we can do to reduce anxiety and its effects on our mind, body, and soul. Here are simple and fuss-free tips to apply that I have found to be effective to help me establish and maintain a calmer peace of mind in situations that previously would send me into a tailspin:

  1. Take Deep Breaths

It seems hard to believe that one of the simplest actions that you can take – taking deep breaths – may just be one of the most effective ways to calm ourselves down when we feel an anxiety attack coming on. Breathing deeply differs from our normal breathing (shallow breathing) as it requires your focus to breathe from your diaphragm as opposed to just breathing from your nose. Moreover, shallow breathing may often feel tense and constricted, whereas deep breathing induces relaxation.

By just taking a minimum of 10 deep breaths whenever you find yourself feeling anxious, you can instantly feel more peaceful and more importantly, it could bring our focus back to the present moment even in moments of panic or extreme anxiety. Through focusing our attention in the present moment, we are able to give our best effort in finding solutions to the issue(s) we worry about. Another great thing about this anxiety-reducing tool is that it is also accessible to you whenever and wherever you need it.

If you’re looking to gain a more lasting effect that you get from deep breathing, I highly recommend that you take up the practice of meditation. Not only will you be able to feel more at ease and calmer, you’re bound to also reap the many other benefits that come with meditation!

 2 Listen to Inspiring Tunes

I’m a true believer in the power of music and great tunes can be a great tool in lifting our spirits whenever we feel anxious or overwhelmed. Create a special playlist of your favorite inspiring (preferably upbeat) tunes and be sure to have them on hand to give you a spirit boost whenever you feel less than stellar. If you’re up for it, why not kick it up a notch and have yourself a dance party of one while you are listening to favorite music! It may sound silly but I personally have found it to be a great and quick way to lift my spirit and shake off those pesky anxieties.

 

  1. Let it Out

When we are plagued with anxiety, one of the best ways to alleviate yourself from that palpable worry is to talk it out with someone you trust. One of the toughest things to deal with when it comes to anxiety is the facade that you are alone and that you are the only one in the world who is going through challenging times. Feeling anxious and feeling like you have to keep it all bottled up is unhealthy and can often feel excruciatingly difficult.

The truth is, all of us have experienced anxiety and worry and this is why it is crucial for us to be able to turn to our spouse, friend, parent or sibling and share our troublesome thoughts. More often than not, you’d find that they too have experienced similar situations and would able to offer solutions to help you or at the very least, lend an emphatic shoulder to lean on.

 

  1. Jot it Down

If for one reason or another you feel uncomfortable sharing your feelings and thoughts to others, an alternative tool you can use is to keep a journal. That way, you can “spill” whatever you are going throughout and/or feeling in private. There’s something soothing and cathartic in writing out your inner most thoughts into paper that often leaves you feeling calmer and more at peace.

As someone who has journaled regularly since her early teen years, it became evident that most of my anxieties were just stories that I created and that my worries were far from being real. In writing our thoughts down consistently, you too may found most things that you have previously felt anxious or worried about in the past never actually end up happening. Our minds like to play tricks on us, making us focus on the worst scenarios of situations as opposed to what’s actually real and this is definitely something worth keeping in mind the next time we find ourselves filled with worry. As Dan Zadra, a renowned author said, “Worry is a misuse of imagination”.

 

  1. Get Physically Active

Science has provided much evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people (those who are not physically active). Exercise may also improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress and feelings of worry. In one study, researchers found that those who do regular vigorous exercise were 25 % less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder.

Whatever type of exercises you prefer, aside from being extremely beneficial to our health and fitness, making sure that you get your regular dose of exercise is a great way to reduce anxiety. Though it sounds counter-intuitive, exercise actually increases our endorphin levels which are our body’s “feel good” chemicals and this, as a result, helps us burn off excess adrenaline that we produce when we are at a heightened state of anxiety.
About Lystia Putranto

Lystia is a personal & professional development blogger who seeks to inspire and to motivate people to create and to live out their best lives. A proponent of meditation, she actively encourages those who seek to become their best selves to integrate meditation as part of their daily routine.

 

Fighting mental health stigma: a personal journey

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

I have had bipolar disorder for almost 13 years, along side depression, anxiety, psychosis, hypomania and manic symptoms- which ebb and flow and fluctuate. Now that I am on the right medication these bipolar symptoms are kept under control. For most of these 13 years, I didn’t feel I could speak out about my conditions.

My family and close friends have always been very supportive but I felt ashamed. Ashamed of where my brain could go to when unleashed and its chemistry got confused. Ashamed of why I was either suicidally depressed or hyper and manic to a point of having to be sectioned to a psychiatric ward. Ashamed of my illness, confusing my identity with the illness, which made me worried about others judgement of me.

I was diagnosed at a very vulnerable age- 16 years old and as we know teenagers can be cruel. Although I experienced a lot of kindness and empathy, after a hypomanic episode abroad where I was disinhibited, I experienced a lot of cruel rumours from other teens I knew. Rumours that were stupid but that called me many names and compared me to evil things that I do not want to repeat. What was at the most basic of these insults? In my opinion, fear.

People fear what they cannot see and cannot understand.

People in their teen years do not want to be different- and I was the embodiment of difference.

If people can’t comprehend something and it is threatening- they judge or use name calling to feel better.

At 16, I represented a world of chaos at which many could not understand. Perhaps now they will.

I have spent a long time coming to terms with my illness and what it means, finding the right treatment and medication and the right support networks around me. I have incredibly supportive friends and family.

So what does the above treatment boil down to?

Stigma.

Stigma is according to an online dictionary- ‘ A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance , quality or person’

For so long, I felt this ‘mark of disgrace’ and until I was 25, although close friends and family knew about my illness, I didn’t write blogs the way I do now. This was because I wanted to hide this illness that lodged in my brain chemistry.

I don’t want to hide any more and neither should I.

In 2014, I was hospitalised and sectioned for a severe manic episode encompassing psychosis, delusions and hyperness/ disinhibition.

It was shortly after going through the most traumatic experience of my life that I realised. Life is short. I need to help others. If I can break down the stigma and help others through my writing and other work then I will.

Mental Illness must no longer be a ‘mark of disgrace’ but must be seen as a partly physical illness in the brain, deserving and worthy of good treatment and empathy from others.

This post is dedicated to those friends who asked me to write on this and all my friends for their love and support