Category: mania

On World Bipolar Day I Hope For: The Road to Remission by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: World Bipolar Day)

Today is World Bipolar Day and for those of us living with bipolar disorder we know that living with it every day, year round is more accurate. However today is our day to talk about life with mental illness and to try and eradicate the stigma around the illness… ‘crazy lady’ ‘nuts’ ‘drama queen’.

World Bipolar Day is designed to raise awareness worldwide of bipolar conditions and to work to eliminate social stigma whilst providing information to educate and help people understand the condition.

Even though I live in remission/recovery with the illness, I am medicated daily to be this way, and I have undergone years of therapy and learnt coping methods too, with support from family.

Well, before I found medication that stabilises my bipolar highs and lows, life looked very different.

There were times I couldn’t work. I was so depressed I lay in bed in all day, only getting up to eat. I was scared to have a shower and wash my hair.

Life looked bleak. All I wanted was my duvet and oblivion. I had intrusive thoughts about ending my life, I was in a lot of emotional pain and this would last for weeks, sometimes months on end.

Bipolar isn’t just a bit high or a bit low…. its depression and mania, suicidal ideation and psychosis, self harm thoughts, hypersexuality, hyper activity, believing delusions that aren’t real…..SO much. Its episodic but it can ruin your life. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, sex to cope. Some hear voices too.

I have been in hospital twice for fairly long stays. I have been sectioned under the mental health act and held in a hospital unit against my will. I have been injected with sedatives to calm my mind and body when I couldn’t consent. I have met people in hospital who were suicidal, anxious, depressed, high on drugs, in psychosis. I lived on a ward where I heard people being restrained.

So, not much fun really. Luckily this month I am celebrating 9 years of remission out of hospital! I also came out of hospital as a nervous wreck and thankfully, therapy has helped.

(Image: speakingbipolar.com)

This blog is inspired by one of my followers who asked me what was my ‘Aha’ moment in recovery.

As well as finding the medicine Lithium, a salt that controls the mood fluctuations, the biggest thing I did for my own healing was go through therapy for my panic attacks and PTSD like symptoms. This was done with the support of my husband and family and because I has been on an NHS waiting list for 2 years, I needed help. My therapist and I have done EMDR trauma therapy which has helped me to process things.

In fact, I still do get anxiety attacks – just less. I have been in a very good place generally in the past year. Finding support at home, at work and from friends and family has been the most stabilising part.

I have had bipolar since I was 15, I am 34 and can tell you that this has not always been the case and my mental health has and will fluctuate.

I learnt recently that bipolar brains are neurodiverse, meaning our brain chemicals act differently to a neurotypical brain. Always good to understand the biology behind it too as this illness can be inherited and run in families- my Dad and I and other relatives have it.

On World Bipolar Day I hope:

-Employers adhere to the disability act and make reasonable adjustments to help those of us with bipolar to work in a better way for them, including hybrid working.

-People with mental illness aren’t fired because they can’t get to a physical workplace.

-Mental health services need better funding, so that people with bipolar can get a correct diagnosis sooner and get the help they need.

-People not in the Western world will get access to mental health medication and therapies that they desperately need.

Thank you for your ongoing support,

Eleanor

x

Read more about my journey with bipolar in my book Bring me to Light

Petition with Bipolar UK: Speed up Bipolar Diagnosis to Save Lives. Lets Talk Bipolar by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: Bipolar UK charity)

Please sign this petition to the NHS to speed up bipolar diagnosis to save lives. As I write in my book, my Dad Mike was diagnosed 9 years after he got ill and just 4 years before me. I believe I was only diagnosed at 16 years old because my Dad received his diagnosis. Additionally, my Dad was pushed to the brink of suicidal ideation (thoughts and plans of suicide) but was able to control this once he saw a psychiatrist finally after nearly 10 years- so many can’t. My Dad was saved just in time. He often says the love for his family stopped him, but for some, they are even more ill and cannot focus on this.

A new campaign by the amazing Bipolar UK charity and the new government Bipolar Commission to tell the NHS:

Speed up bipolar diagnosis to save lives
· There’s an average delay of 9.5 years between people first contacting a health professional about symptoms and getting an accurate diagnosis of bipolar
· 60% of people said this delay had a significant impact on their life
· 84% of people said a diagnosis was ‘helpful’ or ‘very helpful’

A diagnosis makes it possible for someone to get effective treatment and support, and to live well with bipolar.

It’s estimated that at least 5% of people who take their own life have a diagnosis of bipolar. The shorter the delay in diagnosis, the sooner someone can empower themselves with effective self-management and foster a positive circle with fewer relapses in both the short and long-term.

In my own family, myself and other relatives here and abroad have been diagnosed with this condition. It is so important to get correct treatment.

#letstalkbipolar

Please sign here, thank you:

https://www.change.org/p/the-nhs-speed-up-bipolar-diagnosis-to-save-lives?original_footer_petition_id=&grid_position=&pt=

7 Bipolar Disorder Facts Everyone Should Know by Ronnie Deno

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 9 Comments
(image: bphope.com)


Bipolar disorder affects roughly 46 million people worldwide in 2017, according to the Our World in Data. While there remain several challenges for people living with bipolar disorder and to their caregivers, health experts believe that current developments have reduced symptoms and improved quality of life.

Bipolar disorder is a very common cause of disability and needs treatment . It is ranked by the World Health Organization as the 6th leading cause of disability in the world with the inadequacy of treatment, resulting in higher rates of ill health and worsening of symptoms. The following are the seven 7 facts everyone should know about bipolar disorder.  

Fact No. 1 – Bipolar disorder looks a lot like classic depression.

Formerly called manic depression, bipolar disorder involves extremes of emotions, when not well controlled. It is associated with mania, depression, or both. People who have it may undergo a depressive state for some time – that is, weeks to months – before entering the manic state. The depression period usually comes afterward, and the cycle repeats. In some cases, people experience both. They appear very agitated and energetic and sometimes this can tip into psychosis.. 

Both mania and depressive episodes range from mild to severe patterns. Because the clinical manifestations of bipolar disorder mimic other psychiatric anxiety disorders, it takes years at times for doctors to find the correct diagnosis.

Fact No. 2 – Bipolar disorder is characterized by dramatic shifts in mood and behaviour.

Some people with bipolar disorder experience cycles of manic and depressive episodes, which can be sudden and occurring several episodes a year. The cycle can shift quickly depending on the type and severity of the condition. Elevated mood associated with mania is defined by irritability, euphoria, and labile mood, whereas depression is often expressed by loss of interest, inability to function day to day and extreme sadness.

Fact No. 3 – Bipolar disorder has symptoms of mania and depression at the same time.

There are different variations of bipolar disorder, namely bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and bipolar unspecified. These conditions are marked by mania, depression, hypomania, or mixed manic and depressive episodes. In mixed bipolar type, there is a rapid and severe mood fluctuation in a quick sequence or simultaneous fashion without recovery in between. 

Fact No. 4 – The mood episodes of bipolar disorder can vary from person to person.

The diagnosis of bipolar disorder is based on the clinical presentation. However, the symptoms can be unspecific and variable from one person to another throughout the disease. Thus, making the prediction cycles of a person with bipolar difficult. 

For some people,. a person with bipolar disorder undergoes two (2) cycles of mood changes with mania taking place in spring or fall. However, mood stabilising medication greatly reduces episodes.

Fact No. 5 – There is no known single cause of bipolar disorder.

It is thought that bipolar disorder may run in families. In terms of biochemical cause, the manic and depressive cycles of bipolar disorder are associated with the excess or depletion of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, such as catecholamines, dopamine, and norepinephrine. 

Trauma may also trigger bipolar episodes.

Fact No. 6 – There is treatment available for bipolar disorder.

The goals for treatment available for bipolar disorder are stabilisation of symptoms, prevention of relapse, and improvement of social functioning.

Pharmacotherapy, particularly antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilisers, are the mainstay treatments for bipolar disorder. The HHS Public Access cited Lithium as the best drug for relapse prevention. T

In addition to medications, long-term maintenance for people with bipolar disorders may include psychosocial treatments that focus on education, stress management, detection of relapse, and developing a healthy lifestyle.

Fact No. 7 – People with bipolar disorder can and do lead happy, healthy lives.

It is possible that people with bipolar disorder can have happy and healthy lives. Realistically speaking, the quality of life faced by people with bipolar can be challenging when they have episodes or if they dont take or find the right medicines. This is because they continue to face challenges on their way to recovery, such as availability and choosing the right medication, ease of access to non-pharmacologic therapies, and finding the right balance of the medicine and non-pharmacologic treatments. In a qualitative study conducted by the International Journal of Bipolar Disorder, researchers revealed that some people with bipolar disorders explicitly struggle with managing their symptoms, maintaining relationships, and continuing to experience some form of stigma. Thus, regular contact with their health care provider is essential, as it provides a supportive environment for them.

While the cause of bipolar disorder is unknown, certain factors contribute to its development. Bipolar disorder remains a global health challenge. At this present time, there is no cure for bipolar disorder, but the current treatments have proven to mitigate their symptoms and improve quality of life.

Looking to the Future and Life Dreams: by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments

 

Dream big lettering on watercolored background

(image: 123RF.com)

Hi friends,

It has been a while since I have written a personal blog as there has been so much going on here that I was just focusing on getting through it all. Robs dad had surgery to remove a second brain tumour and is thankfully recovering well, the surgeon amazingly got all the cancer. Success.

Alongside this, I have been in therapy since November with a wonderful therapist and we are doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing therapy). This therapy helps to process trauma that can get ‘stuck’ in the brain if not processed. That trauma can stem from childhood upwards- I was an anxious child from an early age even though I had a good childhood! I have also been through a lot due to my bipolar episodes and hospitalisations. So, I am working with my therapist to process memories and we are doing it slowly.

My therapist will either ‘tap’ on the side of my legs while I recall the memory to help process it or my eyes will follow a light or her finger as we process. Understandably, there has to be a lot of trust in this type of relationship as well as me being protected and not triggered by the therapy. For this, we have developed a ‘safe place’ memory that I go to when we bring up anything too distressing. We have just started to go deeper with this and I will update you with our progress. I am far less anxious than I was and it has been really helpful to build a positive, working relationship with my therapist.

The reason I started therapy was because I was having intense panic attacks and finding it difficult to manage my life due to it. I hope that by working on these triggers that I can react differently and live a healthier and better life. Stay tuned!

A month or so ago, I also went to see my psychiatrist for the first time in 2 years, mainly as I had worries about my weight and physical health. My medications means I have put on a substantial amount of weight and this is worrying me health wise more than anything. I have been advised to diet and exercise and maybe work with a nutritionist. So, this will also be a new journey and I will try my best with this, not easy as the meds may stop me losing weight due to slowing metabolism or encouraging cravings. We considered reducing my Quetaipine, a mood stabiliser and anti psychotic to help but because I have been more mentally stable, I have decided to keep it at the same dose for now.

Rob and I have also started to look at new homes, which has been good. There is a lot happening right now and important that I rest, look after myself and keep calm.

Life with bipolar disorder can be uncertain. I have some fears about the future, which I will talk about in another more detailed post. My medicines thankfully keep me mentally well, but coming off them for future life changes eg pregnancy could be a big risk for me and one I am not sure I should take due to being bipolar 1 (risk of mania and psychosis). This is not currently imminent, but is still a future fear, especially as I love children. A decision for a later date.

Overall though I am hopeful and excited about life and will keep you all updated with my therapy and health journey and news.

Thanks for reading and following Be Ur Own Light as we come up to our 4th anniversary,

With love,

Eleanor x

 

 

9 Years Undiagnosed: My Life with Bipolar Disorder, for Time to Talk Day: Guest blog by Mike Segall

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 8 Comments

timetotalkdaydad1

(image: Time to Change)

*Trigger warning: discusses thoughts of suicide and mania, please read with care *

This blog has been courageously written by my Dad, Mike, about his journey with bipolar disorder and the hurdles he faced in getting a diagnosis. For those of you who have read my book, you’ll know some of this. This is the first blog that Mike has written for us and I want to share it on today, Time to Talk Day by the charity Time to Change.  So here is Mike’s story….

 

My experience of Bipolar 1 Disorder was that I was undiagnosed for 9 years. I was never sent to a psychiatrist and was put on the wrong medication (I hadn’t heard of mood stabilisers and seemingly neither had my doctor).

So- What is Bipolar Disorder? (formerly known as Manic Depression)

To me, Bipolar symbolises the two extreme poles of mood- mania and depression. The North Pole is Mania. Mania is wonderful for me- you think you can be anyone, you think you can do anything, achieve anything, You are flying. You think ‘why can’t everyone be like this and experience everything?’. You are much more uninhibited. You may shop more, you spend more money, You think you can FLY!

But you can’t fly and you fall, you fall off a cliff into varying degrees of  deep, dark depression, which can last for months.

Bipolar disorder is  a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes periods of depression and periods of abnormally elevated mood, mania. The elevated mood is significant, known as mania or hypomania depending on its severity and whether symptoms of psychosis are present. Psychosis means when your mind lose touch with reality, with delusions or hallucinations.

During mania, someone feels abnormally, happy, energetic, irritable and not requiring sleep they often appear to be bouncing off the walls, starting new projects, trying to achieve too much. In some cases, addictions during mania may also present.

During depression, someone with bipolar disorder may be crying, experiencing negative thoughts and giving poor eye contact. You will notice this if you ever have a conversation with someone who is depressed. They may also be suicidal or talk about self harm.

My Story:

My first manic episode occurred in 1991 and I went to the doctor and was prescribed Valium (an anti anxiety calming medication), which was handed out like sweets in those days.

The Valium didn’t do me any harm but they certainly didn’t do me any good. In the next 9 years, I had three manic episodes followed by three increasingly devastating depressive and suicidal episodes, the last of which lasted 5 months.

In my first manic episode I was going out a lot late at night to clubs and bars and spending too much money. My second and third manic episodes were much more controlled as I recognized what was going on but I was still much more outgoing than usual and spending too much money.

My depressive episodes were serious and eventually suicidal and lasted 3, 4 and 5 months respectively. I often stood on the edge of a London Tube platform thinking about ending it all. I would drive down the motorway at speed not turning the corners until the last possible moment. I would stand in the bathroom with hands full of tablets thinking about overdosing and ending my life. Mostly, I was at home in bed doing nothing but sleeping , eating and surviving.

The person you would meet today is not the person you would have come across at that time.

Looking back there was no real connection made between these episodes and I wonder 1. Why I was never hospitalised and 2. Why I wasn’t diagnosed more quickly.

First of all, 30 years ago far less was known about Bipolar Disorder so the doctors weren’t quick to diagnose it. Secondly, it was only after 9 years that my GP reviewed my file and noticed that I had never been referred to a psychiatrist.

This was the breakthrough that changed and saved my life.

I went to The Priory hospital to see a psychiatrist, describing my episodes. Within 45 minutes I had a diagnosis,

”You have a mental illness. It has a name, It is Bipolar 1 Affective Disorder. You have it for life and it is treatable with the drug Lithium.”

Lithium balances out the chemical imbalance so you end up between the poles and mood is then stabilised. I am pleased to say that in the past 20 years, the medication has worked for me and has stabilised my bipolar disorder, so I no longer get episodes of mania or depression.

I am also pleased to say that as quite an emotional person I still experience the normal feelings and emotions that come with everyday life.

Starting on Lithium is not easy as you have to be weaned onto it. There are side effects, the most common being weight gain and you have to have regular blood tests to make sure the level of Lithium in your bloodstream is correct (non toxic) and it is not affecting your kidneys.

I do wish that I had been diagnosed earlier and not had to suffer manic and depressive episodes as I did.

These are the 4 takeaways I would like you to have from reading this, this Time to Talk Day:

1. With mental health it’s good to talk about it , It’s good to fight stigma and it’s good for your own healing.

My journey started in 1991 and I would hear things like ”you’ve got a weakness. Why don’t you pull yourself together?”, which were unhelpful

2. Think about how you can help people in your community by recognizing the signs that someone has depression or mania.

3.  Live a positive life- I am an example of a bipolar sufferer who can maintain a positive life. Bipolar is an illness that needs treating. It is treated with medication but it can take time for the medication to be right as each person has individual brain chemistry.

4. Listen to those who are struggling. Most of us listen to reply. If you watch two people deep in a conversation or you are in one yourself your focus will be very much on the other person and you will be listening at 90%.

But if you are listening to understand and you are feeling and sharing their emotions then you are truly listening at 100%. Check out the Samaritans help line too.

 

mikesegall

(image: Mike Segall)

Mike Segall is a professional speaker and mental health advocate, sharing his lived experience with bipolar disorder to groups in the UK. He is also the father of the founder of this blog, Eleanor.

Dear NHS: The Search for EMDR Therapy by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 11 Comments

sunsetlake1

(image: Freepik)

Today I am writing because I have had enough with the NHS mental health services.  Firstly, I was told that in my area of London, the NHS- national health service doesn’t fund EMDR (rapid eye movement processing therapy- for trauma and PTSD). Why, I have no idea as it is desperately needed. However, I was referred to IAPT wellbeing service (still under NHS), who do have EMDR therapists. Some telephone questionnaires later and I have found that I have been discharged from IAPT – to another team that doesn’t provide the therapy I so dearly need.

I have had years of therapy- CBT x3 and psychodynamic- most had to be privately funded due to the waiting lists in NHS. I need vital treatment for the trauma I faced of becoming so unwell,being in hospital and all I faced during mania and psychosis. My trauma comes out in anxiety and panic attacks which disrupt my daily living. EMDR helps process trauma and I am hoping it will help me to live fully again.

Due to this, the only option with therapy may be to go privately- which is expensive and not ideal for me- I can’t afford it alone. However, I have found an accredited therapist online so this will have to be the route I go down I think. I will speak to the psychiatrist in the other team but don’t hold out any hope as they don’t fund EMDR and there is a 2 year psychology waiting list. Yup, you heard that correctly, 2 years.

I am not doing so well- I have been feeling lower in the mornings and more anxious since having to leave my job. This was another blow today.

Yet….

I am trying to keep myself positive and focused and going. But some days, I just feel like hiding away.

Some positives- I am grateful for:

  1. My new bright pink cardigan is making me smile
  2. Our wedding photos and video come back today
  3. Finding a therapist
  4. Bipolar UK sharing about my book
  5. Love and support from others
  6. Job interviews and book promotion

When people say fund our NHS mental health services, they mean it. People like me are denied access to vital support and put on waiting lists or fobbed off. Its not OK.

Eleanor x

 

Mental health and the juggling act: New Job, My book and Wedding. by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

bringmetolightbook

(image: Trigger Publishing)

Nearly a month ago, I started my new job at a big Jewish charity here in London. I work in a small but lovely team in PR and Communications- helping run social media, write and distribute press releases and copywriting. I am enjoying it but its totally different from my other work and I am far less immersed in the mental health world than I was a few months ago. It is a juggling act. Trying to keep up with changes and all that’s occurring though. Hopefully soon I will find time to write articles again for my friends at Metro.co.uk and Happiful.

This has brought its own challenges as I havn’t been blogging here as much either, due to writing my book. My book  ‘Bring me to Light’  will be released in the UK on November 5th and the USA shortly after, with Trigger Publishing. The title references going from darkness to light, as I have done with my bipolar and anxiety since I was 16. I have written most of it (50,000 words!) but my very kind editor has extended the deadline for it so I can write everything I need too, whilst also doing my day job and wedding planning (!). I am really excited to see a printed copy and to promote it later this year- the hard work will be worth it I hope. I also hope you enjoy reading it and thank you all for your ongoing support.

So, wedding planning, we are 5 weeks away now until I marry Rob, my fiance. It has come round so fast especially as we have had a year and few month’s engagement, I am counting down the days until I am under the Chuppah (Jewish marriage canopy) and we are officially married in presence of those we love! This week I had my final dress fitting and it was super emotional. I still can’t believe its happening. Rob’s dad is recovering slowly at home but his condition is still serious as he has cancer.

Naturally, you will be wondering- how am I staying sane with my bipolar with everything going on and with Robs dad not being well? Firstly, as we know, stressors can make bipolar worse and trigger episodes. At the moment, my main mood stabiliser Lithium keeps me very grounded and stable. Despite the stress, I am not dipping down into  deep depression as I would have done in the past. Yes-  there are times when I might feel stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted or tired and just want to sit in my pyjamas watching Made in Chelsea or First Dates. There are also times when I am too tired to cook or do laundry and need support with those. I am lucky to have a very supportive family who look out for me too.

My work colleagues have been super supportive when I have been overwhelmed or anxious and I am finding the flexibility of my work helpful too.  I am having less anxious days now I am working too due to exposure therapy and going out a little more (taking the bus and cabs and talking to new people).

For me, I really need self care time, time to switch off and unplug. As we go into Shabbat  now is the perfect time to read and be quiet, come off my phone and computer and just be. I really promote looking after you and taking time to sleep and rest for optimum mental health and to feel better again. Sometimes it can help to let others know how you’re feeling too.

I have two weeks to give in my first book manuscript and five til my wedding day. These are dreams I have had for years and I can’t quite believe they’re happening. Staying sane while planning a wedding without a planner can be hard but we have worked as a team. Having a good cry has really helped also at times, when things get too much! But generally happy, wonderful things so not to complain. Everything at once can get a lot for anyone. Life at the moment is hectic but I am pacing myself as much as possible.

If you would like to preorder my book, you can do so on Amazon or the Trigger website and I would love to know if you do :).

Thanks for being there for me and for supporting my work too. I hope we end the stigma against mental health by talking, sharing and explaining.

Love,

Eleanor xxx

Royal family launches Shout UK- a Mental health crisis text line: Guest blog

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

shout1

Be Ur Own Light is supporting the incredible initiative from the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Sussex- Shout UK, a new text support line in the UK for people in mental health crisis- anyone who is struggling. They have teamed up with Crisis Text line to reach vulnerable people.

I feel privileged to live in a country where stigma is beginning to fall and where mental health issues are beginning to be understood better. Texting would have helped me as an ill teenager with bipolar!

Shout are looking for volunteers too to man the text lines as crisis counsellors.

Thank you to the Duke and Duchesses for the incredible profile they are giving mental health. #GiveUsAShout

See more here: https://www.giveusashout.org/

World Bipolar Day is Tomorrow!

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

worldbpday

Tomorrow, join in and learn what you can about bipolar disorder.

As many of you know, I have bipolar 1 disorder and when not on medication, have episodes of high mood- mania/ psychosis and low mood- severe depression. Thankfully I am in recovery but it affects so many people and is thought to run in families.

Remember you are not alone.

Bipolar UK-  https://www.bipolaruk.org/

Bipolar in USA: http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/bipolar-disorder