Celebrating A Decade Of Be Ur Own Light Blog- 10 Years!

On 1st March 2016, I wrote my very first blog about my mental health struggles with bipolar disorder and anxiety. For me, it was an outlet to share with friends and family what I was experiencing after one of the worst bipolar episodes I had faced and after hospitalisation in 2014. I didn’t realise that this traumatic time in my life, would also cause my mental health to dip and struggle further as I developed PTSD symptoms (panic attacks) and sat on a 2 year waiting list for NHS therapy. Professional support was not coming easily during this time, and so this blog became not only a therapeutic outlet but a place to connect with others going through similar things. And to explain to those who had never experienced mental illness, exactly what it can do but just how you can support those experiencing it.

Part of me can’t fully believe that I have been blogging consistently for 10 years. There have been times where I have wanted to give up but this little blog has been my saviour and in truth, helped me to launch a writing career that I did not expect and am so grateful for. It has also helped others to share their mental health stories and products, been a platform for mental health campaigns and charities and I am super proud of the impact we have had. One of our biggest accolades is being a Top 10 UK mental health blog by Vuelio every year since 2018- which means we are having a positive impact and reach!

The blog has published over 800 posts, with hundreds of thousands of views! It is read on every continent with a particularly large readership in the USA (as well as UK and other countries). We have covered so many topics- bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression, pre and post natal depression, OCD, BPD, eating disorders, psychosis, mania, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, trichotillomania, addictions (drug, alcohol, gambling), body dysmorphia and mental health topics like child mental health, work stress, emotional burnout, relationships, domestic and sexual abuse, homelessness. We have shared about wellness products and worked with inspiring health and lifestyle brands.

The blog inspired me to share my own story far and wide – writing for mental health charities Mind, Rethink, Time to Change, Bipolar UK, No Panic, SANE and Metro.co.uk, The Telegraph, Happiful, Glamour, Jewish News, Huff Post. Featured in Cosmopolitan, Elle, Yahoo News and other publications. Thank you particularly to the editors at the publications for sharing my story and believing in my mission! This also led to me writing my book ‘Bring me to Light’ which was published in 2019 by Trigger and remains one of my proudest achievements. I then released my children’s book ‘Arabella and the Worry Cloud’ and had some writing featured in ‘The Book of Hope’ by my friends Jonny Benjamin MBE and Britt Pfluger (an amazing experience!). In 2017-18, I was also involved with setting up the Jami mental health shabbat in my community and spoke in several synagogues and at a community festival Limmud with my Dad, about our journey with bipolar. The same year that I started this blog (2016), I also met my now husband, who supports me through all of my writing and mental health work.

As I look back over the past 10 years, to where we were in 2016 with mental health stigma, I am proud to have played a small part in changing the landscape and narrative online around mental illness, particularly bipolar disorder and psychosis. We have many followers on social media platforms and continue to share about mental health and well being and be a resource for all those who need it, so they never feel alone.

(image: Ineffable Living)

Thank you to every single contributor (and every reader) to Be Ur Own Light Blog 2016-2026. Your words and belief in our mission to end the stigma around mental illness have meant the world to me. I hope going forward I can continue to share more real stories, more important information on care and treatment and campaign for better care.

There is still a way to go. NHS waiting lists are too long and care is under funded, leading to not enough beds. Mental health stigma online (and sometimes offline) sadly still remains high. As a society, although we have improved, we still need to fully understand mental health conditions and separate them from the person themselves. I am optimistic that things can and will change.

To everyone reading this going through a period of mental ill health or living with a chronic mental illness, I see you and you are never alone. As a blog community, we can come together to empower each other, so no one ever feels invisible and I hope that I can continue to write too.

Thank you, from my heart, for the past 10 years! Here’s to many more years,

Love and gratitude always,

Eleanor

x

What It Means To Have An NHS Perinatal Psychiatry Planning Meeting.

(image: Oprah Daily)

Yesterday was the first NHS meeting with the Perinatal (pre conception/birth) Psychiatrist. I didn’t know what to expect from it, though a few weeks ago I had the non NHS meeting with a very good consultant psychiatrist. They were both lovely women who are very good at their jobs- I had had to initially try for a private referral due to NHS waiting lists, but then managed to get an NHS appointment.

I was a bit nervous to see how the NHS would handle it, as they will be who I have care with going forward, so I was pleasantly surprised to be treated with respect and insight and kindness. I know that sounds weird, but those of you who know what my hospital admission in 2014 was like, will know that it wasn’t all plain sailing. Due to lack of insight, decisions happened about me and not always with me and so to feel empowered for me and my husband is very important.

Essentially these meetings now I have been well for a long time, are to plan ahead and discuss psychiatric history, what medications are needed, how it can be managed and what this would mean for a foetus and baby too. Birth carries a strong risk of relapse with the bipolar disorder, including the risk of psychosis and depression and so medication particularly for me needs to be planned carefully. I will need to be monitored once pregnant.

I am on 3 different types of psychiatric medication and also a contraceptive pill. Before we start trying to have children, I will need to have a time of withdrawal from the pill, which could send my hormones all over the place (i used to have PMDD symptoms where I felt very depressed and suicidal on periods so this is a slight concern). Then I may need to taper down one of my medicines (possibly sertraline) with the assistance of the mental health team, to reduce the effect on a baby. As baby will have a time of withdrawal from medications after birth while in hospital- which scares me too that they will be affected temporarily so want to make sure any baby is safe, as do the team I will work with.

The Dr also mentioned I would need to be in hospital for 5 days after birth so my Lithium level can be monitored (too high it can be toxic to humans) and I will need regular blood tests also- which are a source of anxiety, I hate hospitals due to past trauma. There was also a mention of needing to stop Lithium pre Labour and my Lithium levels as a result being quite high from birth too. So this information is good, knowledge is power but its also a bit terrifying to factor this all in.

I am scared but its also…. exciting in a weird way. Despite not yet trying to fall pregnant for a number of reasons so far- (which include possible bipolar relapse and changing meds/ time frames and starting a new job role), I have wanted to be a mother my whole life and I have more challenges than most due to the psychiatric and hormonal changes and how the baby would be. I question whether I am doing the right thing too by trying for a natural pregnancy in future and thats really hard. But egg harvesting and surrogacy is not easy either.. and its like going between a rock and a hard place at times with the best thing to do.

The doctors also mentioned I should visit a mother and baby hospital unit during my pregnancy to see what its like and what support is given- as my worries about it being like a severe psychiatric ward are high. Apparently, its a much calmer, supportive and therapeutic environment. I don’t want to be in hospital but these are the types of things one has to factor in with the bipolar being biological with mood changes.

Rob is endlessly supportive – we are embarking on a somewhat unknown journey – but are now armed with way more information from both psychiatrists and are very thankful to live in the UK.

So, this will be the last update from me on this for a while but knowledge truly is power and I know that with the help of our healthcare system- mental health teams and perinatal psychiatry/ obstetrics, my family, medication, self care etc I should be safeguarded and cared for well.

When the time is right, we pray our miracle will manifest.

Thanks for reading,

Eleanor x

PS shout out to my parents, Rob and family for their constant support.

Bipolar and Perinatal Mental Health: Part One by Eleanor

(image: pinterest)

I havn’t been sure for many months whether I was ready or wanted to share about the many issues I have been grappling with for a number of years. However, writing for me is therapeutic and so I wanted to share about the reality of mood disorders and thinking about starting a family.

To begin with, this is such a personal and complex issue for anyone with what is termed ‘severe mental illness; ie bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, psychosis. Our illnesses mainly have to be managed on daily medication and for some people with severe mental illness, they may still live with daily symptoms which can cause difficulties for them.

So this article is my personal experience of living with Bipolar 1 disorder and anxiety. To note, I was started on Lithium in 2014 after my last hospitalisation- which has stabilised the bipolar episodes into remission (it does something to the seretonin in the brain). I still live with some anxiety, but the combination of Lithium, Quetaipine (an anti psychotic) and anti depressants has meant that I do not become manic or psychotic and nor do I suffer from severe depression or suicidal depression. I feel more stable and I have engaged in therapy for the trauma I went through, for 2 years. So, thankfully at the moment my illness is very much controlled well and I have support from Rob and my family.

One side effects of my medicines has been weight gain and I aim to lose weight over the next year. This is important to me because it can sometimes impact on fertility and also makes a pregnancy more high risk (physical side effects such as blood clots etc). I will also be 34 in July and so this has become more pressing for me in terms of wanting to try for a baby. However, there are many risks in choosing to do this and going ahead, without speaking to a perinatal psychiatrist or mental health team.

Today, I got my referral letter to the mental health team to discuss planning a pregnancy and am on an NHS waiting list til June. For me, because my type of bipolar can be dangerous with the mania and psychosis- and having had several psychotic episodes in my life to date that have ended me up in hospital- a pregnancy where I carry a baby myself, has to be carefully planned in terms of my medication. For many reasons, I want to stay on my medicines for the entire pregnancy- so that I don’t end up relapsing during or straight after pregnancy (with bipolar there is a greater risk of relapse and post partum depression/psychosis due to the hormonal changes straight after birth).

I have been terrified for a number of years over what to do in order to keep me and a potential baby safe. I have researched surrogacy so I don’t risk making myself unwell, but this comes with a whole host of legal challenges around who is the parent, high financial costs (of treatment and paying expenses for surrogate/agencies) etc and the wait for the right surrogate. Surrogates can also pull out before giving. birth, you have to put your trust in them if you don’t know them- and you are trusting them with something hugely important! We also thought about adoption but with my mental health history and the potential issues that a child in care may be facing, I just didn’t want to put myself through the stress of being scrutinised.

So, please God even if we are blessed with a healthy child- the pregnancy may be as a friend of mine has termed ‘high risk’. This scares me and it scares me about potentially ending up in hospital again, on a mother and baby unit. I want to stay on my mood stabiliser and anti psychotic so the bipolar doesn’t cause this- however, I have decided that as long as I can stay on my medication and have the support of an experienced perinatal psychiatrist and mental health team (as well as my therapist),- plus regular monitoring and scans… and of course a proper plan put in place in case of relapse, this is what I will do (again, no one knows until you start trying for a baby and there can be many hurdles but I am trying to think positively).

I have also been asked whether I am worried about passing bipolar on. This is a worry as it does run in my family- however, I believe the risk of this with one parent is only about 10% (I got unlucky). Sometimes, I sit and question- am I being selfish for wanting to be a mother? And I realise, no I am not selfish. I don’t want my potential child to get bipolar disorder but equally if they do, we will deal with it. We also both want to get tested by Jnetics as we are both Ashkenazi (East European) Jews so may be carriers for certain illnesses.

Some women don’t want to be mothers, but I always have done since I was a little girl and I can’t imagine never having a family with my husband. I want to be the best Mum I can be and reduce my illness risk as much as possible to remain stable and well.

Do I wish things were different and I didn’t have this illness? Yes. but the reality is that I do but that I have been stable for a long time. I know we will make good parents whatever way it happens and I just hope the road ahead won’t be paved with challenges… it is never easy. I write this because its not often talked about… and I know there will be more to come on this subject but I wanted to share- if you yourself are going through something similar, you aren’t alone.

It took a lot to share this because its so personal and I worry about sharing too much- but this blog has been years in the making really! There is never a right time to open up- but maybe now I can allow myself to a bit and release the burden.

People sometimes ask me if I have children (as im mid thirties and married) and my answer is always, I hope to one day soon but leave it in Gods hands.

With love,

Eleanor x

Our Blog is 6 Years Old Today!

On the 1st March 2016, I started this blog as a way to provide therapy for myself- as I was going through panic attacks, (caused by trauma due to a hospitalisation for a bipolar manic episode). Since then I have had several years of EMDR trauma therapy and my life changed so much too- I met my husband, we got married and moved to our first home. I also found a career I love after many twists and turns due to mental illness. Life is never plain sailing especially with mental health and I still live with panic attacks/ social anxiety at times but am learning to manage them.

The blog has turned into a book Bring me to Light (with Trigger), writing for Metro.co.uk, Glamour, the Telegraph, Happiful, Rethink Mental Illness, Mind and other incredible organisations, I have partnered with large and small brands, charities, businesses, writers to create content that battles stigma on mental health. We have been awarded as a Top 10 UK blog by Vuelio since 2018 (thank you) and I love to share my story to help others and educate people about bipolar, anxiety, panic disorders, psychosis, mania and mental health in the workplace (amongst other mental health topics!). I have also recorded podcasts – most recently with Dr Rosena Allin Khan MP, shadow minister for mental health, Daniel Rosenberg at SodsPod and was also interviewed by Penny Power OBE with my Dad Mike (who is a mental health speaker).

When I started this blog I had no idea where it would lead and its been the most special, humbling and amazing journey- with so much more to do so watch this space!. I really want to help more people this year and also have a childrens book I would love to get out there to help kids with anxiety.

As always, I want to thank all my contributors and brands (sponsored or not), as well as the digital agencies and freelance writers who provide content too. I hope to keep it going for the next year at least! Let me know what you want to see.

This year heres what we have been talking about (and big thank you to everyone. If it doesnt have a name by it, content has been written by a writer):



How social distancing is affecting social anxiety in the pandemic- Anita Ginsburg

Book Review of the Smart Girls Handbook by Scarlett Clark- me (Eleanor)

Being kind to myself, social anxiety and life in recovery- me (Eleanor)

Self care ideas for positive change in 2021

How to cope with top 4 challenging life events

The Book of Hope launchme

Sending self care packages- a guide to sending gifts

Feel less trapped with these powerful ideas

6 Tips to stay positive and help mental health

Moving to our First Home and mental health- me

How to reach for help and not be ashamed

Whats the connection between mental health and addiction- Jennifer at Mandala Healing

We are a top UK mental health blog 2021- thanks Vuelio- Me

Can you still get health insurance cover if you have a history of mental illness?

The benefits of seeking mental health support and help

The link between debt and mental health

Start Up founders are 50% more likely to suffer from a mental health condition- Daniel Tannenbaum

How can mental health workers cope with the new normal?

Easing the burden of divorce- Brooke Chaplan

Stress and Panic Attacks Part two- Me

How to remain independent and look after your health as you get older

How selfie changed my life and mental health- Kathryn Chapman

The benefits of personal training for your mental health- Life Force Fitness

Recovery from alcohol or substance abuse: benefits of a sober living home

6 Ways Fathers can Assist New Mothers- Jess Levine

Work in progress- healing from trauma to find the light- me

Is stress affecting your skin? heres how to tell

Prioritising mental health on the world stage, Simone biles- me

Why privacy is critical for our mental health

Goal setting for mental health

Moving house? 5 tips to deal with moving stress

4 Ways to make mental health a priority in your life- Emma Sturgis

What you need to know about post Partum Depression- Kara Reynolds

The Midnight Library book review- me

5 interior design ideas to boost wellbeing

Steps to help aging and wellbeing

How to keep your children in mind during a divorce-Brooke Chaplan

Bryony Gordons mental health card collection for Thortful.com

The Inquisitive-a film on mental health and suicide- Kelvin Richards

Being self compassionate when I have anxiety- me

Keeping things stress free when selling an elderly family members home

7 Bipolar disorder facts everyone should know- Ronnie Deno

Recovering from an eating disorder- Kara Masterson

Wellbeing tips and activities for children- collaboration with Twinkl resources

Building trust in a relationship

How sleep patterns affect your mental health

Choosing life and freedom- my therapy journey- me

Dealing with imposter syndrome

Confidence on return to the office

lifestyles and mental health- Anna Witcherley at Head Hacks

Stress and mild anxiety formula- Nu mind wellness

Mental health problems in the pandemic- Webdoctor.ie

Patient transport helps anxious travellers- EMA Patient transport

How to stop signs of traumatic brain injury- Lizzie Weakley

Looking after mental health in a tense office environment

Dealing with anxiety as a mom/mum- Kara Reynolds

5 Self help books for 2022

Winter mental health and anxiety update- me

Tips to fight addiction- Lizzie Weakley

Lockdown, sleep, anxiety and mental health- collaboration with TEMPUR mattresses (ad)

Helping elderly people to live independently

Getting your loved one help for their addiction- Emma Sturgis

How to support your spouse with mental health issues- Kara Reynolds

Battling co occurring mental health and substance addiction- Holly

Festive season- me

Its Okay not to be Okay by Esther Marshall book review- me

The difference between a therapist and life coach- Lizzie Weakley

Managing mental health over christmas/ festive time- me

Reflecting on a new year 2022- me

Surviving trauma makes relationships difficult- self compassion helps- Taylor Blanchard

Window to the womb launches avocado app for perinatal wellbeing

Where to start when battling addiction- Rachelle Wilber

Mental health new year resolutions

Book review- Pushing through the cracks- Emily J Johnson- me

Depression meals when life gets hard- Kara Reynolds

Jami see mental health campaign blog

Recovering from cancer- the mental health aspect- Rachelle Wilber

Outdoor activities to improve your mental health- Elizabeth Howard

Mental health and eating disorder recovery journey- Emily J. Johnson

Fitness and mental health

Interview with Penny Power MBE, Thomas Power and Mike Segall on bipolar disorder

Self love for Valentines Day- with Kalms (ad)

Being debt free and in good mental health for 2022

Mental health medication- fighting the stigma- me

Overcoming alcohol addiction- Rachelle Wilber

Spiritual tips for helping mental health

Risk factors for post partum depression

Wow! Thank you for supporting me and the blog, for continuing to read and share it and to help battle the stigma around not only bipolar disorder and anxiety- but every mental illness.

Love,

Eleanor x

Window to the Womb partners with BlueSkeye AI to launch Avocado App to support Perinatal Mental Wellbeing in the UK.

(image: avocadoapp.co.uk)

Window to the Womb, the UK leading provider of private Baby Scan Services for pregnant women, has partnered with BlueSkeye AI to launch Avocado.

Avocado is a brand new pregnancy App which uses cutting-edge AI technology to support effective mood management. Window to the Womb is rolling out the use of the Avocado App across all 44 clinics nationwide enabling women who attend for early and later pregnancy ultrasound services to access their scan images and scan reports digitally. In their drive to support women in early stages and throughout pregnancy, Window to the Womb has worked with BlueSkeye AI to provide a range of additional services within the App including the ability to log a pregnancy diary, access mindfulness or exercise material and order personalised baby scan photos.

(image: avocadoapp.co.uk)

Managing Emotional Wellbeing and Moods

Avocado provides women with the ability to understand and manage their mood and emotional wellbeing throughout pregnancy. Recognising that pregnancy and preparing to have a baby is such a big life event it is well understood that pregnancy can be an emotive time and a trigger for mental ill health. Pregnancy hormones can be a likely contributor to changes in mood, as well as other triggers including fatigue and sleep deprivation. 

The Maternity Mental Health Alliance, a UK charity that is focussed on addressing the needs of women during pregnancy reported that 1 in 10 women experience perinatal mental problems and more needs to be done to support women during pregnancy. The lived experiences of women, as documented and made available to listen to by MIND, who have experienced perinatal mental illness indicate there is more to be done to help raise awareness in society about the prevalence of anxiety and depression (and other mental illness) during pregnancy. 

Avocado enables women to track their mood alongside other key pregnancy metrics whilst managing their private scan appointments and much more. The app directs women to useful resources including the NHS’ Every Mind Matters mental health and wellbeing resource.

At Window to the Womb, we are privileged to meet and provide services to thousands of women at different stages of their pregnancies. We are committed to ensuring that women are well supported as they access our services and we are keen to ensure that women are empowered to self-manage their mental and emotional wellbeing during this time” said Managing Director of Window to the Womb, Tony Harrison.

BlueSkeye AI is a fast growth tech company based in Nottingham creating AI you can trust, and is on a mission to improve wellbeing and patient health outcomes by delivering accessible and objective services and products that help patients understand and manage their mental health and wellbeing. The ethical AI company’s technology is underpinned by Behaviomedics, pioneered by BlueSkeye AI’s CEO, Professor Michel Valstar.

“Our core technology automatically analyses and synthesises the face and voice to monitor mood and other medically relevant expressed behaviour. We are delighted to work in partnership with Window to the Womb to apply our technology to help perinatal women understand and manage their mental wellbeing” said Professor Valstar, CEO of BlueSkeye.

The App is available to download on Apple and Android devices. A premium version is now available for subscription and includes additional features that promote wellbeing during pregnancy.

Please visit www.avocadoapp.co.uk for more information.

This article is unsponsored- I am sharing it because i believe greatly in the mission of the founders to support perinatal mental health.