Suicide Prevention Lessons In UK Secondary Schools- Congratulations 3 Dads Walking!

(image: Robinson/Tim Owen/Mike Palmer/Andy Airey)

With everything going on in the world today, some stories can get missed in the flurry of competing news. However, when I saw a post by the Oli Leigh Trust, a charity in my community dedicated to suicide prevention, that suicide prevention lessons are going to be made compulsory in secondary schools, I was so happy. Department for Education (DfE) announced on Tuesday that lessons discussing suicide prevention would be compulsory in secondary schools from September 2026.

Growing up, when I had my own issues with depression and suicidal ideation as part of my bipolar disorder, mental health was not spoken about openly in schools. We know that sadly, the suicide rate in the UK and worldwide has been rising. A group of Dads, Andy Airey, Mike Palmer and Tim Owen, 3 Dads Walking, who lost their daughters Sophie, Beth and Emily to suicide came together to campaign to Sir Keir Starmer and the UK government. Heres what they told the BBC,

Lives will be saved. Our Voices have finally been heard. ‘ He said the trio began campaigning shortly after their first walk to raise awareness in 2021 and admitted it had at times felt “like we were swimming through treacle uphill”, but now their “voices have been heard”.

We have covered a lot of ground, literally and figuratively, over the last few years, but to come to a point where a significant change is going to happen still feels quite unreal. I’m stunned.”

We are really proud of what we have achieved.”

Suicide is the biggest killer of under 35’s in the UK. In their first walk, they raised nearly 1 million pounds for Papyrus charity. In their second, they walked to all 4 UK parliaments to ensure every child was taught the skills to cope with suicidal thoughts. They then met with MPs to discuss how suicide prevention could be embedded in the curriculum.

“If this is the biggest killer of our young people, why aren’t we talking about it?”

So today I say thank you and congratulations to Andy Airey, Mike Palmer and Tim Owen- three courageous men spreading light and goodness in memory of their beloved daughters. Suicide prevention is so sadly needed.

For more on 3 Dads Walking please visit their website here: https://www.3dadswalking.uk/

Please note: This is not a sponsored post, I have been inspired by the heroism of these 3 Dads.

Why Magnesium Baths Are The New Self-Care Ritual by Miranda Spears.

(image: Pexels: Gabby K)

Self care is so important, so why not try a Magnesium Bath? Magnesium baths rely upon magnesium salts (typically magnesium sulfate or magnesium chloride) dissolved in warm water to create a solution with beneficial qualities. Magnesium ions are absorbed through the skin during your soak through a physical process called transdermal absorption, which relaxes muscles by balancing nerve impulses to muscles, and it also reduces inflammation. Magnesium is also beneficial in the production of cell energy as it helps in the production of ATP and enhances the quality of sleep, due to the control of melatonin release. Here we present five evidence-based ways magnesium baths support physical recovery, skin health, mental clarity,

Deep Absorption of Minerals in Warm Baths to Revitalise Muscles

By soaking in warm water with magnesium bath flakes, you’ll be getting a concentrated dose of this vital mineral that will be absorbed directly into the skin. Magnesium ions penetrate the skin through the flakes, entering the muscles when they disrupt pain transmission and minimise the markers of inflammation. This is selective absorption and initiates recovery of active stress, therefore, heals stiffness as well as increases flexibility. The sources of tensions dissolve, and your previously tensed muscles turn into elastic cords capable of moving in any direction. Habitual soaks enhance soothing properties, so, you can live an active life, without muscle soreness.

Enhancing Mental Clarity with Sensory-Rich Immersion

Warm water helps lighten the burden of daily challenges, and magnesium gratefully taps into neurotransmitters like GABA and tones the impartiality of moods. With every deep breath of subtly scented extra essential oils or plant infusions, every breath is gets a little stronger, until you can relax deeply. You become able to go back into your environment, and you can go and do things in a purposeful manner. Recharging of the mind roots you throughout the day in a state of productivity.

Lifting the Home Spa Atmosphere

More than minerals and water are required to turn a typical bathroom into a sanctuary. You can use soft towels, controllable lights, and adornments that create an atmosphere that welcomes relaxation. Include small-scale candles on the periphery of the tub with flames that provide soft illumination. The slightest bit of greenery helps bring nature inside for relaxation.

Gentle Agents to Boost Skin Health with Nourishment

In addition to relaxing the muscles, a magnesium bath helps to give the skin a glow. The mineral helps to hydrate and repair the cells due to its ability to attract moisture to the epidermal layer. During soaking, scrub a bit with a side brush or natural sponge to scrub off dull cells, and in turn, boost circulation. Pat dry and trap moisture by using a light natural oil or serum, and the skin will absorb the nutrients. As time progresses, you will feel that your skin has become smooth already and has a healthy glow that is a result of constant renewal with the help of minerals, so your skin will feel refreshed too.

Retraining to Have Restful Sleeping Routines

Magnesium soaks in the evenings, prepare you to take a lovely, restorative sleep with the help of balancing various hormones that control your circadian rhythm. The temperature reduction when exiting the bath into cool air is an indication to your body that you should take a rest and relax. You will sleep more comfortably, more deeply, with less anxiety and you should end up waking up in a good mood.

Magnesium baths are refreshing and also spiritually enhancing. Muscles relax, minds can be more focused, skin becomes radiant, and sleep comes as easily as breathing. This habit goes beyond relaxation and becomes a specific gesture of care taken towards yourself, one that re-echoes in all the levels of your life. By doing that, every bath will become the ritual of rejuvenation, a special moment created especially in your favour where the stress of the day is washed away and health prevails.

This article was written by Miranda Spears and contains some sponsored links.

5 Steps to Finding Deeper Inner Peace by Miranda Spears

(image: Amy Treasure: Unsplash)

In a world of continuous alerts, daily stresses, and the need to be effective, inner peace can be a distant, even impossible idea, but there are still moments- tiny, little corners that speak of peace. The difficulty is to get back to that silence when life is noisy.

These are five easy and considerate steps that can be used to guide the path towards inner peace. All of them need perfection, but most importantly, they need willingness.

1.   Make Room to Pause

The sound of daily life usually overshadows what is important. It does not mean that one has to retreat or change drastically to slow down. Other times, it is just a choice of sitting down and taking a few minutes before rushing out the door or taking a walk without music or any other distractions.

Space is the process of letting the mind breathe. It is in silence that thoughts can settle. The ever-rotating motion starts to decelerate. This is where the foundation of peace is made by creating space in your busy lives.

2.   Listen to the Body

In many cases, the body narrates before the mind can comprehend. The tight shoulders, shallow breathing, and clenched jaws are indications that something is wrong inside. Peace is not only about having the right thoughts, but it is also about feeling safe and being in the body.

That is why physical awareness is important. Observing posture, breath, or tension may be a way to come back to the present. In case you live in the region/USA, somatic healing Orange County specialists can lead this type of body-based consciousness in a more comprehensive, supported manner. They are concerned with making people realise that emotions and experiences are stored in the body, and this can be the gateway to healing and permanent peace.

3.   Make Things as Simple as Possible

It is not possible to have peace in a filthy environment. Whether it is a cluttered room or a cluttered calendar, what fills your space and what fills your time is what defines your feelings on the inside. Simple does not imply giving up everything.

It is a matter of making decisions that can really promote well-being.  It can be as easy as removing two or three items that you do not need, like saying no without feeling guilty, or emptying the small drawer that has been cluttered up long ago.

All small streamlining gestures say something that life does not need to be hectic, and in most cases, there is peace beyond the clutter.           

Each small act of streamlining says something: Life does not need to be busy, and in many cases, there is peace on the other side of the clutter.

4.   Gentle Self-Honesty

Peace does not imply evading harsh realities. Actually, one of the most obvious ways to become whole is honesty, which is said in a kind way to oneself. This type of honesty is not judgmental. It is about the soft question of what you really need, or if this is how you want to live.

Truthful contemplation can raise painful feelings. It also brings clarity. And in that clarity, peace may start to grow.

5.   Find Time for Others

Life has its moments of greater meaning, the sunrise, laughing with a loved one, or doing something nice to a stranger without any reward. These are the times that make you remember that you are more than the to-do list.

Inner peace can be found by looking at meaningful moments, not urgent moments. It is the act of paying attention to what is joyful, awing, or connecting. These experiences satisfy something within that nothing in terms of productivity or distraction ever can.

The more meaningful moments are embraced, the more they increase, and in them, there comes a feeling of peace that does not rise and fall with the day.

Conclusion

Inner peace is not a place to visit. It is a soft manner of getting around in the world, of being with yourself in a kind and openhearted way.

The small moments are the beginning of peace. It is fed by being there, fed by telling the truth, and cultivated by being in touch with the body, with others, and with what is most important.

This blog was written by Miranda Spears

Heston Blumenthal OBE: My Life With Bipolar BBC Documentary Review by Eleanor

(image: Melanie Blumenthal)

Last week, acclaimed chef, restauranteur and mental health advocate, Heston Blumenthal OBE starred in the BBC documentary ‘Heston: My Life with Bipolar’ which explored his fairly recent bipolar disorder diagnosis. Heston subsequently became an ambassador for national charity Bipolar UK, and has been actively supporting the charity’s mission to help reduce the average 9.5 year delay to diagnosis and end the stigma surrounding the condition.

In 2023, Heston began experiencing both depressive and manic episodes, hearing voices and seeing hallucinations, as well as depression with suicidal thoughts. Mania can also cause you to have intense creativity, speak faster and not listen to others as well as causing delusions and psychosis. Heston’s wife Melanie could see that his health was deteriorating rapidly and that he was a danger to himself. Despite the trauma of sectioning and hospitalisation, this set Heston on the path of not only a bipolar diagnosis, but medicine, therapy and ongoing treatment to help him live a healthy and happy life again.

Heston said to Bipolar UK, “I was living with undiagnosed bipolar for many years, so it’s been an extraordinary journey to get where I am today, and I’m delighted to have had the opportunity to talk to others living with the condition and find out more about their experiences.

“There is still a lot of stigma regarding bipolar, and mental health support is still lacking, but it is vital to be able to talk openly about the condition. I know this isn’t always easy, but I hope by sharing my experience, people will gain a greater understanding of bipolar and an insight into how I’m managing it.”

The documentary was extremely powerful to watch and sad in places, but inspiring. As someone who faced a similar situation to Heston in terms of a manic episode with psychosis/delusions that led to being sedated, sectioned by psychiatrists and hospitalised, my heart went out to him as I know how traumatising this can be. I found the needle being shown as a reenactment for sedation quite challenging to watch! However, the documentary was more than just showing what happened to Heston, who didn’t know he had bipolar til 2023, when he was in his 50s.

I found the discussion that Heston had with his son Jack, about how he was during a manic episode to be really enlightening. A lot of children of parents with bipolar find it challenging when their parents personality is almost hijacked by the episodes. Mania can lead to quickened speech, manic and grandiose ideas, lack of sleep and risky behaviour. You could see how much love Heston and Jack had for each other and how special is family is to support him through this and appear on camera. This includes his wife Melanie, who has been Heston’s rock!

The documentary ended with Heston visiting the mother of Rebecca McLellan, a young woman with bipolar who died by suicide due to neglect from mental health services. Rebecca had raised the alarm with the crisis team at her local hospital various times but was not treated with respect and dignity. The pressure of her illness and lack of support led her to take her own life.

Heston wants to highlight the suicide risk that bipolar brings and how much more mental health support is needed from the government. He is now working as an ambassador with Bipolar UK to raise awareness. Bipolar UK is on a mission to ensure people with bipolar get a quicker diagnosis so they can access effective treatment, support, and self-management, enabling them to live well and fulfil their potential.

Simon Kitchen, Bipolar UK CEO, added: “Heston is such an incredible ambassador for everyone in the UK living with, or affected by, bipolar. We could not be prouder to be working with him. His willingness to be so vulnerable on camera and to share such personal details about his experiences has resonated with many people in our community – and will help people who don’t know much about bipolar to begin to understand this complex and much-misunderstood condition. Heston is living proof that despite the sometimes severe and fluctuating nature of the condition, living with bipolar should not be a barrier to following your ambitions”

As one of the million people in the UK living with bipolar, I know how much more funding is needed in the NHS and a new bipolar pathway with more mental health support needs to be set up. Early prevention and support is key to stop bipolar escalating into suicide or mania.

Although it was a very personal watch for me, due to having been diagnosed with bipolar since aged 16 and my Dad having bipolar too, I thought that Heston’s documentary was so inspiring. He has only been living with the condition for two years and is using his platform for the good. Heston is now on Lithium medication to stabilise his moods as well as an anti psychotic medication.

Bipolar UK say that according to the stats, someone with bipolar takes their own life every day. Hopefully Heston’s documentary will act as a reminder and catalyst to our government to begin change. Thank you Heston and Melanie for being vulnerable and sharing your important story.

(image: Bipolar UK)

Heston: Life with Bipolar is out now on BBC Iplayer.

On Mindfulness And Waking up And Smelling The Roses (Literally!) by Eleanor

(image: Nkni, Unsplash)

Sometimes the world and life gets so busy, hectic and at times, very dark. We are bombarded with negative stories and awful news, social media means we have access to this constantly and everyone is always going through something difficult in life. Whether its struggling with your mental health or whether life events come and derail your mood, life can be challenging.

What I learnt this week was that sometimes I can stay too much in my head and own space, worrying, overthinking, overplanning- because I care too much. It can be hard when you’re an emotional person to stay always rational and content. Gratitude is hugely important for this, being thankful and giving it over to the universe or higher power. However, I wanted to share with you how nature got me out of a worried, controlling (of my own universe) place…

I had spent all day working at home, hadn’t been out and decided to go out to visit my Dad with Rob. It sounds so small but I was instantly taken with the array of beautiful roses and flowers in people’s gardens. The zesty orange roses, their pale pink delicate friends, shocking pink bright roses and white ones poking their heads amongst the other colours. And as we arrived in my Dad’s road, each house had so many stunning roses.

It made me so much more mindful and content, to be in nature and just really appreciating our world. So thats my message for you today- step outside and smell the roses, because we can often miss them when we’re on our devices or not mindful and present in the world. Have a small walk if you can, take in fresh air, go and visit the flowers and the trees and breathe.

Have a lovely weekend,

Eleanor

Top 10 UK Mental Health Blog 2025 By Vuelio This Mental Health Awareness Week!

(image: Vuelio)

Thank you so much to Christina and all at Vuelio for listing Be Ur Own Light as a Top 10 UK Mental Health blog for the 8th year running! This is an important accolade to us and this year we have moved up a place to Number 6!

It is an honour to be listed amongst so many fantastic bloggers and organisations who work so hard to bring important mental health content, you can see the full list here . Well done to everyone.

As we approach our 10th blogging year next year, this continues to be so important for us-to educate and battle stigma about all things mental health. Thank you again Vuelio!

Love,

Eleanor x

What Makes A Great Hypnotherapist? by Kevin Whitelaw of Perma Hypnotherapy.

(image: Chelsea Gates, Unsplash)

On a regular basis, I speak to people who are set to benefit from hypnotherapy: they have a compelling need to make those changes in their lives, they take responsibility for the outcome and, they’re looking forward to enjoying the benefits. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is an effective, modern, evidence-based talking therapy. It is designed to support you in making positive changes leading to your sustained wellbeing.

Often, people get a bit stuck when looking for a therapist as they try to find the right therapist for them at that time.

So, what makes a hypnotherapist the right hypnotherapist for you at the moment?

The over-riding factor is your gut instinct: rapport between therapist and client is so important in achieving the best outcomes for wellbeing. What are your feelings as you look through their website and speak to them?

Beyond that, consider the following – any credible hypnotherapist would be happy to confirm the below.

Make sure you consider these when speaking to a hypnotherapist for your mental health:

  • They are open about what certifications they have, from where and what continuous professional development they do. Remember that the term ‘diploma’ is, in itself, meaningless. The key things to look for when assessing a certification are how much work did it take to obtain, who accredited it and what competence does the accreditor have?
  • That they are required to undertake a level of continuous professional development.
  • They are members of recognised professional governing bodies. There are many of these – The key thing to look for is the organisation’s affiliation with the National Council for Hypnotherapy and / or the Complimentary and Natural Health Care Council. Nb – this holds true for the UK. Other countries – especially the USA – have their own arrangements.
  • That they have Professional Indemnity Insurance (PII). This is not to expect anything to go wrong but it does give a degree of assurance as to the quality of their qualifications. Each broker offering PII to hypnotherapists has a list of certifications they accept as being suitable – and they are very shrewd about who they insure.
  • They have lived-experience of the issues you have chosen to resolve. Nb – there is no right or wrong with this one. You will find therapists who both agree and disagree with this point.
  • They are clear about their overall balance between therapy and hypnosis.
  • They allow you to set your own goals and they work to your (rather than their) agenda.
  • They encourage and support you to become proficient in self-hypnosis and managing your wellbeing for the long term.
  • They are happy to share content, resources, and references with you to give a deeper understanding of what they, and you, are doing.
  • They focus on you achieving your goals efficiently – there are no signs of them spinning things out for extra sessions.

(image: Marcel Straub, Unsplash)

 Ready to break free? 

The author Kevin Whitelaw helps adults across the globe overcome anxiety, stress, and self-doubt using Solution Focused Hypnotherapy. Book your free consultation today.

Social Anxiety: Find What Makes You Feel Alive. by Eleanor

(image: yourhappyplaceblog)

For those of you who have read my blogs or book, you will know that I have lived with mental health issues since I was young (diagnosed with bipolar at 16, depression and anxiety at 15 and lots of anxiety as a younger child).

My bipolar is medicated so that my brain functions fairly ‘typically’ ie i don’t get mania or severe depression, but I do get bad anxiety and milder depression.

What started as a teen to protect me from harm, became a full fledged panic disorder and social anxiety. Hiding away became my way to protect myself from the world, from people’s negative judgements, from life.

Even now at 36, I navigate a lot of the same anxious thoughts, behaviours and feelings. I don’t often share this part of my life anymore but I feel it is essential.

Yesterday, after having a particularly bad patch with anxiety where I cancelled many arrangements, stayed inside a lot etc, I spoke to my wonderful therapist because I needed to unpack what was going on for me.

In the course of the discussion about the different issues going on for me that could be causing the social anxiety/agoraphobia element I realised this key truth.

I have built metaphorical walls around myself in many parts of my life (my body, my friendships, my relationships in general), to keep myself safe from trauma I have faced. Part of that comes out as social anxiety as a protection mechanism and there’s time when that worsens. And times when its better.

But what I did realise is this.

I would like to feel properly alive and start taking down some of the walls, so I can live. Sometimes, the walls keep me safe and cosy. Sometimes they are not serving me anymore. I also want to boost my self esteem so that I stop retreating and hiding, or if it happens as it will, to find a way to work with it. I have had EMDR before so it may be returning to that for a while to unpick the knots!

I am very much a work in progress and so, I know I will always live with some level of anxiety. It is about how I learn to live well despite life’s challenges.

Do you find you put up walls or have social anxiety too?

I am sharing because it is therapeutic but I was even anxious sharing this as its so personal.

Love,

Eleanor x

From Farm To Face: The Rise Of Herbal Skincare For Wellness by Amy Jones

(image: Pexels)

Skin care is more than just a simple product in 2025., it’s become a non-negotiable for those hoping to achieve youthful, blemish free skin that looks plump and clear at all times. The makeup gurus have come clean. The key to great looking makeup is great skin. Not only that, chemical free, ‘kind’ skin care is the key to great skin. This level of untoxic, less processed and natural skin care can be best found through the means of herbal skin care.

This type of skin care is great for general self-care and improving wellness in body and mind. If you understand the benefits of herbal teas for your gut health and overall bodily functions, just consider how great herbal skin care might be for your face? 

Let’s get into the ins and outs of what herbal skin care is, and how it’s been the answer to clear skin for perhaps the last few centuries, yet we’ve been marketed to think otherwise!

Is Herbal Skincare Considered ‘New’?

Not at all. In fact, herbal skincare is one of the oldest beauty secrets in existence. Ancient civilisations, from Egyptian royalty to Chinese dynasties, relied on herbs, flowers, and plant oils to maintain their youthful glow. Cleopatra was known for her rose and honey-infused skincare rituals, while Ayurvedic practices have long used turmeric and neem to treat skin concerns.

The real question is why did we ever stop? The rise of mass-produced, synthetic skincare created a shift away from traditional herbal remedies, replacing them with chemicals and preservatives that promised instant results. But fast-forward to today, and we’re circling back. People are finally recognising that natural, plant-based skincare is not just effective but also safer for both our skin and the environment.

How Does Herbal Skincare Differ from Conventional?

The difference is simple: herbal skin care relies on nature, while conventional skin care relies on labs.

Conventional skincare products often contain synthetic ingredients, parabens, sulfates, and artificial fragrances, many of which can be harsh, irritating, or even harmful to long-term skin health. Herbal skincare, on the other hand, harnesses the power of botanical extracts, essential oils, and natural minerals to nourish and heal the skin from within.

It’s not just about what’s in the product but also about what’s not in it. Herbal skincare skips the fillers and preservatives, focusing instead on nutrient-rich ingredients that your skin can actually recognise and absorb. The result? A healthier, more balanced complexion without the risk of toxins.

The Most Common Herbal Ingredients & What They Do

Nature has given us an abundance of skin-loving ingredients. Here are some of the best herbal powerhouses and what they bring to your skincare routine:

  • Aloe Vera – Deeply hydrates, soothes irritation, and speeds up skin healing.
  • Chamomile – Calms redness and inflammation, perfect for sensitive skin.
  • Rosehip Oil – Packed with vitamins A and C, promoting collagen production and skin renewal.
  • Green Tea – A powerful antioxidant that protects against environmental damage and premature aging.
  • Calendula – Known for its antibacterial properties, great for acne-prone and sensitive skin.
  • Turmeric – Brightens skin tone and fights breakouts with its natural anti-inflammatory properties.

These ingredients have been used for centuries, proving that skincare straight from the earth is more than just a trend—it’s a lifestyle. It’s also brilliant if you want to care for yourself and your skin.

The Sustainable Benefits of Herbal Skincare

Beyond its skin-enhancing benefits, herbal skincare is a game-changer for sustainability. Unlike mass-produced products that contribute to pollution and waste, farm-to-face skincare focuses on ethical sourcing, eco-friendly packaging, and minimal processing.

  • Biodegradable ingredients – No microplastics or synthetic chemicals washing into the ocean.
  • Support for small farmers – Many herbal skincare brands work directly with local growers, ensuring fair wages and ethical harvesting practices.
  • Reduced carbon footprint – No heavy industrial processing means fewer emissions and a cleaner planet.

Choosing herbal skincare isn’t just about looking good—it’s about doing good, too.

How to Add Herbal Skincare into Your Routine

Switching to herbal skincare doesn’t have to be complicated. Here’s how to make the transition effortless:

  1. Start with a gentle cleanser – Try a honey-based or aloe-infused cleanser for a refreshing, non-stripping cleanse.
  2. Use herbal toners – Rose water or witch hazel can balance your skin’s pH and tighten pores naturally.
  3. Hydrate with botanical oils – Jojoba, rosehip, and argan oil deeply nourish without clogging pores.
  4. Incorporate herbal masks – Try DIY masks with turmeric, yogurt, and honey for an all-natural glow.
  5. Check your labels – If a product claims to be “natural,” make sure it actually contains plant-based ingredients (and not just clever marketing).

Bottom Line

Herbal skincare isn’t a fad,  it’s a return to what our skin was always meant to thrive on. Boost your self care and mental health today with wonderful, natural ingredients. With cleaner, safer ingredients, sustainability benefits, and centuries of proof behind it, farm-to-face beauty is here to stay, and we’re excited to embrace it!

Amy Jones is a freelance writer.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Perfectionism by NOSA CBT

(image: Kateryna Hliznitsova, Unsplash)

Struggling with perfectionism? Learn how CBT for perfectionism helps challenge self-criticism, set realistic goals, and break free from the pressure to be perfect.

If you ever feel paralyzed by the thought of making mistakes or constantly push yourself to impossible standards, you might benefit from CBT for Perfectionism. At NOSA CBT, we understand how perfectionism can lead to burnout, procrastination, and nonstop anxiety. In this blog, we will explore what perfectionism really is, why it develops, and how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) provides practical ways to break out of the perfectionist trap.

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is not just about wanting to do things well. It usually means aiming for flawless results and feeling that anything less than perfection is a failure. Many perfectionists believe their worth depends on never making mistakes. This can cause chronic stress and harsh self-criticism whenever the outcome is not 100 percent perfect.

Sometimes, perfectionistic habits come from fear of judgment or failure in front of others. This fear creates a cycle: always striving, never satisfied, and relying on achievement for self-esteem. Ironically, trying to be flawless can keep you from getting started on projects, since the fear of messing up becomes more overwhelming than the desire to make progress.

How Perfectionism Develops

Perfectionism can grow from many sources: family expectations, social pressures, or ways of coping you learned over time. You might have grown up in a home where you were praised only when you excelled, making you feel like mistakes were unacceptable. Or maybe you live in a culture where success is linked to being the best, reinforcing the idea that any slip-up equals total failure.

Often, perfectionists tie their self-worth directly to their accomplishments. Rather than seeing an outcome as separate from who they are, they treat any disappointment as a personal shortcoming. Once these ideas take hold, they shape your approach to work, relationships, and even leisure activities. Recognizing why perfectionism developed does not mean it vanishes overnight, but it can help you spot triggers that feed that anxiety about not being “good enough.”

(image: Brett Jordan: Unsplash)

How CBT for Perfectionism Works

CBT for Perfectionism focuses on finding and challenging the thoughts and beliefs that drive unhealthy perfectionism. Instead of telling you how to get perfect results, CBT helps you understand why imperfection feels so scary in the first place. Then, you can test whether those fears are truly accurate and replace them with more realistic, kinder ways of thinking.

  1. Mapping Unhelpful Thoughts
    Early on, you might keep track of moments when you feel overwhelmed or anxious about not doing something “well enough.” This reveals the core thoughts fueling your stress, such as “If I don’t get every detail right, I’m a failure.”
  2. Challenging Distorted Beliefs
    Next, CBT teaches you to question these beliefs. Is it realistic to think one mistake ruins everything? Are you really worthless if you miss a tiny detail? Finding evidence that contradicts these absolutes can weaken their hold.
  3. Encouraging Realistic Standards
    CBT does not say you have to lower your standards across the board. Instead, it prompts you to set challenging but achievable goals. This shift allows you to celebrate progress rather than obsessing over small flaws.
  4. Self-Compassion
    One of the most important parts of CBT is learning to be gentle with yourself when things do not go perfectly. Instead of harsh self-criticism, you practice talking to yourself in a supportive, encouraging way. This approach boosts resilience and motivation, even when you stumble.

By repeating these steps and noticing changes in your thoughts and behaviors, you can develop a healthier mindset that balances striving for excellence with recognizing that mistakes are a normal part of growth.

Key CBT Techniques for Perfectionism

Several CBT techniques help reduce the pressure to be perfect:

  1. Thought Records
    • Write down situations that trigger perfectionistic stress, along with the thoughts and emotions they spark. Then, look for evidence that challenges these extreme conclusions. Over time, seeing flaws in your perfectionistic thinking can loosen its grip.
  2. Behavioural Experiments
    • Sometimes, you might intentionally aim for “good enough” rather than perfect results. Whether it’s a work project or a household task, see how it feels to let go of total precision. Often, you’ll realize minor imperfections rarely lead to disaster.
  3. Graded Exposure
    • Gradually face your fear of imperfection. For example, leave a small mistake in a draft and show it to a friend or colleague, just to prove to yourself that a minor error doesn’t lead to rejection or failure.
  4. Self-Compassion Exercises
    • Through affirmations or mindfulness, you learn to accept that everyone slips up sometimes. Treat mistakes as opportunities to learn, not signs of personal failure.

When practiced consistently, these strategies help you maintain high standards without feeling constantly overwhelmed by the need to be flawless.

Dealing with Setbacks and Ongoing Habits

Real change rarely happens in a straight line, especially if you’ve spent years developing perfectionistic habits. It’s normal to have setbacks when deadlines loom or when life throws unexpected challenges your way. If you catch yourself slipping back into rigid thinking, it doesn’t mean CBT “failed.” It just means it’s time to revisit the strategies and tools that helped you before.

Setbacks can even be helpful. Each time perfectionistic thoughts resurface, you have another opportunity to apply the CBT methods you’ve learned. Over time, these relapses often become less intense and less frequent because you have a more flexible framework for coping.

Who Can Benefit from this Therapy?

Anyone who struggles with all-or-nothing thinking can find CBT useful. High achievers sometimes get stuck in endless cycles of tweaking or revising because they feel nothing is ever “perfect.” Students may push themselves to the limit, convinced that a single slip in grades defines their future. Even in personal settings, the need to appear flawless can drain your energy and enjoyment of everyday life.

It’s also important to remember perfectionism isn’t limited to a certain personality type. You might feel confident in some areas yet be extremely hard on yourself in others. CBT meets you where you are. It offers practical tools for tackling unhelpful beliefs and separating your self-worth from your achievements.

Rounding Up 

Ultimately, CBT for Perfectionism aims to loosen the grip of harsh self-standards and critical inner voices that overshadow day-to-day satisfaction. Striving for excellence can be motivating, but perfectionism can turn into a never-ending burden that undermines your confidence and well-being.

By challenging black-and-white thinking, trying out more balanced behaviours, and learning self-compassion, you can find a healthier mindset that values progress over flawlessness. If you’ve noticed perfectionistic habits affecting your life, consider exploring CBT techniques or reaching out for professional support to build a more flexible and resilient approach to reaching your goals.