Thank you so much to Christina and all at Vuelio for listing Be Ur Own Light as a Top 10 UK Mental Health blog for the 8th year running! This is an important accolade to us and this year we have moved up a place to Number 6!
It is an honour to be listed amongst so many fantastic bloggers and organisations who work so hard to bring important mental health content, you can see the full list here . Well done to everyone.
As we approach our 10th blogging year next year, this continues to be so important for us-to educate and battle stigma about all things mental health. Thank you again Vuelio!
For those of you who have read my blogs or book, you will know that I have lived with mental health issues since I was young (diagnosed with bipolar at 16, depression and anxiety at 15 and lots of anxiety as a younger child).
My bipolar is medicated so that my brain functions fairly ‘typically’ ie i don’t get mania or severe depression, but I do get bad anxiety and milder depression.
What started as a teen to protect me from harm, became a full fledged panic disorder and social anxiety. Hiding away became my way to protect myself from the world, from people’s negative judgements, from life.
Even now at 36, I navigate a lot of the same anxious thoughts, behaviours and feelings. I don’t often share this part of my life anymore but I feel it is essential.
Yesterday, after having a particularly bad patch with anxiety where I cancelled many arrangements, stayed inside a lot etc, I spoke to my wonderful therapist because I needed to unpack what was going on for me.
In the course of the discussion about the different issues going on for me that could be causing the social anxiety/agoraphobia element I realised this key truth.
I have built metaphorical walls around myself in many parts of my life (my body, my friendships, my relationships in general), to keep myself safe from trauma I have faced. Part of that comes out as social anxiety as a protection mechanism and there’s time when that worsens. And times when its better.
But what I did realise is this.
I would like to feel properly alive and start taking down some of the walls, so I can live. Sometimes, the walls keep me safe and cosy. Sometimes they are not serving me anymore. I also want to boost my self esteem so that I stop retreating and hiding, or if it happens as it will, to find a way to work with it. I have had EMDR before so it may be returning to that for a while to unpick the knots!
I am very much a work in progress and so, I know I will always live with some level of anxiety. It is about how I learn to live well despite life’s challenges.
Do you find you put up walls or have social anxiety too?
I am sharing because it is therapeutic but I was even anxious sharing this as its so personal.
Whenever 1st March rolls around, I feel a tremendous sense of pride but also – how has it been so many years since I started blogging on WordPress about my mental health?
Be Ur Own Light Blog started on 1st March 2016 after I had had to leave a face to face job because I was having panic attacks and couldn’t get in to work. I saw blogging as a form of therapy.. and in truth, I was only originally sharing with friends and family because I felt really alone with it. That eventually snowballed into me writing for Rethink Mental Illness and then in the national media, speaking at a few in-person events and recording podcasts. It was also an honour to be included in several books including ‘The Book of Hope’ by Jonny Benjamin MBE and Britt Pfluger, talking about life with bipolar.
There’s times I still feel alone with my health but I also have so much support and understanding from family and friends and readers here too, which helps a great deal.
I just want to thank everyone we have collaborated with in the past year (sponsored or not)- brands, charities, businesses, individuals making a difference in the mental health world. Thank you for writing blogs for Be Ur Own Light and our personal mission of taking a sledgehammer to the stigma of mental illness (or trying to!).
Thank you also to everyone who has promoted or bought my books, especially my recent kids book ‘Arabella and the Worry Cloud’. I am so proud of ‘Bring me to Light’ too and hope sharing my story continues to help people.
If you’ve been following this journey for 9 years (or longer)- thank YOU for being here for the ride and continuing to read, support and show up.
It has been harder for me in the past 2 years to authentically share everything about my mental health and other health things on here but one day I hope that our journey can inspire others. I live in remission from Bipolar due to my medications holding me and I never forget daily how lucky I am to have access to mental health medications (due to living in the UK) and an excellent therapist, plus support from family.
Going forward, I will still be blogging but I am hoping that the sequel to Arabella and the Worry Cloud will manifest soon. I have written it, I just need the funds to secure everything! Shout out to my friend and illustrator Shelley. I hope also that Arabella will continue to reach more children and find it’s way to all who need its message.
Thank you all of you for enabling me to blog and write and hopefully help people with bipolar, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks etc. Thank you to every person who has read a blog, bought a book, shared an article, commissioned me in the press to write an article on mental health or current affairs and to all who have or continue to believe in me- including my amazing husband and family. and of course G-d who is behind everything.
The National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Safety in Mental Health (NCISH) released its Annual Report for 2025 last week, revealing that over the past decade, nearly 20% more individuals with bipolar disorder are dying by suicide due to shortcomings in the UK’s mental health system.
According to national charity Bipolar UK, the report provides stark evidence that specialist care is lacking, Lithium (an important mood stabiliser medication) is under-prescribed and suicide prevention measures are falling short.
The report highlights that from 2012 to 2022, there were 1,491 suicides by patients with bipolar, with an alarming 19% increase from 2019 to 2022. Despite Lithium being a clinically proven suicide prevention treatment for people with bipolar, only 39% of those who died were prescribed it and just 12% were receiving psychological therapy.
This data echoes the findings and lived experience of Professor Tania Gergel, Head of Research at Bipolar UK, in her recent article in The Lancet Psychiatry where she said: “Globally, 15-20% of people with bipolar disorder die by suicide, with 30-60% making at least one attempt. These rates are not decreasing despite an overall decline in global suicide rates.”
According to the Nuffield Trust, there is set to be a £4.8 billion unfunded shortfall in the NHS England revenue budget for 2024/25, raising the prospect that without further funding, service cuts may be inevitable.
With bipolar increasing an individual’s risk of suicide by 20 times that of the general population, Bipolar UK is urging the government to commit to addressing health waiting lists and to invest money in creating a dedicated care pathway for bipolar to reduce suicide rates.
Simon Kitchen, CEO of Bipolar UK, said: “This report is devastating but not surprising. We’ve been shouting from the rooftops that people with bipolar aren’t getting the care they need and now the data lays it bare.
“Bipolar carries one of the highest suicide risks of any mental illness, yet specialist services are practically non-existent, and Lithium – the gold-standard treatment for suicide prevention – is underused. The time for excuses is over. We need real action, and we need it now.”
The charity has heard from its community of people living with the condition, who are concerned that they are unable to access psychiatrists, have little to no continuity of care and are not being monitored adequately when at high risk. There is also a lack of bipolar specialists in the UK, leading to people not receiving a correct diagnosis or waiting too long to receive one – all of which add to the risk of suicide.
Professor Gergel said: “Neither bipolar disorder nor suicide in people with bipolar disorder are research priorities, resulting in major knowledge gaps in both. This can and must change. The shocking statistics might well underestimate the prevalence of suicide in people with bipolar disorder, given the probability of death by suicide before treatment or accurate diagnosis.”
Adding to that, Simon Kitchen said: “Suicide prevention in bipolar requires a shift in both research priorities and clinical practice. We know lithium saves lives, but it is still under-prescribed. We know specialist care works, but most services are generic and fail to meet the specific needs of people with bipolar. Bipolar suicide is not inevitable, but without urgent action, people will continue to die.”
(image of Prof Gergel, Bipolar UK)
The NCISH report also revealed broader systemic failures contributing to preventable deaths. Alarmingly, patients with bipolar were more likely to:
Die within three months of being discharged from inpatient care, highlighting dangerous gaps in post-discharge support.
Miss vital clinical appointments, often due to social isolation or side effects from medication, with 15% identified as non-adherent before their deaths.
Experience extreme distress without access to psychological therapies, with only 12% receiving talking therapies.
With more than a million people living with bipolar in the UK, the figures from this latest inquiry represent lives lost and has led Bipolar UK to call for urgent action, including implementing:
Specialist bipolar services in every NHS region to ensure timely diagnosis, access to evidence-based treatments and care tailored to the complexities of the condition.
Increased lithium prescribing, in line with NICE guidelines, ensuring every person with bipolar who could benefit from it is given the opportunity.
Enhanced suicide prevention measures, including better follow-up after hospital discharge and targeted support for those who miss appointments or struggle with medication adherence.
Simon Kitchen concluded: “We need all UK health authorities and departments of health across the nation to act now because lives depend on it. The evidence is undeniable, the solutions are clear, and the cost of inaction is catastrophic. Specialist care, Lithium, and targeted suicide prevention measures can and will save lives.
“Bipolar suicide is a national emergency, and the upcoming 10-Year Plan is the critical opportunity to turn the tide. Bipolar-specific services are not optional; they are a lifeline.
“The government and NHS must act now, before more lives are lost to preventable tragedy. It is time to get it right.”
Bipolar UK is the only national charity dedicated to supporting people affected by bipolar. Bipolar UK provides a range of services, including information and advice, a network of support groups, an eCommunity, workplace training and telephone and email peer support. Bipolar UK also works in partnership with research organisations and campaigns for change to tackle critical issues. For more information, visit www.bipolaruk.org
Did you know 1 in 5 children face mental health challenges? Let’s make a difference together this #ChildrensMentalHealthWeek by taking part and donating to Place2be if you can.
The theme of this year’s week is ‘Know Yourself, Grow Yourself’, which is about encouraging children and young people across the UK to embrace self-awareness and explore what it means for them.
This year Place2be is partnering with Here4You, supported by the Walt Disney company and the Inside Out 2 characters to explore the theme.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a 15 year old, and had anxiety from a young age. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 16 and in a CAMHS unit in hospital in 2004. We know these days that more children are struggling, which is why awareness weeks like this are so important.
Through my kids book, Arabella and the Worry Cloud, I try to help children with their own anxiety to help them process their feelings with a trusted adult.
This weekend is the Jami Mental Health Shabbat 2025. This is an initiative very close to my heart as I was a volunteer with this project from its inception in 2017-2018, helping to get the shabbat into communities. The Shabbat grew from an idea to be more open about mental health across Jewish communities in the UK, with Rabbi Daniel Epstein at the healm (and the brilliant team at Jami), to a nationwide yearly initiative in synagogues, schools and homes. It raises awareness of mental illness and distress, encouraging conversations and breaking down the stigma in our communities by placing this discussion at the heart of them, through lived experience and Rabbis speaking about it in their pulpit.
The Shabbat has other initiatives including hosting a shabbat meal and asking guests to donate to Jami instead of a gift, a toolkit with resources to use, Challah makes and an open mic night on Sunday 3rd at the Head Room Cafe for the whole community.
As Jami say, “Jami Mental Health Shabbat coincides with Parashat Bo. On this Shabbat we read about the plague of darkness, which can be likened to the experiences of many living with mental illness and distress. The parasha also talks about how the Israelites, full of hope, could see through the darkness into the light. This special Shabbat is an opportunity for us to encourage conversations on mental health, raise awareness of mental illness and distress and share ideas on how to support ourselves and others within our community. “
Over the years, my Dad and I have given our talk about our lived experience of bipolar for this shabbat and in communities to hundreds of people including Bushey United and Chigwell United Synagogues, Belsize Square Synagogue and Edgware Yeshurun Synagogue. We also have spoken at Limmud Conference in Birmingham to share our story and had a question and answer session. This wasn’t easy for me with my anxiety as you can imagine!
This year, for personal reasons we are taking a break from speaking our mental health story, but we both support this shabbat and amazing charity. You can also read our story in my book ‘Bring me to Light: Embracing my Bipolar and Social Anxiety’
If you’d like to take part in the shabbat this year, please go to www.jamiuk.org/jmhs .
Let’s keep raising awareness of mental illness and distress and shine our light to the world. No one should ever feel alone in their community due to mental ill health.
January can be a challenging month for us all, post the festivities and time off work. I just thought I would write a little update here.
This year, I am looking for a new role in Digital Communications for charities/ lifestyle brands, Journalism or Writing. I have also written the sequel to Arabella and the Worry Cloud– which is very exciting. I loved writing it and hope to work on it further this year :). The story came to me in Summer 2024 and I have been refining it. This month, my story (and my Dads) is also featured in ‘The Inherited Mind’, an amazing book by journalist James Longman about his search to understand whether mental illness is inherited – which is out now with Hyperion Books!
I had some time off over Christmas break and my husband Rob and I spent a wonderful holiday in Rome. It was really wonderful to explore the city (Robs first time there), eat lots of delicious food and just have time together! We tend to go away in the Winter due to Robs annual leave and have lots of lovely memories to sustain us through the new year (we went to the Colosseum and Roman Forum, Stadio Olimpico and Jewish Museum). We visited lots of restaurants and an amazing gelato shop (Marlene’s) and went shopping. We spent New Years Eve eating a yum dinner with wine and it was a very special week.
My health is a work in progress. I am working with the NHS Oviva programme to lose weight at the moment- which I hope will boost my fertility and general health- both mental and physical (and hopefully improve my PCOS). I will give more updates on that when I have experienced more of the programme- but I am working alongside a dietitian and medical professionals.
Mentally, it has not been an easy time and there has been a lot going on outside of all of this, but I am trying to take it day by day, hour by hour and create new opportunities for myself to thrive. There’s times where we all don’t feel good enough and have imposter syndrome. I do believe miracles happen when we choose joy and choose to co-create. The right opportunities will come- career wise, financially and health wise. I have been feeling more anxious at times but every day is different and I am trying to reset and look after myself, and those around me.
Here’s to a a happy and healthy 2025 with lots of amazing things manifesting!
In December 2004, I was 16 years old. That year had been very painful and difficult with my mental health but I had pushed myself and secured good grades in my GCSES. However, my inherited mental illness, bipolar 1 disorder, was not yet diagnosed. I had experienced depression and mania. Then In December 04, the depression turned into psychosis where I had delusions (false beliefs about the world), high anxiety and agitation.
That Christmas, the only place I wanted to be was in hospital. I didn’t feel safe at home and by miracle the NHS found me a voluntary admission to the Priory North London CAMHS unit. I was an inpatient for 4 months and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My dad was diagnosed a few years before.
Years ending in 4 have been a worry for me. 10 years after this- 2014, I had another significant even worse hospitalisation that traumatised me. But it led to me finding the right medicine for me that has kept me stable- no mania or psychosis.
Now in 2024, at Christmas I am celebrating 10 years of remission. And 20 since that 16 year old girl was diagnosed. I was so scared for my future. Yes bipolar has taken a lot from my life healthwise but it has also given me untold blessings too – teaching me life is short and to be determined and resilient when I can be.
Twenty years on I have mixed emotions. I wouldn’t want to wish being diagnosed with a life long severe mental illness as a teen on anyone. But somehow miraculously, despite the depression, despite past suicidal ideation, I am here. I have survived. I know younger Ellie would be proud of the things I have achieved.
May you all have a wonderful Christmas holiday and heres to 2025. Thank you to all of you my readers too,
Christmas can be a stressful time for many, but for those living with bipolar disorder, it is a time of year when symptoms may be exacerbated, and overspending can become an issue.
According to national charity, Bipolar UK, the increased pressure to attend social occasions alongside material pressures around Christmas/Chanukah can trigger manic or depressive episodes in some living with the condition, resulting in an increased risk of overspending.
Dr Thomas Richardson, clinical psychologist at Southampton University, who has lived experience of bipolar and has researched the topic of bipolar and overspending, “impulsive or compulsive spending means spending more money than you planned and regretting it.”
He added: “There’s definitely something about that sense of urgency that I must buy it right away – the feeling like you can’t stop yourself and it’s a little bit out of your own control.
“There is a lot of guilt and feelings of being a burden associated with bipolar, and we know that people living with the condition can sometimes feel that excessive generosity is a way to pay back loved ones for their support. Overspending can also feel like a comfort at the time.
“Christmas is a time where we’re surrounded by adverts encouraging us to buy things and there’s the additional pressure of feeling the need to socialise. All of this can potentially be very triggering for some people living with bipolar.”
April Kelley, an award-winning actress and producer living with bipolar, has a history of overspending. She said: “My biggest achilles heel is spending money on others, and I think that’s a combination of buying love and the rush that buying things for others gives me.
“Last Christmas I bought flights from my home in LA back to the UK at the last minute to surprise my parents, but I’ve also been known to buy an entire bar’s worth of Jager bombs for everyone.
“I now use digital banking as a way to help me budget by splitting money into pots and my parents are really supportive and help me to keep control of my finances.”
Dr Richardson says there are several ways you can protect yourself from overspending at Christmas and beyond. He says that digital banking is good to helo you budget, move money into different pots and set spending limits. He advises making a list of what you really need to buy, versus what you’d like to buy, unsubscribe from marketing emails if it helps you, be mindful of who you follow on social media, make gifts instead of buying and return unnecessary things you have bought.
(image: Bipolar UK)
Simon Kitchen, CEO of Bipolar UK, said: “Advance Choice Documents (also known as ACDs) are a great way to ensure your voice is heard during a period of relapse.
“The idea is to write an ACD with your loved one or doctor when you’re well to put into action if you recognise you’re experiencing the early signs of an episode. You can include a line to protect yourself from overspending – planning to have limited access to a credit card or only using a basic mobile phone without internet, for example.
“This is why it is so important to monitor your mood so you can be aware of the warning signs if you are heading towards a relapse when you might be more prone to overspending. Many people in our community say using our free Mood Tracker app is a simple way to notice early symptoms.
“Finally – please don’t feel that you’re alone. We provide 1-1 peer support, support groups, a 24/7 eCommunity that is open 24/7, 365 days a year, even on Christmas Day, and invaluable resources on managing common seasonal triggers of bipolar.”
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression during particular seasons of the year (most commonly winter and summer). For me personally, I know the cold, dark early nights do not help as I will just want to hibernate! I find that during winter I am much more prone to depression/anxiety and I know others are too.
Mind says that, ‘ if your feelings are interfering with your everyday life, it could be a sign that you have depression. And if they keep coming back at the same time of year, doctors might call this seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or ‘seasonal depression’.
SAD symptoms can include lack of energy, feeling sad and tearful, withdrawing from friends and family, feeling anxious or agitated, sleeping too much or too little and suicidal thoughts.
Luckily there are ways to improve your mental health with SAD:
Talk to someone or a helpline about how you are feeling
These helplines can listen to you and provide a kind, one to one, listening ear if you are stuggling with depression, low self esteem, feelings of unworthiness or suicidal ideation.
2. Track your symptoms
It might be good to see what times of the month you are feeling worse too and how the weather is. A daily diary can be really helpful to show to your Dr or therapist.
3. Manage Stress
Speak to your therapist or find some mental health support locally if you can. Speak to a trusted loved one and make sure you don’t become too stressed or overwhelmed.
Look at mental health relaxation techniques such as mindfulness and make sure you are not over working and taking time to rest.
4.Walk and exercise
Exercise can help to boost your mood when you have SAD. Maybe a brisk walk or even some dancing around your room to a youtube video, any exercise can boost those endorphins and set you up for a good day.
5. Self Care
Watching a good TV show, having a bubble bath and planning other relaxing activities can really help. Especially on dark, cold and miserable nights. Look after yourself.
6. Speak to your GP
If your depression is worsening and you need medical help, please reach out to your GP or psychiatrist as they may be able to help with further treatment eg anti depressant medication if suitable.
SAD can be really challenging but making sure to take time for yourself, practise self care, talk about it and reach for help can go a big way in easing the depression’s effects this winter.
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