12 Tips on how to Accept Yourself: Guest post by Spela Kranjec

I know that everyone suffering from an eating disorder wants some magical cure. But there is no such cure. And I can’t give you one, even though I had anorexia and searched for such a cure for whole nine years. But I can give you some useful tips that helped me – and they might also help you.

I also described my entire experience in a book for which I just launched a Kickstarter campaign which you can visit here :https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/spelakranjec/notice-me-my-9-year-struggle-against-anorexia.

I’m sure you’ll find something that will help you find your own happiness.

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Here are my 12 tips:

  1. Find your motivation

After I overcome anorexia the first time, I relapsed a few years later – and it was even worse. Thinking about it today, why it happened, I’m convinced that it’s because I didn’t want to get better the first time. I got better because my parents made me. I needed to find my purpose to reach recovery.

Today I am aware of how important it is that you do something because you want to do it and are motivated to do it. I discovered myself that finding motivation when you’re at the lowest point in your life is far from simple. But I’ve also proven that it is possible.

  1. Don’t give up 

Know that you will have moments where life is really difficult, so get ready for them. These are turning points in your life, so you can’t give up.

  1. Read a motivational book and attend a workshop on personal growth

There are many books and workshops on the subject of personal growth – some are more technical, while others include personal experiences of people who faced a similar situation to the one you face.

These books are filled with advice that could be helpful. Furthermore, reading these books will help you realize that you’re not alone.

  1. Go shopping

You don’t actually have to buy anything – you can just go window shopping. Try on a gown, browse free samples in a cosmetics shop, go to a furniture store and find the most comfortable sofa – anything to distract you and make you happy.

  1. Spend time in nature

If you don’t like big shopping centres and prefer to spend time in nature, take every opportunity to do so. I’m one of such people. I love to climb mountains, spending hours sweating to reach the top, where I can enjoy a wonderful view and a delicious sandwich. This makes me forget all my worries, and I come home a new person. And afterwards, I can look in the mirror at home and tell myself, “Damn, you’re not too bad!” 😉

  1. Socialize

Human beings are social creatures, and solitude has a negative effect on us. We need love, we need laughter, and we need to feel accepted. Without this, it’s inevitable that your thoughts, stuck as you are between four walls, will become occupied by the negative. And suddenly everything will become negative – even you. So don’t let that happen.

  1. Write a diary

If you have problems sharing your problems with others, find a new way to express yourself – maybe start writing a diary. You can also write down a list of positive characteristics that you like about yourself.

  1. Listed to music / sing / draw / be creative

Find your creativity and keep your mind active. Boredom has a similar effect on us as loneliness – an opportunity for pessimism to creep in.

  1. Do something nice for others

I spend my time with my grandmother. I knew she was lonely and that a cup of coffee shared with her granddaughter meant a lot to her. It was heartwarming spending time with her in a cafe, listening to her talk, because I could see how important that moment was for her.

  1. Find something that will make you feel useful

You’ve certainly done something for which you received praise. The feeling was phenomenal, right? Remember what you felt at that time – a feeling of pride, success, joy. So make sure there are more moments like that.

  1. Visit a counsellor

If you’re feeling completely down and think you can’t do it on your own, seek help. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I sought help from a psychiatrist. Even though I was ashamed at the time, I am so happy I did it. Ultimately, it helped me become happy and well again by working with a professional.

  1. Talk about your problems

Never shut yourself off from others and isolate. That’s the worst that can happen! If you isolate yourself and don’t talk about your problems, negative thoughts may get worse. So find someone you trust and share your feelings – you will feel much better!

Most importantly, never give up! I’ve proved that it’s possible – and so can you! To find out how I did it, visit https://www.notice-me.net/free-chapter/.

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Top Tips for avoiding a Christmas Relationships Crisis: Guest blog by Brookman

 

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(image: Ebay)

Christmas is meant to be a joyous time of the year and an opportunity to spend quality time with friends and family, but unfortunately, it can also be one of the most stressful. For some, the biggest worry they will encounter is whether they’ve overcooked the turkey, but for others, far deeper problems are magnified around this time in terms of finances, family tensions and even relationship breakdowns or divorce.

Avoiding the Subject?

For many, the easiest solution at the time is just to put the problem to the back of their mind and focus on the present. In fact, in a survey of 1016 married individuals conducted by Brookman International Divorce Solicitors, 64% of respondents revealed they have put off a major decision because they felt it was ‘not the right time’ to deal with it. One third felt that the New Year was a good time to make a fresh start or major life decision, with ending a relationship or asking for divorce being the most popular major decisions to withhold. Whilst this may seem a temporary solution, avoiding the problem only prolongs the suffering and could lead to a frosty atmosphere over the festive period.

Worrying thoughts at any time of year can cause stress, but they can be particularly troublesome at Christmas, when you’re having to juggle shopping for presents, go to events and balance the interests of lots of different people. The people closest to you will notice the changes in your behaviour, even if they don’t actually know what the underlying cause is.

Left for too long, this build up of stress and tension could reach breaking point and lead to heated arguments and upset. It could even put your mental health at risk. No one wants an explosive argument over the Christmas dinner, so, here’s a few tips to help avoid a Christmas Crisis.

 

  1. Talk to someone – Speaking to someone close to you about your worries is a great place to start, even if you don’t feel ready to address the person causing the stress directly. Be sure it’s someone you can trust and who will be honest with you. When it comes to a big decision, you don’t want someone beating around the bush, or telling the world about it either!
  2. Nip it in the bud – Whatever the problem is, talk to your partner about it as soon as you feel able to. Whilst the discussion might be difficult, you will feel an immense sense of relief once you have got the issue off your chest. It may be that your partner feels the same way, or has a solution which could result in a better outcome for both of you. Until you speak about it, you simply won’t know.
  3. Focus on yourself – it may seem selfish, but ultimately, you have to make decisions based on your own happiness. If you are constantly making compromises to make others happy, then you’ll always be in conflict. A Christmas full of atmosphere, tension and cold shoulders is no fun for anyone, and actually tackling the problem outright, even if it means a major change is on the horizon, can make the transition far easier for everyone to manage.
  4. Forgive yourself – Decisions which are one-sided can often leave the perpetrator feeling an immense sense of guilt, but it is important to be kind and forgiving to yourself. Sometimes people don’t agree, have different perspectives, or reach a different stage of their lives where priorities change. Understanding that life is a journey and that we all have our own paths to take can help to put the current situation into perspective.

 

Following these key steps will help you to deal with difficult decisions quickly, effectively and with the best intentions.

In the Brookman survey, 74% of people said they felt instant relief once they had made a decision, be that dealing with the core issue, or simply booking an appointment to get some advice. The important part is taking steps to address the situation so that you don’t feel like it is spiralling out of control.

Whether you decide to end a relationship or not, make sure you make informed decisions that are right for you.

This guest post was written by Brookman International Divorce Solicitors.

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Winter blues, Depression and Social anxiety by Eleanor

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(image : http://www.caring-crate.com)

In the past few weeks, I have found that all I want to do is stay inside, under a cosy blanket in my little nook on the couch, reading lots of good books or watching something good on TV (by good I mean my favourite reality shows at this time of year!). I have been practising a lot of self care activities as I havn’t been feeling at my strongest or happiest this week. I think I may have seasonal depression but I am not sure if its the winter blues – probably the winter lack of light combined with my bipolar brain chemistry.

Sometimes I  will phone or whatsapp my friends, I will take long bubble baths and sing in the tub (feeling like some kind of surreal movie like Amelie) , I have discovered a new love for the Body Shop seaweed clay facial mask (it leaves my skin so soft and moisturised and helps my spots). I have wrapped myself in my pink, Beauty and the Beast blanket (without make up on) and just enjoyed the freedom of being. Of resting and being in the moment. Of being more mindful.

There have been times when this has become a bad thing. I’ve spent several nights this week on my own and there have been days where my anxiety has increased and I havn’t wanted to go outside. This is because its cold and dark (winter here in England), I don’t want to interact with random people or I just don’t want to be out in this weather when I could be warm and cosy at home.  I am an introvert (who also loves people). My introvert side craves time on my own but this is also part of my social anxiety.

However, every anxiety win.. like going to a gig in Holborn with my Dad and using the Tube (I forgot about the lack of personal space) or hanging out with my fiance or friends without cancelling on them, has been good. In truth though, I have had to cancel a lot of plans this week and luckily have very understanding people in my life. I hate letting people down but sometimes I can’t cope- the adrenaline pumps and things feel too much for me, too overwhelming.

I have felt overwhelmed and mildly depressed this week. However, I am coming to the slow realisation that this is OK. Its alright to struggle and to want human contact but also to find it overwhelming too.

I do need to get more fresh air though, exercise more and be healthier. Part of the lure of being inside is that its relaxing and ‘safer’ but the outside world is not as scary as my head decides it is when its cold and dark in winter.

I think I have mild seasonal depression- so its really important I do all I can to work with that and go outside my comfort zone- when all I really want is to be a doormouse surrounded by those I love and sometimes curled up on my own!

I am going to start talking therapy again soon as theres been a lot of stressful things going on, so hopefully that will help too.

How do you help your seasonal depression?

  Eleanor x

Do I need Outpatient or Inpatient Treatment for Addiction? Guest post by Alek Sabin

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If you are struggling with addiction, or have a loved who deals with substance abuse, making the decision to seek treatment can be the most empowering decision you make in your life or theirs. Failing to do so can lead to lives and families being torn apart, and even runs the risk of an overdose. Of course, there are a variety of treatment options available, and many who are considering seeking treatment wonder whether outpatient or inpatient treatment is better suited for them. Here is a look at the key differences between outpatient and inpatient treatment.

Outpatient Treatment

This article here does a very good job at describing how well outpatient addiction recovery treatment works. Basically, outpatient treatment is an option that allows individuals to receive treatment that is less intensive than inpatient treatment. It is well suited for individuals who are seeking comprehensive treatment for alcohol or drug addiction, who need more support than weekly counseling but less support than inpatient treatment, and/or who have completed an inpatient programme and need continued support in recovery.

 

How Outpatient Works

Outpatient treatment typically draws on a variety of approaches in order to offer recovering addicts the healing they need. A comprehensive outpatient treatment might involve individual therapy, group therapy, education, and relapse prevention training. Recovering addicts will also explore a variety of therapy approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, motivational interviewing, and recreational therapy.

 

Benefits of Outpatient Treatment

Outpatient treatment can offer several benefits. For starters, individuals can receive treatment while protecting certain aspects of their current lifestyle, such as a job, education, or family responsibilities. Outpatient treatment also tends to be more affordable than inpatient treatment since you are not paying for room and board. It can also grant you more access to your family and friends, who might serve as a valuable source of support as you navigate recovery.

 

Different Levels of Treatment

Every outpatient program is different, and there are various types of outpatient programs, each offering a specific level of support. Three of the most common types of outpatient treatment are partial hospitalisation (day treatment), intensive outpatient treatment, and general outpatient treatment.

Partial hospitalisation, or day treatment, is a more intensive form of outpatient treatment that allows individuals to meet for to five days a week for several hours each day in order to receive intensive treatment. Intensive outpatient treatment is somewhat less intensive, and it is primarily for individuals who need an organized treatment program but who can navigate recovery in the course of their everyday activities. General outpatient treatment, meanwhile, is for individuals who require moderate support in order to achieve sobriety.

 

Inpatient treatment

Inpatient treatment, also known as residential treatment, involves the same treatment techniques as outpatient treatment, but it is more intensive because you typically check into a facility and live there throughout the duration of your program.

 

How Inpatient Works

Inpatient treatment draws on the same individual therapy, group therapy, and educational approaches as outpatient treatment, but it can include some more intensive techniques as well. Many recovering addicts seeking inpatient treatment, for example, will first undergo a medically assisted detoxification process in order to manage withdrawal symptoms. Inpatient treatment also involves around-the-clock care, which may be necessary for individuals who are recovering from abuse, trauma, or a co-existing mental disorder.

 

Benefits of Inpatient Treatment

Inpatient treatment can also offer several unique benefits. First, it gives recovering addicts the opportunity to focus on their recovery, without the distractions of everyday life. In addition, since individuals live within the care facility, there is no access to drugs or alcohol, reducing the chances of relapse significantly. Because it is a live-in facility, there may also be more specialized services available, such as a gym facility, yoga classes, acupuncture, or nutritional education.

 

One potential drawback to inpatient care is that it can limit your access to support from family and friends. For this reason, many inpatient programs include a specialized family program where family members can participate in the recovery of their loved ones—all while receiving the healing they need as well.

 

So What Is Right for You?

If you are seeking treatment for an alcohol or drug addiction, it’s important to consider not only the level of care that you need, but also those factors that might try to draw you away from your recovery. If you are living in an environment that is not conducive to a successful recovery, for example, then inpatient treatment may be the option for you, even if you think you may not require that level of care. When in doubt, you should always consult an addiction recovery facility. Many offer free assessments to help match you with the precise level of care that you need.

Please note: each country will have its own differing treatments and care. 

Coping with the lows and Celebrating the highs by Eleanor

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(image: the chic life)

I have been wanting to write about everything for the past week but felt like I have been swept up into a hurricane. There has been a lot going on- some good, but a lot of bad in my life and I have been trying to process it all.

As most of you know, my article on bipolar was published in the Telegraph with thanks to an amazing editor who believed in my story. The Telegraph is a high profile newspaper here in the UK and this was a big platform for my story to be given. So I am grateful. I will put the link to it in the articles tab soon.

I received many positive messages from people with bipolar and psychosis- who could see themselves in my experience and were pleased and appreciative that I shared it. Also those who are carers for people with it got in touch too. I had a lot of support from friends and family, which was important because I started to feel quite vulnerable in revealing so much of what had happened back in 2014 when I was hospitalised. It isn’t easy- even though I want to share it to help people.

As well as the positives, I did receive a few unwanted and negative messages- mainly from ignorant people who don’t know me. I don’t want to give the Trolls any air time here, except to say that the Telegraph were fantastic and stepped in. The comments that were sent weren’t nice but it is a risk when  revealing such a complex mental illness to the world- its an emotive topic and some people can be cruel too. However, the positives outweighed the negatives.

My article was published when I was in Portugal visiting my grandparents with my Dad, Aunt and Uncle so having them  around to process it all was really helpful. Portugal was lovely to have the family time but hard to see my Grandpa unwell, though I was so pleased I got to see him. We also went to a very beautiful beach at Sesimbra, near Lisbon which was good to get some sun in November!

I have two close family members who are unwell at the moment with serious illnesses. As such with all the pressure of it all, I am finding that my mood is dipping and I have to practise a lot of self care- sleeping, reading, pacing myself. It could be that its approaching winter and less light, but I am feeling mildly depressed at times and sleeping more in the mornings, so I am watching my mood and trying to cope as best I can.

If it continues for a long period, I may see the doctor or my counsellor but I think its a reaction to everything happening.

Yesterday I received some really good news– which I will share in a few weeks time. I am so grateful for all the good happening and still planning for my wedding which is something positive to focus on too. Thank you to everyone who has been and continues to be there.

If you are feeling like me right now, a bit low/ depressed, tell people you trust. Don’t keep it in. Remember it can pass. And get support and help if you need it. My fiance, friends and family are helpful to me- confide in someone you can talk too.

I am trying to focus on the positives and celebrate the highs, while dealing with the lows. Thats life I think. Its not always easy but I will get there and so will you if you feel the same.

Eleanor x 

 

Being a parent of a child taking GCSE exams and looking after wellbeing: Guest Post by David Welham

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(image: http://thesprout.co.uk)

Millions of parents would have experienced the stress and anxiety this summer in the UK with their children taking GCSE’s.

As a parent I was no different and wanted to share my experience. Exams are so different from when I took them. There are more, they take place over just a weeks and in my opinion changes to GCSE’s have been rushed without thinking about the effect on our children’s mental health. 

It seems that they were changed because employers were feeling that they were too easy.

As if my son didn’t have enough to occupy his mind, his future, should he do an apprenticeship, or should he go to college and not to mention the intense revision and preparation for exams.

I remember talking to other parents who also felt the same and expressed real concerns that their children would struggle to cope. They all said what happens if he or see is struggling I am not sure where to go or to talk to. We agreed that if I as a parent appear anxious how can I expect my child to cope.

Its fine just saying things will be OK and not to worry but I did worry, and I secretly just wanted the three weeks to pass as quickly as possible. 

My son decided that Xbox would be too much of a distraction and that it can be put away. I thought that this was mature and the right decision. He worked out a revision plan and we thought about his downtime, but I could still see anxiety and worry.

So I made a plan to make sure that he looked after his wellbeing. Checking in that he was alright and that he looked after his physical health and mental health. I was aware that it was important to take time out from the revision and as advised by school not to stop doing what he likes and change his routine. 

He went to the gym and out with his friends to maintain his relationships. We also planned things as a family as well in-between revision. This broke up the daily grind but there were still periods when I was concerned that he wouldn’t get through it.

I read articles in the news and spoke to school but talking to my son there were children who really struggled. He said that they were really not coping with their mental health. I worried when I heard about children crying, running out of the exam room and parents being called to take them home.

This can’t be right and is something that more research should be undertaken into the effects during exams as I can’t help thinking that we are setting them up for serious problems with their mental health further down the line.

I have suggestions on how to lessen the stress and anxiety during exam time.

Spread the exams over a longer period to give teenagers a bit of breathing space and allow them to take a break. If the exams were spread out there would be less intensity and time to do other things in their lives. I would also suggest there is less focus on the results and outcome and that children can just be children, without such a great amount of stress.

David Welham is a mental health writer from the UK

Lifestyle Changes: How to Combat your Eating Disorder: Guest Post by Lizzie Weakley

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Recognising you have an eating disorder is one of the biggest (and hardest) steps you can take to combat your disorder. It’s important to make sure you know how to combat the disorder so you don’t find yourself fighting a losing battle.

Don’t Expect Huge Changes

Just the idea of helping yourself get better from an eating disorder is important, but it won’t bring about the change you really need. You won’t get to see the results of the change until you start making changes. Be prepared for things to stay the same for a long time after you start trying to fight this battle.

Seek Professional Help

It’s almost always necessary to get professional help with eating disorders. There are many eating disorder center options you can choose from that have intensive processes. These centers can make things easier for you and can give you the specific tools you need to start getting better.

Try Something New

Not all eating disorders are the same. There may be differences from person to person so it’s important to keep that in mind when you start this battle. Your eating disorder probably won’t be like anyone else’s battle. Just like you are a unique person, the way you handle your eating disorder will be unique. You can try different things and new techniques to try and help yourself through the eating disorder. Things may change, but it’s important to keep trying new things that might help you.

Recognize Your Struggle

The struggle to combat an eating disorder can be one of the hardest things you do. You should recognize that struggle and work with it to help yourself. If you know it will be difficult to overcome the eating disorder, you’ll be better prepared to fight it when you’re dealing with issues that come from eating disorders.

Continue Fighting

Fighting an eating disorder is a battle you’ll have to deal with for the rest of your life. Even when things do get easier for you, you might still struggle with the issues that come from the eating disorder. Keep that in mind before you start the process. It’s a good idea to know that you’ll be in this fight for the rest of your life, but it does get easier.

Eating disorders are hard. Trying to figure out how to combat one on your own can be even harder. It’s important to know what to expect and take the steps necessary to help yourself get better.

Lizzie Weakley is a freelance writer from Columbus, Ohio. She went to college at The Ohio State University where she studied communications. In her free time, she enjoys playing with her Husky, Snowball, camping, and binging on Netflix.

Twitter: @LizzieWeakley

Facebook: facebook.com/lizzie.weakley

 

 

Mental health, work and the realities of freelancing: by Eleanor

 

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This article was voted for on my Facebook group last month but as always, there has been a lot going on and I wanted to give this one the time it deserved.

Mental health and work is a huge topic. Mental ill health affects peoples ability to work at times- depression, anxiety, panic attacks and other symptoms can stop us from working and disrupt careers. It is one of the biggest causes of sickness, with people being signed off work by their doctors- from stress or other mental health issues. However, some  people are able to manage their health symptoms and work through it. For me, and many others, I had to switch to self employment, in order to work more effectively.

I started off at uni studying English Literature and Drama at Goldsmiths here in London, got a 2:1 degree and then worked for a year as a teaching assistant in a primary school. I decided then that it may not be for me and I applied to study a masters degree in Applied Theatre at the Royal Central drama school. This was amazing and eye opening- but I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks (possibly part of my bipolar disorder or just general..).

The anxiety attacks were debilitating for me at times- but I managed to get my Masters. However, I have often found that certain work places are far less forgiving of people with mental health issues- if they are still symptomatic.

I always thought that I would work as a teaching assistant and become a Reception teacher. I worked in several schools and I loved working with the children. I also tried working for a mental health charity. However, I found that my anxiety was getting worse and worse (despite taking medication and having therapy) and that the career just wasn’t working for my health.

So,  I decided to go self employed and become a freelance writer. The perils of freelancing can include: late payment of invoices from clients, having articles pulled at the last minute because the editor changes their mind, clients wanting you to write for free, waiting months for work to be published and some clients only paying on publication- so you don’t get a regular ‘salary’. Income is less stable, its harder to trust people and that you are often sending out pitch emails for writing work- only to get ignored, as editors are often busy with their in house team and work.

The pluses of freelancing: some regular gigs (Thank you Metro!), being featured in Glamour UK is a huge honour and in Happiful and Cosmopolitan/ Elle. I have written a lot this year and I am grateful every day for the editors who have taken a chance on me and commissioned my work.

However, its a balance. Yes working from home is great. Yes setting own hours is good. But, it means that income is less stable for sure. I have far less anxiety and panic working like this. Thats a major plus.

I often feel bad for not earning enough. Or because you have to develop a thick skin to deal with rejection.

In terms of mental health at work- there is SO much that needs to be done. Sickness records mean employees are still penalised, despite their genuine need for a mental health day. Each work place should be trained in signs to spot and have a mental health first aider. Some work places are disability friendly, but many just see you as a worker and if you have a mental illness, will only tolerate so much time off.

I don’t really know what to suggest if you are also in my position. In the UK, we have the benefits system which has been very important for me due to my illness. However, I would love to get to a stage where I can earn enough not to need it.

If you are struggling with your mental health at work, speak to a trusted colleague. HR will not always be supportive – it depends on the organisation, but don’t suffer alone. Just be aware that if you are off sick a lot, some companies will see you as unreliable. This may be 2018, but outdated attitudes at work still exist unfortunately.

There are positives and its important to know  there are good, wonderful people out there. I have met many. 

What is your experience?

Eleanor x

Copy of my Mask: (On Depression): Guest poem by ‘N’

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(image: Sweety Texts)

 

This is a poem/ thoughts written by a guest poster with depression who wanted to share their thoughts. Please read with care as it discusses exactly what depression is like 

 

When everyone sees rainbows and flowers, I am trapped, suffocating in the darkness, alone.

As everyone laughs and smiles, I pull my mask, over my face, over my soul, yet again.

My mask is what I hide behind, and shield everyone else from the unbearable dark cloud that follows me everywhere.

My hair hasn’t been washed in a week, and I don’t have the energy to shower. My teeth aren’t brushed and my house is a mess. Everyday, I sit, in the darkness, alone. This feeling is crippling.

It slowly sucks the life out of me, and I fear the day my eyes no longer open.

I hide behind my mask, because the truth is just too scary for most, that the demons haunt me all day and everyday, and suck my soul to shreds.

I hide behind my mask because it’s easier than hearing how I am in a rut, or mind over matter.

I hide behind my mask because it makes me the same as all the other moms. It makes me more relatable. It gives me the illusion that I am not alone.

I am careful to put my mask on each and everyday, and while I carefully balance it, I am being beaten down by the darkness that follows me.

My smile isn’t real, nor is my laugh.

Deep inside when I remove my mask, the clouds take over and it’s simply too much to bear.

Demons swirl around faster and faster, weighing heavily on my body, crippling me until I can no longer move.

I lay numb, soulless, and alone.

And my depression has won again.

 

N

Finding Purpose- my journey to survive Anorexia. Guest post for World Mental Health Day by Spela Kranjec

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(image: Spela Kranjec)


Please note; Trigger warning, this post discusses Anorexia and thoughts during it. Read with care.

Do you sometimes feel useless and unneeded? You wake up in the morning, lethargic with the thought that you truly don’t know why this upcoming day would be important? You watch other people, everyone with some task of their own, busy and running around with determination. How is it that the world is passing you by? “Is it my fault?” you ask yourself. You become bogged down with these thought, only making the situation worse. You unintentionally focus on the thought that you’re not worth anything! And you forget about everything that you’re good at, things that make life worth living.

You have destroyed yourself. You pushed yourself down into nothing. What’s worse is that you believe others see you as such, too. That’s why you need something that has a purpose, as otherwise you soon lose a will to live. The human mind is a very complex thing, and when it wants something it’s willing to take it by itself if you fail to provide it. But it takes the thing that it finds first. It doesn’t choose. As the whole body is surrounded by negativity, it latches on to that – and that’s how I developed anorexia.

Yes, I was a young girl who couldn’t find her way in this big world. I tried to fit in, but I was rejected. I thought I was intelligent, but I had to try much harder than others at school to get an A. I believed a good job was waiting for me, but was disappointed to discover that there are so many other people in greater need. I constantly trained, but never made the team. I looked at myself in the mirror, but I never became a beauty. I saved money when others were spending it, but they now probably have more than me.

In all my drive to become something, to be something, I started disappearing. And I wasn’t even aware of it. My mind convinced me that I would be appreciated, desired, only if I were thin. Very thin. As I was willing to do anything to be accepted, I started starving myself. Very quickly, scales become my only friend, and the only daily task was to exercise and reject food. The more I succeeded in this, the greater power I had over my own life. I was becoming something. Finally!

It didn’t take long before I heard the first comments, “Špela, you’re so thin!” My heart leaped! All my hunger and the dizziness during excessive exercise finally paid off. Obviously, it really was my own fault. Obviously, all I had to do was try harder. With this victory, I really couldn’t stop. So I kept going. I wanted to be even skinnier, just in case I ever gain back some weight, so that things didn’t change back to their old ways.

But as I never really defined this limit of losing weight, this “just in case”, I never knew when to stop. So I didn’t. There was one other boundary line. A sort of point of no return, before which I could still come back. Back to that old Špela, still knowing that I matter, that I belong somewhere. I’ve passed that point some time ago, and I wasn’t even sure that old Špela ever truly existed.

I was suddenly in a situation where everything was confusing and unclear. Before, I never belonged anywhere, then the world was in the palm of my hand, and now everything was falling apart, even more so than at the beginning. And I fell apart… Anorexia finally conquered me.

Now I faced a truly difficult task, which required from me a tremendous amount of mental and personality changes. A task that would be completed once the world stopped passing me by, and I would walk in step with the world. A task to find recovery.

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I wrote a book about my mission to save myself. And for this book, my brother and I are launching a Kickstarter campaign, NOTICE ME: My 9-Year Struggle against Anorexia.

Why? Because I know there are too many like me in this world, and this has to change. And because we want to show that we matter, that we have a mission in this world, even though I believed otherwise for many years.

Because I want to help you, I’m giving you opportunity, to start reading my book totally for free on this link: https://www.notice-me.net/free-chapter/.

Spela Kranjec is a mental health writer, documenting her 9 years of living with anorexia.