Tag: parents

My Podcast On Bipolar With JTeen Mental Health Support Service – Therapists Yaakov Barr And Tehilla Birnbaum.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

I was delighted to collaborate with JTeen mental health support helpline and service for Jewish teens and young adults aged 11-24, on a podcast talking about my journey with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. I did this to help others and encourage people to seek help, and show its OK to talk about mental illness.

You can watch the podcast here, please watch with care: Trigger warning: discusses suicidal ideation, psychosis, mania, being sectioned under the mental health act and depression. Suitable for 18+

I decided to do this podcast to fight stigma in the Jewish community in London and worldwide and educate people about bipolar, especially parents as it started for me at the age of 15.

Thank you to Yaakov, Tehilla and Michal for making this such a relaxed but important conversation.

Love,

Eleanor

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Snuggle Season Has Arrived! Limited Edition ‘Stomp’ BedTime Wear With NEXT For LOROS Hospice. (Non Sponsored Post)

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Limited edition Stomp pyjamas by Next, featuring a playful elephant design. 100% of profits support LOROS Hospice’s care for patients and families.)

Now that clocks are going back and its time to get snuggled and cosy, the perfect pyjamas for yourself and little ones have arrived! Teaming up with retail giant NEXT, the LOROS Hospice in Leicester, UK, have come up with some beautiful, stomping elephant pyjamas filled with colourful designs. The designs are inspired by the hand-painted elephant sculptures as part of the famous ‘Stomp Around Leicester’ art trail, which culminated in an art auction.

LOROS Hospice is facing a £2 million shortfall in funding and so NEXT has joined forces with LOROS to encourage the fundraising momentum! 100% profits from the pyjamas go to LOROS., which provides free, high quality compassionate care to terminally ill patients.

Available online now at next.co.uk, with nationwide delivery – every pair sold contributes to LOROS’s vital, compassionate care for over 2,600 patients each year. 

There are matching PJ sets for women and children, for family fun! These cosy pyjamas offer more than just warmth and style – they offer a feel-good factor that comes from helping a community lifeline.

Snuggle up for a cause this autumn: by slipping into Stomp PJs, families can stay stylishly warm while making a real difference to LOROS Hospice when it needs it most.

Please note: This post is non-sponsored (no fee taken) so Be Ur Own Light Blog can get entirely behind this wonderful cause!

image: Limited edition Stomp pyjamas by Next, featuring a playful elephant design)

The women’s Stomp PJs are 100% cotton and available in sizes XS – 2XL in regular length, and S – 2XL in tall. The children’s Stomp PJs are also 100% cotton and available in sizes 9-12 months, through to 7-8 years.

Transforming Bedrooms Into Anxiety-Reducing Spaces For Kids by Amy Jones

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: Kenny Eliason: Unsplash)

There is nothing more heartbreaking than to see your child suffering. What’s more, when their mind is playing tricks on them, and they’re experiencing spells of anxiety, it can leave you feeling helpless as the parent/carer. While you may be doing all the right things such as taking them to therapy and encouraging them to talk about their feelings, sometimes their environment can play a huge role in their emotions. Children spend a lot of their time in their bedrooms, especially when they’re feeling anxious about the outside world. Transforming their bedroom into an anxiety-reducing space could be the key to allowing them an environment to disconnect from ruminating thoughts completely.

Be sure to listen to what your children want for their bedrooms before taking the design into your own hands. If they believe a Minecraft bedroom will make them feel happy and give them a sense of security in their space, listen! Otherwise, consider the following tips for designing your bedroom into an anxiety-reducing space. 

Colour schemes 

Starting with the room’s backdrop, consider painting your child’s room a colour that inflicts a sense of calmness and serenity. There are a number of colours that are proven to create this mood, for example, cool colours such as blue, green and lavender grey are known to create a relaxing feel. Also, pastel shades of favourites such as pink and green are perfect for creating a sense of tranquillity. 

Connections to nature 

Nature has shown to have immense benefits for reducing anxiety, from going for walks to playing in the park, if your child is struggling to face the great outdoors, consider bringing it to them. For example, add touches of greenery in the space. There can be faux versions of vines winding round their bed, or perhaps give them real plants to take care of and give them a greater sense of purpose. If your child has been begging for an animal, why not start small and get them a fish? It has been proven that watching fish swim back and forth can relax the mind and ease muscle tension.

Blue LED lighting 

Lighting can be a hard element of the bedroom to influence. If your child’s bedroom is currently brightly lit with fluorescent light this may not be helping their state of mind. Blue light therapy has been raved for its ability to influence mood and the body’s biological clock. Dimming their bedroom lighting with blue lighting may support their night of rest. Several sensory light appliances can create this experience, in addition to adding texture to the projection that mimics ocean waves. 

Create “safe spots”

Sometimes, your child just wants to be alone, and that’s okay. Creating a safe space away from the world can be simple with the addition of a children’s teepee, or if your child has a bunk bed with underspace, make this area more private with curtains. Fill this space with comfy seating, pillows, and games for your child to play. It can be tempting to buy them an Xbox or PlayStation to enjoy in their bedroom, but this can worsen your child’s anxiety and keep their mind active when it’s time for rest. Keep technology away from their bedroom, and keep it comforting and quiet. 

Keep schooling separate 

Another mistake parents make with their child’s bedroom is adding a desk for them to complete school work. When your child is suffering from anxiety, school can often inflict feelings of discomfort or remind them of unpleasant experiences. Allow your child to do their school work downstairs where you can support them and be there for them. Allocated places for different activities can help them feel a sense of security. Reserve the bedroom for sleep. Having a small table and chair for your child to do artwork can act as a place to explore their creativity. 

Encourage rest & relaxation

Encouraging relaxation is essential when transforming your child’s bedroom into an anxiety-reducing space. This involves creating an atmosphere that promotes comfort and signals to your child that their room is a sanctuary for winding down and recharging. Start by investing in high-quality, soft bedding and cosy blankets that make your bed an inviting haven. Add plush pillows or weighted blankets, which are known to provide a sense of security and calmness.

(image: Pexels: Vika Glitter)

An anxiety-reducing space

Transforming your child’s bedroom into an anxiety-reducing space can have a profound impact on their emotional wellbeing. By focusing on calming colours, natural elements, thoughtful lighting, and creating safe and comforting zones, you’re helping to create a sanctuary where they can decompress and feel at ease. Remember, every child is unique, so it’s important to involve them in the process and tailor the space to their individual needs and preferences.

Small changes in their environment can make a big difference in their ability to manage anxiety and feel secure. While this is just one piece of the puzzle, pairing it with emotional support, therapy, and open communication can empower your child to navigate their emotions with greater resilience. A cosy, peaceful bedroom can become their haven—a place to relax, recharge, and truly feel at home.

Author Bio

Amy Jones is a freelance writer and enjoys writing a range of topics, from mental wellness to home renovation and loves researching the latest news and updates. Having worked with a number of different businesses, including Petite Lumeire, Amy is now a freelance writer looking to specialise in children’s mental and physical wellness.

Reaching Out For Help: How To Support Your Child’s Behavioural Issues by Brooke Chaplan.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment
(Image: Adobe)

Parenting is a journey filled with countless moments of joy, laughter, and pride. However, it also comes with its fair share of challenges, especially when you encounter behavioural issues in your child. Seeing a child struggle can be a source of stress and worry for any parent. It’s essential to remember that you are not alone; many parents face similar obstacles and there are resources available to help both you and your child navigate these challenging times. In today’s blog post, we’ll explore practical steps you can take to support your child through behavioural issues effectively.

Understanding the Situation

The first step in addressing behavioural issues is understanding that they are often a part of normal development. Children go through various stages as they grow, each accompanied by different behaviours. It’s crucial to recognise the difference between typical developmental behaviour and behaviour that might signal an underlying issue. Observing patterns over time—such as frequency, intensity, or duration—can provide valuable insights into whether a child’s behaviour is part of their growth or indicative of something more complex.

Patience

Once you’ve identified that your child may need additional support beyond typical parenting strategies, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and patience. Open lines of communication can make all the difference in understanding what might be causing certain behaviours. Encourage your child to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or punishment. This open dialogue not only helps build trust but also provides you with clues about any underlying issues such as anxiety, bullying at school, or difficulties with academics.

Professional Help

After establishing communication, it’s beneficial to seek professional guidance, like that offered by Infinite Healing & Wellness, if needed. Consulting with paediatricians or mental health professionals who specialise in children can offer clarity on whether there are specific needs requiring attention. These professionals can conduct assessments to determine if there are psychological or neurological factors contributing to the behaviour changes in question. They may suggest therapy sessions tailored specifically for children which could include play therapy, cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), or family therapy sessions.

Effective Techniques

In addition to seeking professional help for your child, consider equipping yourself with effective parenting techniques specifically designed for managing challenging behaviours. Parenting classes or workshops often provide valuable strategies for positive reinforcement and setting consistent boundaries while maintaining a nurturing environment at home. Learning how best to respond during difficult situations helps minimise stress for both parent and child alike while fostering an atmosphere where constructive change is encouraged.

Self-Care

Lastly but vitally important is self-care for parents during this process; supporting a child through behavioural challenges requires emotional resilience from caregivers themselves! It’s easy sometimes amid caring duties to neglect one’s own needs. However, taking time out regularly ensures you’re not just physically present but mentally equipped to handle whatever comes along the next day together stronger than before!

Supporting a child through behavioural issues is no small feat but rest assured knowing every step taken towards understanding them better brings hope closer within reach! Remember being proactive makes all the difference; stay informed, communicate openly, lean upon experts, adopt new strategies whenever necessary, and don’t forget to look after yourselves along the way too.

A happy, healthy, balanced family dynamic benefits everyone involved in a long-term success story worth striving toward together!

This article was written by Brooke Chaplan, freelance writer.

Empowering Homebound Parents Through Mental Health Support Strategies by Lizzie Weakley.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments

(image: Alexander Dummer)

Being a parent is challenging, but being a parent who is homebound can be incredibly isolating and stressful. With the added pressures of the COVID-19 pandemic, homebound parents have been struggling with their mental health more than ever before. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. There are several mental health support strategies that parents can implement to help them cope with this challenging time and help them continue to provide their children with the love and care that they deserve.

Prioritise Self-Care

Self-care practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and exercise can help homebound parents manage their stress and maintain their mental health. They can schedule regular exercise routines at home, and practice deep breathing and meditation during their downtime. It is essential for homebound parents to set boundaries and take care of their well-being to increase their capacity to address the demands of parenthood.

Seek Professional Help

Homebound parents who are struggling with their mental health should consider seeking the support and guidance of a mental health professional. They can benefit from online therapy sessions, group therapy sessions, or taking medication that might help them feel better. There are also many mental health hotlines and online resources available to parents struggling with their mental health.

Connect with a Support Network

Homebound parents can engage with online support groups where they can share their experiences, offer and receive advice, and connect with other people going through the same thing. It is also a good idea to connect with friends and family members for emotional support. Social connection is vital to maintaining good mental health.

Utilize Home Health Care Services

Home health care services can provide support and assistance for parents who are struggling with their health. These services can include anything from medication management to helping with household chores and providing much needed respite care for parents. Home health care services can also help parents navigate local resources to receive additional support.

Practice Stress-Reducing Activities with Children

Homebound parents can engage their children in various stress-reducing activities such as sensory play, guided meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga. These activities can help children learn how to manage their emotions and provide a calming environment for both parents and children.

Being a homebound parent is challenging, but it becomes even more challenging when mental health struggles are involved. Still, it is essential to prioritise self-care and seek professional help when needed. Engage with a support network, consider utilising home health care services, and perform stress-reducing activities with children.

These strategies will significantly empower homebound parents and help them cope with the challenges of parenthood effectively. With the proper support, homebound parents can provide the love and care their children need and deserve.

This article was written by writer Lizzie Weakley.

Supporting Your Senior Parent’s Mental Health.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 3 Comments

(image: Andrea Piacquadio: Pexels)

Mental health issues affect nearly one in four seniors in the UK. Loneliness is often touted as a silent killer among those over the age of 65. This is down to changes in lifestyles, living conditions, health and much more. Isolation is common amongst seniors, contributing to increased mental health issues in people reaching retirement years or older.

If you are concerned your parents might be struggling with their mental health, or you want to avoid them experiencing changes to their life and mental health, there are some things you can do to help them.

Additional Support

If your parents are struggling with a change in their abilities, experiencing changes to hearing and vision or are living with poorer health, getting them some help around the home can help them to live in the same way they are used to without harming their physical and mental health. Being able to live in a clean and tidy home, get support with bathing and dressing or leaving the house can boost their mental health and help them feel more confident getting around. Home care services can be instrumental in offering support to seniors who need a helping hand but still want to live independently.

Frequent Communication

One common thing amongst the older generations is that they frequently say they feel they are no longer an essential part of their family’s life and often feel left out, excluded or forgotten about. This is where mental health can decrease rapidly. You can avoid this happening by continuing to include your senior parents in family life, talking to them frequently, and making sure they know they are wanted, loved and can speak to and meet up with you and the rest of the family.

Communities

There are many different communities and support groups of people reaching senior age, and charities such as Age UK always hold events and have outreach programs in place to support the most vulnerable. Getting your parents out and into a community group, volunteer programme, or simply socialising with those in the local area can help give them a purpose, a reason to leave the house, and a chance to mingle with like-minded others.

Recognise Changes

If you are actively involved in your parent’s life, you will be better placed to notice any changes to their physical and mental health as they occur. They could be there doing their usual routines or activities or skipping meals, or eating more. Or they could be withdrawing from people. If you can recognise changes quickly, you can get your parents the right help, be it medical care, health conditions they are experiencing or mental health support.

Being proactive in your parents’ lives can help you stay on top of their activities, mental health, and how they support themselves so you can get them the proper health and support and ensure their mental health isn’t struggling. Many seniors are reluctant to talk about these types of issues, but by showing you care and are worried about them, you can help them to make the right changes so they can live their retirement years happily and enjoy the rest of their lives.

This article was written by a freelance writer.

Looking Out For The Wellbeing Of Elderly Parents From Far Away.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Hasan Albari: Pexels)

Distance should never keep you from ensuring your elderly parent is safe and living a good life. This blog post will discuss some tips on how to look out for your elderly parent from far away. While you cannot be there with them every day, these tips will help you ensure they are living comfortably and safely.

1) Check in regularly

The first step to take is to ensure you are checking in with your parents regularly. This can be done via phone, text, email, or video chat. Ask them how they are doing and if they need anything. If possible, try to schedule regular check-ins, so you always have a set time to catch up.

In addition, it can be helpful to set up a check-in system with other family members or friends who live close to your parents. This way, if you are unable to check in for a period of time, someone else can check for you.

2) Stay updated on their health

As we age, our health can decline quickly. It is important to stay updated on your parent’s health so you can catch any problems early on. Make sure you know their current medications and dosages, as well as any allergies they may have.

You should also know their medical history, including any chronic conditions or surgeries they have had in the past. This information will be helpful if your parents need to see a doctor while you are not there.

3) Know their financial situation

It is also important to stay updated on your parent’s financial situation. This includes knowing how much money they have in the bank, as well as any debts they may have. If your parents are having trouble paying bills, you may need to step in and help out financially if you are able.

If your parents live in their own home, it is vital to help with home maintenance, if your parents need it. This can include tasks such as yard work using a battery powered snow blower for snow removal, and making repairs around the house. If your parents are unable to do these things themselves, you may need to hire someone to help out.

4) Consider a care home

If your parents are having difficulty taking care of themselves, you may want to consider a care home. Care homes can provide around-the-clock assistance with activities such as bathing, dressing, and eating. They can also help with medication management and provide transportation to doctor’s appointments. Of course, putting your parents in a care home is a big decision that should not be made lightly. You will need to weigh the pros and cons carefully before making a decision.

If you are concerned about their mental health as well, its important to raise any concerns with other family members and their doctor if appropriate.

5) Make sure they have an emergency plan

It is important to make sure your parents have an emergency plan in place in case something happens when you are not there. This plan should include a list of emergency contacts, as well as instructions for what to do in case of an emergency.

In conclusion, these are just a few tips on how to look out for your elderly parent from far away. While you cannot be there with them every day, these tips will help you ensure they are living comfortably and safely.

This article was written by a freelance writer.

Assisted Living: How to help your Elderly Parents find their perfect Care Home.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

When you were a child, your parents always took care of you. But now that you’ve grown up and may have kids of your own, it’s time to take care of them. And when their health starts to deteriorate, and they become too ill for in-home care, the question becomes: how do we find a great assisted living facility?

While the idea of having to send loved ones to an assisted living facility isn’t always a nice one, it’s often the best choice. Not just for their health, but for our own too. 

In this article, we’ll walk you through each factor so that finding an assisted living facility feels like less of a daunting task.

Image by Matthias Zomer via Pexels

 

What Types Of Care Homes Are On Offer?

The world of assisted living facilities is an industry that has snowballed. It’s now booming, and there are many things to consider before you make your final decision. The first step is understanding the different types of senior homes available.

A Care Home

This type of facility covers the personal and day-to-day care of your loved ones. They’ll handle things like washing, dressing, and taking medications on time. Many of them also provide activities and days out. But the quality and amount of these extras are provided depends on the home. 

A Nursing Home

Nursing homes cover all the same things as care home, but it’s provided by qualified nurses. So they’re a great choice if your parents have health conditions that need a little extra attention. 

A Care Home With Dementia Care

This type of home is targeted towards elderly loved ones with dementia. It’s designed to make them feel comfortable and to keep them safe.

A Dual-Registered Care Home

This facility accepts residents who have personal and nursing care needs. These homes mean that residents who arrive just needing personal care but eventually need nursing care don’t have to change facilities. Instead, they can stay in comfort in the place that has come to be their home.  

Choosing a Care Home

One of the most important factors when looking for a senior living facility is the level of care. If your loved one needs special attention due to dementia or any other physical disability, you should find a facility with specialized services to have their needs met.

There’s plenty to consider when it comes to looking at care homes for your loved ones. Before you get into the nitty-gritty, it’s worth taking the time to make a list of what’s important to you in your chosen assisted living facility. That way, you can quickly sift through the homes on offer. Because there will be plenty to get through.  

The Staff

The staff at an assisted living facility goes a long way in determining the quality of life for its residents. They must be attentive, caring, and responsive to the needs of each individual. When you visit your prospective home, it’s essential to ask questions about their staff.

The Food

The food served at a senior home is also vital. If meals are not nutritious or flavourful, it can cause malnutrition, weight loss, and other health issues for seniors. Ask if they provide three meals a day or if that depends on what residents choose to eat. It’s important to note that while dietary restrictions can be accommodated at some homes, you may want to find one with more robust catering options and for diets such as kosher or halal.

The Amenities 

Another thing to consider when looking for a care home is what kind of environment and amenities it provides. Does it feel open and welcoming? Is there an opportunity for outdoor activities? Are there pets on-site? How big of a community is there? These questions will help you determine which type of environment would best suit your loved one’s needs.

Amenities on-site provide your parents with something to pass the time, stay engaged, and most of all, feel a strong sense of community. 

Image by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

Always Involve Your Parent

When our elderly loved ones come to need further care that we can’t provide, it’s a challenging time. And while it’s difficult for us to come to terms with, it is just as difficult for them. For many elderly people entering care homes, it’s a massive change to their daily life. Some may not be aware of what it entails, so informing them if possible is important. 

Make sure that they’re a big part of choosing a facility. After all, they’re the ones that will be living there. While some health conditions may hamper their understanding of the situation, it’s essential to keep them as involved as possible. Making a list of what they want and then what they need can be helpful to find the best care home options available. 

So while finding a care home can be difficult, it ensures that the quality of your loved one of life remains high. When caring for them becomes too much for you to handle, assisted living facilities are there as a helping hand.

This article was written by a freelance writer and contains affiliate links.

How to Work and be a Mother during the Pandemic: Guest post by Miranda Davis

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 6 Comments

miranda2

If you are a working mom/mum during the pandemic, we will help you balance things. Working for others has become an activity from home, and sometimes we get clueless about what to do next. This article aims to help you out with being a working mother.

The pandemic was surely a surprise to anyone, especially any working mom/mum. It started slowly, and most people hoped it would not spread out of China. Unfortunately, it did spread, and we are living through it every day. We have to go out only wearing masks and only when we need to (if you are going out all the time, that is very risky for you and the others too). Washing hands frequently has become the standard. Shaking hands with anyone is out of contemplation if you are taking things seriously. Now, what about a working mother and COVID?

People with children are being forced to homeschool their kids while still managing to work (those who are not unemployed!). Things are not that easy. Now, look at mothers. It is common sense that a lot of them are single, living alone with their children while being a working mother during the day. A mom/mum who is also working at home is genuinely having the hardest of times. 

In the face of difficult facts, we have put a lot of thought into ways to help moms/mums (those living with a partner or alone with their children) through this difficult time. We know that moms/mums are very capable of enduring and overcoming tough times. Still, sometimes we get out of creativity, our energy gets completely wasted away. What should a working mother do in such situations? 

How working mothers balance life sometimes is a mystery. Even more, during the pandemic. If you are a mom/mum trying to figure that out, the tips below should help you.

miranda1

The first tip is to have a schedule that has the possibility of being flexible. This means that while it is suitable for a working mother to have a program that helps them stay organised, this same schedule should be adjusted to suit you. Sometimes your children might get hurt doing something, or other unexpected things happen. Give these things the time and attention they require. Then the question “are working mothers happier?” does not have to be answered negatively.

Now, this one does not apply to single mothers (sorry,single moms, ). If you are taking care of children with someone else (a father, stepfather, your current boyfriend, or other family members), try to come up with a schedule that lets you do the work as a team. You will benefit from not getting overloaded both with work and taking care of children. 

In case you are a single working mom/mum, things have surely got tougher for you, since the beginning of the pandemic. We genuinely hope you have assistance from some family members. Still, there are moments when you are a working mother, all alone with your children.

On these occasions, depending on the age of the child, you can get them to understand why working is essential. Keep them busy right beside you when you are working on your computer. When you are finally away from work, have a good time with your kid (or kids). Forget about work and being a working mom/mum, and just enjoy each other.

Then, at the end of the day, if you still have some energy left, get some time for yourself. You deserve it.

This works both in the case of you being a single working mom/mum or if you are a mom/mum who has duties shared with a partner. Take advantage of naps! Seriously. When your kid gets his/her nap in the afternoon, use this time to get rid of your workload. This strategy surely has been used since forever, but it is still important to remember it, to prevent overwhelm with juggling everything. 

One of the most important things during times when you are a working mother at home is to set boundaries. These boundaries have two sides. You should know that you need to focus when you are working, and when you are finally done with it, you need to disconnect. Shut down your computer, do not look at your phone, and enjoy time with your family. You will regain positive mental energy from doing this, and you will feel thankful for that.

We understand that being a working mother during quarantine is one of the hardest tasks. Thus, we sincerely wish that the few tips carefully written above have some use for you. If you have developed other ways of dealing with this and think they are beneficial, you are more than welcome to share them in the comments. After all, the question is, can working moms/mums have it all?

 

Author’s bio:  

This article was written by Miranda Davis, a freelance writer in relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking. 

 

Beginning the Conversation: On my Mums Depression- Guest post by Sarah for Time to Talk Day

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

begin

Note : Please read with care- Trigger warning (suicidal thoughts)

When a topic of conversation hits the mainstream, it becomes easier to understand and it spawns more conversations. It snowballs.

Right now, we’re living in a time when society is more open than ever about mental health. Issues are not swept under the rug (as much as they used to be, at least), and life-changing conversations are being had. For me, these conversations on Time To Talk day tend to be amongst friends. It feels…easier, to be open with them.

But what about having a discussion with your parents? What is it like to talk about mental health with a mother or father who has struggled, or currently is struggling with their mental health?

It’s tough. I will tell you that now. But it is important.

I know this because my mum has had depression for 12 years. The best way that I can describe her depression, whilst remembering that every experience is unique, is that it is like a cloud. Some days it can be lighter, and almost brighter, though still casting some shade.

Other days it can be dark, foreboding, and cast its shadow over any and all. The darkest time for her, and for our family, was at the beginning of her depression. It was during that time that I nearly lost my mum at 14.

I could almost say that she actually was lost to our family, if only for a while. I lived with a woman who looked like her, and sounded like her. But her words and actions were foreign and strange to me. Her drive and her energy seemed to vanish overnight, and a woman sitting in the dark, who felt like she had nothing to give, took her place.

I remember going to school, walking past her open bedroom door and saying goodbye to her as she lay in bed. At that time, when I asked her if she would be getting up that day, the only response I heard was:

 

“No.”

 

Those conversations were short. They definitely weren’t sweet.

She struggled. I struggled. My brother struggled. My dad struggled. We were desperate for her to get better, and feared that she’d never make it out of the dark. Eventually, with help though, she did. But, while she is now in a better place, there are still highs and lows.

Because I was so young at the time, I never really spoke to my mum about her illness. Life carried on for me, and a new status quo emerged. But over time, we began to talk.

They still weren’t nice conversations, but they were a start. My mum told me how she felt suicidal, as she lay there in bed. At the time, she said it so matter-of-factly that it sounded blasé to my teenage ears. This revelation stung, and I couldn’t understand a simple question. Why?

Why would she want to do this to me? Why would she want to leave her two children without a mother? Why would she want to leave behind a husband who loved, cared for and adored her? These questions swam in my head for years, and I was incredibly angry with her as I saw it as some form of maternal betrayal. I thought she was selfish.

As I’ve gotten older and talked to her even more about this, my views have changed. I realised that my response was selfish. She explained to me that her depression made her feel so worthless, and so useless, that she would in fact be doing us all a favour by leaving our lives.

I’ve also realised that I’m incredibly lucky, because a lot of parents sadly succumb to this insidious disease. This needs to change.

That’s why I’m writing about this today.

That’s why I still talk to my mum about how she’s feeling. That’s why my brother calls me and lets me know when she’s feeling low, which is a common occurrence in winter for a lot of people with depression. As I live far from home, he reminds me that a quick conversation to ask about her day, tell her about mine, and maybe even make her laugh makes all the difference.

If you are, or have been in my situation, I urge you to talk to your mum or dad. I urge you to talk to your friends and family, because it can be a huge burden to carry alone. It’s like I said, when more people talk about something, it becomes easier to understand. When we understand the problem, we can start to treat it.

If you’d like to find out more about having these conversations, you can do so by visiting the Time To Talk website. They have a range of materials that can help you take that first step, and start talking.

This article was written by Sarah, a mental health writer for Time to Talk Day 2019. You can find her at : 

http://pandorashealth.co.uk/

https://twitter.com/PandoraHealth

www.instagram.com/pandorashealth/