On Recovery.

Recovery is an interesting word because it encompasses so much. Either, you can be completely healed from something or you have to manage it, in order to move forward and achieve the goals you have.

I would say that in terms of my bipolar- it is well managed on medication but in terms of my panic disorder- that is still a work in progress. I think that I will try some new kind of therapy to help with it as I get really bad morning anxiety at times. I know some of the triggers.

This week, I was offered a job interview at a school which is positive. I just hope that by me being determined and resilient, I can override any worries and anxiety. After all, panic is just nervous energy and I have faced this before with a positive outcome.

I want to be determined and keep fighting. It is not always easy. The road is not always smooth- and sometimes you hit pot holes. But if you get back up after a fall- you are one step closer to success.

Don’t get me wrong there are days when I am miserable and want to hide. But then there are days when I am positive and determined. You learn resilience. If I give up, no one else can fix it for me. So I have learnt to keep going even when there are setbacks. When, I was depressed in the past (and we are talking so low I would stay in bed all day- this was maybe 3/4 years ago) it was so hard to function but now my medication holds me, I am not depressed and I can do things. I just have to learn coping tools for my anxiety.

Recovery is very much a self-lead thing whilst working with a supportive medical team (and of course family and friends). You can get better. You may have setbacks. But these will make you stronger. I still have days where I don’t feel I can fight any more. Yet you have to keep going.

One tool that helped me so much is prayer. Sometimes saying the shema or tehillim (book of psalms) makes me feel closer to G-d. If you aren’t religious, pray to the universe- I really do believes it helps and it brings me so much comfort.

Just remember even when you are at your lowest- This too shall pass. There were days in my past, when I felt low and suicidal (during a depressive episode). There were days when I found it challenging to wash or to talk to people and I slept to get through the day. Thankfully, now, these days are behind me…. but you learn to love and appreciate life when you can live it.

So to anyone reading this going through any similar thing – keep fighting. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.