Brigid and team very kindly gifted me a copy of her wonderful book for review. Although I have not yet finished it, I have found it very inspiring and such an important read. Here’s what Brigid and her publisher have to say:
Brigid Sheehan didn’t receive her bipolar diagnosis until early adulthood but, looking back, she realises how the condition may have affected her in so many pivotal moments. By writing this memoir and sharing her highs and lows, she hopes that her journey into the past will help others in the same position – and show them that they, too, can live full lives in spite of their bipolar diagnoses.
Brigid says, “I have chosen to tell the story of my lifelong experience as a bipolar sufferer because I think another person’s lived experience can help access knowledge, although no two situations are the same… Bipolar has not become a friend, but I have simply got to know it better and found the means to cope.”
Living with bipolar is never easy and Brigid documents the many highs and lows and how she lives with it.
Being a mother, let alone a new mother, is no easy task. New moms might find themselves flustered with the idea of being a parent for the first time ever. No longer do they only have to care for themselves but also a little one, too, who depends on them. Frustration, stress, and lack of sleep are all common for new mothers. So, how can they fix this? Here are some tips.
Sleep in the Same Room as Baby
Waking up every few hours in the night is no easy task. Having your sleep disrupted when in a groggy state is several times easier when your baby is close by to you.
Keep a crib or bassinet right next to your bed or at least a few feet away to reduce long walks throughout the house to tend to your baby in the night. This way, you can resume sleep as soon as possible.
Prepare a Feeding & Changing Station Before Bed
Another way to ensure proper rest and sanity as a new mom is to keep a feeding and changing station stocked before going to bed for the night. Keep diapers, wipes, rash cream, baby powder, and a change of clothes nearby. Also keep clean bottles and formula (if applicable) within close reach.
Don’t Skip the Bubble Baths
Good hygiene provides relaxation, which in turn, helps us feel more put together and well-rested. There’s nothing quite like soaking in a calming bubble bath to ease those tense muscles.
Keep Your Mental Health in Check
After having a baby, your mental health is of utmost importance. When you’re in a bad mental health state, it’s difficult to get quality sleep at night. You may have problems falling asleep, staying asleep, or may be oversleeping. Either way, you find yourself feeling unrested.
Right now, your wellbeing and your baby’s well being matter most. A pile of dirty dishes? Leave it for tomorrow. Now is the time to prioritize your physical and mental state in the form of good rest. Unless there’s broken glass on the ground or a horrible stench in the house, the chores can be put off.
Get Physical
Even simply going on a walk around the block can be a great way to get exercise in. This in itself can be a relaxing activity. And as everyone knows, getting exercise can also allow you to get a better night’s rest.
Drinking Calming Teas
Turning to herbal teas like chamomile or lavender can be great ways to unwind after a hectic day as a new mom. Never underestimate the power of a hot beverage filled with calming herbs, especially before bedtime.
Conclusion
Being a new mother is going to be a challenge no matter how you look at it. However, what a mom can do differently to make things easier is to ensure she gets proper rest. With the latter tips, any overwhelmed, exhausted mom can get the rest and relaxation she needs to feel rejuvenated after a long day of parenting.
In 2021, I was hospitalised for the second time in my life, due to an acute psychotic episode as a result of my then-recent diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder (Type One). Hospitalisation is one of the scariest, most unsettling periods of time but – a sometimes – necessary stage to recovery. I was so deep within my psychosis for the first week of my admission that I was quite oblivious to my surroundings and the people I was sharing the space with.
However, when my psychosis started to subside and I began to return to my true self, more free from delusions and mania, I was struck with a strong feeling of not belonging. I felt truly and utterly lost.Â
My ward was made up of around fifteen other women, with varying diagnosis, in differing mental states and from different walks of life. Yet, somehow I still felt like an outsider.
At first I was trying to think why. Was it because I was a Northerner in a Southern hospital? Was it because I was one of few that was the same ethnicity as myself? Was it that I was younger than most? There were so many factors that could have been the result of me feeling at a loss and not finding belonging.
Ultimately, no one wants to feel like they belong inside a psychiatric hospital. However, I believe there is merit in feeling like you have a place and in finding a sense of belonging helped me to have grounding and a base that wasn’t initially there.Â
Here are a few factors, of which helped me to find belonging:
Acceptance – A lot of my initial struggle was the complete denial, fuelled mainly by my delusional thoughts, that I wasn’t mentally ill and I was in the wrong place. The acceptance that I was a patient in a place that was designed to help me was a key turning point within my recovery. I belonged and thus was worthy of treatment and a future.Â
Routine – Although I grappled with feeling like I was becoming institutionalised, I think sticking to the routine of the ward was really important. Asides from the benefits of attending meal times, having the structure meant seeing familiar faces, both staff and patients and having positive interactions.Â
Involvement – Attending the therapy sessions that were available were so beneficial. My ward had a brilliant occupational therapist and other specialists that would come in to do structured sessions such as music therapy, cooking or yoga classes. Again, I got to see familiar faces and it brought with it a sense of community.Â
Authenticity – One of my biggest struggles throughout both manic, and depressive periods, is finding it hard to connect to my true authentic self. Reconnecting to myself and allowing myself to just be me meant that I felt more relaxed and at ease.
Finding this sense of belonging in a place where no one wants to belong ultimately gave me the grounding to go forward and look forward to a brighter future.Â
Katie is a freelance writer who lives with bipolar disorder in recovery and has courageously shared her experiences of being hospitalised here.
When it comes to mental health, many people tend to focus on the usual suspects: stress, anxiety, depression, and medications. However, did you know that your food choices also play a significant role in your mental well-being? Over the years, studies have revealed the powerful connection between what we eat and how we feel emotionally. It’s not just about getting the right nutrients for physical health, but also for mental health. This blog post will explore some of the clear examples of how eating affects your mental health.
Mood Swings
What we eat affects the chemistry of our brain, which can lead to mood swings. Consuming foods high in sugar and simple carbohydrates, such as cakes and candy bars, may give you a quick energy boost, but it can also cause blood sugar spikes and crashes, leading to irritability, anxiety, and depression. Eating a balanced diet with protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats will help stabilise your mood and keep your energy levels consistent; buying from health food stores with less processed foods and organic produce like Southtown Health Foods can help with this goal.
Stress and Anxiety
Eating nutrient-dense foods can play a big role in reducing stress and anxiety. Foods like salmon, walnuts, and chia seeds contain omega-3 fatty acids, which are linked to lower levels of stress hormones. Other foods, such as leafy greens, are rich in magnesium, which can help decrease anxiety. On the other hand, consuming caffeine and sugar can increase feelings of anxiety.
Brain Fog
The foods we eat can also impact our cognitive function. Processed foods and fast food meals that are high in trans fats and sugar can cause inflammation, which affects the brain’s ability to think clearly and process information. It’s important to fuel your brain with nutrient-dense foods, such as whole grains, lean protein, and healthy fats like avocado and nuts.
Depression and Mental Health Disorders
Studies have shown that people who consume a diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein have a lower risk of depression and other mental health disorders. These foods are rich in vitamins and minerals that are crucial for proper brain function and emotional well-being. On the other hand, a diet high in processed and fast food can increase the risk of depression and other mental health issues.
Gut Health
The gut-brain connection is a well-known phenomenon, and the gut microbiome plays a vital role in our mental health. Consuming a diet high in fibre, fermented foods like yogurt and kimchi, and prebiotics like garlic and onions can help foster a healthy gut microbiome and improve mental health. On the other hand, consuming a diet high in sugar and processed foods can lead to an imbalance in gut bacteria and inflammation that can negatively impact mental health.
In conclusion, what you put into your body matters for both your physical and mental health. Meal planning and making mindful food choices can go a long way in nourishing your brain and keeping your mood stabilised.
It’s important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all diet that will work for everyone, but incorporating more whole foods into your diet is a good start. Take control of your mental health by paying attention to your diet and making changes as necessary. Your body and mind will thank you for it!
Please note that a healthy diet without any other support is not a ‘cure’- make sure to reach out to professionals if you are in crisis.
Each of us is our own worst critic and enemy when it comes to matters of the heart. We judge ourselves more harshly than others and when we set standards for our lives, they can often feel impossible. We listen to our own inner voice more than others and when we are overly critical, we’re actually approaching situations and life all wrong.
Who else do you listen to that tells you you’re bad at things? Probably no one else because no one will criticise you more than you do. When you’re feeling low, it can really help to do all that you can to feel better in yourself. You need to feel like a success!
For example, if you don’t own a business, being accomplished could come from studying hard in something new. If you do own a business, you could feel more accomplished with the help of the create chatbot feature you can add to your website – that accomplishment comes from knowing you’re offering value to customers. Things like this can make you feel fantastic about yourself, which is what you should try to achieve at all times.
So, how else can you feel more accomplished, when you’re feeling low?
Consider where you are in life.
How far have you come in life so far? It doesn’t matter where you are right now, you will have come far in life and you have to think about the journey you’ve undertaken. From a personality and mental point of view – even a physical change – you have changed and grown as a person and it’s so exciting! You need to own that and be proud of yourself for it because you are the best person to feel that pride
No matter which pathways you’ve taken in life so far, you have to be proud of the person you are becoming. You have done so many things so far and hit so many milestones!. If you’re running your own business, you might consider that this is a massive accomplishment compared to where you imagined you would be right now.
Learn to be comfortable with you.
Not everyone goes through life feeling comfortable about who they are but you are a strong person who has overcome every negative situation in life so far. What’s to stop you doing this again and again? Nothing! You are the person in charge of your life, and you deserve to feel like you are doing something right. By changing the things you’re not proud of, you are going to mature and grow in ways you couldn’t imagine.
Create stability.
In your job, in your home life and in your relationships, you should do all that you can to feel more stable in life. Being in charge of that stability takes some time but it’s something that will make you feel like you’re winning in life and you deserve that. Pace yourself with it and take each day as it comes. Feeling low will not go away overnight. But by creating stability in areas of your life, this will help you.
If you are feeling low and think you may be depressed, please do go and see your GP and /or a therapist. There is no shame in reaching for help.
Anxiety is a natural response to stress, but sometimes it can become overwhelming and interfere with your daily life. If you’re struggling with anxiety, you don’t have to go it alone. There are many effective strategies for managing anxiety that psychiatrists and mental health professionals use every day. Here are 10 proven strategies for reducing anxiety and taking control of your thoughts and feelings.
Identify Your Triggers
The first step in managing your anxiety is to identify what triggers it in the first place. Is there a specific situation, person, or event that causes you to feel anxious? By recognizing these triggers, you can begin to take steps to avoid them or find ways of coping when they do arise.
Keep a Stress Journal
Keeping track of your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to gain insight into how your body reacts to certain situations and how best to manage them. Write down any physical sensations, emotions, or triggers that contribute to your anxiety so that you can better understand what’s causing it and how best to deal with it.
Exercise Regularly
Exercise is not only a great way to burn off pent-up energy but also helps release endorphins which act as natural mood boosters. Even just a few minutes of exercise each day can help reduce stress levels and improve overall mental wellbeing.
Practice Relaxation Techniques
Taking time out of each day for relaxation is essential for keeping your stress levels low. Take up yoga, practice deep breathing exercises, or listen to calming music before bed each night—whatever works for you. Finding activities that bring about relaxation will help reduce the intensity of your anxiety over time and lead towards more peaceful days ahead.
Talk To Someone
Talking about the things that are causing you anxiety is often the first step in taking control of it again; whether it be with family members, friends, or even professional psychiatric services, like New Tele Doc, if needed. Having someone else who you trust to talk through issues with can help put problems into perspective and provide clarity on potential solutions going forward—something we often need when dealing with our own anxieties.
Get Enough Sleep
Lack of sleep can exacerbate existing anxieties so make sure you get at least 7-8 hours per night whenever possible; if not more depending on personal circumstances. If insomnia is an issue then try getting outside during daytime hours (weather permitting) as exposure to sunlight helps regulate the body’s natural circadian rhythm which aids in quality sleep later at night.
Eat Well and Drink Water
Eating well balanced meals throughout the day helps keep energy levels high while avoiding unhealthy snacks or sugary drinks which can cause blood sugar spikes/drops leading towards feelings of fatigue/anxiousness respectively. Similarly drinking lots of water helps ensure good hydration levels which makes us feel more alert mentally whilst providing physical benefits too.
Practice Mindful Meditation
Mindful meditation involves focusing on one’s thoughts without judgment in order to allow yourself some time away from any negative self-talk or worrying thoughts; allowing yourself time away from such things has been proven beneficial for those struggling with anxiety issues. It’s important however not to focus solely on this technique as other methods should always be employed alongside mindful meditation too when tackling any difficult issue such as this one.
Avoid Caffeine and Alcohol
Both caffeine and alcohol are known stimulants which if consumed regularly can increase adrenal hormones leading towards heightened states of fear, anxiety, and nervousness. Try replacing coffee/tea based beverages (which contain caffeine) instead with green tea or fruit juices (which don’t!) as these are far healthier options overall particularly when trying to combat any pre-existing anxieties already present within oneself.
Break Negative Thinking Patterns
Lastly breaking negative thinking patterns involves challenging any irrational beliefs we may have about ourselves by looking at evidence objectively. This could involve writing down pros and cons for certain decisions we make before acting upon them so we have an understanding of why certain actions should be taken based upon factual evidence rather than assumptions made from our own potentially skewed perspectives.
Everyone experiences periods of worry from time-to-time but learning how best to manage those worries will increase your confidence in being able handle similar situations better next time they arise. By following the above 10 steps anyone suffering from regular bouts of anxiety will likely find their overall quality of life improving dramatically once proper management techniques become part of their daily routine! Psychiatric services such as therapy sessions/medication may also be necessary depending upon individual circumstances. Seeking medical advice should never be seen as a sign of weakness but rather strength instead because ultimately tackling problems head-on is better than running away from them indefinitely.
Today is World Bipolar Day and for those of us living with bipolar disorder we know that living with it every day, year round is more accurate. However today is our day to talk about life with mental illness and to try and eradicate the stigma around the illness… ‘crazy lady’ ‘nuts’ ‘drama queen’.
World Bipolar Day is designed to raise awareness worldwide of bipolar conditions and to work to eliminate social stigma whilst providing information to educate and help people understand the condition.
Even though I live in remission/recovery with the illness, I am medicated daily to be this way, and I have undergone years of therapy and learnt coping methods too, with support from family.
Well, before I found medication that stabilises my bipolar highs and lows, life looked very different.
There were times I couldn’t work. I was so depressed I lay in bed in all day, only getting up to eat. I was scared to have a shower and wash my hair.
Life looked bleak. All I wanted was my duvet and oblivion. I had intrusive thoughts about ending my life, I was in a lot of emotional pain and this would last for weeks, sometimes months on end.
Bipolar isn’t just a bit high or a bit low…. its depression and mania, suicidal ideation and psychosis, self harm thoughts, hypersexuality, hyper activity, believing delusions that aren’t real…..SO much. Its episodic but it can ruin your life. Some turn to drugs, alcohol, sex to cope. Some hear voices too.
I have been in hospital twice for fairly long stays. I have been sectioned under the mental health act and held in a hospital unit against my will. I have been injected with sedatives to calm my mind and body when I couldn’t consent. I have met people in hospital who were suicidal, anxious, depressed, high on drugs, in psychosis. I lived on a ward where I heard people being restrained.
So, not much fun really. Luckily this month I am celebrating 9 years of remission out of hospital! I also came out of hospital as a nervous wreck and thankfully, therapy has helped.
(Image: speakingbipolar.com)
This blog is inspired by one of my followers who asked me what was my ‘Aha’ moment in recovery.
As well as finding the medicine Lithium, a salt that controls the mood fluctuations, the biggest thing I did for my own healing was go through therapy for my panic attacks and PTSD like symptoms. This was done with the support of my husband and family and because I has been on an NHS waiting list for 2 years, I needed help. My therapist and I have done EMDR trauma therapy which has helped me to process things.
In fact, I still do get anxiety attacks – just less. I have been in a very good place generally in the past year. Finding support at home, at work and from friends and family has been the most stabilising part.
I have had bipolar since I was 15, I am 34 and can tell you that this has not always been the case and my mental health has and will fluctuate.
I learnt recently that bipolar brains are neurodiverse, meaning our brain chemicals act differently to a neurotypical brain. Always good to understand the biology behind it too as this illness can be inherited and run in families- my Dad and I and other relatives have it.
On World Bipolar Day I hope:
-Employers adhere to the disability act and make reasonable adjustments to help those of us with bipolar to work in a better way for them, including hybrid working.
-People with mental illness aren’t fired because they can’t get to a physical workplace.
-Mental health services need better funding, so that people with bipolar can get a correct diagnosis sooner and get the help they need.
-People not in the Western world will get access to mental health medication and therapies that they desperately need.
Most of us have bad habits that we’re aware of, whether it’s smoking, excessive drinking, or eating unhealthy foods. We may think that the only consequence of these habits is the occasional guilty feeling or a bit of embarrassment. Still, bad habits have far-reaching and unseen repercussions that can significantly affect our health. In fact, poor habits such as these can lead to various physical and mental health issues, such as depression, insomnia, and heart disease. The good news is that we can make changes to improve our health and overall well-being by understanding the unseen consequences of our bad habits.
Premature Ageing
Premature ageing is one of the most significant and often unseen consequences of bad habits. Smoking, for example, has been linked to premature wrinkles, age spots, and an overall aged appearance. The same applies to excessive drinking and unhealthy eating habits, contributing to poor skin health and general ageing.
Research has shown that bad habits can also contribute to accelerated ageing of the brain. Studies have found that excessive drinking, smoking, and other unhealthy habits can increase the risk of developing dementia and other age-related cognitive issues.
Decreased Mental Health
Bad habits can also have a negative impact on our mental health. Studies have found that smoking, excessive drinking, and unhealthy eating habits can all increase the risk of developing depression and anxiety. Additionally, poor habits can lead to an increased risk of developing insomnia, which can harm our mental health.
Additionally, unhealthy habits can also lead to an increased risk of developing stress and other negative emotions. Studies have found that smokers and excessive drinkers are more likely to experience emotions such as anger and frustration, which can lead to further mental health issues.
Reduced Motivation
Bad habits can also have a negative effect on our motivation levels. People with unhealthy habits often feel lethargic and lack the energy and drive to complete tasks or take on new challenges. This can sometimes be attributed to poor nutrition, as unhealthy foods leave us feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Similarly, those who smoke often feel tired and lack the energy to exercise, which can further decrease motivation levels.
Bad habits can increase the risk of developing chronic conditions like diabetes and heart disease. These conditions can cause fatigue, which can further reduce our motivation levels. Additionally, those who consume excessive amounts of alcohol are more likely to experience difficulty concentrating, which can decrease motivation and mental health.
Lifestyle Changes
Bad habits can lead to a dependence on these substances which could significantly alter your lifestyle. Just like you can lack motivation, you may also replace things you should do with bad habits, despite knowing it is not good for you.
If you develop a dependence on alcohol or drugs, you may ignore responsibilities, such as work, spending time with friends, or even parenting, to indulge in your bad habits. While any bad habit can affect your life and be a problem, these instances are where you have arguably hit rock bottom because you care more about the habit than you do anything else.
In these cases, seeking help through therapy or drug rehab is crucial. It can take time to accept you need help, but taking steps to find this support is the first stage of getting your life back.
Increased Risk of Health Conditions and Diseases
Finally, bad habits can increase the risk of developing severe health conditions and diseases. Those who smoke are more likely to experience a stroke, lung cancer, heart disease, and an increased risk of developing COPD and other respiratory conditions. Similarly, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to liver cirrhosis, pancreatitis, and an increased risk of certain types of cancer.
Furthermore, those who engage in unhealthy habits are more likely to develop obesity and type 2 diabetes and an increased risk of developing high blood pressure and high cholesterol. These conditions can lead to an increased risk of stroke and heart attack and even reduce our life expectancy.
Conclusion
In conclusion, ‘bad habits’ can have far-reaching and unseen consequences that significantly affect our health and overall wellbeing. However, by understanding the unseen effects of our bad habits, we can make changes to improve our health and wellness for good.
This article was written by a freelance writer. If you need help for addictions or eating disorders, please reach for help from qualified professionals.
No one’s life is perfect. At some point, we all face difficult challenges and struggles that can leave us feeling lost, powerless, and alone. If you’re currently dealing with a big life change, know that you’re not alone. Here are some tips for how to cope with the big changes life throws at us.
Acknowledge that change is hard, and give yourself time to grieve the loss of what was
Acknowledging the difficulty of coping with emotional hardships in life can be the first step toward healing. Change is never easy and it is natural to experience grief or sorrow over losing something familiar or safe. Taking the time to sit with those feelings will help give space for understanding rather than running away and pretending like everything is fine. Being compassionate to yourself throughout this process can allow you to accept the struggles you are facing, ultimately helping you venture forward.
Lean on your support system – friends, family, therapist, etc.
When grappling with emotional struggles in life, it is helpful to remember that you are never alone. Caring and reliable support systems of friends, family, and therapists can make a significant difference in your journey of healing. A strong foundation of accepting people will lift your spirits and provide valuable perspectives on your situation. You might find this through your community at school, going to a local group therapy meeting, or through a religious or other network. Every individual has different needs when it comes to dealing with emotional difficulties; leaning on those around you as a source of comfort can be an extremely supportive outlet, as you navigate through trying times.
Find healthy coping mechanisms that work for you
When dealing with difficult emotions, it is essential to find healthy ways to cope. Each person has different needs and preferences when it comes to finding relief from emotional hardships. Luckily, there is an abundance of coping mechanisms available. Whether it’s exercise, journaling, painting, or something else entirely, identifying which coping activities work best for you can help reduce stress in your life and give you an outlet for negative emotions. Being proactive in finding techniques that bring relief is the foundation for healing.
Create a new routine or structure for yourself to help with the transition
When dealing with emotional struggles in life, creating a new routine or structure for yourself can provide much-needed comfort and stability. This can range from something as simple as coming up with a plan for your daily tasks or an overarching chart that breaks down what you want to accomplish each week. Furthermore, it may be beneficial to set aside time where you can focus on self-care or just unplug and take a breather from the world around you. Though this type of change may seem daunting at first, having an established plan can give us control, which is often otherwise lacking during hard times. By putting confidence in yourself and investing effort in your goals, you can take strides on the path toward healing.
Be patient with yourself
Making a major change in life can be traumatic, and it is important to be patient with yourself as you adjust. Healing often happens one step at a time, so allow yourself the time and space to take whatever baby steps are necessary to feel better. Finding people who understand and can offer meaningful support along your journey is important, but make sure that the people you turn to also help you focus on your sense of strength and purpose rather than simply engaging in a pity party. With patience, you will eventually discover that you’ve healed enough that growth can start to occur.
Going through tough changes in life is never easy, but there are ways to make it more manageable. Acknowledge your feelings, reach out for support, find healthy coping mechanisms, and be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and adjust, and eventually, things will start getting better. Remember that you’re not alone – Lean on your loved ones and professionals for help when needed. You’re worth it.Â
Meghan Belnap is a freelance writer who enjoys spending time with her family. She loves being outdoors and researching new topics that help to expand her horizons. You can often find her buried in a good book or out looking for an adventure. You can connect with her on Facebook right here and Twitter right here.
Happy new year everyone! Gosh its nearly the end of January and I havn’t written a blog for a while so thought I would share some things that have been happening here and talk a bit about mental health stuff too.
Firstly, my mental health is fairly stable at the moment, as has been the case for a number of years. I don’t get typical bipolar depressive or manic episodes on my medications and this year is my 9th year out of hospital , which is always a positive. However, I still suffer with anxiety and stress and get overwhelmed so have to pace myself! I have bad days too where things feel too much but thankfully they don’t escalate into a depression.
So for the positives- I have achieved some huge anxiety wins for me. Since November, I have been on the tube (first time in 3 years), I have gone up to the West End with Rob to the theatre using public transport, my panic attacks have been lessening, I have been able to see more people in person and I also passed my probation at work and have been made permanent (huge win!). I am someone who struggles with agarophobia when I feel more anxious and stressed and going out alone can still be a challenge.
I have been allowing myself to venture into previously anxiety provoking situations- for example, I get cabs alone home from work. I had to start doing this last year and it helped me get back into the world again. It wasn’t easy due to many fears I had but I have been able to do it, slowly. My job is also hybrid so I can work from home too- but getting back out into the world and having kind work colleagues at an office has been such a vital part of my recovery too. My therapist has been so helpful in dealing with the panic attacks and anxiety and I do still get triggered but at the moment on a lesser scale. I still find blood tests, hospitals and general health stuff scary because of what I have been through. I really recommend therapy.
I sometimes do have to cancel arrangements when things feel too much so am sorry to anyone I have had to postpone… its not easy and I hate doing it as I feel bad… but I am learning the balance of looking after me and socialising too. I don’t always get it right but I am trying.
Then, my friend in Bushey, Lee, texted me a few weeks back and asked if I would like to speak in my childhood community for the Jami (Jewish charity) Mental Health Awareness Shabbat. I hadn’t done public speaking about my story since before Covid in 2019, when I spoke with my Dad Mike at Limmud and at Chigwell shul (synagogue, my husbands community). I have had drama training so for me speaking publicly as someone else is OK, but when I have to stand up and share my own story, I get nervous as its so personal. The first time I was asked to speak in a shul at Belsize Square, I made it to the community but my Dad had to give the talk by himself as i was too panicked to attend the service. I managed in time to dip my toe in slowly, always with the support of my Dad and my therapist.
This talk in Bushey felt significant. It’s the Jewish community I grew up in and was a part of until I was 23. I felt like I was going home. The Bushey team told me they had two other speakers, but would I like to speak and share my story with bipolar disorder?
I thought to myself… I am ready, my panic attacks and social anxiety are more under control. To me being asked to come home to Bushey shul was a sign. My Grandpa Harry passed away in 2021 from Covid- and he and Grandma had lived in Bushey since the 1990s, when we were little. Our family lived in both Bushey and Bushey Heath and I studied at Immanuel College, across the road from our home and my grandparents. The area contains so many happy memories for me. I knew the new senior Rabbi and Rebbetzen, as he had officiated at my grandparents funerals and was so kind to our family. My Dad is also still a member of the shul and I still know a lot of people who live in the community too. Its a very special community and one I am proud to be from (and still feel.a small part of despite not being a local anymore).
So, I decided, with my Dad and Rob’s support on the day (and anxiety meds), that I could stand up in shul and speak with the other two speakers on the Shabbat (sabbath) morning. My Mum and step dad were supporting from afar and looking after our guineapigs.
The senior Rabbi and Rebbetzen hosted us for the Friday night which was wonderful as we got to meet lots of new couples and see the Ketts, the other Rabbi and Rebbetzen! For lunch after the service, we went to Lee’s house, which was very special as she was my batmitzvah teacher and is a good family friend.
I was initially told the talk was going to be in a break out room- but on the day it was decided that it would be from the pulpit. Last time I ventured to that pulpit and stood up there was when I was 12 years old, sharing my batmitzva portion of the Torah. The year my Dad was very ill and diagnosed with bipolar. I became ill just 3 years later.
Now, here I was back as a married woman of 34, revealing about the mental illness that had found its way into my family and caused a lot of devastation. However, the main reasons I wanted to stand up and talk about bipolar disorder are because I know that this illness runs in families, many Jewish families struggle with it. I wanted to give the message that you can live with this illness but you can have periods of remission, recovery, you can find hope.
And as I spoke to the audience of people – many of whom I had known since my childhood, who saw me grow up and saw my family eventually leave Bushey for Edgware, I felt humbled. I felt honoured to be asked to speak and I hoped that by sharing my own journey with bipolar (being diagnosed at 16, in hospital twice, the last time in 2014 for a very serious manic episode), that I could touch someone who needed to hear it. My Dad gave me permission to tell his story too.
When I grew up in. the early 2000s, talking about mental illness and particularly in Jewish spaces, was not the norm. I hope that through sharing my own journey and my Dads (he was undiagnosed for 9 years until he was 44), that I will have helped someone.
Most importantly, I felt I had come home. The kindness and warmth shown to me by the members of the Bushey community who I have known since I was a little girl was something so incredibly special and touching. People confided in me after the service about their own struggles. Others thanked me for sharing my story. I was hugely touched by the other two speakers who spoke after me about their own journeys with mental health and their children’s. I won’t name them here in case they want to be anonymous but I learnt so much from them and their experiences.
So I want to say a huge thank you to Lee, to the Rabbis and Rebbetzens and to everyone in Bushey who I have known for years and have loved- for hosting us, for inviting me to talk about something so personal in such a special community. It touched my heart. I really hope it helps.
I genuinely did not know how I stood up there to speak to 90 odd people- what kept me going is knowing I was doing this to help eradicate the stigma of mental illness but also I hope that the words I spoke gave comfort to anyone going through mental illness, that it does get better. It can improve. You won’t be ill forever.
When I was unwell in 2014, Jonny Benjamin MBE was speaking and sharing about mental illness. He taught me that sharing your story to help others is vital. So thanks Jonny for all your support too (whether you knew you gave me the courage or not :).
I also want to thank Jami charity, Laura Bahar and Rabbi Daniel Epstein. I was part of the volunteering team that helped set up the first mental health awareness shabbat. The project has blossomed and is now annual and it is truly wonderful to see.
What I want to clarify is that although I am currently a lot better with my anxiety, it is very much a grey area, day by day thing. That can be hard for people to understand- how one day you can be great with loads of energy and the next you have to stay home and recuperate- self care. But I think knowledge of mental health is increasing now, so do check in with your friends and family and offer a safe space without judgement- its so helpful.
Thank you again for reading this if you got this far. You can do whatever you put your mind too- reach for help from medical teams, medication, therapists and never give up.
beurownlight.com 