A Personal Note and Festive Appeal

December 20, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

beyourownlight
I can’t believe that its so very nearly the end of 2016! So many things have happened this year and it has been a remarkable year in so many ways.

Its hard to believe that only 2 and a half years ago, I was living on a hospital ward for 4 months receiving treatment for a bipolar manic episode that included psychosis, delusions and mania. I wasn’t well enough to be back at home for a long time and it was a turbulent process that ripped my whole world apart- I was only 25 and it had come out of the blue.

I look back and think that it has made me stronger and made me totally appreciate life and medication and support networks when I am well. It has meant I can help others through my blogging and advocacy work and that I can have a better understanding of my own brain. I hope one day there will be more funded research into bipolar.

As it is almost Christmas and Chanukah, I just wanted to highlight Be Ur Own Lights Festive Appeal for Jami (Jewish Association for Mental Illness). Jami are a small charity operating to help people in the UK Jewish Community. I fundraise for them to help their services including day centres, hospital visits, work programmes and befriending. They are on the front line of battling stigma.

Please give whatever you can to the charity to help fulfill their incredible work. Without Jami, life would be a whole lot harder for so many.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy Festive period.

To donate just click on this just giving link and follow the instructions:
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/BeUrOwnLight

Life is Possible: Guest Post by Megan

December 13, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Megan is a blogger at http://www.themanicyears.com and writes about mental illness and bipolar disorder. She shares with us her positive outlook on life after overcoming adversity.

I recently got asked a question that I have been asked quite a few times in my life before now. This question was asked by a distant acquaintance of mine; a person who was – until the past couple of months – previously a stranger to me.

The question was this;

“If you had the chance to go back in time, to redo any of your past choices, what would you change and why?”

I have thought about this in passing, at various points as I have progressed throughout my adult years. Usually, I shrug the question off with a – ‘Yes, there’s probably lots of things I would change’ – without consenting to deeper reflection and proceed to let the thought slowly slip from my mind, like a shallow pool of water that gently drains through the gaps in my fingertips when I attempt to cup it in my hands, leaving its damp trace as a reminder to be embraced again at a later time.

In this occurrence, something about the flow of the conversation between me and this person, made me pause and take the time to delve deeper in to my introspections, generating the need to deliver an open, raw and honest answer.

I looked back, escaping the present moment by retrograding through a virtual journey within my memories, my life, my youth, the relationships that I’d built and the ones that were torn down. And in that first instance; all I saw was pain.

Up until 2013, I endured a heart-wrenching and debilitating conquest to seek the right kind of help for my issues, and was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. After the herculean efforts that resulted in this conclusion, I couldn’t quite decide if I had been awarded with a victory badge, or had my autonomy snatched away from me and handed down a stigmatised label of shame.

I had always been a painfully anxious and emotional child, but my first ‘real’ symptoms began when I was 12 years old; I started suffering from psychotic breaks and harmful thoughts. As far as my fragmented memory takes me, I understand this came about as a result of my mothers illness and attempted suicide . It was an attempt for which the blame was placed on me, when I’d packed up my things and left home one day through the impact of her own mental illness. What once were just about manageable emotional waves, became uncontainable storms.

My teenage years to follow were a struggle. Inevitably withdrawing from my peers, I lost myself in my pain and in the midst of it all and I made a lot of wrong choices. By the age of 18, I had turned to risk taking and harmful behaviours in an attempt to seek some sort of alleviation and my mood swings were wildly out of control. The relationship with my mother, even with my friends, had turned in to a wreck of nothing but dysfunctional scraps. Connecting with others was a difficult task, especially when I went back to my studies. A slow withdrawal from society will eventually disconnect you completely from other people. It puts you in a glass box placed high upon the shelves of the unwanted. In those classrooms, I disappeared. I was invisible, slowly degenerating in to the ashes of battle that I had lost a long time ago.

For the last ten years of my life, I feel that I have lost and wasted my youth. Did I choose to turn my back to my own self worth, to my recovery? Did I make a comfy home in the land of unforgiveness in the attempt to punish myself? Did I regret making these – I could argue – deliberate choices?

But when I look back from this day, I find myself understanding the result and my reasoning to that fateful question. And my answer to the question is; I would not change it one bit.

In this moment, I see the value of what I have in my life now, as a result of what lead me here. I now see that I can thank myself that I did not give up on my studies, turning my hurt in to a driver to fuel my career – a notion that I did not realise at the time. I now see, that those people I distanced myself from who walked away, are those people which I’d unconsciously sifted out from the small circle of treasures I am blessed have in my life and who I call ’true’ friends. I now see, that although forever present, these scars that trace through my whole body have toughened and healed. I now see the infinite possibilities and the beauty of life within the depths of my child’s eyes, and I see a reflection of my own growth in there.

If I had not endured my past at all, would I have been in the place that I am now? Would I even dream of risking all the wealth that I have in my life in this moment in time?

I now see, that I won the battle all along. I now see, that life is possible.

On paper, I may be just an ‘unfortunate’ label of a chronic and debilitating mental health disorder, who drew the bad hand in life. But behind the diagnosis, behind the long term medication, hides an unbelievable journey that led me to this present day. And I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Monday Update: Rethink and Thank You

December 12, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

This is just a short update post- I just want to thank everyone who visited my blog as a result of my Rethink article and everyone who read the article and found it useful!
It is always a pleasure to write for such an important and caring charity and I love writing and partnering with Rethink.

I have also been receiving some brilliant guest posts to my inbox which will start going up soon.

Thank you for making the Be Ur Own Light community the shining light that it is and is becoming.

Love from a cold, grey London but with warmth 🙂

thankyou

Surviving Depression and Suicidal thoughts: a blog for Rethink Mental Illness

December 8, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

https://www.rethink.org/news-views/2016/12/surviving-depression-and-suicidal-thoughts

Thank you to Rethink for publishing my blog under a pseudonym, for the graphic and sharing my story of hope over adversity.

Rose is the blogger behind Be Your Own Light blog, which provides great articles about living with mental illness, from both herself and guest bloggers. Below she talks to us about how she has dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts.

When I was 15 years old, I experienced my first depressive episode. I felt unable to leave the house or see friends as the depression brought about an increase in anxiety . My parents looked after me as best they could and I was taken to see an adolescent psychiatrist who put me on anti depressants coupled with therapy. I gradually got better again with time and managed to do well in my exams.

I was eventually hospitalised voluntarily after more periods of illness and at 16 years old, diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder. Understandably, the diagnosis changed my life. I am now 28 and have been taking medication since then. Not long ago, I survived a suicidal depression that I had in the winter of 2013, 6 months before I went into hospital.

At this time, It was apparent that for several years my medication was not controlling my low moods. I would get really depressed very quickly, feel overly emotional when stressed and felt like I had to hide myself away. I began sleeping too much to escape the inner turmoil and to get respite. Sleep became my balm and escape.

However, it was when I began sleeping from 9-5 pm with a quick break for food, not getting washed and dressed or answering my phone and not being able to get in to work, that the psychiatrist was called to the house to see me.

I remember crying and crying- in such pain in my mind. For me, the depression felt so chemical- I knew I needed to change my medication but I didn’t know why everything felt like ‘wading through treacle’. Why couldn’t I find the joy in life anymore, I asked myself? I just couldn’t cope with the painful negative thoughts and feelings and started thinking irrationally that I would be better off not here in the world.

These suicidal thoughts were extremely challenging to deal with. I was so scared by them that I would tell my parents constantly how I was feeling. I wanted to get the thoughts out my head and so telling people became my salvation- I believe if I had bottled it up, I may not be here today.

Eventually, over time, my medical team worked together to put me on the right medication- Lithium. The Lithium has changed and saved my life. My brain chemistry is stable, I no longer feel suicidal or depressed. I get up early in the morning and I want to do things with my day. This took a long time but to anyone feeling suicidal- please reach for help.

You can get better- it is your brain playing tricks on you with an illness. I want to spread a message of hope, recovery and survival- life can be dark but if you hold on there is hope.

Monday Afternoon Thoughts

December 5, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Its strange to think that only two months ago I was working in a completely different career. I love children but teaching brought with it what felt like endless morning panic and panic attacks so I had to give it up.

However, since giving it up I have rekindled my love for writing and blogging and working as a social media manager. I love seeing social media grow and building presence for people and I love writing and sharing my message about mental health to the world.

I am pleased I have found something so fulfilling and I feel like this is what I am meant to be doing.

So, as I look forward to the week ahead, I must also remember to work hard and rest well also. To get enough sleep, eat good food and keep my spirits up.

Thankfully I have been so much better of late too in terms of my bipolar and general health.

Have a wonderful Monday to all my followers and readers! I hope you are all well and I send you love from London.

Surviving mental illness while practising Judaism

November 29, 2016November 29, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

jewish1

This post is being dedicated to my friend Helen Brown who wanted to know how being an Orthodox Jewish woman works and is compatible with having a mental illness. How supportive were the Jewish community when I was ill and what does Judaism mean to me?

So:

Let me start by saying that I was born into Judaism and raised Jewish, in a Modern Orthodox, United Synagogue Household- meaning I keep Kosher, rest on the Sabbath and observe all the festivals, learn and pray when I can. I also practise ‘tzniut’- dressing modestly and endeavour to live my life with the positive values of the Torah (Old Testament) bridging modern society . I have a great love for and appreciation of Judaism and I have found that it has kept me going through many difficult times.

Prayer in particular has had a very important resonance in my story. When I was ill in hospital with a bipolar episode two years ago, my friend brought me a tehillim prayer book- the Book of Psalms. Another friend brought me a book of strengthening hopeful quotes from Rabbi Nachman. Every day, I prayed to God to release me from my illness, to give me strength and to give me a full and complete recovery. I prayed that the Doctors and nurses would support and help me, and they did. I found freedom through my religion, even if I couldn’t always understand why this particular test was in my life. My friends also lit candles on the Sabbath with a prayer that I would get better and prayed for me.

The support from the Jewish community during this time was incredible. Rabbis visited me with warm chicken soup, cakes, wisdom, advice and prayers. Friends and family rallied round to visit and bring me food, soft toys, cards and themselves. The kindness was immense and never will be forgotten.

However, there is still a stigma against mental illness in the Jewish community, as there is in most other communities. When I first became ill at 16, I was ridiculed my many who did not understand the meaning of a bipolar manic episode. To this day, I believe there is a woeful misunderstanding and knowledge of psychosis- delusions or hallucinations. There is also a stigma when looking for a marriage partner, if using a matchmaker. I was taught by many to keep quiet about my illness and I still do not readily give the information unless it will help someone else.

Not everyone understands medication or psychotherapy and I am on a mission to educate everyone so the stigma can fall. I am a Modern Orthodox Jewish woman. This means I love God and want to live by His laws, whilst enjoying the modern world of theatre, books, cinema and culture too.

I believe that I was ill for a reason, whether its brain chemistry, a test or both. What I do know is that the community now is changing- there is much more support and kindness.

We only have to look at the new Jami (Jewish Association of Mental Illness) Head Room Café (a social enterprise cafe raising money for the charity) to see that. The funding and support Jami is getting and its new prominence.

There is still more to do, but we as Jews (and non Jews) have a duty to support anyone who is ill- whether its in the mind or the body.

Guest Post: Inner Self Talk The 7 Words that hold you back

November 29, 2016November 29, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Michael J. Russ- Author and Adversity Coach

Your inner conversation, also known as self-talk, exerts more influence over your attitude, achievement, time, success, happiness, relationships, and overall prosperity than you can imagine. Self-talk is best defined as the thoughts and words you use to describe you and what you are doing.

Regardless of whether your inner dialogue remains in your head or is expressed in conversation, there are seven words that can hold you back. These words are: hard, difficult, tough, impossible, can’t, try and never, and usually make an appearance when referencing current and future actions, especially those related to adversity.

Why should you stop using these seven words? Aside from focusing on the negative, they generate unnecessary additional mental adversity and sow seeds of doubt that prevent you from fully committing.

Do you occasionally find yourself saying, this is going to be hard, it’s tough for me, or I will never finish this? Is there some rule that says something will be hard, tough or difficult, or that you will never get something done?

Have you ever heard a coach tell their team a game will be tough, difficult or impossible to win? Of course, not. A coach would never plant such a thought virus into the heads of their players.

When you approach tasks, goals, and intentions, use self-talk that affirms and supports what you want to happen, instead of what you do not. Thinking and saying, I can do this, is a great example of affirmative self-talk that opens pathways to producing your best effort. The phrase is simple, yet very empowering!

Right about now, you are probably wondering what I suggest you think and say in place of the seven words I recommend you drop from your self-talk vocabulary. In my view, simply referring to a response or future action as a challenge is more appropriate because it does not generate additional mental adversity. Examples of its use would be, cleaning this garage is going to be a real challenge or my health is my greatest challenge. These statements position you for what you must accomplish on the road ahead—igniting strength, will, creativity, and inspiration, as opposed to mountains of negative feelings and emotions that hold you back.

Framing actions as challenges might seem trivial, ridiculous, or even uncomfortable at first. What you will soon experience, however, is a noticeable difference in the way you
think and feel. Viewing actions as challenges sets the stage for mental clarity, optimism, possibility thinking, inspired actions, and miraculous aha moments.

Establishing clear goals and intentions and then crafting an inner conversation that supports them is crucial to making self-talk your most important resource and greatest ally for achievement and designing the life you envision. If you find it too great a challenge to keep the seven words I mentioned unsaid, remember this sage advice, if you can’t say something positive, don’t say anything at all.

About the author:
Michael J. Russ is an international bestselling author, inspiring speaker/trainer, and the founder of Zero AdversityTM Coaching & Training. This article was adapted from his international bestselling book, Zero Adversity: 3 Practical Steps to Freedom, Fulfillment, and Creating an Authentic Life, where he outlines a practical 3-step method everyone can use to experience balance, freedom, and prosperity in their life. Michael can be reached via email at inquiry@michaeljruss.com. http://www.michaeljruss.com

Guest Post by Richie: Dealing with anxiety, Live Your Now

November 25, 2016November 25, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

everyday
(image:weheartit.com)

I was honoured to be asked to write a piece on anxiety for this wonderful blog. I’m Richie, and I’m a mindfulness coach – one who happens to have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. The thing is, I didn’t always know I had it. I’ve been researching positive psychology methods etc for many years, but I wasn’t coping so headed to see a counsellor who referred me for a course of CBT after having pointed out – Sir, you have bad anxiety.

Me?

Yes I’d had panic attacks, people would describe me as quite reactive, amongst other things – and after all these years, to discover it was my “fight or flight” mechanism going into overdrive & attaching to situations in had no business being in, well, I was not impressed to say the least! How did I miss this? I felt initially extremely put out by this, I saw myself as a “fighter” – I got on with things, my panic attacks were just “stage fright” (I was in radio/music performance etc), my OCD a quirk of creativity and all that jazz! Right?

Wrong.

This is when I began to understand more fully the stigma associated to “mental health”. A somewhat wishy-washy term to people not familiar, or plain ignorant of the facts (as I myself was), as it’s often attributed to needing to just “chill out” or, “stop being so depressed” etc. At some point in life, many people will experience bouts of some kind of mental illness – after traumas, disappointments, or for some no seeming reason at all! But then, even the most healthy people can catch a cold. And that’s the issue. Mental Health is a physical issue, that cannot be seen, and therefore for some is like trying to see oxygen.

My advice is simple on this matter; for brevity.

Acceptance & ownership

Firstly, accept it’s a physical thing, and take ownership and understand the physical things in the mind that are taking place. This helps separate you from the thought that you ARE your anxiety/depression etc. This is simply not the case.

If you catch a cold, you don’t say you ARE your cold. CBT helped me understand the mechanics of it, and have useful approaches, but for me (and we’re all different), I find mindfulness to have been the most helpful because it teaches to not identify as “being” depression/anxiety etc. This begins a process of dissociation of identifying as “being” depressed/anxious, and instead acceptance of what it is, how it functions, learning how it feels, and gradually gaining a level of understanding and feeling of when it’s occurring – and how it can shape/affect our feelings/emotions and therefore behaviours/reactions.

Experiment with techniques

Secondly, experiment with ways that can help you day to day – of course, seek professional help, but there’s also much that you can do independently. Breathing exercises (massively effective!), reminding yourself that the depression/anxiety doesn’t make you who you are, try things like mindfulness which teach us to detach from thought.

I also personally use meditations, guided or technological, hypnosis, even things like “EFT” (emotional freedom technique – or tapping), reading positive books, listening to uplifting music, and actively managing thought processes as and when I can. Using mindfulness to compliment allows for being more in touch then, with which techniques are being more effective for you in the moment.

Is anxiety still there? Oh yes! But the more I practice these techniques (and you will find what works for you) and indeed, share them with others, the more aware I become of “anxiety”.

Reframing

Lastly; I have also reframed my anxiety, because without that fight or flight mechanism, our species would not likely still be here! So it’s important! It’s evolved in our species to protect us – and there are times that flood of adrenaline etc is critical. We certainly would not wish to be without it, but the chances a tiger is going to jump out and eat us are hopefully not too prevalent in your neighbourhood…

My experiences prompted me to begin @LiveYourNow & @Rmindrs on Twitter where I post daily mindfulness reminders, engage, and encourage others to talk – and hopefully create a few laughs too! (Laughter releases great neuro-chemicals!)

Be forgiving of yourself, understand you’re on a journey, and when you find things that help you, share them with others. The more we speak openly, the less stigma is attached, and the more others who may be suffering in silence may feel comforted and confident to speak out and seek assistance. I have been witness to that now multiple times, and it’s truly a wonderful thing when we accompany each other, in compassion, on our healing journeys.

Thank you for reading! I hope it brings even just one person comfort/hope.

To your greatest life,

Richie – @LiveYourNow

My Blogging Journey: An Update

November 24, 2016 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

All has been so busy here at Be Ur Own Light of late that I havn’t often had time to sit down and just breathe and be. I started this blog back in March time as a personal journal and a way for me to speak to friends and family about my struggles with bipolar and anxiety.

Since then, it has been read on almost every continent excluding the Poles (thank you), gained a larger following here on WordPress and on social media and led me to collaborate with a variety of mental health writers and bloggers, campaigners, charities and health campaigns.

From there, I have also started blogging for the Huffington Post Lifestyle under my real name and am hoping to collaborate with many others. My dream would be to have a feature in Glamour UK Magazine, Stella Magazine or Grazia. I hope that by putting it out to the universe that this will happen!

I would also like to write my own Mental health book and memoir and become a published author and raise more money for charities.

Thank you so much for reading and being a part of my writing journey. Thank you for your likes, follows, comments, guest posts and Tweets/ Insta messages. Thank you for reading from your corner of the world.

I hope to make Be Ur Own Light a big magazine style blog, reaching as many people as possible. For now though, I am humbled by the love and support I have received so far. If you want to collaborate with me just email beurownlight@gmail.com or Tweet me.

With gratitude and love x