Category: Trauma

CBT vs EMDR: Which Therapy Is Right for You? by Andrew Kemp, Therapist at Clear Mind CBT.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

(image: Toa Heftiba: Unsplash)

When people begin looking for psychological support, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT for short, is one of the most well-known and accessible forms of psychotherapy. Recently, more and more therapists are offering Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), particularly for trauma.Both are well established, evidence-based treatments that can help people move forward from distressing experiences — but they do so in quite different ways.

If you’ve been wondering what sets them apart, or which might be the best fit for you, this post aims to break down the differences in a clear and down-to-earth way.

Understanding CBT

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is arguably the most widely accessed and researched psychological approaches, particularly in the UK. It’s based on the understanding that our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and behaviours are all connected. When one of these areas becomes unhelpful — for example, when our thoughts become overly negative or worrisome — it creates a negative cycle that keeps us stuck and in turn maintains that distress.

CBT helps a person to notice these patterns and challenge them with practical, realistic alternatives. The aim is not to “think positively” but to think more accurately. For instance, if you often find yourself thinking “I always mess things up,” CBT would explore the evidence for and against that thought, helping you see the situation in a more balanced light.

Sessions are focused on the present and typically structured towards achieving mutually agreed goals. There is less emphasis on the past and childhood, although this can be useful to consider in relation to the development of a person’s belief system or how they see the world today. This, in turn, influences a person’s responses to distress. CBT continues outside of sessions as clients engage in task such as trying alternative response to distress, or journalling at challenging times. 

CBT for trauma focuses on making changes to the way a person thinks about a traumatic event, and themselves within that event. Re-living is a key element of CBT for trauma and enables the person to safely revisits the traumatic memory in a structured, supportive way with their therapist. This allows the brain to process the event as a memory, rather than something that is still happening now, which in turn reduces distress around the event and any associated flashbacks or nightmares. The overall aim is to reduce distress, restore a sense of safety and control, and help the person make sense of what happened so the trauma feels like something from the past — not something still happening in the present.

CBT is highly effective for anxiety, low mood/depression, panic attacks, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), PTSD/trauma, poor sleep/insomnia and many other mental health difficulties.

Understanding EMDR

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) might sound unusual at first — after all, what do eye movements have to do with mental health? Yet EMDR is a powerful, evidence-based therapy originally developed to help people recover from trauma.

The theory behind EMDR is that when something distressing happens, our brains sometimes struggle to process it properly. The memory can get “stuck,” remaining vivid and the person continues to experience the fear as if the event is happening again. EMDR helps the brain work through these memories so they can be stored more adaptively — as something that happened in the past, rather than something that continues to feel threatening now.

During EMDR sessions, the therapist will guide you through sets of bilateral stimulation — this could involve following their fingers with your eyes, hearing alternating tones through headphones, or feeling gentle taps on your hands. This process is thought to mimic the way the brain naturally processes memories during REM sleep.

One benefit of EMDR is that it’s not necessary to go into detail about the event if you don’t want to. The focus is on how it feels in your body and what comes up in the moment. Over time, people often report that distressing memories lose their emotional intensity, and the beliefs tied to those experiences begin to shift to something most positive and empowering, rather than fearful or critical.

Can CBT and EMDR Be Combined?

Absolutely. Many therapists are trained in both and will tailor the approach depending on your needs. For example, someone with trauma may start with CBT techniques to manage anxiety and develop coping skills, then move into EMDR once they feel more grounded and ready to process deeper memories. In some cases, EMDR can help resolve traumatic roots of long-standing patterns, while CBT provides the tools and strategies to maintain progress in day-to-day life.

It isn’t about one being “better” than the other — it’s about finding what works for you, at the right time and pace.

Which One Should You Choose?

If you’re feeling stuck in unhelpful thoughts or patterns — for example, overthinking, avoidance, or self-criticism — CBT can be a great place to start. It’s structured, practical, and gives you tools you can continue using long after therapy ends. If you’ve experienced trauma, flashbacks, or distressing memories that feel “frozen in time,” EMDR might be more suitable. It’s gentle yet powerful, and often helps people move on from experiences they’ve been carrying for years.

Ultimately, the best way to decide is to talk with a qualified therapist who can help assess your situation and guide you towards the most appropriate treatment.

Final Thoughts

Both CBT and EMDR offer genuine hope for change. Whether you’re learning to manage anxiety, heal from trauma, or simply understand yourself better, the right therapeutic relationship can make all the difference.

At its heart, therapy isn’t just about techniques — it’s about feeling safe, understood, and supported while you make sense of your experiences. Whether through CBT, EMDR, or a combination of both, the goal is the same: helping you feel more in control of your thoughts, emotions, and your life again.

This blog was written by UK therapist Andrew Kemp at www.clearmindcbt.com and contains sponsored links.

Finding Your Center: Grounding Techniques For Stability And Balance by Bhavya Jain

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

(image: Genevieve Dallaire, Unsplash)

Let’s admit it- there are days when you just don’t feel like yourself, and even saying that does not quite capture it. It’s as if your body is here, but your mind has wandered off somewhere far away. Everything feels out of sync-your thoughts, your feelings, your surroundings- there’s a disconnect. You might find yourself overthinking, your nervous system overstimulated, reacting in ways even you can’t predict. The chaos of it all makes you feel heavy. Your mind races, your emotions spiral, and your body? Exhausted. Everything feels too much. That’s what being ungrounded feels like. 

We often hear about “finding your center.” But what does that really mean? It’s more than just a calming Pinterest quote. It refers to that deep, stable place within you, where you feel aligned with yourself-emotionally, mentally and spiritually. A place where your nervous system isn’t constantly fighting or fleeing, but finally resting. Your center is the part of you that remains unchanged amidst this chaos. It’s your home. And grounding is how you find your way back. 

Getting Grounded

Grounding is a technique to return to your body and the space around you. It involves activating your senses, engaging with the physical world and gently reminding yourself that- I am here. I am now. I am okay. It doesn’t have to be something extremely fancy. Sometimes, just placing your bare feet on the grass can calm your system. Your body knows. It’s just waiting for you to listen. 

One of the most helpful strategies is the ‘5-4-3-2-1 method’. It’s simple- you just look around and name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.It might seem too simple to work, but it has helped people bring them back to themselves in powerful ways. A girl once shared how this technique helped her come out of an anxiety attack. She was disassociating, feeling far from herself, until this grounding practice slowly brought her back. 

Your body holds wisdom. Even something as basic as conscious breathing can help regulate your nervous system. When your breath becomes deep and slow, it sends a signal to your brain: “You’re safe now.” This is where Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory comes in. It explains how activating the parasympathetic nervous system through breath, movement, cold water, or even humming can bring your body out of stress mode and into a state of calm. Grounding, in this sense, is not just emotional-it’s biological. You’re not just calming your mind, you’re regulating your entire being. 

There’s a reason we feel so held when we touch water or soil or walk barefoot. Our bodies remember their connection with the Earth. A study from The Journal of Environmental and Public Health even found that simply placing your body in direct contact with the Earth can regulate the autonomic nervous system and reduce inflammation. It’s nature, simply doing what it’s always known how to do-grounding us in the most quiet and comforting way. 

Slow Down

In a world that has always pushed us to do more and be more, simply slowing down and being present can feel rebellious. But it’s necessary! You cannot really pour anything from an empty cup. You cannot create anything from chaos. You cannot heal while running. You need to come back to yourself. 

And let’s not pretend it’s easy. Finding your center is not a one time thing. You lose it, often. Especially if you have trauma, anxiety or even neurodivergent experiences like ADHD. Your nervous system may be more sensitive. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It just means you need tools to return-again and again. 

Return To Your Inner Child

The journey of grounding is also the journey of returning to your inner child. That version of you that existed before the noise, before the pressure, before the need to prove anything. Children live in the present. They are fully in their bodies, unfiltered in their expression, and completely immersed in the now. Maybe the healing is not in becoming something new, but in remembering who you were before the world told you who you had to be. 

You don’t have to fix yourself. You’re not broken. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s presence. It’s feeling at home in your own skin, even when the world feels unsteady. Sometimes you just need to sit still. To let the storm pass. To breathe like you’re filling your spine with stillness. To exhale like you’re letting go of static. 

This moment, right here, is all you truly have. So ground yourself. Look around. Breathe. You’re not late. You’re not lost. You’re just coming home.

About the Author – Bhavya Jain:

Bhavya is an I/O Psychologist and Integrative Psychotherapist committed to promoting positive mental health and breaking the stigma around therapy. She spearheaded a year-long pro bono initiative offering free mental health services, partnering with schools and nonprofits to make support accessible to underserved communities. Through her work, Bhavya continues to advocate for inclusive, unconventional approaches to mental well-being.

Creating a Safe Space: Helping Your Adopted Child Heal From Trauma by Brooke Chaplan

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment
(image: Adobe Stock)

As mom/mums, we want nothing more than to provide a safe and nurturing environment for our children. But when it comes to adopted children who have experienced trauma, the task can feel overwhelming. It’s important to understand that healing from trauma is a process that takes time and patience. In this blog post, we will discuss some strategies for creating a safe space for your adopted child to heal and thrive.

Build Trust

Building trust is vital when helping your adopted child heal from past trauma. Trust serves as the foundation for a relationship where your child feels safe and understood. To build trust, start by being a consistent presence in their life, maintain routines and be predictably positive in your interactions. Listen to them with empathy and without judgment, making sure they feel heard and valued. Honoring your promises, no matter how small, also reinforces their sense of security. Offer choices to empower them, showing that their feelings and opinions matter. Through these actions, you create a supportive environment where your child can begin to heal and flourish.

Create Routine

Maintaining a routine can be incredibly beneficial for adopted children who have been through trauma, as it provides a sense of stability and predictability in their lives. A structured daily routine might include waking up at the same time each morning, having breakfast together, and engaging in activities like schoolwork, outdoor play, or reading time. Following a set bedtime ritual, such as taking a warm bath, reading a story, or listening to calming music, can help signal the end of the day and promote restful sleep. These consistent activities provide security and help the child know what to expect, reducing anxiety and allowing them to focus on their growth and healing.

Offer Support

Offering support to your adopted child as they work through past trauma requires patience and understanding. Recognize that healing is a journey, and each child progresses at their own pace. Show your support by being consistently available and approachable, allowing your child to share their feelings when they feel ready. Validate their emotions by acknowledging their pain and expressing empathy, reinforcing that their feelings are normal and understandable. Engage in calming activities together, such as drawing, walking, or simply sitting in silence, which can provide comfort and a sense of connection. Additionally, educate yourself on trauma and its impacts so you can better understand and respond to your child’s needs. Through unwavering patience and a compassionate approach, you create a secure space for your child to navigate their healing journey.

Educate Yourself

When supporting your adopted child through past trauma, it’s crucial to educate yourself on various aspects of trauma, including its emotional, psychological, and physical effects. Learn about attachment theory to understand how early experiences shape a child’s ability to form secure relationships. Explore trauma-informed care practices to provide the best possible support. Resources such as books on child psychology, trauma, and adoption can be invaluable. Online courses, webinars, and support groups for adoptive parents can offer practical skills and community support. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help from therapists who specialize in trauma and adoption, like those at Relevant Connections PLLC. By expanding your knowledge, you can create a nurturing environment that fosters your child’s healing and growth.

Foster Connection

Helping your adopted child foster positive connections while working through past traumas involves creating opportunities for safe and meaningful social interactions. Encourage participation in group activities that align with their interests, such as sports teams, art classes, or music lessons, where they can build friendships in a structured and supportive environment. Facilitate playdates with compassionate and understanding peers to help your child practice social skills and develop trust in others. Encourage involvement in community events or volunteering, which can provide a sense of purpose and belonging. Additionally, reinforcing family bonds through regular family activities and open communication can help your child feel secure and connected. By nurturing these connections, you create a network of support that can bolster your child’s emotional resilience and aid in their healing process.

Creating a safe space for your adopted child to heal from trauma requires patience, understanding, and love. By building trust, establishing routine, offering support, educating yourself, and fostering connections, you can help your child feel secure and supported as they navigate their healing journey. Remember that healing takes time, so be gentle with yourself and your child as you both navigate this process together.

Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer.

What Is EMDR Therapy and How Can It Help You?  by Brooke Chaplan

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

Those with post-traumatic stress disorder undergo a wide variety of symptoms that can interfere with their everyday life. EMDR therapy is intended to help reduce the effects of PTSD on the body. In fact, there have been positive clinical outcomes showing this therapy’s effectiveness for treating addictions, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and even OCD.

What is EMDR Therapy? 

EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. This extensively researched therapeutic practice has been proven to help people recover from trauma and PTSD-related symptoms. It’s classified as a psychotherapy method and is notated as an effective treatment offering by the NHS, American Psychiatric Association, World Health Organization, American Psychological Association, International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, National Alliance on Mental Illness, and so many more. 

What Makes EMDR Therapy Different? 

When you look at the treatment options for traumatic disorders like PTSD, many require in-depth conversing with a licensed therapist. Many patients will spend hours talking about their distressing issues and even complete homework between their therapy sessions.

EMDR therapy doesn’t work like that. Rather, it’s specifically designed to allow the brain to resume its natural healing process. However, it does include an element of talking therapy to help heal.

EMDR Therapy and Your Brain 

The human brain has a natural process for handling traumatic memories and events that happen in our lives. It utilises communication between the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. The amygdala is the brain’s alarm for a stressful event. The hippocampus helps the brain to learn and share past memories regarding danger and safety. Lastly, the prefrontal cortex is responsible for analysing what’s happening and controlling your emotions and behaviours. 

Who Can Benefit from EMDR Therapy? 

EMDR therapy can be beneficial for a wide variety of patients, including both children and adults. It’s been known to treat individuals who have the following conditions (and more): 

  • Anxiety 
  • Depression 
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Eating Disorders 
  • Performance Anxiety
  • Personality Disorders 
  • PTSD 
  • Sexual Assault Victims 

Basically, anyone who has experienced a traumatic incident in their life can benefit from this particular type of therapy treatment. In fact, most individuals are able to overcome their symptoms in just a few EMDR sessions as compared to ongoing psychotherapy sessions. 

If you or a loved one has suffered a traumatic incident, it may be difficult to move on with your life.

Fortunately, EMDR therapy can be a great solution to help your brain and body successfully process the incident and move on.

EMDR therapy is recommended for all types of patients, regardless of age or gender. 

This article was written by Brooke Chaplan, writer.

4 Ways EMDR Therapy Can Help You Cope With Anxiety by Rachelle Wilber

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 5 Comments
(image: Unsplash)
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Mental health issues are very common and you may be dealing with anxiety and depression or past traumas. Whether you are worried about your finances, family problems, or other issues, anxiety can sometimes feel overwhelming. To cope with this, more people are turning to EMDR (Eye movement desensitisation and processing) therapy and getting surprisingly effective results. If you are searching for answers as to how to deal with anxiety, here are four ways EMDR therapy may help.

Verbalise Less About Trauma

If you are a person who does not like to talk about your anxiety, EMDR can be very beneficial in that it does not rely on you having to talk about painful memories or situations. Instead, it lets you use your imagination to focus instead on happier thoughts and feelings, helping to reduce your anxiety- although you will have to face your fears at the right time too, in order to heal.

Reduces Physical Problems

When you feel anxious and depressed, your body suffers as much as your mind. As a result, you may find yourself experiencing stomach cramps, headaches, a rapid heartbeat, and other similar problems. EMDR therapy has been shown to provide relief from what are known as somatic symptoms. When used regularly, these symptoms are greatly reduced or eliminated, helping to ease your mind even more.

Helps You Regain Control

When you are anxious, you generally feel as if you have no control over your situation. EMDR therapy changes that by helping you regain control of your emotions. To do so, it reduces the intensity associated with negative emotions and past trauma, and also helps lessen the intensity of any negative or disturbing images you may be replaying over and over in your mind.

Improves Processing of Information

EMDR therapy helps you improve how your brain processes information related to traumatic events. Instead of talking about the events that trigger your anxiety over and over, you instead are encouraged to use your imagination to process your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and emotions. By doing so, your therapist can help you create a mindset that is more tranquil, calmer and less stressful to you. It can take time to heal from trauma and to process it, so you will need to stick with the sessions to get the full benefits.

Rather than let anxiety rule your life day after day, consider speaking to a therapist about how EMDR therapy may be beneficial to your life.

This article was written by writer Rachelle Wilber.

PTSD Therapies And Which One Might Be Right for You by Kara Masterson.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 5 Comments
(image: Nick Hewings, unsplash)

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is one of the most commonly recognised mental health issues because most people endure at least one traumatic experience in their lifetime. Though it’s commonly associated with war veterans, PTSD can occur from enduring the trauma of an abusive relationship, ill health, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job.

Thankfully, there are many PTSD therapies you can choose from in order to experience healing. 

Prolonged Exposure Therapy 

When people struggle with a form of PTSD, avoidance is one of the most common approaches. After all, no one wants to revisit the trauma. However, that trauma impacts the way a person lives in the future. By facing the trauma and incorporating activities such as deep breathing exercises, you’ll decrease the amount of power that traumatic event holds over you. Exposure comes in a number of ways- but should be done with a qualified therapist. One example of exposure is to record yourself as you talk about the event that traumatised you. As you listen to the recording, you can do a calming activity such as colouring in order to help you cope and heal with the story of your trauma. 

EMDR Therapy 

EMDR stands for “eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing”, and it’s been instrumental in healing people who’ve dealt with traumatic events. Actress Sandra Bullock famously discussed how she used the assistance of an EMDR therapist in order to deal with various traumatic events in her lifetime. By thinking about the event as you concentrate on something your therapist is doing, you can help to associate a positive experience with that traumatic one. Therapists use tools such as flashing lights, sounds, and movement in order to help with the healing journey. In order for it to be effective, consistent sessions for a few months are the best line of action, with a therapist you trust. 

Cognitive Processing Therapy 

Cognitive Processing Therapy is a PTSD treatment method that allows you to sit down and talk with your therapist about the traumatic event (or events) you’ve endured. You’ll need to process how you feel like it impacted your life. Once you’ve talked through it all, you’re tasked with the responsibility of writing it all down. The act of journaling helps to stimulate your mind to ponder on ways you can cope and adjust in order to move forward in the most abundant manner. Your therapist serves as a guide to help you process and heal with the truest version of the story of what happened to you. 

Stress Inoculation Training 

This method for healing your PTSD is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. With this training method, you’ll learn various techniques such as self-massages in order to relax and get rid of the stress that’s associated with your trauma. You don’t need to be in a private space to do this type of training. It can be done on your own or within the safe space of a group. 

As the conversation surrounding mental health shifts, don’t be afraid or ashamed to get help. You don’t have to silently endure the negative impact of PTSD. While therapy requires you to show up and do the work, you can move past your trauma and experience healing. 

This article was written by writer Kara Masterson.

Surviving Trauma Makes Relationships Difficult. Self Compassion Can Help: by Taylor Blanchard

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment
(image: Unsplash)

You sabotage your relationships when things feel too calm.

You panic when your partner goes on a family vacation, believing that they’re leaving you forever.

Perhaps you can’t stand hugs or gentle touch.

Maybe you’ve wondered to yourself: “What in the world is wrong with me?! Am I just not cut out to have close friends or a romantic relationship?”

Actually, that’s not the case! You deserve close relationships– everyone does. If you resonate with these scenarios, though, you may have some unprocessed trauma– and that trauma may be making your relationships feel like a rusty, ungreased wheel.

You’re not alone. Here’s how trauma can blow our relationships off-course, and also, how self-compassion can help to ease that struggle.

Trauma Creates Hypervigilance

Trauma is any incident that overwhelms your ability to cope (abuse, neglect, or surviving a natural disaster, just to name a few examples). These abhorrent experiences cause our brains and bodies to swirl with cortisol, also known as the stress hormone.

After a seriously traumatic event (or relationship or childhood), our cortisol levels don’t always return to baseline. Often, the nervous system creates a new baseline of heightened stress response. In short: you don’t go back to being as calm as you were before the storm. Now, you’re hypervigilant all the time. You’re always stressed, always scanning for the next attack.

Unfortunately, relationships can’t be created without vulnerability, and vulnerability can’t happen if you’re constantly scanning for attack.

You might be hypervigilant in your relationships if:

  • You feel uncomfortable, fidgety, and unsafe during social situations
  • You constantly micro-analyse everything other people say to make sure they’re not going to hurt you
  • You constantly micro-analyse everything you say to make sure you don’t say anything “wrong”

Aversion to Intimacy

Trauma, and the excess cortisol it triggers, also creates an aversion to physical closeness. When we’re stressed  (i.e., when our cortisol is on full blast), our nervous systems naturally resist being touched.

Do you find yourself shrinking away from hugs? Do you feel an urge to run away when someone gently touches your arm? That’s likely a trauma response.

Of course, if you’ve experienced assault or physical or sexual abuse, this is a double whammy. Since your trauma came from physical touch, your brain has registered any physical touch as dangerous– on top of your increased baseline level of cortisol. Of course you’d feel sick at the thought of a hug! If this sounds like you, go extra easy on yourself if you struggle with relationships; this struggle isn’t your fault.

So, This Sucks… How in the World Do I Heal?

Yes, it sounds bleak. If this is you, you may feel hopeless. I’m with you; I’ve been there. It’s not hopeless, though. This is healable.

Therapy: Do I Even Have to Say It?

Yes, healing this will probably require trauma-informed therapy. You’ll be surprised at how fast you can begin to shift once you see a therapist who validates your traumatic experiences.

Here’s a hint: Psychology Today’s find-a-therapist tool can help you easily find a trauma-informed therapist. (Make sure to select “trauma focused” under the “types of therapy” menu.)

Now That That’s Out of the Way: Self-Compassion Comes Next

I’m 100% serious when I tell you: you deserve to go easy on yourself.

I say this with firmness, and yet, I forget to go easy on myself most days. Regardless, it helps immensely to stop comparing your relationships to other people’s relationships (both friendships and romantic relationships!).

Yes, it may likely take you longer to learn how to develop lasting relationships, both friendly and intimate. It may seem unfair that making and keeping tons of friends, as well as a life partner, comes so easily to some, while you’re struggling to simply text one person back.

Know what? It is unfair. You shouldn’t have gone through the trauma that you went through. What this means, though, is that you can recognize that you face more relational setbacks than someone who didn’t suffer the same trauma as you did. You’re starting further behind with a ball and chain tied to both feet.

Thus: you can stop comparing, and you can stop feeling like you’re “behind” somehow. Always try to recognize even your tiniest victories, even and especially the challenges which seem “easy” to other people.

Wrapping Up

Relationships make our lives juicy and sparkly, and so, if trauma has impacted your ability to form relationships (I’m with you!), then you’re probably struggling.

Try your best to go easy on yourself. You’ve been through a slog of painful experiences that, unfortunately, can make life on Earth feel like walking straight uphill all the time. Therapy helps. Self-compassion helps.

And yes, I know it’s tiring, but there is help for you out there. Just keep going.


Taylor Blanchard is a freelance mental health and wellness writer for hire. Her lived experience and extensive knowledge on mental health, emotional wellness, and spirituality guide her to create deep, compassionate blog posts, which she hopes will help people to feel less alone in the world. Self-care for Taylor looks like staring at the sky, drinking cacao while listening to metal, or cuddling with her rescue Pitbull mix.

The Road to Recovery: On PTSD, Trauma and the Future… by Eleanor for Mental Health Awareness Week

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 15 Comments

Trigger Warning: sexual assault, details of assault and severe mental illness

Hi everyone,

Its been a while but I thought I would put type to keyboard and write a blog for more mental health awareness.

Since my book was published, I haven’t written many follow up personal blogs, purely because the launch of my life story into the public domain felt overwhelming and scary. 6 months on, I am used to it being out there but I have been working hard in EMDR trauma therapy to help myself.

See, the truth is that right now the Bipolar Disorder for me is stable and under control on my medicines. I still get side effects- weight gain, dry mouth and thirst, but my mind is generally healthy in terms of the Bipolar- no mania or depression. Anxiety and panic yes but Bipolar, not really at the moment.

Yet, almost lurking unseen after I left hospital in 2014 and began my recovery was the fact I was traumatised by my experiences of going into psychosis (losing touch with reality via delusions, false beliefs) and my experiences when being sectioned. I will just give an overview as the rest is in my book- but this included- being restrained, being attacked by other patients and seeing them self harm, being injected with Haloperidol (an anti psychotic) in front of both male and female nurses in a part of the body I didn’t want, being chased round A and E by security men in genuine fear of my life, dealing with lawyers and going to tribunals while ill, thinking I had been abused by family and was locked up by a criminal gang and fearing my family were against me. My bipolar mind could not cope.

Just before this all happened, I was very vulnerable and was sexually assaulted by a man I knew through friends and all of this trauma stayed with me.

I did what most of us with severe mental illness and assault survivors do- I tried to rebuild my life. I tried to work in schools helping children with special educational needs. I tried to work for a mental health charity as a peer support worker for people like me. I began to blog and write and share as therapy- from charities to national newspapers. Bit by bit, as I wrote out what I has been through, I started to slowly heal. But, the symptoms of the extreme panic remained. I lost jobs because of it. I became depressed. I started dating but I often had to cancel dates- (before I met Rob, my husband who listened to me talk about it all and didn’t bat too much of an eyelid.)

I was in a state of flux, a state of transition. I knew I had trauma still living in my brain and body. I had been physically and sexually assaulted, I had been mentally violated- I had been sectioned twice in a few months and now I was sent home to try and rebuild my life as a 25 year old single woman.

I share this important blog, not to share that I am a victim- because I am not. I want to share that I believe for about 5 years, I have been suffering with some of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My therapist believes the same.

The panic attacks that grip me with fear before work or the day ahead when I have to leave the house. The fear of going out or travelling at night alone. The fear of being taken advantage of and having to trust men again (thank you to my husband for helping ease this pain). The fear of exploitation, of losing my mind, of not trusting mental health professionals any more.

My panic attacks get triggered by certain events- it could be having to speak about my life or book, or seeing people I don’t feel comfortable with, of feeling exposed, of worrying about others judgement. I am still healing from all I have been through and experienced. The PTSD means that I have to take medication (Propranolol) to function sometimes. It means that I experience flashbacks in my body- I feel gripped with fear, I get chest pain and shallow breathing and I start to cry. I had one the other day at 4am….. thank the lord for meds so I could calm down and sleep.

My therapist is incredible and we have been working since October to process the roots of my trauma and panic disorder. We use a combination of rapid eye processing with talking therapy which helps to tackle each and every trauma- and we are still at the tip of the iceberg. It takes time to process the deep rooted experiences in my brain- we are getting there slowly.

For me, in many ways my future is uncertain. My medicines have long term physical side effects. Motherhood will be more of a challenge due to medication and my mental health- I am still processing the choices I will have to make, which I will write in another blog.

I want to end this blog by saying- if you know someone with anxiety, PTSD, another anxiety disorder or something like bipolar or schizophrenia- Be Kind. You never know what someone has gone through.

The NHS waiting lists for help are too long, services are too underfunded- all my treatment has been private provided by my family due to being stuck on a list for years. I am lucky, not everyone is. 

I hope this blog gives some information about my experiences of PTSD since leaving hospital 6 years ago. It is by far the most personal thing I have posted since publishing my book but I hope it helps you feel less alone.

Positivity and Hope are key.  Meeting my husband and my therapist changed my life for the better as I slowly rebuild and find an equilibrium again.

Love,

Eleanor x

Looking to the Future and Life Dreams: by Eleanor

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments

 

Dream big lettering on watercolored background

(image: 123RF.com)

Hi friends,

It has been a while since I have written a personal blog as there has been so much going on here that I was just focusing on getting through it all. Robs dad had surgery to remove a second brain tumour and is thankfully recovering well, the surgeon amazingly got all the cancer. Success.

Alongside this, I have been in therapy since November with a wonderful therapist and we are doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing therapy). This therapy helps to process trauma that can get ‘stuck’ in the brain if not processed. That trauma can stem from childhood upwards- I was an anxious child from an early age even though I had a good childhood! I have also been through a lot due to my bipolar episodes and hospitalisations. So, I am working with my therapist to process memories and we are doing it slowly.

My therapist will either ‘tap’ on the side of my legs while I recall the memory to help process it or my eyes will follow a light or her finger as we process. Understandably, there has to be a lot of trust in this type of relationship as well as me being protected and not triggered by the therapy. For this, we have developed a ‘safe place’ memory that I go to when we bring up anything too distressing. We have just started to go deeper with this and I will update you with our progress. I am far less anxious than I was and it has been really helpful to build a positive, working relationship with my therapist.

The reason I started therapy was because I was having intense panic attacks and finding it difficult to manage my life due to it. I hope that by working on these triggers that I can react differently and live a healthier and better life. Stay tuned!

A month or so ago, I also went to see my psychiatrist for the first time in 2 years, mainly as I had worries about my weight and physical health. My medications means I have put on a substantial amount of weight and this is worrying me health wise more than anything. I have been advised to diet and exercise and maybe work with a nutritionist. So, this will also be a new journey and I will try my best with this, not easy as the meds may stop me losing weight due to slowing metabolism or encouraging cravings. We considered reducing my Quetaipine, a mood stabiliser and anti psychotic to help but because I have been more mentally stable, I have decided to keep it at the same dose for now.

Rob and I have also started to look at new homes, which has been good. There is a lot happening right now and important that I rest, look after myself and keep calm.

Life with bipolar disorder can be uncertain. I have some fears about the future, which I will talk about in another more detailed post. My medicines thankfully keep me mentally well, but coming off them for future life changes eg pregnancy could be a big risk for me and one I am not sure I should take due to being bipolar 1 (risk of mania and psychosis). This is not currently imminent, but is still a future fear, especially as I love children. A decision for a later date.

Overall though I am hopeful and excited about life and will keep you all updated with my therapy and health journey and news.

Thanks for reading and following Be Ur Own Light as we come up to our 4th anniversary,

With love,

Eleanor x

 

 

‘The Meaning of Normal’: Living with a sibling with mental illness : Guest post by Shira

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments

mayaangelou2

(image: Thought Clothing)

It hasn’t been normal for so long that sometimes I forget what normal should feel like. When I try to think about it, it feels like a glimpse into someone else’s life, and I am an invasive stranger, trying to reach something that doesn’t belong to me.

What is normal?

Sometimes I think I remember it.

Sometimes I think that normal is that time when I was six and you were three and we didn’t fight. When we played hand in hand like every other child, and our entire world was pink and purple, and the most important thing to us was that our dolls had shiny blonde hair.

And we would play every game under the sun, from barbies to dollhouse to the convoluted imaginary ones that only we knew the rules to, and even then did we ever really know the rules?

I was a witch and you were the princess. We were both witches. We were both princesses. I stole your magic time machine but you found another one, and our living room became the entire universe as we ran through it, believing wholly in the pictures we created, the way that only children can.

But did we ever really exist like that? Were we ever those idyllic children, the children that every parent wishes to have?

Maybe our normal is all the times when I was ten and you were seven and we would push and shove and slap. You were my younger sister who could do no wrong and I was the older one, always blamed for both our shares of misdemeanours.

“You should know better!” They would shout

“But she started it!” I would pout.

“It’s not true!” your bottom lip would stick out.

I think we all know that I probably did start it.

We would fight and yell and cry and shout, never giving in, never admitting that we were wrong. Because we weren’t wrong. We were both right, all the time, every time, and the other was always painfully mistaken. And we roared and yelled and scratched each other, but knew only to cry when a parent was looking. And if nobody was looking, well then nobody would see if we punched back just one more time.

But were we ever really like this? Two demonic screaming children who were never silent and never content with just each other? Were we really the children that every parent dreads to have?

Maybe our normal is the way we grew apart as we grew older. When I was 15 and you were 12 and I would pretend not to know you as I walked past you in school. And maybe our normal is the way we would come home from the same school at the same time separately, both of us walking different routes from the bus because being seen with one another would be unacceptable. Maybe that’s what all teenagers do. Maybe that really was our normal.

Maybe our normal was what came next.

Maybe the years we didn’t talk to each other was what we were always heading towards. Because one day we would put down the dolls, and one day we would run out of things to fight about and we would just…exist.

One next to the other.

Sitting in silence.

Neither speaking.

Neither bothering to reach out first.

Because now I’m 18 and you’re 15 and I don’t remember the last time I spoke to you. The house is thick with anger, so thick that it poisons every interaction, and I couldn’t even tell you what I’m angry about. Because the sister I played with, the sister I happily fought with but would jump on anyone else who dared fight with her is in pain. So much palpable pain, and for the first time I couldn’t just make it go away.

Was I angry with you?

Yes.

Was I angry with myself?

Yes.

And so I let this become our normal. A normal where two siblings exist side by side, but don’t even know how to speak without offending. Where everything I say hurts you and everything you say angers me.

So we made this our new normal.

And I don’t care.

I don’t care.

I don’t.

I care.

And now I’m 20 and you’re 17 and I’m 3000 miles away. But this is our normal now. We don’t speak. We can’t speak. But it doesn’t even matter because there’s nothing to speak about anymore. How can I ask how you are when I already know the answer, and I know it’s not an answer I want to hear. How can you ask how I am when you’re too focused on making it through your own day without worrying about mine?

And anyway, it’s been a long time since we told each other how our day was. Not since I was 14 and you were 11 and we would awkwardly walk home from the bus stop together, backpacks moving up and down and up and down as we compared notes about school, neither of us loving it, neither of us willing to admit that out loud.

But we are not those children anymore, and we don’t have any shared experiences to talk about anymore.

I wonder if you miss me like I miss you. I wonder if you count down the days to my birthday too, hoping that we will both make it past 17 and 20, willing time to hurry up even though maybe all I really want to do is turn back the clock.

And then you are 18, and it’s been 18 years since I sat by your tiny cradle in the hospital and cried when we left, maybe because I wanted another chocolate bar from the hospital vending machine, or maybe because secretly I don’t want to leave my baby sister in a cold hospital far far away.

But now you are 18 and I’ve still left you in a hospital far away and it’s still just as hard to leave you there as it was all those years ago. But a 21 year old can’t lie down on the floor and have a tantrum so I keep going and keep going and this is our normal now.

A normal where you’re there and I’m here. A normal where we won’t speak for months on end but then I text you and tell you I miss you and now you answer me too, and I think you miss me too. A normal where we joke and laugh at stupid posts we see on Instagram,  tentatively, both of us till remembering when you were 14 and I was 17 and we ripped each other apart with words until neither of us said anything at all. Is this our normal now?

What is normal?

I looked it up for you.

 

NORMAL:

  • Conforming to a standard, usual, typical, or expected

 

But who gets to decide what that standard is? How do we know when something that once wasn’t normal now is, and if what was once normal is now anything but? Do we decide that? Or do others who stand by and watch get to decide that for us?

I’m sure someone could tell you the scientific answer. I’m sure there is a video out there with a detailed and meticulous answer laid out for us to study.

I’m sure somebody could tell us the answer. Maybe we haven’t even been normal, maybe we always were.

Maybe the imaginary games of our childhood were always meant to turn into imagined grievances causing real rifts. Maybe we were meant to grow apart and then come back together again, a little rougher but a little kinder. Maybe none of it was normal, or maybe all of it was.

Sometimes I wish I could change all of it. If I hadn’t said what I said that one day, or if I hadn’t slammed my door that one time, or if you hadn’t called me that name under your breath, things would all be different now.

But sometimes I know I can change none of it. And maybe that’s ok. Maybe if we hadn’t played all those games as children, if we had never walked down the road together from school, if I had never sent the texts you eventually answered, things would all be different now.

Normal isn’t for us to decide, it isn’t for me to determine. All I know is our normal is all we have, and I wouldn’t change us for the world.

About:

Shira is a writer living in Israel, drawing on every day life experiences. Her sibling lives with a diagnosed mental illness and she has bravely shared their story here.