I have decided to make the focus of my blog the struggle with anxiety and how it impacts on my life. For me, it can be the most frustrating experience trying to cope with it and what it brings to my life. Writing is I suppose a form of therapy but I also wanted to share my experiences in the hope it will help someone else struggling. (Hi if thats you!)
Put simply, when people go through traumatic events and are prone to anxiety, it comes back with a vengeance. Today I was meant to have a job interview and was tossing and turning in bed for hours last night. I had prepared and researched the day before, I laid my clothes out the night before, I had a warm bath to relax, I had read policies relating to the school post I was applying for. And I woke up this morning in a panic, and postponed going until next week.
Morning anxiety can be a real problem for me. It is something that I was taught I should just get up, washed and dressed and have breakfast and deal with the anxious thoughts through positive mantras or distraction techniques e.g. colouring, looking on the internet, TV- whatever helps. You have to push through it yet some days I really don’t feel like I can. I know other sufferers feel the same.
How does giving into anxiety make you feel?
– First, you have the relief that the feared event is not going to impact on you that day. You are ‘safe’ in your mind, your physical symptoms begin to ease and you can rest.
– Then you have the guilt- I should have gone to that interview/ party/ date/ seen my friend, ‘what am I doing?’ ‘why is this happening?’.
– If you are like me, you berate yourself for what happened – but you must be kind to yourself- its not your fault if things get too overwhelming. It is about striking the right balance and doing what is achievable, as my sister always reminds me.
In truth I am feeling fragile after a bad work experience and so things are harder for me at the minute but as I have had anxiety for years, you just have to get through. Which I will try to do this weekend! Fingers crossed 🙂