Category: Anxiety

Life update: Managing anxiety- When you wake up feeling overwhelmed.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

It has been a while since I wrote an update about my life and mental health. Generally, I am doing OK and finding that I can cope with the anxiety, yet there are days when I wake up and feel overwhelmed and like I need peace and quiet.

I wrote this the other day,

‘Sometimes there are times when I will wake up and just feel so overwhelmed by the day that I cancel my plans and have to be quiet. Its like the internal me needs calm and peace and can’t get it without having space to breathe and to be.

I need breathing space from the world today and its madness in order to strengthen and restore me and build me back up. Peace and serenity and calm.’

This is quite an accurate description of how I feel sometimes. Its learning how to manage those feelings so it doesn’t ruin my morning/ whole day. Its about finding the positivity in the mundane, getting enough rest, eating well and trying my best to keep going.

Today I will be seeing my counsellor and catching up on the past few weeks. We have had a lot of Jewish festivals and spending time with friends, family, loved ones- so there has been a lot of socialising. At times, the festivals make me want to withdraw but there are also times when I feel stronger and happy and enjoy them also.

Yesterday my little step niece who is 3, came over with my step bro and his wife. It was so lovely to see her- she is adorable.

In terms of work, I am still looking at what is out there and working for my Dad in the mean time. My panic attacks have lessened so its just about finding a job thats right for me.

Lastly, Be Ur Own Light has a new Guest posts tab. Our first guest post is by Aryeh who has clinical depression and anxiety. Well done Aryeh for speaking out! 

Stigma part 1- We are not attention seekers

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

I decided to write this today after a very interesting week for Mental Health awareness here in the UK. We are very lucky to have a much more accepting society than in elsewhere in the world and we also have a National Health Service meaning sufferers can seek free treatment (albeit with waiting lists).

However, like most of the Western world- there is still a long way to go in changing attitudes, hearts and minds about mental illness sufferers. This was epitomised this week by the brilliant World Mental Health Day, with celebrities admitting to depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions.

Despite this, I noticed an appalling phenomenon on social media. This week, Zayn Malik, the singer formerly of One Direction, cancelled solo concerts due to high anxiety. I thought he was so brave to give this reason and for his celebrity friends to publicly support him. However, when reading the Facebook comments my heart sank. Here were a few (I am paraphrasing as don’t want to put the actual comments on this blog):

‘He didn’t have anxiety when he was in One Direction and earnt all that money…’

‘Such an attention seeker, man up’

‘Drama Queen…. getting bored of this’

These were the gist of many comments written from cowards hiding behind computer screens. However I couldn’t help but think that if he disclosed he had heart problems, diabetes, cancer etc…. people wouldn’t say he was attention seeking. I definitely face palmed reading these comments…..unless you have experience of an anxiety disorder or have a friend of family member with it, you have no idea the courage it takes to a) get on with life and b) talk about it- let alone to the whole world.

Then, yesterday, reports came out that the singer Will Young quit Strictly Come Dancing (UK version of Dancing with the stars) due to anxiety and the scrutiny that the job required. Of course, the Facebook trolls were back in force with similar comments,

‘If he didnt like the attention, he shouldn’t have gone on Pop Idol in the first place’

‘Drama Queen, can’t believe hes quit, hes let everyone down‘

etc etc – a whole plethora of disparaging, stigmatised comments. Luckily, there were many people combating them but why have so many people got ingrained attitudes in them that anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders are caused by people wanting attention?

We are not attention seekers.

We want more than anything to live a normal life despite our conditions. We don’t want high anxiety or suicidal thoughts. We don’t want to feel embarrassed or ashamed for our conditions.

We are not drama queens. End the stigma now.

World Mental Health Day- The Mental Health Checklist.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

Today is World Mental Health Day. This is a day focusing on mental health and illness around the world and encourages people to talk about their own experiences. So, I thought I would write a checklist of tools that have helped me recover from depression and severe anxiety in the past. I still have bad days but this is what has helped me.

1) Support Network- having someone to talk to. Whether its one friend, a family member or an extended support network on or offline, talking to those you love and who care for you is vital. If you struggle in this area, the charity Samaritans is always on hand to listen on their helpline.

2) Waking up earlier- Try and get up an hour earlier in the morning to kickstart your day.

3) Get washed and dressed even if you don’t feel like it when depressed. It can alter your mood for a little while and prepare you for the day.

4) Set 3 small achievable goals in your day. It could be as ‘insignificant’ as getting out of bed if you are depressed. (Note: not insignificant at all!!). If you are feeling good, set yourself a goal personal to you.

5) Exercise. I hate exercise- but even moving around a little can change your mindset. Build it up slowly.

6) Eating and resting well. With my bipolar, this has been vital in keeping me well. If you are having trouble eating or sleeping, speak to your GP/ psychiatrist.

7) Positivity. Try to think and visualise something happy. While difficult when you are very low, even writing about something happy cheers me up.

8) Don’t suffer in silence- Tell someone how bad you are feeling.

Happy World Mental Health Day from London, England.

 

Journeying with anxiety.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 6 Comments

Dear Blog Readers,

I wrote this blog for a charity then decided I wanted to share it with you on my own blog first. I have written it to reach out to you, to tell you if you suffer from this as I do, you are not alone.

I first started suffering from anxiety disorders when I was young. I was always an anxious child and teenager and had my first proper episode of anxiety aged 15 where I experienced racing thoughts and heart rate and couldn’t sleep for a few days. However, at aged 16, I became hypomanic when away on holiday, in front of 30 other teenagers. This meant I was very disinhibited with others, talking far more than normal and being slightly manic.  Shortly after this episode, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my embarrassment and shame at being hyper and not my ‘real self’ stuck with me through the years.

It was after this time that I developed social anxiety. Social anxiety is underpinned by negative beliefs about oneself. You fear others judgement of you, their negative reactions and what might happen to your friendships and relationships. Sometimes, you may want to avoid other people because the thought of socialising makes your heart race, negative thoughts popping up in your head about being judged. What underpins this all for me though, is the feeling of ‘not being good enough’ for others.

The worst part about living with social anxiety is the stigma it still has in society and the shame you feel at cancelling arrangements. Recently, I was unable to go to an important occasion due to an intense panic attack that left me unable to leave the house. Not everyone understands how hard it can be to leave the house when this happens and it is often triggered by subconscious reactions. I know that if I had a broken leg, the reaction would be different but sometimes having a broken head at times is far more difficult to understand. It can cost you friendships and ironically, others begin judging you as being reckless, thoughtless, flaky or selfish. Everything you have been trying to avoid.

I am writing this article because I want people out there to understand that social anxiety is not your fault. It is a mental health condition like any other and a growing number of people suffer with anxiety disorders. Luckily, certain therapies can help although I am trying to find the right one for me. I have done CBT, hypnotherapy, art therapies and exposure therapy. I have found that exposure therapy, where you put yourself in your feared situation, to be the most effective at reducing anxiety levels. The more I do, the more it is easier to do.

I hope that soon anxiety disorders will be understood as well as physical illnesses. In truth, anxiety disorders are also physical, with many underlying symptoms such as palpitations (raised heart rate), sweating and feeling faint .

I have some fantastic friends and family who support me despite this condition- I am lucky. Not everyone has that. I am learning to let go of the shame of my anxiety disorder and embrace the fact that not everyone can understand it. The most important thing is to keep going, keep trying and living life as best I can so that stigma can be combatted.

Starting over.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Its been about 2 weeks now since I left my new job in the primary school to work for my Dad as his PA in his new radio station company. I find it much easier to manage my anxiety when I can work freelance and independently at home and I find that I can take breaks when I need to- and work when I can, which is more helpful for my health currently

It is a shame because I was hoping to be a teacher, but I have to take time out to heal myself and get myself fully well. The work I am doing for my Dad is probably temporary but it currently suits us both and I am enjoying it. Other than that, I have been seeing my friends and trying to tackle each day with positivity.

This year has been a major journey of self discovery and I hope that I will be able to build a career in the field I choose and not get morning panic attacks as severely. Hence, why for the moment I am taking a break from teaching to heal my anxiety.

In terms of therapy, I am thinking about doing the Linden Method home learning program to help my panic. I certainly am feeling a lot better but still get anxious from time to time about social arrangements.

Heres to starting over- new beginnings.

Time to Change- ‘Having Bipolar is not Shameful’.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

This week, I achieved one of my dreams and goals to write a blog published by the anti discrimination charity ‘Time to Change’. They are a UK mental health charity partnered with Rethink and Mind, to tackle stigma against mental illness in the UK.

My blog was shared over 150 times and liked almost 500 times on Facebook, in the first day and a half. This is amazing. I have heard from people who are suicidal or struggling with bipolar and other mental health issues. I am so thankful to the charity for publishing it and giving me a platform to share my story.

You can read the blog here:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/i-cannot-imagine-having-bipolar-without-support-networksarahtime

Pre Work Anxiety

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Last week, I started my new job in a primary school. I went in both days, didn’t feel too anxious, enjoyed meeting the children and their parents and chatted to my new colleagues. I did really well. However, I have a break of almost a week before I go in again and this exacerbates my anxiety symptoms as I start worrying about the next day.

I have written before about pre work anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes I am absolutely fine and just a little nervous. Yet other times, I dread the day and worry about seeing people or coping with the demands of the day. Then, I don’t go into work. I have a block and feel like I can’t move or do anything for that period of time. I just have to get the fear to go away and then I down tools, which obviously is not great from an employers perspective.

However, I can’t do this any more. I have discovered a new app that has calming exercises and I must find a therapy option that works for me.

From googling this, I can see that other people suffer from this too. To quote a fellow sufferer on the hilariously named crazyboards.org,

‘ I go through this foolishness every day.

An hour before i leave for work i am DREADING leaving my house and imagining all sorts of horrible things happening at my job. the sense of anxiety is so huge, i mean need to medicate it huge. i cannot stay still to enjoy a morning coffee. i’m too nervous.’

I don’t use anxiety medication- however I do need to find ways to feel the fear and do it anyway. In truth because nothing is scarier than what is in my mind.

In the words of my favourite singer Jessie J- ‘Its OK not to be OK’