Last week, I started my new job in a primary school. I went in both days, didn’t feel too anxious, enjoyed meeting the children and their parents and chatted to my new colleagues. I did really well. However, I have a break of almost a week before I go in again and this exacerbates my anxiety symptoms as I start worrying about the next day.
I have written before about pre work anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes I am absolutely fine and just a little nervous. Yet other times, I dread the day and worry about seeing people or coping with the demands of the day. Then, I don’t go into work. I have a block and feel like I can’t move or do anything for that period of time. I just have to get the fear to go away and then I down tools, which obviously is not great from an employers perspective.
However, I can’t do this any more. I have discovered a new app that has calming exercises and I must find a therapy option that works for me.
From googling this, I can see that other people suffer from this too. To quote a fellow sufferer on the hilariously named crazyboards.org,
‘ I go through this foolishness every day.
An hour before i leave for work i am DREADING leaving my house and imagining all sorts of horrible things happening at my job. the sense of anxiety is so huge, i mean need to medicate it huge. i cannot stay still to enjoy a morning coffee. i’m too nervous.’
I don’t use anxiety medication- however I do need to find ways to feel the fear and do it anyway. In truth because nothing is scarier than what is in my mind.
In the words of my favourite singer Jessie J- ‘Its OK not to be OK’