Category: Anxiety

Journeying with anxiety.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 6 Comments

Dear Blog Readers,

I wrote this blog for a charity then decided I wanted to share it with you on my own blog first. I have written it to reach out to you, to tell you if you suffer from this as I do, you are not alone.

I first started suffering from anxiety disorders when I was young. I was always an anxious child and teenager and had my first proper episode of anxiety aged 15 where I experienced racing thoughts and heart rate and couldn’t sleep for a few days. However, at aged 16, I became hypomanic when away on holiday, in front of 30 other teenagers. This meant I was very disinhibited with others, talking far more than normal and being slightly manic.  Shortly after this episode, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my embarrassment and shame at being hyper and not my ‘real self’ stuck with me through the years.

It was after this time that I developed social anxiety. Social anxiety is underpinned by negative beliefs about oneself. You fear others judgement of you, their negative reactions and what might happen to your friendships and relationships. Sometimes, you may want to avoid other people because the thought of socialising makes your heart race, negative thoughts popping up in your head about being judged. What underpins this all for me though, is the feeling of ‘not being good enough’ for others.

The worst part about living with social anxiety is the stigma it still has in society and the shame you feel at cancelling arrangements. Recently, I was unable to go to an important occasion due to an intense panic attack that left me unable to leave the house. Not everyone understands how hard it can be to leave the house when this happens and it is often triggered by subconscious reactions. I know that if I had a broken leg, the reaction would be different but sometimes having a broken head at times is far more difficult to understand. It can cost you friendships and ironically, others begin judging you as being reckless, thoughtless, flaky or selfish. Everything you have been trying to avoid.

I am writing this article because I want people out there to understand that social anxiety is not your fault. It is a mental health condition like any other and a growing number of people suffer with anxiety disorders. Luckily, certain therapies can help although I am trying to find the right one for me. I have done CBT, hypnotherapy, art therapies and exposure therapy. I have found that exposure therapy, where you put yourself in your feared situation, to be the most effective at reducing anxiety levels. The more I do, the more it is easier to do.

I hope that soon anxiety disorders will be understood as well as physical illnesses. In truth, anxiety disorders are also physical, with many underlying symptoms such as palpitations (raised heart rate), sweating and feeling faint .

I have some fantastic friends and family who support me despite this condition- I am lucky. Not everyone has that. I am learning to let go of the shame of my anxiety disorder and embrace the fact that not everyone can understand it. The most important thing is to keep going, keep trying and living life as best I can so that stigma can be combatted.

Starting over.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Its been about 2 weeks now since I left my new job in the primary school to work for my Dad as his PA in his new radio station company. I find it much easier to manage my anxiety when I can work freelance and independently at home and I find that I can take breaks when I need to- and work when I can, which is more helpful for my health currently

It is a shame because I was hoping to be a teacher, but I have to take time out to heal myself and get myself fully well. The work I am doing for my Dad is probably temporary but it currently suits us both and I am enjoying it. Other than that, I have been seeing my friends and trying to tackle each day with positivity.

This year has been a major journey of self discovery and I hope that I will be able to build a career in the field I choose and not get morning panic attacks as severely. Hence, why for the moment I am taking a break from teaching to heal my anxiety.

In terms of therapy, I am thinking about doing the Linden Method home learning program to help my panic. I certainly am feeling a lot better but still get anxious from time to time about social arrangements.

Heres to starting over- new beginnings.

Time to Change- ‘Having Bipolar is not Shameful’.

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

This week, I achieved one of my dreams and goals to write a blog published by the anti discrimination charity ‘Time to Change’. They are a UK mental health charity partnered with Rethink and Mind, to tackle stigma against mental illness in the UK.

My blog was shared over 150 times and liked almost 500 times on Facebook, in the first day and a half. This is amazing. I have heard from people who are suicidal or struggling with bipolar and other mental health issues. I am so thankful to the charity for publishing it and giving me a platform to share my story.

You can read the blog here:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/i-cannot-imagine-having-bipolar-without-support-networksarahtime

Pre Work Anxiety

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Last week, I started my new job in a primary school. I went in both days, didn’t feel too anxious, enjoyed meeting the children and their parents and chatted to my new colleagues. I did really well. However, I have a break of almost a week before I go in again and this exacerbates my anxiety symptoms as I start worrying about the next day.

I have written before about pre work anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes I am absolutely fine and just a little nervous. Yet other times, I dread the day and worry about seeing people or coping with the demands of the day. Then, I don’t go into work. I have a block and feel like I can’t move or do anything for that period of time. I just have to get the fear to go away and then I down tools, which obviously is not great from an employers perspective.

However, I can’t do this any more. I have discovered a new app that has calming exercises and I must find a therapy option that works for me.

From googling this, I can see that other people suffer from this too. To quote a fellow sufferer on the hilariously named crazyboards.org,

‘ I go through this foolishness every day.

An hour before i leave for work i am DREADING leaving my house and imagining all sorts of horrible things happening at my job. the sense of anxiety is so huge, i mean need to medicate it huge. i cannot stay still to enjoy a morning coffee. i’m too nervous.’

I don’t use anxiety medication- however I do need to find ways to feel the fear and do it anyway. In truth because nothing is scarier than what is in my mind.

In the words of my favourite singer Jessie J- ‘Its OK not to be OK’