Life is Finite: How to Deal with this and our Mental Health.


(image: thefreshexchange.com)


Humans are probably the only species on the planet that know that life is finite. Practically every other creature that ever existed did so in a state of blissful ignorance. The end of life wasn’t some dark, horrible certainty that needed pushing to the back of the mind. It just didn’t exist psychologically. 

We have no such luxury. As thinking beings, we have to confront this issue, one way or another, and somehow try to make peace with it. It’s not easy. 

Over the years, you can see some of the strategies people used to try to do this. One method was believing in the afterlife and in the soul – somewhere that you’d go once your physical body finally gave up. For many people, this is a core tenet of faith. For others, it is not. The idea that we could somehow pass away into nothingness seems like a tragedy.

Aging is currently a big issue in our society. The number of people over the age of 65 is the highest that it has ever been. And it is going to continue to grow as the population changes. Fewer people are having babies, and more people are living into their seventies, eighties, and nineties. It’s a big difference compared to just a few decades ago. 

In this context, we are all having to learn how to deal with our finite lives. But what’s the best way to do it? 

Get Comfortable With It 

Nobody likes the idea that we’re here for a small amount of time. We have these unlimited imaginations. And yet, we’re confined to these Earthly bodies.

One piece of advice is to try to find ways to become comfortable with the fact that life doesn’t go on forever. It seems taboo to even talk about it, especially when there are people around us approaching the end of their lives. But it is critical that we address the issue internally. Unless we can somehow make peace with it, we’ll never find peace in ourselves. We will always have this gnawing feeling at the back of our minds that the whole show will come to an end. That’s no way to live. 

Talk To Somebody About It

Sometimes, chatting to somebody you trust can help you come to terms with the facts of life. If you don’t have anybody in your life who fits the bill, then there are plenty of helplines available including Samaritans or you could talk to your GP or a therapist/ psychologist if it is beginning to impact on your day to day living and mental wellbeing . 

In many cases, just getting the words out can help tremendously. Speaking your mind to a sympathetic person is a great way to come to terms with reality. 

Prepare For It

The finitude of life can also be scary for another reason – the fact that we aren’t always prepared for the end of it. We can spend weekends worrying about what will happen to our loved ones when we are gone. 

We can’t go on living forever. But we can make financial arrangements to ensure that people who depend on us are taken care of in the future.

Setting up a policy to provide a lump sum to your relatives and dependents is relatively straightforward. And getting free gifts with life insurance is always a bonus. 

Complete Your Goals

Having the discipline to complete your life goals is a real skill and one that relatively few people ever manage to master. Ideally, you don’t want to get to the end of your life only to look back on it and regret that you didn’t live it the way that you wanted. You need to feel like you completed your goals – or at least took control and moved towards them. 

Sometimes taking the plunge and just getting on with things that you’ve left on the back burner is the best way to cope with the fact that life is limited. When you pursue that which is truly important to you, a lot of the worries and concerns disappear. You know that you’re making the best possible use of your time – and you’re grateful for it. 

Appreciate What You Have

Yes, the facts of life can be tough to accept. But it is also worth appreciating the fact that you’re here in the first place – a very unlikely event when you consider all the people who could have been born throughout history. That’s some consolation when you think about it. There is always goodness and hope in life- make the most of it.

This article was written by a freelance writer.

Reflections on Winter Mental Health: by Eleanor

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(image: Undepress)

I’m in a time in my life right now where I am finding things hard, which includes public speaking about my book. I have come to the conclusion that however painful that is, I can still do my freelance writing and social media work and I can still communicate with my book and blog readers. So all is not lost.

Public speaking induces fear in me, so I am going to start by making some videos when I feel able and sharing online. I also hope to be supporting my Dad at a talk he is giving on our story with bipolar this weekend, more on that after the event.

I am going through a period of depression at the moment (probably part of my bipolar, the winter and long nights/dark days and a reaction to life circumstances). As I am medicated, its not terrible, but I do experience heightened anxiety. I also freeze in fear and going out can sometimes be a challenge. The book was a blessing but I didn’t realise how exposed I would feel sharing it with the world.

This will get easier and I know how lucky I am to have a warm home, food on the table, a husband and family who love me and some very good friends. My sister has been my personal cheerleader too and we are helpful to each other too- she is wonderful.

I am now 9 weeks into therapy and I feel like its going to take a while to deal with all the trauma I have been through. Last week, I made a timeline of events for my therapist and we ranked traumas in order of how painful they are. Eventually, in the new year, we will start to process them in a safe space. EMDR (rapid eye processing) works in this way and will hopefully clear the blockages, fear and pain away so I can thrive again.

I am learning to be kinder to myself. To take time for me. To take breaks. To try not to feel guilty or selfish for working part time from home- I am learning that depression and anxiety are difficult but I am incredibly grateful for my blessings.

There are good things. My book being featured in Happiful Magazine this week and looking forward to Chanukah, Robs birthday and the Christmas break with family/friends. I also continue to be paid to write from home and am working on future plans. However, I am slowing down in order to recover from a very busy year!

How are you feeling this Winter? What helps you?

Eleanor x

 

 

 

 

How I recovered from depression and suicidal thoughts to form a fashion brand: Guest blog by Byron Donovan, CEO of Grey Matter

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(image: model at Grey Matter: http://www.greymatterstore.com)

Hello, I’m Byron, I’m twenty-three and I’m the Co-founder and CEO of Grey Matter. If I’m completely honest, I don’t write much … So why should you take two minutes out of your day to read this?

Sometimes two minutes is all it takes to change your life.. sounds cliché but it’s true. Four years ago I took two minutes out of my day to send an email that led to a meeting which changed my life.

At the time, I was in a depressed state, having suicidal thoughts every day, I felt lost in life and had lost all direction after coming out of a bad breakup. Up until this point in my life, I had failed my education, taken a dead-end job, I felt like “the stupid one” of my friends, I went down a dark path with bad habits. I had two older high achieving siblings, I just felt like I was never going to be successful because I was raised believing the definition of “success” and “happiness” was a University degree, a good job and a loving relationship. And I didn’t have any of those things.

If I’m honest, I felt like a complete failure. The relationship I had just come out of was the only part of my life where I was growing and now that was over, I felt stagnant and completely lost with a pain that was constantly there. The meeting was with a family friend, someone who I didn’t know that well at the time but I had admired and felt inspired by for quite some time, and that meeting helped change my outlook on life.

It changed my outlook because I opened up about where I was at in my life, and realised that the person I was speaking to had also been through a similar past, with the same grades, the same depression about work and the same suicidal thoughts. But was able to get out of that stage of his life, and was now running a successful business, and had a loving family.

This helped me see myself in a new light, it made me realise that maybe one day I too could have those things.

From this I became obsessed with self-development.. reading books, listening to podcasts, surrounding myself with positive and uplifting people. I started to realise that the future can be brighter than my past, and tomorrow can be better than yesterday.

A big turning point for me was believing that your current circumstances and struggles don’t define you and are instead trying to teach you something. And honestly, that state of thinking has got me out of the darkest thoughts and stages of my life.

Fast forward a few years, and my friends and I have now formed a fashion brand called Grey Matter that was created to have a positive impact on people’s mental health. We wanted to create a fashion brand that stands for the people that feel lost, the anxious, the kind, the weirdos, the dreamers, the creatives.

We strive to empower others by sharing stories and encouraging conversation through our apparel. And our goal is that through those stories people can find a similar hope as I did and spread support.

I always love hearing about others peoples stories and meeting like-minded people, so feel free to reach out to me if any of this resonated with you, and also check out Grey Matter if you’d like to see what we’re up to! (Instagram: @greymatter.ldn Facebook: @greymatterldn Website: www.greymatterstore.com ).

Since that meeting four years ago, I have since mentioned to that guy how he changed my life, and he replied with “You sent the first email, remember that”. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can overcome your current struggles and limitations that may be holding you back with the help of others. So don’t be afraid to reach out to people, as more often than not they want to help, and you never know what might come of it.
Thank you for reading and I hope this helps.

All the best,

Byron
Email: info@greymatterstore.com

Instagram: @byrondonovann’

Dealing with Life Stress: For Mental Health by Eleanor

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(image: BayArt)

Hi friends,

I have needed to write this blog for a while, where do I begin?

A few weeks ago, my father in law to be was taken to hospital with a rare form of pneumonia, caused by a weak immune system due to his cancer treatment. He was very ill and on oxygen as he couldn’t breathe. Thankfully very strong antibiotics were pumped into him and the infection is going and hes now off the oxygen . However, he is still in hospital on a feeding tube and slowly recovering from a bout of confusion (caused by low sodium levels).

This has been really upsetting and stressful for all involved, but we’ve had an amazing amount of support- with food, prayers, charity donations and hospital visits. Its been hard for me as the hospital is not near my home too.

We now have 2 months to go to the wedding and I am super excited but also worried- we really want my father in law to be there with us and well on the day so praying hard.

I start a new job on Tuesday in PR and Communications but will still write and blog on the side. I am also writing my book currently and am on deadline, so its all go here!

My anxiety levels are high in the mornings at the moment, I had chest pains this morning from stress and I am needing to take time for me and relax when I can. I think its because of everything happening all at once and so much to do for the book, wedding and so much change happening.

I do not like change but sometimes change is vital for us to grow.

I could do with a spa day though and some deep breathing exercises, meditation and general management of life stress. I am juggling a lot- and needing a break really.

How do you manage when life stressors become too much?

Love,

Eleanor xxx