(image: Undepress)
I’m in a time in my life right now where I am finding things hard, which includes public speaking about my book. I have come to the conclusion that however painful that is, I can still do my freelance writing and social media work and I can still communicate with my book and blog readers. So all is not lost.
Public speaking induces fear in me, so I am going to start by making some videos when I feel able and sharing online. I also hope to be supporting my Dad at a talk he is giving on our story with bipolar this weekend, more on that after the event.
I am going through a period of depression at the moment (probably part of my bipolar, the winter and long nights/dark days and a reaction to life circumstances). As I am medicated, its not terrible, but I do experience heightened anxiety. I also freeze in fear and going out can sometimes be a challenge. The book was a blessing but I didn’t realise how exposed I would feel sharing it with the world.
This will get easier and I know how lucky I am to have a warm home, food on the table, a husband and family who love me and some very good friends. My sister has been my personal cheerleader too and we are helpful to each other too- she is wonderful.
I am now 9 weeks into therapy and I feel like its going to take a while to deal with all the trauma I have been through. Last week, I made a timeline of events for my therapist and we ranked traumas in order of how painful they are. Eventually, in the new year, we will start to process them in a safe space. EMDR (rapid eye processing) works in this way and will hopefully clear the blockages, fear and pain away so I can thrive again.
I am learning to be kinder to myself. To take time for me. To take breaks. To try not to feel guilty or selfish for working part time from home- I am learning that depression and anxiety are difficult but I am incredibly grateful for my blessings.
There are good things. My book being featured in Happiful Magazine this week and looking forward to Chanukah, Robs birthday and the Christmas break with family/friends. I also continue to be paid to write from home and am working on future plans. However, I am slowing down in order to recover from a very busy year!
How are you feeling this Winter? What helps you?
Eleanor x
beurownlight.com 
I also struggle with winters. I’ve been using a SAD light this year which helps a bit, even though I don’t technically have SAD. They aren’t advised for people with bipolar disorder as they can cause mania.
I’m not working at the moment as I’m unemployed and I’m also struggling with not working and being dependent on my parents. I’m looking for work, but I worry about how much I could actually manage to do at the moment. I’m struggling to find part-time work that seems manageable. I’ve begun to doubt what I could actually manage to do.
I’m just focusing getting through on one day at a time.
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I am in exactly the same position my friend. I hate the feeling of dependency, ive been looking for work and my anxiety has been too great lately to go to interviews. Please stay in touch- we can support each other.
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Sure, I’ve been reading your blog for a while, although I’m not sure if I’ve commented before.
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Ahhh welcome anyway xx
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Just do what you can do and don’t beat yourself up about the things you have to set aside for a while. Good luck with the therapy and EMDR, it’s a tough therapy to go through but is very effective. I had it a few years ago and it saved my life.
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Thank you so much Karen. I appreciate your kind words. How long was your emdr process? Im hoping it will help heal my panic disorder
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I had about four months of emdr, sadly the NHS only fund a specific number of sessions and my therapist pushed to get it extended for me but with no joy. However, one of the great things about emdr is that it starts working immediately. You feel like absolute rubbish after the session but then things start to feel better and you can really feel yourself improving. I’m sure it will help you xx
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Im so pleased it starts working and really hope it will help me too!
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It helps me to get out among people even if it is just going to a coffee shop.
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Good plan 🙂
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Nice post my friend, am Emmanuel from Nigeria the CEO of wapcodehub blog in West Africa
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The dark and the constant rain can get me feeling low in winter. But the companionship and devotion of my dog never fails to lift me out of that. 🙂
Many thanks for following my blog, which is appreciated.
Best wishes, Pete.
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A pleasure, thanks for coming and leaving a comment 🙂
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Wish you luck with the EMDR! I find it fantastic! I don’t do it every session but we do it a lot! Winter can be so dark and dreary! I find snuggling up on the sofa with a cuppa always helps. X
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Thank you, we also dont do it every session. Good idea re snuggling with tea! I like to snuggle with a book and my blanket. Have a lovely christmas
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I’ve heard EMDR does wonders! I struggle with the winter months too, the weather tends to really get me down, but then the heat seems to do the opposite!
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Its so weird isnt it!
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