As readers of my blog will know, I suffer from long term bipolar disorder- and part of that is anxiety and depression. Even though I have had this for over a decade, I am still learning how best to manage the symptoms.
I have been reading Susan Calmans book entitled ‘Cheer up Love: Depression, Adventures with the Crab of Hate’. She is a comedian who has suffered from long term depression and has named her depression and when it takes hold- the Crab of Hate. Now, in my mind, my depression is a bit like a rainy cloud- and I envisage it as a little old lady knitting on top of a rainy cloud (spinning thoughts and ideas). It helps sometimes to personify the illness.
This morning I am doing OK and actually feeling some relief. I loved where I was working, my colleagues and the kids, but the pressure and expectation on me was a lot and it was triggering my panic I think. Its such a shame but hopefully I can and will move forward.
I have decided to download the Headspace meditation app and try the free trial to see if that can help me through simplifying thoughts and breathing deeper, to calm my mind.
I love writing and will continue writing my blog.