Guest Post by Adar: Relationship Abuse and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

February 13, 2017March 16, 2026 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

Adar talks about the relationship abuse and PTSD they have suffered and how they are near recovery, with a combination of therapies including EMDR treatment.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and I have been in each other’s lives for past 10 years. Yet, up until 3 years ago, it was my secret…that I had no name for.

I am very close to my recovery (yes, recovery), which is why I feel I can write this blog now, to highlight the following:

A. I was 18 when my abusive relationship started, he was also 18, and yes…he was Jewish, and known within a circle of Jewish people (I am Jewish). Abuse can happen to anyone, at any age, of any race.

B. PTSD: Because I have it now, doesn’t mean I will have it forever. I am getting the help I need to treat it, and my PTSD isn’t triggered 99.9 percent of the time. Be kind to everyone you meet, as that person may be going through a secret struggle.

C. There are varying degrees of PTSD, yes some people are affected enough to not leave the house. I am fortunate enough this isn’t my case, but a lot of people can get out, everyone’s triggers are different, and everyone reacts differently when triggered.

D. My message to anyone with PTSD: please please please get help, or please put a close one in touch with help. The treatments work, you can get the treatments on the NHS (and maybe even through your work), and via Private facilities. I have put two links below to two very helpful websites:

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx

http://www.ptsduk.org/

So, here is my story:

I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 18 for 3 years. If you google abuse, you will find five types; I experienced four- emotional, physical, religious, sexual…and I assume if my relationship had entered into marriage…financial.

When it comes to expressing my feelings about what happened to me, I became the master at making people think that everything was ok. But behind closed doors, I was in shock, mentally and physically… for years.

Friends that were around at time, had no idea what was happening to me, and neither did my own parents. In the aftermath, I buried everything, out of protection for the people around me, and because I was still trying process what had happened me. Physically, I was already showing signs of my mental state; being diagnosed with a lung condition because acid had mysteriously tipped into my lungs (looking back, potentially caused by the fight or flight, cortisol/stress, or something similar).

During all of this, I somehow managed to completed 2 degree’s (to a high standard), completed a summer on Camp as a leader in America, and Produced a year-long theatre production ….however, I was secretly drowning, and I couldn’t find a way to swim back to shore.

Fast forward, and 3 years ago, I started having panic attacks (4 years after I was well clear of the danger). At first these happened during the day, then started happening during my sleep. At times, this also came with an inability to speak, which there no physical explanation was for. It culminated in a trip to A & E, as my brain basically broke down. Before all of this, I had never had a panic attack, and I was not an anxious person.

A few months later, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD by my consultant, and after a wait, because of a bipolar 2 disorder diagnosis at the same time, I started EMDR treatment.

EMDR is AMAZING. FULL. STOP. It works by processing traumatic images that are stuck on one side of the brain, which couldn’t process themselves. When triggered, these images are like reliving the trauma (the image pops back up in your head). My therapist grades my disturbance on a scale of 1-10, and then uses my eye movements to process the images (by waving her fingers in front of my eyes). The idea is that the disturbance level decreases each time/ over time. It seems to be working for me; my therapist went over the list of problems I came to her with 2 months ago, and we checked a lot off the list! J

My therapist has also cleared up something important for me, which I want to pass on. I walked around trying to understand why I froze…why I just froze. My therapist said:

‘When things we cannot process at the time are happening to us, there is a survival instinct that makes us freeze…. After years of trying to figure it out, why someone so strong natured…just froze… now I understand. I hope that thought helps someone else out there, still trying to understand. We were trying to survive.’

With all the help I have been given, and the support of everyone close to me, I have managed to find a way to forgive my abuser, not for his sake, but for mine. I was carrying around a lot of hate and anger, and it was taking me down, from the inside. I am not suggesting this will work for everyone, but it has for me. I can move on now knowing that karma will one day kick in…and God is watching everything.

To conclude, yes, sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb, and yes, I have to be vigilant of potential triggers right now, (I carry a bottle of cinnamon with me, in case I feel overwhelmed: using a sense to distract the brain), and I think I will always struggle to tell my friends what really happened (but they have been amazing), but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I didn’t think I’d be able to say this 3 months ago, but bring on my knight in shining armour…ok ok…. maybe just a date, with a nice boy…in Nandos restaurant and a life full of my fulfilling dreams. Bring.it.on.

‘Back from the edge, back from the dead

Back before demons took control of my head

Back to the start, back to my heart

Back to the [girl] who would reach for the stars’

– James Arthur

Drawing my sanity: Art during hospitalisation (for Rethink Mental Illness)

February 9, 2017February 10, 2017 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

My latest article for Rethink Mental Illness about how art therapy healed me when in hospital. I hope you like reading:

https://www.rethink.org/news-views/2017/2/art-therapy

Rose is the blogger behind Be Your Own Light blog, which provides great articles about living with mental illness, from both herself and guest bloggers. Below Rose talks about art therapy and the impact it had on her whilst she was in hospital.

I am 28, and with diagnosed bipolar and anxiety disorders, I have tried many forms of psychotherapy and creative therapies in my life. These have included various talking therapies, cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness, meditation, therapies for anxiety disorders and more. However, today I would like to discuss a therapy that was key to my recovery from bipolar psychosis in hospital, on the ward and on the after care day unit – Art.

It sounds simple right?

In 2014, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act with a manic bipolar episode, including psychosis. I was very unwell and needed medical treatment to stop the psychosis and racing thoughts/actions. In all, I was in an all-womens psychiatric unit for 3 months. While 3 months doesn’t sound like a long period of time, it felt like it. Every day was spent on a ward where I was away from friends and family and had to get used to new routines, new nurses and doctors, and new patients being admitted – at times the ward was a very chaotic place. I was also in chaos in my own mind due to my mania and psychosis – at times I couldn’t sit still.

Gradually over time, as the medication prescribed by my psychiatrist kicked in, I was able to be a bit calmer and join in with the activities on the ward. One of these was art therapy. My favourite thing to do, in particular, was to sit by myself colouring and rip out images from magazines brought to me – to make them into collages. These were then backed on sugar paper to decorate the clinical hospital walls of my room. When I realised I would be there for months, I set about making my room as homely as possible. I made collages with celebrities I admired, on themes and calming pictures on my wall. The ward had colouring sheets and I would often colour in pictures and I found sometimes it helped with the boredom and would calm me down.

I sat in on a group art therapy session on this ward, which I did find challenging, due to the fact that the therapist was analysing our pictures in front of other people. I felt more comfortable taking myself off and creating pictures and collages in my room or with my friend on the ward, than having that level of analysis at that point.

Indeed, when I was well enough to leave that hospital ward, I spent a further 3 months on an acute day treatment unit – a hospital day unit with group therapies and classes. When there I would often take myself off into a quiet room to colour with colouring pencils. I found colouring so soothing.

It was during this point when I had come home (from the trauma of all I had been through), that my anxiety levels rose. At one stage, the only thing that would focus me at home and would bring my anxiety level down was colouring in pictures or patterns, so I bought colouring books to do it in. The world seemed frightening but I was able to reduce it down to the page and picture I was colouring in – a sort of form of mindfulness art therapy.

I have found that creating positive art or the act of colouring in a serene (non triggering) picture, has been pivotal in my recovery. In combination with a new mood stabiliser and courses of talking therapies, I have found that art has healed and soothed me at times when I have felt overwhelmed, anxious and unable to cope. I am now fully well and looking towards my future – but I will always be grateful to those therapists who left out colouring pictures for me to do, who lent me card, glue and glitter and said – “if you want to do it, create.” That creation helped me heal.

Guest Post: Teens and Internet Addiction. 4 Positive Strategies to help recovery

February 8, 2017March 16, 2026 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

This article has been written by Paradigm Treatment Centers in USA who specialise in helping vulnerable teenagers with mental health issues. Paradigm San Francisco is a small, residential treatment programme. The adolescents who come to them for treatment have issues they need help with including but not limited to Anxiety, Depression , ADD, Grief, Trauma, Addiction, Substance Abuse, Eating Disorders and any number of Mental or Emotional health concerns. For more information please see: http://paradigmsanfrancisco.com

Parenting a teenager today means navigating through what feels like uncharted territory because of the influence of technology. In the past, parents had to worry about the dangers of drug and alcohol addiction, but at least those were fairly simple to keep out of their home. Now, the internet is found everywhere, from libraries to schools and your teen’s phone. With such easy access, it is easy to see why internet addiction has become a thing, and you can use these strategies to help your child learn how to manage their screen time.

Recognize the Signs

Internet addiction starts subtly with teens simply spending more time online. At first, you may just think that they have found a new group of friends or are passionately researching a recently acquired interest. Over time, however, the signs that it is interfering with their life will slowly start to appear. As your teen’s addiction to the internet begins to get serious, you may start to notice the following signs.

Preoccupation with the internet such as anxiously awaiting their next online chat session or constantly checking their social media accounts

• Need to be online for increasing amounts of time to maintain the same level of satisfaction

• Withdrawal symptoms such as moodiness and depression when they are forced to cut back on their screen time

• Accidentally staying online longer than expected such as staying up all night or missing an important event due to their internet activities

• Drop in academic performance

• Decreased personal hygiene, although an increased interest in appearance also occurs if a teen is involved with video chatting

• Lies about how much time they are on the internet
Seek Professional Support

As with any addiction, early recognition of the symptoms means that treatment can begin before it gets worse. Typically, teens with an internet addiction struggle with seeing how their time online is affecting their lifestyle. This is because they may feel as though they have more friends than they ever did before, or they may try to justify their actions by believing that researching online is a learning opportunity. Your teen may also claim that they could be doing worse things such as drugs. Since they are usually sitting safely within their home, teens with internet addiction often take longer than other teens to admit that there is a problem. For this reason, professional therapists often begin treatment by helping teens see the negative effects of their addiction. For example, learning that being online all night is contributing to their bad grades helps them get on board with ending their addiction.

Treat Coexisting Mental Health Conditions

Teens become addicted to the internet for a variety of reasons. For some, it offers a way to meet other people despite having social anxiety. Other teens may use the internet as a route to escape the pain of grieving or the apathy of depression. Figuring out your teen’s triggers for using the internet will often reveal other mental health conditions. Treating these conditions is critical for helping your teen successfully beat their addiction.

Encourage Healthy Recreational Opportunities

Once your teen has completed their treatment for internet addiction, they will need your help finding ways to fill their time. In their program, they learned how to utilize their interests to find recreational activities such as acting in a play or hiking in the mountains that reduce their drive to go online. Encourage your child to continue to explore their new interests, and plan special activities to keep them on track. For example, enrolling them in an art class or planning a family camping trip will help your teen remember that offline experiences can be even better than anything they can find online.

The internet brought to the world wonderful ways to connect and learn. Yet, many teens are falling prey to the vices of internet addiction. When you suspect there is a problem, it is important to go with your instincts and seek help because this type of addiction quickly spirals out of control. By recognizing that internet addiction is indeed real and seeking support, your teen can learn to manage their impulses through healthy activities that support their development.

My article for Self Harm UK- ‘I don’t want to hide anymore (about stigma)’

February 1, 2017March 16, 2026 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

I am delighted to announce a blog collaboration with the amazing charity Self Harm UK (a part of Youthscape).

I have written a blog for them on my experience of mental health stigma as an ill teenager and what made me speak out further. In the past, I have had self harming thoughts and I myself like reaching out to teens and young people who are suffering out there- so they know they are not alone. I am so pleased to collaborate with Self Harm UK on this and my article can be found here:

Click here to read my article:

https://www.selfharm.co.uk/articles/i-dont-want-to-hide-anymore

Who are Self Harm UK?

From their website selfharm.co.uk:

‘ SelfharmUK (formally selfharm.co.uk) started out of the work of Youthscape, a local charity based in Luton, Bedfordshire, UK. Since it’s beginnings in 1993, the charity has developed a strong and professional reputation for delivering caring, child-centred work, which focuses on the emotional and social needs of all young people. Youthscape works alongside all young people, regardless of race, background, or faith.

By 2004, Youthscapes’s work increasingly involved young people engaging in self-harm. It wasn’t long before a plan began to form to try and reach them them, starting with the provision of informal support groups in local schools. With the help of funding from BBC Children in Need and other grant-making Trusts, the project was able to appoint a specialist staff team in 2005 and develop a more coherent provision that included art projects and therapeutic group programmes. Training and advice for parents and professionals soon followed, in conjunction with the Local Authority and local schools.

In 2008, Youthscape responded to the growing number of enquiries for support and advice coming from outside Luton by beginning to plan for a national project that could support young people from all over the UK. Further planning and fund raising led to the establishment of SelfharmUK later that year and the appointment of a Project Manager

The development of a website was a key part of our initial vision… to have a safe online space available to inform and support young people who self-harm, as well as cater for the needs of their siblings, parents and friends. We also wanted to provide information and training for professionals like youth workers, teachers and social workers.

We wanted to create a safe, pro-recovery site for people to use to communicate with others and express their experiences through the use of blogs, stories, poetry and art. Our next goal was to develop an online group programme – Alumina – which has enabled young people from all over the UK to engage with our staff in real time in order to explore the deeper issues surrounding self-harm. For some it had been the catalyst needed to reduce or stop their harming behaviour, while for others it has proven empowering, enabling them to seek further support in their local area.

We already have a multimedia training programme available to professionals in the UK. Our ongoing vision is to see this rolled out more comprehensively; to serve every part of the UK in supporting and nurturing young people who may be experiencing difficulties with self-harm.

There remains much to be done but we remain committed to improving the lives of anyone impacted by self-harm. Providing effective support for parents and siblings will be a major goal in the near future.

For now, the project remains part of Youthscape as a separate element of this registered charity.’

The best way to support a friend or family member through anxiety and depression.

January 24, 2017January 28, 2017 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 1 Comment

I have been asked by my friends to write an article about how best to support someone through a mental health issue. There is not a one sized fits all answer, due to the fact that every illness and person is unique with their own brain chemistry and life experience. However, I am going to offer a few tips on what you can do if someone is suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression (for this article I am going to leave out other illnesses eg bipolar, schizophrenia, psychosis, addictions but will speak about them at a later date)

So what can you do if your loved one is suffering from an anxiety disorder/ depression?

Anxiety disorders are a group of multi faceted disorders which can include things like generalised anxiety, social anxiety, health anxiety, OCD, PTSD and more. Your loved one may be suffering from lack of sleep, nightmares, inability to sit still, palpitations, racing or obsessive thoughts, panic attacks and hyperventilation. They may feel more on edge, or in the case of OCD- be checking and analysing everything. Anxiety disorders run in certain patterns and all are unique to the individual- what one person with anxiety may have will be different to another, however there are some general patterns to anxiety.

When a person is suffering from anxiety, they may also have physical health symptoms as above due to the increase in adrenaline and the stress hormone, cortisol.

Depression or depressive disorders are sometimes caused due to a chemical imbalance in the brain (not enough seretonin) and can require medication to return the brain to its usual state. Some are a mixture of chemical imbalance and challenging life experiences or brought on from a period of stress eg divorce, moving house, losing a baby, having a baby, being unemployed etc . Symptoms typically can include loss of motivation, feeling tearful, low and hopeless, not wanting to engage socially or be involved with activities one enjoys.

If your loved one is suffering from anxiety or depression the best way you can help is by speaking and interacting with them calmly- not judging them or accusing them of anything bad, but simply being a laid back, supportive friend or partner. If someone can’t socialise, its best to just text once in a while and check up on how they are doing- or send a hand written note or card. Most importantly, do not pressure the person to see you, talk to you or go out.. but just be there for them calmly as a listening ear and encourage them to do small achievable things for themselves.

It is good to encourage your friend to go out with you but not to pressurise. Similarly, getting a bit of fresh air can help. If your friend or loved one is at crisis point ie threatening to take their own life, feeling suicidal, not eating or sleeping and being involved in self harming or risk taking behaviours, it is very important to do the following:

1) If a friend is suicidal, listen to them but do not promise to keep it a secret. You must tell their nearest relative/ best friend/ someone they trust if you believe they are in danger of a suicide attempt or at harm to themselves . Encourage them to see their GP immediately or speak to a help line and the GP will be able to tell you if a psychiatric referral is needed. A psychiatrist and team known as the Crisis Team will then step in to help.

2) If a loved one you live with is suicidal, go with them to the Doctor or get a doctor to come out to you. There is stigma around this BUT if your loved one is really ill and their brain is effectively temporarily ‘broken’ much like a broken leg, it needs fixing. Your loved one needs help and support to recover whether its medication, counselling or more support at home. Do not blame yourself. This is an illness- not something you have done.

Ultimately, be loving, caring and supportive and CALM- however angry or frustrated you feel. Being frustrated to someone who is unwell can cause them to have feelings of guilt, low self esteem or worthlessness which the depression/ anxiety may perpetuate.

Be there as a support and listening ear but make sure you have a break and take time for you too.

Guest post: 5 easy yet effective ways to calm yourself down when feeling anxious

January 12, 2017March 16, 2026 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

By Lystia Putranto and Karina Ramos at www.bookmeditationretreats.com

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged; it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

– Arthur Somers Roche

Sometimes nothing feels quite as awful than anxiety. In this state of mind, we tend to think of only the worst case scenarios. It robs us of our joy, makes us lose focus and leaves us feeling as if we have no control over our own lives.

Fortunately for us, there’s much we can do to reduce anxiety and its effects on our mind, body, and soul. Here are simple and fuss-free tips to apply that I have found to be effective to help me establish and maintain a calmer peace of mind in situations that previously would send me into a tailspin:

Take Deep Breaths

It seems hard to believe that one of the simplest actions that you can take – taking deep breaths – may just be one of the most effective ways to calm ourselves down when we feel an anxiety attack coming on. Breathing deeply differs from our normal breathing (shallow breathing) as it requires your focus to breathe from your diaphragm as opposed to just breathing from your nose. Moreover, shallow breathing may often feel tense and constricted, whereas deep breathing induces relaxation.

By just taking a minimum of 10 deep breaths whenever you find yourself feeling anxious, you can instantly feel more peaceful and more importantly, it could bring our focus back to the present moment even in moments of panic or extreme anxiety. Through focusing our attention in the present moment, we are able to give our best effort in finding solutions to the issue(s) we worry about. Another great thing about this anxiety-reducing tool is that it is also accessible to you whenever and wherever you need it.

If you’re looking to gain a more lasting effect that you get from deep breathing, I highly recommend that you take up the practice of meditation. Not only will you be able to feel more at ease and calmer, you’re bound to also reap the many other benefits that come with meditation!

2 Listen to Inspiring Tunes

I’m a true believer in the power of music and great tunes can be a great tool in lifting our spirits whenever we feel anxious or overwhelmed. Create a special playlist of your favorite inspiring (preferably upbeat) tunes and be sure to have them on hand to give you a spirit boost whenever you feel less than stellar. If you’re up for it, why not kick it up a notch and have yourself a dance party of one while you are listening to favorite music! It may sound silly but I personally have found it to be a great and quick way to lift my spirit and shake off those pesky anxieties.

Let it Out

When we are plagued with anxiety, one of the best ways to alleviate yourself from that palpable worry is to talk it out with someone you trust. One of the toughest things to deal with when it comes to anxiety is the facade that you are alone and that you are the only one in the world who is going through challenging times. Feeling anxious and feeling like you have to keep it all bottled up is unhealthy and can often feel excruciatingly difficult.

The truth is, all of us have experienced anxiety and worry and this is why it is crucial for us to be able to turn to our spouse, friend, parent or sibling and share our troublesome thoughts. More often than not, you’d find that they too have experienced similar situations and would able to offer solutions to help you or at the very least, lend an emphatic shoulder to lean on.

Jot it Down

If for one reason or another you feel uncomfortable sharing your feelings and thoughts to others, an alternative tool you can use is to keep a journal. That way, you can “spill” whatever you are going throughout and/or feeling in private. There’s something soothing and cathartic in writing out your inner most thoughts into paper that often leaves you feeling calmer and more at peace.

As someone who has journaled regularly since her early teen years, it became evident that most of my anxieties were just stories that I created and that my worries were far from being real. In writing our thoughts down consistently, you too may found most things that you have previously felt anxious or worried about in the past never actually end up happening. Our minds like to play tricks on us, making us focus on the worst scenarios of situations as opposed to what’s actually real and this is definitely something worth keeping in mind the next time we find ourselves filled with worry. As Dan Zadra, a renowned author said, “Worry is a misuse of imagination”.

Get Physically Active

Science has provided much evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people (those who are not physically active). Exercise may also improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress and feelings of worry. In one study, researchers found that those who do regular vigorous exercise were 25 % less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder.

Whatever type of exercises you prefer, aside from being extremely beneficial to our health and fitness, making sure that you get your regular dose of exercise is a great way to reduce anxiety. Though it sounds counter-intuitive, exercise actually increases our endorphin levels which are our body’s “feel good” chemicals and this, as a result, helps us burn off excess adrenaline that we produce when we are at a heightened state of anxiety.
About Lystia Putranto

Lystia is a personal & professional development blogger who seeks to inspire and to motivate people to create and to live out their best lives. A proponent of meditation, she actively encourages those who seek to become their best selves to integrate meditation as part of their daily routine.

Guest Post: Quite Great- Psychotherapy to combat stress in the Music Industry.

January 9, 2017 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Todays guest post is by Quite Great and Helen Brice, psychotherapist and music industry professional.

Music PR and Marketing Company, Quite Great, has formed a unique partnership to help musicians overcome the day to day stresses and strains of the music industry. By teaming up with Helen Brice, a specialist psychotherapist and skills coach, the pioneering PR company has introduced a new psychotherapy service.

Quite Great have twenty years experience working with musicians of all styles, from all over the world. During this time they have developed an exceptional understanding of musicians and the challenges they face – from the emotional strains of building a career, to the psychological issues that can be developed as fame grows.

Specialist psychotherapist, Helen Brice, has over twenty years experience in the music industry; covering music arrangement, performance, audio production, publishing, artist management and A&R. She is a music graduate and regularly performs in the UK and overseas with the London Bulgarian Choir and the BBC Symphony Chorus. As an active musician Helen has a unique attunement to the pressures and psychological issues that musicians encounter – making her the perfect person to head up the new service.

As Pete Bassett, founder of Quite Great, elaborates: “Every recording artist and performer of music has to have at least two sides to their personality in order to really reach the heights that they wish to achieve. As they go through each stage in their musical career they have to deal with many pressures – from demands made on them by managers, labels and agents, through to handling being ‘dropped’ by labels, and at times, coming to terms with the fact that their popularity is diminishing.”

“These differing stages,” he continues, “can cause real emotional turmoil needing a specialist approach to be taken. There are also other more straight forward challenges that musicians need help with, for example how to overcome ‘stage fright’, and how to build the confidence and thick skin required to face media reviews and online critics. In order to believe they can overcome all problems to become a star, musicians need the self assuredness of an Olympic athlete!”

Helen Brice, (UKCP, MUPCA Accred, MBACP, FRSA) founded Stimmung Therapy Services in 2009 at Harley Street, and receives referrals and enquiries relating to her specialist psychotherapy and skills coaching from all over the world. Helen offers complete flexibility for appointments at her central London practice, as well as via Skype – perfect for the working lifestyle of musicians and performers. A service unique to Stimmung is emergency onsite psychotherapy and coaching for performance anxiety. This would be backstage at the performance venue, or off set at a live broadcast, or even at the recording studio.

By combining their expertise, Quite Great and Helen Brice, are offering a distinct psychotherapy service that will make a huge difference to both the personal lives of musicians and their careers. For more information, please visit www.quitegreat.co.uk or contact ask@quitegreat.co.uk

Fighting mental health stigma: a personal journey

January 4, 2017 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

I have had bipolar disorder for almost 13 years, along side depression, anxiety, psychosis, hypomania and manic symptoms- which ebb and flow and fluctuate. Now that I am on the right medication these bipolar symptoms are kept under control. For most of these 13 years, I didn’t feel I could speak out about my conditions.

My family and close friends have always been very supportive but I felt ashamed. Ashamed of where my brain could go to when unleashed and its chemistry got confused. Ashamed of why I was either suicidally depressed or hyper and manic to a point of having to be sectioned to a psychiatric ward. Ashamed of my illness, confusing my identity with the illness, which made me worried about others judgement of me.

I was diagnosed at a very vulnerable age- 16 years old and as we know teenagers can be cruel. Although I experienced a lot of kindness and empathy, after a hypomanic episode abroad where I was disinhibited, I experienced a lot of cruel rumours from other teens I knew. Rumours that were stupid but that called me many names and compared me to evil things that I do not want to repeat. What was at the most basic of these insults? In my opinion, fear.

People fear what they cannot see and cannot understand.

People in their teen years do not want to be different- and I was the embodiment of difference.

If people can’t comprehend something and it is threatening- they judge or use name calling to feel better.

At 16, I represented a world of chaos at which many could not understand. Perhaps now they will.

I have spent a long time coming to terms with my illness and what it means, finding the right treatment and medication and the right support networks around me. I have incredibly supportive friends and family.

So what does the above treatment boil down to?

Stigma.

Stigma is according to an online dictionary- ‘ A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance , quality or person’

For so long, I felt this ‘mark of disgrace’ and until I was 25, although close friends and family knew about my illness, I didn’t write blogs the way I do now. This was because I wanted to hide this illness that lodged in my brain chemistry.

I don’t want to hide any more and neither should I.

In 2014, I was hospitalised and sectioned for a severe manic episode encompassing psychosis, delusions and hyperness/ disinhibition.

It was shortly after going through the most traumatic experience of my life that I realised. Life is short. I need to help others. If I can break down the stigma and help others through my writing and other work then I will.

Mental Illness must no longer be a ‘mark of disgrace’ but must be seen as a partly physical illness in the brain, deserving and worthy of good treatment and empathy from others.

This post is dedicated to those friends who asked me to write on this and all my friends for their love and support

Life is Possible: Guest Post by Megan

December 13, 2016March 16, 2026 ~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Megan is a blogger at http://www.themanicyears.com and writes about mental illness and bipolar disorder. She shares with us her positive outlook on life after overcoming adversity.

I recently got asked a question that I have been asked quite a few times in my life before now. This question was asked by a distant acquaintance of mine; a person who was – until the past couple of months – previously a stranger to me.

The question was this;

“If you had the chance to go back in time, to redo any of your past choices, what would you change and why?”

I have thought about this in passing, at various points as I have progressed throughout my adult years. Usually, I shrug the question off with a – ‘Yes, there’s probably lots of things I would change’ – without consenting to deeper reflection and proceed to let the thought slowly slip from my mind, like a shallow pool of water that gently drains through the gaps in my fingertips when I attempt to cup it in my hands, leaving its damp trace as a reminder to be embraced again at a later time.

In this occurrence, something about the flow of the conversation between me and this person, made me pause and take the time to delve deeper in to my introspections, generating the need to deliver an open, raw and honest answer.

I looked back, escaping the present moment by retrograding through a virtual journey within my memories, my life, my youth, the relationships that I’d built and the ones that were torn down. And in that first instance; all I saw was pain.

Up until 2013, I endured a heart-wrenching and debilitating conquest to seek the right kind of help for my issues, and was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. After the herculean efforts that resulted in this conclusion, I couldn’t quite decide if I had been awarded with a victory badge, or had my autonomy snatched away from me and handed down a stigmatised label of shame.

I had always been a painfully anxious and emotional child, but my first ‘real’ symptoms began when I was 12 years old; I started suffering from psychotic breaks and harmful thoughts. As far as my fragmented memory takes me, I understand this came about as a result of my mothers illness and attempted suicide . It was an attempt for which the blame was placed on me, when I’d packed up my things and left home one day through the impact of her own mental illness. What once were just about manageable emotional waves, became uncontainable storms.

My teenage years to follow were a struggle. Inevitably withdrawing from my peers, I lost myself in my pain and in the midst of it all and I made a lot of wrong choices. By the age of 18, I had turned to risk taking and harmful behaviours in an attempt to seek some sort of alleviation and my mood swings were wildly out of control. The relationship with my mother, even with my friends, had turned in to a wreck of nothing but dysfunctional scraps. Connecting with others was a difficult task, especially when I went back to my studies. A slow withdrawal from society will eventually disconnect you completely from other people. It puts you in a glass box placed high upon the shelves of the unwanted. In those classrooms, I disappeared. I was invisible, slowly degenerating in to the ashes of battle that I had lost a long time ago.

For the last ten years of my life, I feel that I have lost and wasted my youth. Did I choose to turn my back to my own self worth, to my recovery? Did I make a comfy home in the land of unforgiveness in the attempt to punish myself? Did I regret making these – I could argue – deliberate choices?

But when I look back from this day, I find myself understanding the result and my reasoning to that fateful question. And my answer to the question is; I would not change it one bit.

In this moment, I see the value of what I have in my life now, as a result of what lead me here. I now see that I can thank myself that I did not give up on my studies, turning my hurt in to a driver to fuel my career – a notion that I did not realise at the time. I now see, that those people I distanced myself from who walked away, are those people which I’d unconsciously sifted out from the small circle of treasures I am blessed have in my life and who I call ’true’ friends. I now see, that although forever present, these scars that trace through my whole body have toughened and healed. I now see the infinite possibilities and the beauty of life within the depths of my child’s eyes, and I see a reflection of my own growth in there.

If I had not endured my past at all, would I have been in the place that I am now? Would I even dream of risking all the wealth that I have in my life in this moment in time?

I now see, that I won the battle all along. I now see, that life is possible.

On paper, I may be just an ‘unfortunate’ label of a chronic and debilitating mental health disorder, who drew the bad hand in life. But behind the diagnosis, behind the long term medication, hides an unbelievable journey that led me to this present day. And I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.