Category: Mental Health

Guest post: ‘How I overcame hurdles in my life through Psychotherapy’

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 4 Comments
This weekend we have a guest post from my blogger friend Stephanie, who opens up about how she sought help through psychotherapy many years after a difficult relationship. Thank you Stephanie!
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Hi, my name is Stephanie and I blog over at Making Time For Me https://cmugrad817.wordpress.com

It has been about 14 months now since I first sought out help.  After a tough day with my husband, I realized that I could no longer pretend like I was handling this all on my own.  Once and for all, I knew that I needed to seriously find a therapist that I could go and talk to.
6 years ago, my ex-husband cheated on me.  As a result, we got divorced and now he is married to that same woman.  I am remarried and we are all very happy.  Though the happiness, never made the pain go away.
I was worried all day every day.  Not that my husband was going to cheat on me, but that things would change.  That things would be beyond my control and my world would get flipped upside down.  As a result whenever anything in our plans shifted, I would flip out.  I mean the smallest thing, like having to wait until later in a day to go and pick up our kids.  Very minor details would set me off.
After 5 years of trying to work through all of my feelings on my own I knew I needed to seek help from a therapist.  With the help of my friends and family, I had kept moving through life, but I hadn’t learned how to move past the hurt.  My husband has been right by my side helping me through this whole thing, supporting me, listening to me and most importantly encouraging me. 
I reached out to a friend who was a therapist and asked for a referral.  Making the phone call to the office for an appointment, was one of the scariest moments in my life.  Having to say out loud that I needed help, what I thought that I needed help with and giving up a lot of personal information in a most impersonal way was something new to me.
When I went to the therapist, Hillaty, for the first time I cried for nearly the whole hour.  I explained to her about my ex and our divorce and how I was still carrying a lot of that pain with me.  I was really having a lot of traumatic feelings.  Then I was diagnosed with chronic adjustment disorder.
Adjustment Disorder is a group of symptoms, such as stress, feeling sad or hopeless, and physical symptoms that can occur after you go through a stressful life event. The symptoms occur because you are having a hard time coping. Your reaction is stronger than expected for the type of event that occurred. (taken from google)  It  is chronic because it continually happens much longer than one would anticipate, 5 to 6 years after the stressful event in my life happened. I had made it to a place in my life where my brain couldn’t adjust to the natural shifts that my life brought up every day.
When I started seeing Hillary, I was going to see her once a week for a little while.  I needed to talk to her all the time.  She would give me homework and we spent the first few sessions talking mostly about my ex and our divorce.  Slowly we transitioned into once every two weeks.  Now we were able to talk about what was happening in my everyday life.  She made it OK for me to cry, scream and even throw things. 
Hillary gave me a safe place to speak my mind, to feel all my feelings and because she was completely impartial to the situation she gave me some perspective that no one else was capable of.  I walk into her office, sit down on the couch (so cliché) and we just start talking.  When it started, she would ask cue questions that would get me started.  Now, she simply asks me how things have been going since the last time we saw each other and that can very easily lead to an hour of conversation.
Hillary , as my therapist, watched my body language and listened to the tone of my voice.  These are clues to her that I myself cannot see- subconscious cues.  She often asks me,’ tell me how you are feeling, I noticed that you just crossed your arms, or made a pushing motion with your hands’.  Then we talk about what I am keeping inside or what it is that I am trying to get rid of.  It really is therapeutic.
It took at least 6 months until I was no longer feeling all of that pain inside.  I had talked through it, made sense of it and most importantly accepted it.  Now, I am by no means 100% better.  I still have problems sometimes when the plans change and schedules shift, but it is not nearly as rough as it used to be.  I used to try to shoulder all of the blame, all of the burden for everything, all the time.  I don’t do that anymore.  I know that I am not in control of everything and ultimately, that is OK.

National Stress Awareness Day- ISMA

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Here at Be Ur Own Light, we promote good health and wellness. We were delighted to learn about a stress management initiative – National Stress Awareness Day – that has been in existence for almost 20 years in the UK.  The founder is Carole Spiers, Motivational Speaker and CEO of the Carole Spiers Group (CSG), a stress management consultant who is also Chair of the International Stress Management Association (ISMAUK).

ISMAUK is a charity and was established in 1974.  They are a membership organisation and set professional standards dedicated to excellence and best practice.  Their mission is to promote stress prevention and wellbeing.

This year, for National Stress Awareness day, they focused on stress for employees in the workplace.

As Spiers writes, ‘It is vital that the stigma of stress is removed and that stress is accepted as a mental health issue both nationally and internationally. Employees are an organisation’s most valuable resource.  It is very difficult to replace this human asset which is why ‘workforce wellness’ is an organisational imperative’. (ISMAUK)

National Stress Awareness Day – Wednesday 2nd November 2016

This year, National Stress Awareness Day took place on 2nd November and its theme for this year was ‘Workforce Wellness – your Prime Investment’.

Founded in 1998, the day runs annually on the first Wednesday of November and its aim is to educate people on the recognition of stress in self and others together with providing solutions and strategies.

Activities take place throughout the country that provide training, advice and consultancy. Last year, the day was talked about widely with over 121,000 comments alone discussing it on Twitter!

Through ISMA’s global reach, Stress Awareness Day is also run throughout the world.

Spiers continues, ‘The Carole Spiers Group proactively educate employees on how to build a healthy workplace culture. Through our nationwide employee counselling service and range of resilience and organisational change training programmes, our aim is to provide solutions and strategies to help people manage stress – both at home and at work.’

So how can you get involved with next years National Stress Awareness Day?
If you are already an ISMA member, you can organise an ISMA workshop for your employees and colleagues, deliver presentations on the subject and talk to the press and on social media to further raise awareness. A reduced rate pack is on the ISMA website to help you get started! http://bit.ly/1RyIZKL

This packs contains powerpoint slides, workbooks and media guidance to help you get the most out of your Stress Awareness Day.
For more information on ISMA and Stress Management Day on  2nd November each year, email info@carolespiersgroup.co.uk  and tweet about it using the handle #nationalstressawarenessday

My Guest Blog at PhobiaSupportForum.com

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

Be Ur Own Light is proud to collaborate with Mark at http://www.phobiasupportforum.com. Phobia Support Forum, support people suffering from a wide variety of mental health conditions and specific phobias. They have a forum where sufferers can talk and ask questions and form friendships.

My guest blog for them is about my anxiety and working with a care coordinator. You can read it here:

http://phobiasupportforum.com/expert-guest-articles/an-amazing-care-coordinator/

We are truly so happy to be a part of Phobia Support Forum and look forward to working together in the future. I hope all you lovely readers enjoy my blog!

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(image: google/ quotesgram)

Dark nights and Brighter Days: Music and Writing

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment

It feels like ages since I just sat down and wrote my heart out about my own life, which is how Be Ur Own Light started. In fact this blog was a diary and once called Diary of a Nearly Thirty Year Old (as I am 28!) The level of interest in mental health writing and my blog is growing which is wonderful and I love sharing everyone’s stories and featuring guest posts from brave mental health warriors. Today though I want to update you on my story.

Thank fully, I am not depressed or too anxious these days. I have been able to go out more, see friends and family and just enjoy myself. This week my Dad and I ran two charity events at Jazz after Dark, a teeny little club in Soho, Central London. Jazz after Dark is where Amy Winehouse walked in and began her career and where she wrote part of Back to Black. Our charity events used live music, amps, phone stages and hifi systems like Graham Slee Hifi. 

Our event was in aid of a young girl who passed away this year aged just 20. Many professional singers and musicians gave their time for free for us to raise money for an ambulance , which was the dying wish of the girl who passed away.

We managed to raise £3,500 for the charity supplying the ambulance through ticket sales, a raffle and auction. My Dad put so much of it together and on the nights we worked so hard. It was a thoroughly enjoyable 2 nights and I had the chance to watch live music and meet acquaintances and see old friends. I was so thankful to feel comfortable doing this and for feeling so happy at what we all achieved.

Additionally, my cousin got engaged last weekend which was lovely, we had a family party for him.

I am also contemplating a new career in writing professionally. I have always written, journalled, wrote poetry and did English at university.. I always have used writing as an outlet. However, I want to share my story in overcoming adversity and living with mental health issues. I have been so lucky to already have collaborated with people and 2 big mental health charities. So this journey is new and exciting and rewarding. I thank you for reading here in my little corner of the internet and for following the journey together.

The Counsellors Cafe Blog Collaboration: Social Anxiety- I will get There

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 2 Comments

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(image:google images)

Hi everyone,

I am delighted to announce a collaboration with the wonderful people (Dionne and Victoria) at The Counsellors Cafe. Counsellors cafe is a community for people to share articles and knowledge about their mental health, and links therapists and sufferers.

I have written a blog for them on living with social anxiety which was published yesterday!

‘I wrote this piece  on social anxiety so I can write with my heart without feeling ashamed and can share what it is like to live with mental ill health at times. This is something that has been a part of my life since I was 15 years old and I will be 28 this year. It doesn’t feel like 13 years have passed since I first got sick, but its true that time definitely passes quickly. ‘

 You can read it here and at their website:  http://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/11/01/I-Will-Get-There

For more see: http://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/

#beurownlight

‘How I deal with Anxiety and Depression’ – Guest post by Ashley Owens at Generally Anxious

~ Eleanor Segall ~ Leave a comment
This guest post was written by blogger Ashley Owens at Generally Anxious http://www.generallyanxious.com
You can find her on Twitter at @genanxious. Ashley is also an author of a mental health novel.
Here, Ashley talks about her experience of anxiety and depression and how she deals with it. We thank her for contributing such an enlightening post!
I have dealt with anxiety & depression for over 30 years. It’s been an exhausting and sometimes sloppy ride. The most important thing I’ve learned is to cope. In my case, if I attempt to ignore (yeah right) or fight anxiety & depression, it gets worse. Instead, I am learning to live with them.

Check in with yourself daily.  Life can move pretty quickly.  Every day, I take the time to recognize how I’m feeling, and make adjustments as needed.  EVERY DAY. As a diabetic takes their blood sugar and adjusts their insulin amount accordingly, if I am tired, nervous or sad, I make sure to take it easy on myself. Take baby steps, one step at a time through the day, and be honest about how much I can accomplish, without over extending myself. I am not a superhero, and no one expects me to be (except my dogs).
Treat your body well.  ‘Comfort food’ got it’s name for a reason.  However, if I don’t moderate the amount of junk food, alcohol, late nights, or sloth-like behaviour, I end up feeling worse, triggering anxiety & depression.  I try to get a good night’s sleep, take my vitamins, eat vegetables and be active every day, as best I can.  Full disclosure: cheesecake is my favorite food, so I certainly love eating things that aren’t necessarily good for me.  And I allow myself to, in moderation. 
 
Do not trivialise your hobbies. I love listening to music, exercising, reading books, snuggling with my pups. These are some of the things that make me happy, so it is worth the time to enjoy them. Contributing to your happiness enables you to deal with real life: chores, school, work, conflict. More importantly, happiness makes us a better friend, co-worker, daughter/son, spouse, person.
Am I a master at all of this?  Not. Even. Close.
Make a small checklist.  As a daily reminder, write down a short list of questions that will indicate if you are taking proper care of yourself.  For example:
  • Am I getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night (and preferably 8 hours)?
  • Did I hug my pet/family member/ best friend today?
  • Have I exercised in the last 3 days?
  • Did I dance around to music at full blast this week?!
You can use this short list as a barometer – If you answer ‘no’ to any of your questions, you need to make a change to keep yourself on track, healthy and happy.
I walk with anxiety & depression everyday, one step at a time, being honest with myself that I’m not perfect. Well guess what? Nobody is! You are not alone in your struggles, so be honest with how you feel, and keep moving forward!

Breathe Life Initiative- Tackling Loneliness through Kindness

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 7 Comments

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Here at Be Ur Own Light, we support many charitable initiatives. We were contacted by ‘Breathe Life’, an amazing UK charity campaign to combat loneliness in the elderly and wanted to tell you about them so you can get involved wherever you are in the world!.

The campaign says,

‘Every day huge numbers of older people are dying from loneliness. Research has proven that the effects are as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In the UK alone, one fifth of older people feel lonely. …. We believe small acts of kindness can help loneliness‘ (Breathe Life)

This is sadly not just an issue in the elderly as 53% of those aged 18-34 have felt depressed due to loneliness. As more and more people live on their own, this affects millions of people in UK society alone.

Its time to reconnect with our elders and Breathe Life seeks to do this. Never before have we lived such separated lives from our loved ones, only connected by technology.

To combat loneliness in our society, Breathe Life partnered with Life Links Cheshire have selected 5 Elders- men and women from Cheshire in the North of England with a wealth of widsom, joy and resilience to share to people of all ages. You can email them for 30 days, important questions you want answered and they can share their knowledge with you (and in turn make connections to combat isolation and loneliness).  As the campaign states,

‘Together, we hope to give older people regular mental stimulation and a visceral sense of self worth by actively creating connections for them in which they feel they are offering something of value to society. We might restore a sense of pride that breaks the deadening effects of loneliness.’

For more information about the Elders, the Breathe life Campaign and how you can get involved:

breathelife

 

Gratitude to you: with thanks

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 12 Comments

Recently I have been having the opportunity to grow my little blog here and it is amazingly being read around the world. From the UK to Israel, The USA and Canada to Australia, Italy, Germany, Spain,  Norway, Finland, Croatia, Monaco, Indonesia, India, Peru, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, Philippines, South Africa, Uruguay, Nigeria and Sudan.. I am amazed each day by where people are reading from and I am so so thankful. I write this not to brag but just because its so wonderful for me to reach people from different cultures. 🙂

We now have almost 60 dedicated WordPress followers, over 1,000 followers on Twitter, almost 700 in Instagram and 130 of my close friends and family on Facebook. This week, inspirational acid attack survivor Katie Piper liked one of our posts on Instagram about positive affirmation which was incredibly exciting!

We hope to grow the blog to spread light around the world for those suffering with mental health issues. I love receiving your supportive comments and sharing in online conversations with you all.

Today I am feeling so happy and thank you for engaging. I am also excited to announce a blog collaboration with Counsellors Cafe UK website, which will hopefully be posted in the next few weeks  and  Jewish Association of Mental Illness, who may be using my blog posts in the new year.

I am also thankful to Louie Rethink Mental Illness and Tim at Time to Change for getting me published before I even started publicising my blog.

From Depression to Light: Life Lessons

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 19 Comments

For those who are new readers or don’t really know, I have been journalling for a long time- maybe since the age of 14 on and off. I have always sought to write and get my feelings down on paper. I was looking through some boxes the other day and came across the following ‘Future letter to myself’ from September 2010. I was 22 and reflecting on life and the journey I had been on from being diagnosed bipolar at 16, to falling in love and having my heart broken and travelling around the world. I had also been struggling with anxiety for a long time.

This ‘I have learnt’ list was partly inspired by the introduction to singer India Aries album ‘Love and Relationships’. The words are my own. I hope if you are feeling sad or if you are contemplating things in your own life that these words give you strength.

A letter to my future self, I have learnt (From 2010)

‘Dear future me

I sit here as a woman who has survived trauma and illness, travelled to 3 continents and got a university degree. I sit here as a woman who has survived a severely broken heart.

I have learnt that love is not enough.

I have learnt that just because everyone else does something doesn’t mean I have to.

I have learnt that I have inner reserves of strength.

I have learnt that a supportive family or network is everything.

I have learnt that loneliness is painful- but is part of life experience.

I have learnt that life is joy and pain and mundanity.

I have learnt that some people are meant to leave your life physically but leave an impression on your heart.

I have learnt that facing life takes a lot of courage.

I have learnt that we need the love of others. A person is not a person without other people.

I have learnt to assess character.

I have learnt not to fall too easily.

I have learnt that having a shattered heart or mind is painful but not the end.

I have learnt that the mind is incredibly powerful and we have to learn to master it.

I have learnt that food is good.

I have learnt that fears are blessings because by pushing through them we grow.

I have learnt about the power of the soul.

Be strong. Believe even at your saddest moments.

 

An amazing Care Coordinator

~ Eleanor Segall ~ 6 Comments

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder when I was just 16 years old. During the years that followed I had some brilliant psychiatrists and some dull ones that I didn’t click well with, met several good psychologists and had some excellent therapists for talking therapy or CBT. However, this post is dedicated to my old Care Coordinator who finished working with me a month or so ago and I just want to talk a bit about the role, what it entails and how much she aided my recovery.

When you have had an acute episode of mental illness (which may have included a hospital stay or day unit) , you may be assigned what is known as a Care Coordinator. Care Coordinators are usually mental health nurses trained to coordinate care between you, the client and the whole mental health team- whether thats a support worker, psychiatrist, psychologist. They talk to you about how you are feeling, give you advice and speak to other professionals on your behalf.

After my hospitalisation in 2014, I was assigned a truly lovely, wonderful woman to help aid me in my recovery at home. I am writing about her because sometimes its very rare to click  so well with someone, for someone to be so positive and upbeat and kind.

When I met my Care Coordinator, I was still very depressed and anxious, in my adjustment from coming out of hospital on a psychiatric ward. She used to come and sometimes I wouldn’t want to see her because I was feeling low or anxious and didn’t want to talk. We worked together for a year and she listened to all my fears about being maid of honour for my sisters wedding, getting back into work, dating, keeping up friendships with anxiety and how I was going to rebuild my life and cope again.

She provided a listening ear and helping hand in a time of immense darkness.

She watched me as I struggled to hold down work, recommending a support worker for me, and sessions with a psychologist, I had a course of 10 sessions. She asked if she needed to help me with housing or benefits (here in the UK this is money from the government if you are sick). Luckily I have a good family support network but my Care Coord became like a good friend to all of us and I grew to love our sessions and enjoy talking to her about my life, her life and its similarities :).

After 6 months to a year of being back to health and not acutely unwell any more, my Care Coord had to move on to help other people who were more ill than me. However, she will always have a special place in my heart for the joy and positivity she helped me find and I don’t think I will ever forget her.