I was lying in bed last night thinking and feeling sad. I had a wonderful weekend last weekend and was able to do a lot, see lots of family and friends and generally feel good. However, from the Monday, I began to feel more and more anxious. I had to cancel 3 arrangements with different friends this week due to heightened anxiety again. This sometimes happens when I do a lot.

I decided to do more of my hypnotherapy exercises as I hadn’t completed them for the full 2 weeks and I think that has helped. I will keep doing it.

It can feel very isolating at times but I am lucky that the majority of my close friends understand whats going on.

I am looking forward to having a peaceful weekend.

For those of you following my blog and my facebook updates, you will know that last week I had a blog published online by the charity Rethink Mental Illness. I had wanted to speak out with charities for the longest time, and I remember feeling suicidally depressed and thinking ‘If only I could start a helpline or reach out to others through a charity to tell people you can get better.’

A month ago, I reached out to various mental health charities about blogging for them, and Rethink responded. So far, since my post went up on Friday it has had over 200 likes and 44 shares, some by mental health charities/organisations, it has reached 16,300 ish people online (which is just insane). It has been successful and it makes it so worthwhile when people respond positively.

The most important part for me was when a lady and Mum here in  the UK reached out to me to say her 16 year old daughter was depressed and suicidal and that she showed her my article to say, ‘there is hope’. For me, knowing that my article can help others makes it an absolute dream come true. I was 16 when it all started for me.

Rethink have asked me to write more for them. I am just so so happy that I am making even a tiny difference and I have kept a log of all the positive comments to look back on. Thank you everyone who has been so supportive.

Sarah is a mental health blogger, who is a member of the Jewish community and has bipolar disorder. Sarah talks to us about her inspiring journey and how the Jewish community supported her through hard times.

I have grown up in the English Jewish community, which is a close knit, family orientated community with giving to charity at its heart.

From going to synagogue and Sunday school, to getting involved in youth movements, I am still very much an active member of the community.  `

I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder at the age of 16, after a period of depression, anxiety and hypomania (pre cursor to a manic episode). I had grown up in a small town with the same friends, most of whom were Jewish and some weren’t. My bipolar is hereditary, believed to run in my family and this causes the low and high moods.  I have Bipolar 1 disorder which means I have more acute episodes and psychosis when I have manic episodes (which are not as frequent for me).

From the age of 16, I had experienced anxiety and social anxiety, triggered by being diagnosed at a young age. I had so much support as a teenager, and people in my school year made me massive cards, cakes and showed so much love.

I then went on to go to university and get my BA and MA degrees in my chosen field, I went travelling to India and volunteering in Africa and I tried my best to live life, despite the depression and anxiety that it threw my way.  My tutors on both the drama and English side of the course gave me so much support, especially my dissertation tutor who was Jewish himself. If ever I had panic attacks or anxiety about acting, my tutors were there to help me through it and send me alternative assignments if needed.

Almost 13 years later, I have been on a rollercoaster ride. I have known the depths of suicidal depression and self harm thoughts. I have been so frightened I couldn’t leave the house and had panic attacks daily. In 2014, I was sectioned under the mental health act due to mania and psychosis (delusions that weren’t real) and spent 4 months on a psychiatric ward, then 3 more months in a Day ward doing group therapies where I met some amazingly brave people. I loved doing art therapy and other healing therapies, and was put on the right medication for the first time- Lithium.

This was extremely challenging. However, the love and outpouring from my  friends and Rabbis helped me so much. Every Friday, Jewish Sabbath, I was brought warm chicken soup from a Rabbi who hardly knew me. My childhood Rabbi came to the ward to see me and talk, giving comfort. This was the same amazing man who visited my Mum in hospital when I was born!  My friends made me cakes, lit candles on the Sabbath for me with a blessing that I would get well, put my name as a prayer in the cracks of the Western Wall in Israel and prayed for me from our prayer books. I also prayed almost daily in hospital. It was a help and a saviour from being in hospital and not in my home environment. The nurses were hugely supportive and did all they could to get me well and feel safe, but I missed my home environment.

My experiences inspired me to raise money for the Jewish Association of Mental Illness (Jami). They are a small charity serving those with mental illness in the Jewish community, who needed donations. They help befriend people in hospital, run support groups and do many other wonderful things. For example. Jami is now opening a café for sufferers in North London where they can come and socialise and chat in a safe space with people with similar worries or illnesses.

I wanted to raise money for Jami when I left hospital and a year later on my 27^th Birthday, I asked friends to donate in honour of my birthday. Amazingly, the total crept up and up until we raised almost £1000. I couldn’t believe it. It was the best feeling knowing it helped others.

It means so much that friends and family would donate so much  and so much kindness was sent my way.

I have had a lot of support from our community but am not fully ‘out’ with my illness yet, however the support from people when I was in hospital  was overwhelming.

There is hope, a candle of light, despite the darkness that mental illness can bring.

To read more from Sarah, take a look at her blog http://www.diaryofanearlythirtyyearold.wordpress.com

Hi you, yes you. You who have come here via my post on Rethink Mental Illness about having bipolar disorder.

Thank you for clicking through to see my blog about my little world of mental health awareness and life.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you would like to follow me on my journey, just type in your email in the box on the right hand side.

With love and gratitude 🙂

I realised today that I havn’t spoken on my blog yet about one aspect of taking Lithium as medication for bipolar disorder. Blood tests, levels and toxicity.

Now I have been having my blood tested every few months since I was about 17. This is so they could check that my organs were functioning OK on my last mood stabilising medication, Carbamazepine (that I was on from aged 16-25). Carbamazepine is quite a mild drug and thankfully all was alright and I had very few side effects on it (other than the mental effects of depression because it didnt work over time).

When I left hospital as an inpatient in 2014 and began taking Lithium carbonate, my Drs on the day ward had to start me off slowly and build up the level of Lithium in my blood carefully week by week. This is because Lithium is an extremely strong medication and if there is too much Lithium in the blood stream, the body goes into a ‘toxic’ state and you feel really unwell and have to go to hospital for the physical side effects.

So over a period of about 2 months, my psychiatrist on the day ward slowly and steadily increased my Lithium dosage to a therapeutic dose. I also take Quetaipine, which is another mood stabiliser but the interaction means that in the worst cases, you can have heart problems. Thankfully, I have not had heart issues but I do have to go to have occasional ECGs at the hospital to check my heart rate etc.

Anyway, this morning I had a blood test so that the Drs could test my Lithium level (so its not too low or high in blood), kidney function and thyroid function. Lithium can effect both kidneys and thyroid negatively, due to the fact it is a strong salt, so its so important to have these tests.

I  feel extremely lucky to have the NHS and not to have to pay for  my treatment. Blood tests aren’t fun but thankfully as they are a little needle, I am now used to them.

Oh such fun 🙂

Quite a lot has happened since I last wrote here. I decided to give myself a break from blogging just to reflect.

The aforementioned job interview happened last week. I actually thought it had gone pretty badly, due to the fact the interview was very short and my interviewer didn’t give much away. So much so, that in what only can be described as a mix of determination and blind panic, I spent the following day sending out my CV, talking to recruiters, applying for volunteering posts and pretty much worrying myself to death about life and the fact I may not have a job or career I wanted from September.

Luckily,  my lovely friend Katie came to visit so we chatted for hours about life and everything in  between which made me feel so much better! Then, I went to sleep, still having not heard back from my interview and still feeling like I was in limbo and so far away from being where I actually wanted. I had spent the day checking and re checking my emails, looking for other opportunities and essentially being a worry wart.

Friday morning, I had breakfast and then got a call from the school. Who told me…. they wanted to offer me the part time job with early years children that I so wanted! I think I was in shock for the majority of the day.

But yes, due to a combination of determination, panic, nerves, various taxi rides to schools and an interview in 30 degree heat on the hottest day of the year- I got there in the end and will start at my new school in September. *wipes brow*

Still can’t quite believe it but there you go. Exciting developments ahead I hope…..

In other news, I have been catching up with and seeing friends and looking forward to my holidays in August. I will hopefully also have a blog published by a mental health charity and will post it when it is up.

Thank you again for reading my musings and for the support.